Want Another Child.

Keep in mind that 2 children play well together, when there is 3 it ends up being a CROWD. Someone is always the odd man out.

yup- your family includes your immediate family, you - your dh and your 2 kids.... even your 2 kids don't have a final say....

mommy first,
L.
oh just want to add that my mom was in school when I was in 6th grade- and when I finally graduated from highschool, she graduated from college.

Agreed, your family doesn't make this decision. You and your husband make it. You are 21 which gives you plenty of time to have more children later in life. What if you waited awhile and had two close together in age later? A tubal is such a drastic measure of birth control for someone so young, especially if you know you want more children. There are many other bc choices. Maybe you and your husband should talk to your ob/gyn about other options for waiting if the two of you want to wait. Otherwise, have fun making another baby!

I agree with Jennifer. It's just none of their business. That sort of decision should be left to you and your husband.

You and your husband are ultimately the only 2 people who need to be involved in making this decision. If both of you want another child, you can easily afford the two you have, and you don't feel stressed or overworked with two, then maybe another child is a good idea for you.

Most OB/GYN's won't tie the tubes of any women under 25.

Now, with that said, regarding your extended family's opinion: Take a step back and look at your situation realistically, try to see it from their perspective. Maybe they're seeing something you aren't? Maybe they have other reasons for thinking you don't need another child. Attending college is hard work, stressing, and even doing it from home, time consuming.

Me? Well, ignoring the fact that I only wanted one child (and that's all I have)... If I were in your shoes, I'd probably wait until I finished college to have another baby. Just so it would give me time to focus on school as much as possible. Young ones take a lot of time -- the more you have, the less time there is for anything else. Having them close together does have its pros but it also has cons...

The choice is yours. Nobosy else can make the decision for you, but that's not to say you shouldn't listen to what older, wiser, more experienced family members have to say -- but it doesn't mean you have to do what they suggest. Everyone is different.

You may also want to consider what would happen if your 3rd child wasn't as easy to deal with as your first two. My Husband is a good case in point. His first child was very high maintenance and whiny and she gets sick all the time, his second was colicky and is ADHD and his third is the most happy, low maintenance child he's ever seen and he never knew children could be like that. What would you do if your third didn't follow suit with the first two, and instead was a "hellian" of sorts ... or always sick? Would college still be do-able? Is that a chance you're willing to take?

Don't do anything just because your family wants you too. And, 21 is really young to do anything permenant! This is a decision for you and your husband to make, not you and your family. Good luck!

Go for it! When my boys were 3 1/2 and 2, we decided that we were going to try to have another baby. Everyone in my family nearly had a fit! I just told them that it was OUR decision and no one else's, and that while we would listen to their opinions, it was ultimately OUR decision and they would just have to deal with it. When we welcomed our daughter Josie, everyone was thrilled. Even now at 27, there is no way I would get my tubes tied. I still entertain the idea of maybe having #4 one day! I am also in school now, and that doesn't make it any easier, but when you go back to school after having your family, it makes you work harder to accomplish your goals.
Good Luck with your kids and school.

In my opinion if you feel like you are ready to have another child, and your husband feels the same way then you should have another baby. As far as your family goes although their opinions are important it is not their life. Try your best to explain to them that this is your decision, and this is what you think will make you happy, and their support would mean so much to you. Also let them know that this is you and your husband's decision alone. They live their lives the way they see fit, you should do the same. If you are not sure if you are ready or you feel it will be overwhelming, just wait until you know it is the right time...don't rush you still have plenty of time to make this decision. As far as your schooling, if this is something that you truly want to do then it wouldn't matter if you have 2 kids or 6 kids (although it may take longer because you have less time for it) you can still make it happen. My mother was in college while I was in high school, we had a wonderful time. We did our homework together, it was our "special" time, even though we weren't really helping each other with the homework we were still spending that time together. So even if you wait until your kids are in school you can still find ways to fit everything together and have time for quality time. I hope that I have helped a little.

you know what its your life and you and your spouce are the ones who have to take care of the child. if you want another one i say go for it you'll know when the time is right for you. the doctors wont tie your tubes anyways if they think your questioning it.

good luck!!

Hi L.,

I am total agreement with the other two ladies. Only you and your husband need to be involved in this decision. I had my two boys 15 months apart when I was 22-23. I was scared and was pressured into having my tubes tied. That is one of my biggest regrets. I love my boys like crazy and now that we are in a better financial place I often think of how great it would have been if we had more children. My boys are now 19 and the youngest turns 18 tomorrow, believe it or not, and I still think about that decision all the time. Not to mention after having the tubal, I had such complications that I ended up having to have a complete hystectomy at the age of 28, which we all know ends any chance of more children. It bothered me so much that my sister even offered to be a surrogate at one time. I know this is way too much information but I just want you to really think about what YOU want.

Hi L.,
I am 25, I've been married for almost 4 years and we have one two year old son... well, he'll be two on the 10th of April. This is just my personal opinion, but I would wait to have another child. I am a SAHM, wife and a college student. As if being a SAHM and WIFE isn't enough, adding school to your agenda is definetly going to be another "job". I do all of the cleaning, ironing, washing and most of the cooking. My husband cleans the kitchen after dinner and puts dinner away, but I don't really ask much of him because he does work outside of the home and he's the greatest husband and man that I know. We both get tired because we both have "jobs", the only thing is that my job is 24/7!!! And that is my point, as a parent, but more importantly as a mother my duty to my son is 24/7. It's never-ending. My husband and I both want another child, but I decided to wait until after I finish my Masters. As far as your family telling you to get your tubes tied... at the end of the day, it's you, your husband and your kids. That's now your immediate family and if you and your husband want 12 kids (that's an exaggeration of course), that's you and your husband, which is all that matters. Well, and taking care of them, but you get what I'm saying. Bottom line is that I would advise you to get your education before you have anymore because I believe it's in L.'s best interest, not your mom, dad or even your husband, but you. But on another note, tell me a little about your educational goals and the schools you are interested in. Maybe I can be of some assistance to you because I am and have been taking online classes since I've had my son.

My sister is 28 with 4 kids. She cannot find a doctor to tie her tubes, so I doubt at 21 with 2 kids that you will.

Even if you could... you are a grown woman! You are married with 2 children of your own. Your family needs to accept the fact that you are an adult. You and your husband are the only two that need to make this decision. Just tell them you are grown and they need to worry about their own lives.

If you and your husband want another baby, then have one. End of story! Everything else is just details and it will all work out! Good Luck! :-)

Having another child is your husbands and yours descision not your family or his end of story and college can be done with kids, many students now days are older and with jobs and kids if you want it bad enough then go for it.

You can always do what I did in a similar situation. Don't tell your family, your husband should know of course,until after you are pregnant. If you know you want another baby, but they disagree skip the stress of the lectures and suprise them with the happy news. Once there is a baby on the way there may be a few grumblings, but since it is inevitable most people except it and move on.
Also a lot of doctors won't tie your tubes this early. My sister-in-law tried at 24 with two kids and her doctor refused stating she was too young, and might change her mind. It might help to tell a little white lie and tell them your doctor will not do it.
I know this advice may sound a little dishonest, but when you are in certain situation sometimes an ommision or white lie is the only way to go.

S.

I didn't read the responces you've already got, but I did skim them. And I agree...it's YOUR decition. I have 2 kids that are 17 months apart, and am currently pregnant again. You youngest and the new baby will be 19 months apart. That's how I wanted it. A few of my family members said that it was a bad idea for me to get preggers again so soon....but ya know what....it's MY family, and MY life...so I don't care what they say.

I just wanted to tell you that I have three. It is way harder going from one to two kids than it is to add the third into the mix. I love having three. I thought about having four, but my second was awful during the terrible two stage, so that really made up my mind to get my tubes tied. If you think you want another, DO NOT GET YOUR TUBES TIED! You will always resent your family for not allowing you to make that decision on your own. Not to mention the fact that you are awful young to make such a major final and permanent decision with your body like that. I would wait on having the baby for a bit If you have doubts, but there is nothing to stop you from doing your on line schooling while pregnant, or even just after having the baby. It sounds like you are doing things right, just do not let your family push you into a decision that could end up making you hate them. The fact is that is a decision that is really none of their business, and you need to be able to stand up for yourself and tell them so.

I agree with everyone else, this decision is up to you and your husband, no one else. If you both think you can handle it, and you can handle school as well, then go for it. Perhaps you could even wait until your oldest is in kindergarten, then you would only be watching 2 young kids at home during the day.

As far as the tubal thing, I would suggest getting an IUD such as the Mirena. I got that after I had my daughter. They last up to 5 years (or whenever you want it removed), then you just get another one. This way, there is nothing permanent, and if you decide to have another child, you still can!

Woah- since when is your fertility and reproduction open to a family discussion???? I think the only family that should come into play is your husband, unless you are being supported by someone other than the two of you.

My advice- talk to your husband and make a decision together and that's it. End of discussion.

My humble opion,
J.

You are still young, I would not rush into anything without thinking lomg and hard. As far as the desire to have another child, I have 3 and I think I will always have the desire for another baby at times, but I have to think about the children that I already have and our future in making decisions. Especially if school is a priority for you. I am 30 and still have not managed to even start college. It is very hard to juggle everything and give 3 kids the attention they need and deserve.

Well, as for your family, it's not any of their business. I don't want to sound ugly, but you have to do what you need to do for YOU. As long as the other children are provided for, and you can fully support a new baby, I say go for it! If you really want another one, and you never have it because of other people or problems that might come up, when it gets too late to have another one, you'll be upset that you didn't. Anyway, and about the college thing, taking internet classes would be great! You'd be able to stay at home throughout your pregnancy, then be home with the new baby until the time it went off to pre-school, so...like i said, if the situation is right, GO FOR IT!! Don't let family hold you back from what you want!!

I just wondered, is your husband among the family members against another baby? If so, that clearly ought to be resolved by you both. Beyond that, no offense to you or your family, but it's really none of their business. This is a decition for you and your husband. If they keep butting in, tell them that and then DON'T deal with them. This is not the kind of thing you need to explain to anybody.
Good luck!

I agree wth the comment before.I am also 30 and i have three.I started young also.I had two by the time I was 22 and just had my thrid well hes 18 months.Big age gap but it works.My kids are wonderful with him and they help.I think as a women or mom you will always want more.I keep saying I want another now but I know that it is not practical and I do have my hands full.But sometimes I want more so bad but have to put my self in reality.I think you should go to school and see how it goes for a min or two.Three yrs apart or even four they will still be close trust me.Good luck but also follow your heart.

I had to have my tubes tied after my 2nd baby because of medical complications with both of my pregnancies. My two children are wonderful and totally healthy but i couldn't chance having another baby premature and risk the chance of developmental delays ext. Anyway my point is that this was so hard and i would do anything if i could have more children. The only time a woman should have her tubes tied is when she is absolutely sure that she is finished childbearing. The emotions that this procedure brings with it are too much to bare if you aren't ready. it is difficult enough if you are ready :) Don't let anybody influence this decision for you because you have to live with it for the rest of your life. good luck with you career and your college.