Unruly 5 Yr Old Twins

I would like to add one thing. Please quit referring to them as "the Twins" when you deal with them, introduce them and refer to them.

Begin calling them your daughters, your girls, by their actual names. Always grouping them together, does not always give them each their own identity. They will always be twins in public, but in their own family they should be thought of as separate and individuals with each having their own special personalities, talents, friends, dreams and needs.

It will give them the freedom to not just concentrate on each other. They will always have the strongest bond, but this will give them a nice break without feeling pressured to be considered one.

I, too, have 5 year old twins and another set of 12 year old twins with a singleton sandwiched in the middle. I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! I can't help but laugh at this story because I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.....I am so sorry. Just have some comfort that some day this will pass to and you can look back and laugh...while you watch their children run all over them! *wink* Twins are a mixed blessing. You got to love them! I know this doesn't help, but take comfort knowing there are others in your SAME situation. LOL Have a blessed day!!!
M.

Hi L.,
The web site you were referred to looks wonderful. In addition to that I would like to let you know about Danny Silk. He has a ministry called Loving on Purpose. His book is called Loving Your Kids on Purpose.( you can order from amazon) My daughter has used this biblical method with her 2 children and it has been so wonderful to watch the fruit of her efforts....responsible, loving children. Google him for his web site. His seminar is the best and he is so funny to listen to. I promise you won't be sorry. To order

http://www.ibethel.org/store/p1273/LovingOurKidsonPurpose...
Good luck and be blessed!
A.

Sounds as if you are spending far too much time talking to them and not enough enforcing the rules of the house. They are old enough to know right from wrong and with hubby away you are trying to play both roles as well as friend. The only role you should play is parent.

With dad away it's too easy for him to fall into the trap of I've been away from my family and only want to play and have good times. Dad needs to get on board with the punishment factor as well - if they have misbehaved, no treats, no rewards, no family outings. It's okay for you and hubby to go out - get a sitter for them.

They already have your number - do something wrong and mom talks to us. We agree with what she says and then we'll go find something else to do. They are a force of 2 against 1. Next time they do something they are old enough to know not to do - punish them. Send them to seperate corners to sit in for 15 minutes. If they spend all day sitting in the corner - so be it.

Ground them from something they like, want to do, a place they like to go, social outings with friends. Reward them for good behavior, plan things to do then is the behavior is bad take the plans away.

We have a busy schedule at our house with play dates, trips to see friends and family, going to the movies, the park, etc. I put those dates on the calendar for everyone to see and we talk about our upcoming plans. When our daughter gets out of line, disobeys, etc, we start removing things from her schedule. It does work. No kid wants to be only one not attending a bday party, or a sleepover, or not be able to say they say XXX movie.

Good luck with this one. If you don't get it under control now you'll be the mom with "those kids" that we've all been around.

L., you should have put this under the responce to what happened section or perhaps emailed her seperatly. its under the request section as of now. so glad you got your answer.

May I just say: "Wow!" You are an amazing mom and I never could measure up to your raising two sets of twins and doing so much on your own...again "WOW!"

It's funny how those youngest ones can throw us for a loop, just when we think we've got this thing down.

Instead of Nanny (I tried the repetitive, calm time out and other techniques too with inconsistent results...maybe as a human I'm not as consistent as needed to make it work...I think her positive reinforcemnent and finding ways that the kids feel loved and validate are good though...) I'm going to point you to www.nogreaterjoy.org It's a good place to go when re evaluating your disciplining strategies and child training techniques. She talks of training a child to respond to a quiet word after saying it only once...those are dream ideas aren't they?

Perhaps it is time to stay home and work on some behavior issues...but I would suggest thinking of things to do that head off the destructive behavior rather than just waiting to correct it...I don't think this has to be drudgery, either. Just think of what your kids want most (its not toys or diversions from what you said) and think of creative ways to give them what their childlike hearts want most (I think its attention, and its not that you don't give it its just that they need extreme amounts of it when dad's not around to spell you)

Maybe you can pick some outings that aren't tied to earning them for good behavior and are low-keyed (like going to a park) and use it as an opportunity for teaching the children how to act in public. Make them the focus of the outing and plan actual acts of kindness to focus on that you want them to learn....and have fun with them.

After all the energy you exert focusing on the children. Put them to bed take a few minutes for self and get some sleep...you've got to need it :)

You may want to put off installing the pool until they can be trusted to obey you...knives and other safety issues don't indicate that they are listening to you. Hope you find some good from the website.

well you obviously have more experience then i as a parent but i do have one suggestion and that would be to take toys, tv, game systems, etc. away when they misbehave and i would put them out of way maybe even at someone elses house or somewhere where you know for sure they won't be able to find them and then keep them away for at least a month so that they really believe they are gone and so that it gives time for them to prove that they deserve to have thier stuff back...good luck and i hope you find something that works soon so that you are able to enjoy your girls!!

L., please check out some additional advice that I received under "Seeking Advice for 2.5 YO Dennis the Menace" on July 24. Here is the link:
http://www.mamasource.com/request/11355039898206797825
Most of the suggestions I had already implemented (hiding things, constant supervision, therapy for sensory processing disorder), but there were some others.

There is also a wonderful book called The Five Love Languages. You mention a couple of times that they should be able to entertain themselves (as twins often do!)with all of the toys that they have, but maybe they want your undivided attention. One of the examples in the book: A father shows his love by buying a new baseball glove, but all the kid wants is to have the dad play catch with him. As busy as you must be with three kids under 5 YO, and as much time as you spend corraling them, I know it seems impossible to find any more time than you already have, but at least you can prevent any more catastrophes when you are right next to them!