Wait for Invitation or Invite Yourself?

Yes. If I am going to Casper, I will call up relatives and see if they have room for us. They would be upset if I didn't. I also have friends and family that calls and asks if they could stay here and I love it. They are always welcome.

I would wait for an invitation personally. I would not want to impose. Some folks, me included, are very particular on how they choose to spend their holidays.

I have friends who live all across the country, and if ever they are traveling through where I live, or if I am traveling through where they live, we stay with each other - or at the very least, we make plans to get together. Some of these are dear, close friends; some less close. But they are all people that I'm glad to see, regardless. It never occurred to me to think of it in terms of "inviting yourself" - if my friends are in town, and need a place to stay, and it works with my family's schedule, then they stay.

If someone has asked if they can stay with you, and it doesn't work with your family schedule, then you should feel totally fine with saying just that: "it doesn't work with our family schedule, but if you're available "x" night we'd love to meet you somewhere for dinner." (And "works with your family schedule" includes, in my opinion, "there are too many things going on and I don't have the time/energy to clean the bathrooms and prepare meals and do all the things I like to do when I am hosting people in my home." Personally, I have just let go of the idea of "hosting people" and my friends know that when they stay with my family, they will find things clean but lived-in-untidy and probably gourmet-meal-free.)

Depends on relationship:

VERY CLOSE FRIENDS: I call up and ask if I can come on "x" dates. Maybe whole family if hubs is friends too and they have kids-again, depends who it is. Also, if they want to invite themselves for certain dates, it's fine. That's how it works, since holidays would be "standing invitations" and other than that, no one knows anyone else's schedule so you have to ask.

I think invitations are more for formal friends or relatives. But our relatives invite themselves all the time too, and we ask if we can go see them on dates that work for us.

If I don't know the people very well I would need an invitation or extend one.

I have had friends from out of town call me and ask to stay with us - I've been fine with it. Luckily in both cases they were people I adore and love to see. Would be a bummer if that weren't the case.....but I'd probably still feel the need to say yes. For holidays with family it's hard to say - everyone is so different. In our family we pull out the calendars and see what will work the best for everyone, so the decision is kind of made together. It's never perfect for everyone, but we do our best! I would feel comfortable asking to join my family for a holiday (that's what families are for...), but I'd also understand if the answer was "no" because they already had other plans that wouldn't work with an extra family included. I don't think I'd ask to join a friend for a holiday - that seems like more of a strech to me.

That's delicate. With friends, I only ask a few that I feel pretty close to and comfortable with. For example, I have two mom friends that I feel comfortable calling and asking, "Would it be possible for DS to come over on Sunday, because it turns out none of us are going to be home that day?" I know them well enough to know that they will say no if it doesn't work for them. Also, I know that they will call me and do the same thing.

As for asking if you could join someone for the holidays, I would only do that with family. It seems like it could be awkward if you do that with friends.

I agree with those who say it would be appropriate to ask to join family for holidays, maybe not friends - but, that's just how I was raised - holidays are for spending time with family. However, close friends may be like family, so that really depends upon the relationship.

That being said, if you would like to visit, I think it's very appropriate to call them/email, whatever, and say you'd like to come for a visit. You may want to offer to stay at a local hotel or B&B if it's imposing too much for you to stay with them, and hopefully they will be honest and say so. Then, ask for suggestions. More times than not, they will welcome you to stay. Bring a bottle of wine or something to offer your gratitude for the hospitality and send a note afterwards to thank them again and invite them to stay with you at another time.