Visitation with Ex's Parents

It sounds like we have the same ex. I know that just that fact alone must be very hard on you and your children. We got left holding the bag. I let my ex-in-laws visit my children anytime and they now understand that my children's father is not ever to be there when they are. It is a tough boundary to set but if the grandparents want to see your kids they will learn to live by it. Just try to remember that you owe them nothing and your ultimate goal is to provide stability in the lives of your children. I took my ex to court and he is not allowed to see his children till he completes a six month long program for his alcoholism. It has been four years and he has not done it, so he has not seen his chilren. His parents do see the kids and are very respectful of my wishes and the court order. His parents know that they won't see the kids unless they follow my rules. Good luck and I am so sorry for your predicament it is very frustrating when we have to make calls that make us feel bad, all in the interest of our children.

In order to have a consistent schedule and have the kids see their grandparents, you should set up a weekly visit with the grandparents - same time, same place. Let the father know and it will be his responsibility to show up and visit with the kids (and he can't accuse you of making it difficult for him to visit). This way the kids have a regular schedule and get to see their grandparents. If the dad doesn't show up when he's supposed to it is his fault and he will have to answer to the kids if they are upset about not spending time with him.

Hi S.. You can file with the Court a Motion to Modify Parental Rights and Responsibilities/Contact. You can ask for an emergency hearing, to make a decision about this visit. The problem is, on the short term, the court may not restrict this visit, since the only contact he will be having is supervised ( I assume not overnight), so it is not like you can really say you fear for their safety. Is he still drinking? If he is, you can tell the Court you don't want to expose the children to this.

ON the long term, you can ask the Court to appoint a Guardian ad litem(GAL), who will be assiged to oversee the children's best interest. You can also ask to be awarded sole parental rights, so that he can only visit the kids if you approve. I assume he has joint rights now. A GAL will engage in an investigation and will make recomendations with regard to whether ongoing contact is healthy for the kids, if it will only be sporadic. The court will then rely, at least partly, on the GAL's findings in making a determination.

Hope this helps!
H. E.

I don't even know where to start. I do unfortunately know what you're going through and there is no easy answer. I am a single mom to my 5yr old son. I left his father when he was 10 days old because he was badly into drugs. He had visitation rights and never used them. Every once in a while he would show up. My son had severe behavior problems that took years to fix. His father would later on show up randomly and mess with my son's head. This propably isn't what you want to hear but only time will tell. He ended up signing over rights because he didn't want to pay child support. My son's behavior has remarkably changed for the better and there is definitely more stability without him in his life. It's really sad because that is his father but he has never been his daddy, unfortunately he doesn't know what a daddy is. My son is definitely better off without him, but it did take a lot of time and crying and confusion to figure out what was best for my son and I'm sure you will too! Every situation is different and only you will be able to figure out wht is best for your family. Good Luck if you need to chat you know where to find me!

C.

Well first off I hate to sound bad, and all, but he is the kids Dad. And unless he has done something very bad to your kids he has every right to see them reguardless of their bahavior afterwards. You should try to find out the main reason why your child reacts bad after seeing him. Then get a court order for him not to be around. Without it you are pretty much stuck with the order you have now. I want you and your kids to have the best so, did you try talking with the ex-inlaws about your issues? Maybe that would do some good. If you can't even stand opening the communication doors re-evaluate the relationship you want your kids to have with his bialogical family. If you find that you are better off 100% without them, the only thing to do is make it court official. And if you can't try to figure out what bothers them and cope as best you can. Hope you and your kids find a good resolution. Evey kid deserves to know their family good or bad. And if they get to the point they tell you they don't want to see their dad or his family respect that, happily, and get it into the court order so their are no gripes or other issues. Keep your head up and know no matter how things get you are the one doing the best you can for your kids. You are trying atleast to give your kids all you can even if you can no longer stand to have contact with their dad. I hope all works out well. Your kids are better off that you atleast want other imput. This shows a lot of love. No matter what Love them the best you can, even when it's tough. Good parents always reach out and ask for help. Your already there. Good luck. Just remember it's not the Grandparents who are at fault (or are they?). They deserve the visitation as much as their dad. You're their mother their soul caregiver do what you think is best. I hope you get some answers from this. Good luck...:)!

Hi S...I feel your pain and am sorry you and your children are going through this. Unfortunately, you are going to have the allow the children to see their father. The good news is that the in-laws will be there and well probably be spending and playing with them most of the time. What I do with my children (2 & 6) is talk to them the night before, explain to them that they are going to see grandma and grandpa and daddy is going to be there. Ask them how they feel about that and talk it through with them. This has helped greatly with my 6 year old. I always, make sure that my kids know I am always here and willing to listen no matter what it is about. I tell them it is o.k. to be mad, sad, or confussed. And they are not along, we will work on it together. I hope this helped... and again, I'm sorry you are going through this. Good luck!!!

You may be able you file to have his visitation taken away. I think visitation in NH is use it or lose it. Where he hasn't put the effort to see his kid in over a year he may very well have opened himself up to losing all visitation rights. Contact a lawyer (free consultation if you are tight with money) or if you go to this web site you can find the paperwork you need to file a motion to change existing court orders.

http://www.courts.state.nh.us/forms/nhjb-2062-fs.pdf

Good Luck!