Very Picky 4 Yr Old

It could very well be a sensory issue- if it is an occupational therapist trained in sensory issues could help. Here's some info:

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/picky-eaters.html

Also I would recommend taking him to a nutritionist. I did that w/ my underweight son- and it was very helpful.

Very best wishes :)

My boy too. The doctor told me I was used to looking at fat kids, and that my skinny, see all his ribs, all knees and elbows boy was normal and perfect.

I found a balance with my son. He eats a modified version of what we have. He doesn't like sauce right now, so I remove his portion before I sauce, or I rinse the sauce off. He mostly likes raw veggies, so I don't cook his.

But there are times where he just refuses to eat up, and we all fall into that trap of making our little skinny boys eat eat eat! (I call it Italian Grandma Syndrome (IGS), after my Italian grandma LOL) The director at my son's school who has very good thoughts on parenting (I've worked with him for 11 years, he's great!) said to stop attending to the behavior. I give my son far too much attention for not eating. He said set a timer, and then do not remind or mention eating for the rest of the meal. When the timer goes off remove the plate and that's it for the night. He'll figure it out eventually and eat when he gets hungry enough.

I'd love to tell you it works, but I have a raging case of IGS and have been unable to bring myself to follow the directions exactly. We do have a timer, and that has helped immensely. Good luck... let me know if you find a miracle cure!

I agree. Make him a plate and say nothing. If he wants to get up and leave, tell him its dinner time and he needs to sit at the table until you're all done. Say nothing about eating. Say nothing about dessert. If he asks for dessert, tell him he needs to eat the food on his plate first, but say nothing else.

When dinner is over, clean up. I agree, he will sit for a while, expecting the power struggle and finding none. He will eventually start tasting/trying/eating on his own.

When he does this, be sure NOT to make any comments like "see, that wasn't so hard!" or "see, you DO like it!" because you will invalidate his choice and you will start with the struggle all over again. It's best to say nothing except maybe start offering him dessert when he eats.

You won't win this struggle, so don't make it a struggle! He's playing a power game with you so don't play!

The other option (that always worked with my daughter) is give him an empty plate. Still, say nothing. If he asks "where's my food?" say "which food do you want?" Let him choose. Don't say anything about eating it or make any other comment. By allowing him to choose you are letting him feel like he has some choice/power in the matter. He may choose only corn one day. Let him eat the corn. It's a start! If he asks for more, gladly give him more.

We had to bite out tongues because so many comments came to our lips! But we found silence worked the best. My daughter is a great eater now, but every once in a while she'll get stubborn if she senses we are forcing a food on her. It could be chocolate chocolate with whipped cream cherry loveliness and if she thought we were "forcing" it on her she'd refuse to eat it or gag on it! Sometimes you have to just outsmart them :)

Try doing nothing. Make him a plate of dinner. If he eats, he eats. If he doesn't, he doesn't. As you said, he's not eating now, so the worst thing that could happen is that he continues to not eat dinner. No change.

It sounds to me like it's a real "power play," and you're going to lose. You can't _make_ him eat. So give him the power to make the choice.

Sit him down and tell him that you're tired of fighting at dinner. So you're going to make dinner and sit and eat it, and he has to at least sit at the table with you and chat for 10 minutes. I maybe would add that he can't have dessert if he doesn't eat dinner, but you're not going to force him to eat dinner.

Tell him that you're not going to say anything else about eating - and DON'T! It's going to be super super hard to train _yourself_ to not say "don't you just want to try one bite?" But seriously, don't say anything. If he doesn't try a single bite, say "thanks for keeping me company!" and let him get up from the table. If he asks for dessert, offer him dinner again. If he refuses, just say "then I guess you're not hungry enough for dessert either!" If he does eat something, don't make a big deal out of that, just let him know when he's had enough for dessert.

If he starts eating some things, I'd up the number of times that they're in the rotation, and if he tries something and genuinely doesn't like it, don't serve it again without also giving something that he does like.

Good luck. Just remember, this is a battle that you _won't_ win, so if you're going to get him to eat, you have to let him win first!

Lots of parents report that their children "refuse to eat," usually beginning in early toddlerhood and often lasting for two or three years. It's a completely normal stage, and by itself is usually pretty harmless (though less than ideal from a nutritional point of view if they're filling up on sugary or fatty snacks), and in spite of their parents' deep anxiety, their kids aren't usually wasting away. They are just very, very particular about what they would choose if left to their own preferences.

It's so common that some development experts think it may be a way for kids not to poison themselves by sampling every plant and bug that they can get their little fingers on. It's also common during normal periods when growth slows down for a month or two – the appetite is simply smaller then.

Understandably, parents get anxious about their children not eating enough, which often leads to mealtime battles, which in turn can lead to long-term food issues, up to and including serious eating disorders. An unfortunate few toddlers are cursed with eating problems that do call for medical intervention, often associated with sensory integration issues. Have you considered, with the gagging, whether this could be a problem for your son? Kids this age can be genuinely disgusted by certain flavors and textures, and that reluctance to try various foods can last for several months to a few years. Imagine being forced to eat something you really hate…

My 5yo grandson wasn't much of a mealtime eater until a few months ago, and usually had only the scantiest appetite by the end of the day. Dinners were often his smallest meal, and he doesn't suffer from hunger through the night. But during the day, he was usually willing to "graze" on high-quality snacks, overall quite a healthy diet, actually. His preferences can shift quite a bit from month to month, and are most likely signaling that his body needs more of certain nutrients.

We've also noticed that if he doesn't get to eat right when he feels hungry, the feeling will often pass and he'll have absolutely no appetite when dinner is ready 25 minutes later, even though he's showing signs of low-blood-sugar, like irritability.

Many kids are much better grazers than mealtime eaters, and that's actually a fairly healthy and natural way to eat. They can grab a few attractive/nourishing bites right when they are feeling hunger. You might consider trying that, along with having him sit with you for a SHORT period at meals to maintain a pleasant family bond.

It's completely normal for kids' appetites to disappear completely for days at a time, and for them not to be hungry for certain meals. Making kids eat foods they dislike, or any variation on the theme of force-feeding, makes for an unpleasant mealtime experience, which further kills appetite. It also teaches some of us to eat when we're not hungry, which can become a very unhealthy habit later on.

My best to you. Keep in mind that some kids just grow up skinny, and for their particular body types, that may be the healthiest possible situation. Talk to your pediatrician about your concerns – he/she will be able to tell you if your son's weight is reasonable for his height.

**EDIT:
Here is an interesting article on picky eaters/kids:
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/Recipes/extremely-picky-e...
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My son has been picky since he was on solids at 6 months old. He is 4.5 years old now.

We don't force or give rewards or punishments.
As he has gotten older, HE has NATURALLY expanded his palate.
Its a natural thing.

My son is healthy, grows like a weed, and so its fine.
No biggie.

He only eats until he is full. He only eats if he is hungry.
He KNOWS his body's cues.
That is how it should be.
Not eating according to emotional hang-ups or forced or by a time clock.Or eating according to MY.... preferences.

We never, 'battle' about eating or food.
We don't have junk in the house.
So the way he eats, is fine. He does not eat junk.

I don't expect my entire family to eat like me or like what I like. I cook, and my family eats it. I know no matter what I cook, they will eat, or eat something from it. I know what they like or not. They eat anything pretty much, except my son. But again... my son eats. Just not as much as us or as diverse. For now.

From what you listed as foods that he does eat- does he get any Protein??????? Or dairy???? Or healthy fats??? ie: olive oil, peanut butter etc.?????
Or what about giving him "Pediasure?"
It is a 'meal' drink for kids.
Found at grocery stores.
It has vitamins/fiber/protein in it.

.

Cheerful M and Peg M have some great comments.

I would increase the nutritional value of the foods he DOES eat at breakfast - make whole grain pancakes and put a lot of stuff like wheat germ and flax seed in there, plus the eggs. Switch to whole grain waffles and cereals, add some fruit. Get rid of the pop tarts - sorry - there's no value in those, plus too much processing and sugar.

The experts are saying that dessert should not be a daily thing, even for good eaters. So take it out of your family's daily routine, for everyone.

I like the empty plate idea - let him choose what he wants. Do the same for breakfast and lunch, including day care. Provide some little containers for day care with various choices. Some cut up fruit at breakfast will help with the carb-loading he's willing to do. If his lunches had some PB sandwich, some watermelon, some grapes or blueberries, some carrot coins or green pepper chunks, some yogurt, etc. - he'd find something.

Ignore him if he doesn't choose something. He's getting so much attention that it's becoming a power play.

However, if he leaves the table and is hungry later, don't give him crackers or something else devoid of nutrition. Give him the same dinner that everyone else ate.

There are many things you can do to disguise nutrients - Look in the cookbooks like Deceptively Delicious and a few other ones I can't think of but which you can find if you google "cookbooks picky eaters".

By the way - the multivitamin is probably not doing anything much. Most pediatricians will tell you it's just creating expensive waste products. (That's if the pedi has had any nutritional training - but many had zero nutrition courses in med school, and the good doctors will at least admit it.) He needs a lot more than just vitamins. You could do a comprehensive nutritional supplement like Reliv's NOW for Kids - vitamins, minerals, trace elements, phytonutrients (plant based), amino acids, and DHA for brain function. It's highly absorbable and formulated by the scientist who helped develop ProSoBee infant formula. I can give you more info if you like. Do NOT do things like Carnation Instant Breakfast - there are still a lot of empty calories in those things, plus emulsifiers that just fill people up without giving them a lot of nutrition.

I would also cut out empty calories for your child in terms of juices - he is better off with the fruit that juice came from so he gets the fiber and not just the sugar.

I have a son the same age doing the same thing. I have done everything you have done. I try to make the meals he does eat healthy and I give him his multivitamin. My pediatrician assured me kids can just do this. It is frustrating, but I am trying not to turn it into a battle of wills. My son weighs 35 pounds and yes he looks so skinny, but so was his dad as a young child.

Try not giving him as many snacks through out the day and see if that helps.

Also why not have him help you make dinner so that he feels included and can be proud that he helped? He might be more inclined to eat if you do that. And then you can ask him, "what do you think we should make for dinner?"

Good luck!