We are going through a very difficult time financially right now, as are many people. All day long my children (almost 3 and 5 year old boys) sneak in the food and literally dump out the fridge, take one bite then smear it on the walls or throw it away or give it to the dog. For one, it makes a huge mess, and for another, we can't afford to replace the food so we have almost nothing to eat unless it's canned for the rest of the week.
This is really getting to me financially, but emotionally as well. I have no idea what to do. We have child safety locks on our food and even the fridge and the kids can figure it out, and they sneak and steal and hide it. I'm this close to buying a heavy duty chain and padlock for our fridge, (our pantry already has a padlock on it!). I can't keep the kitchen locked because we have an open floor plan and have to walk through it to get to the rest of the house.
My husband has suggested I go to the store daily, just to get that days food so they can't waste an entire weeks of groceries. There is no way I can do that, I work both inside and outside the home. I watch my children and try to keep them occupied and play and engage them and do preschool with them, but they are extremely high energy and high needs and I have a difficult time with them.
This just makes me so upset. I've studied infant and child psychology in college, I teach children and lead children's programs, I have read so many parenting child psychology books, but no matter what methods I try with my own, I can't break these things in my own home. I so often just feel like giving up.
Thanks all! Yes, my husband and Ia very firm disciplinarians, they get time-out, they don't get lunch (b/c they've been eating all day), they lose privileges, they get toys taken away, I get down to their eye level, explain, but not over explain, redirect.... I think they are just bored and so I am just going to have to really find more structure around here and keep my patience. I am hoping to put my 5 year old in preschool when we can afford it since he will be in kindergarten next year.
First, I wouldn't suggest going to the store daily. Not only are you wasting gas money, you tend to spend more money when you go to the store daily instead of stocking up all at once.
How are they disciplined when they do this? They need to be put in time out and/or have privileges taken away.
Good luck and never give up :)
Don't know if this has been said yet or if you do it, but make it clear to the kids that from now on, they are NOT allowed in the fridge or the pantry, PERIOD. And then follow through with discipline if they disobey, or reward if they obey for the day. As someone else said, they are at an age that they can obey simple instructions, and "Don't open the fridge or the pantry" is a very simple and direct way of stating their instructions. Perhaps in your house, the kids have been encouraged earlier to go to the fridge or the pantry when they want something. Yes, those habits are hard to break, but stick with it.
Take care, A.
Wow. I am looking at the big picture here. You don't have a wasting food problem as much as their is discipline & repsect issues here.
Is your husband the same firm disciplinarian you are?
Do you get your boys outside and have them burn off their energy outdoors?
I would not with hold meals as punishment....I think that makes them want to hoard/ take food. Get those boys outside and moving and tire them out!
You and your husband need to join forces and create a plan on how to handle this:
kids ask for a snack or ask for their meal, they don't help themselves, the oldest can start to wash fruits and veggies, etc... get him involved.
Right now it sounds like he has suggestions that make a lot more work for you & the 2 of you need to work on these behavior issues.
so sorry your having to deal with this. what do you do when you walk in and find this mess? the five yr old is definatly old enough to know better and the three yr old should be right behind him. if you can move your indoor job area closer to the kitchen so you can keep an eye on it that will help. when they make the mess they need to clean it. time out. and a long stern talk. be consistant. have your hubby be on board and talk to the kids too. its wonderful you have all this education with children, but i think this situation is needs some old fashioned parenting. it seems your trying to be understanding and kind which is great most of the time but they need to learn how to behave and consequences for there actions.
Only one answer? Wow.
I'm not sure what you've tried already, but try an actual PADLOCK on the fridge with a key or a 4-digit code type lock. My parents did this with their liquor cabinet when we were in high school. Here's a picture of one they sell. Found it googling "padlock on fridge." http://homegarden.productdealsonline.com/wp-content/uploa...
I agree that you should NOT have to go to the store daily. Your kids need to be under control of their behavior - not you being controlled BY THEM to go to the store daily.
Can you close the door to the kitchen and lock it? Can you be consistent with their consequences when they disobey your rules regarding the food - automatic time out, automatic spanking, automatic consequence of some sort. Can you give them snacks during the day? Good way to teach them time -- "Breakfast is right now at 8:00. We'll have a snack when the clock says 10:00. Around 12:30 we'll eat lunch....etc." My last suggestion is to make sure your boys are getting lots of good protein, esp for breakfast (scrambled eggs, bacon, hardboiled eggs, french toast, ham, yogurt...). Protein will keep them fuller for longer.
My 2.5 yr old son wouldn't get away with something like this - he would learn very quickly that he will get in trouble for disobeying the rules. Remember when correcting and scolding and punishing your kids, make sure they remember WHY their being punished. Remember to get down to their eye level and make eye contact with them.
Good luck!
oh my, yeah keep up with the discipline, this is crazy!! I would actually probably take going into the kitchen away for a while, unless it was a meal time or they had asked permission, then every time they went in the kitchen they would be in BIG trouble. Both of them are old enough to understand that they are being very disobedient so I would put them in their room for awhile and if it were me they would definitely get a little spanking for this, it is very disrespectful. I would just be very consistent and realize it might take a couple days for them to realize I was serious and EVERY time they went in there without my permission or for a meal it would be punishment time. It might sound mean but they have to learn to respect boundaries to grow up to be great people in my opinion. Sorry you are going through this, I know it is a lot harder when you have two in cahoots!!! Take care, wish you the best!
My six year old is only allowed in the pantry/fridge when I tell her it is ok or I ask her to get something. I started when she was 2 and opened the fridge. She tried to climb up on the shelves, I realized this was dangerous, so I set a "trap". I caught her doing it again after I told her "NO", and she was promptly disciplined and didn't touch the fridge again without asking. As for suggestions, I see you have many. If there is a way to keep them out of the kitchen when you can't monitor, that'd be my first suggestion. Maybe a really loud motion detector alarm if they go in there when they are not allowed? Not sure how practical that would be. If you can somehow "catch them in the act" and discipline right away, that'd be my advice. Not sure how they can open the child proof locks, since I have a hard time with those myself. LOL. I would definitely employ natural consequences of cleaning the kitchen if they make a mess, and add chores like cleaning the kitchen floor until it shines. I think moving your work space to the kitchen is a good idea or making sure you can always hear what's going on in the kitchen, no matter what you are doing - like using baby monitors to amplify the sounds in the kitchen to wherever in your house you are working. That way if they disobey you, you know right away and can respond. We all have our parenting issues to work on, so don't give up. Keep looking for some thing that works. I especially like Kevin Lehman's approach. Good luck.
A pad lock on the fridge is not a bad idea. But you also need to teach your kids that it is wrong to steal food. That is basically what they are doing. Correct them when you catch them. Also, a gate across the kitchen will keep them out of everything.
Also, put some things that they can have all the time in one place and show them that place. Tell them they may have 1 item in the morning and 1 item in the afternoon and that is it. It is not healthy for them to be eating all day. It does not train the body to actually be hungry.
You can also give them more at meal times to reduce the snacking in between meals.
I just read your update and it bothers me that you use food as punishment. If you deny them lunch it is no wonder they are breaking into the fridge and cabinets! You need to stop that. It is one thing when THEY chose not to eat and another when YOU chose not to feed them.
Good Luck
Sorry to hear that you are going through this but, like everyone else said, "Padlock" might be your best choice till the boys get their acts together. Remember kids are kids and they do crazy things and it's not your fault. Good luck I'm sure it will work out soon.
I have not read all the answers, but you have way bigger issues here than the fridge. It is a boundary issue and you have none. There is no way I would have locks on anything. A 3 and a 5 year old are old enough to know that no means no.
There is some other issue going on here. Sneaking and hiding food and smearing it on the walls? That just sounds bizarre. They must be running over you in every area. There is a difference in reading books and actually sticking to something. Children do not do things unless it works and this kind of behavior is obviously working for them. Maybe you have read too many psychology books and are too afraid of hurting their little self esteems. Well the counselor at our school has a sign on her door that reads, "Discipline does not hurt a child's self esteem as much as the lack of it breaks a mother's heart."
I am a teacher and your idea of pawning your kids off on the school to teach them what you have failed to do is just par for the course. Not only are we expected to teach them academics but we also have to teach them normal boundaries because the parents do not do their jobs. You do not need to keep your patience, you need to lose it for once in your life and get a back bone.
