Unequally Yoked Marriage

You NEED this book...
http://shop.nogreaterjoy.org/product_info.php/cPath/2_18/...
It has changed my life and brought me closer to both my husband and my Lord.
Get it! Read it!

J.,

I will not go into my opinions about the religious aspect of being "unequally yoked," as my opinions/experiences are bound to conflict with yours and those of many believers. Further, I do not believe that religious beliefs or lack thereof are at the root of your problems. I think that you are making it the root of your problems.

You say that you have a toddler together, so either you are a newly converted Christian, or you went into child bearing/rearing knowing that you had religious differences. If you are a new convert, I say to you - step back from the church views and examine your relationship aside from that. If you are not a new convert, I say to you - you knew what you were getting into and made a conscious decision to have and raise a child or children with this man.

Making a conscious decision goes to my point. You can read the Bible all day, and it offers good advice and counsel. But, to fix your marriage, you need to examine the real problems in it. You say "My husband and I do not talk about anything more than surface stuff, like the weather." The Bible and its content cannot fix that. Only you and he can fix that by becoming more open and communicative. If you are looking down on him from religious pedestal, thinking that he cannot come up to your level or that things will not change until he does, it is YOU who are creating problems. You are judging him unworthy of your time and commitment to change.

I second the opinions of people who say that you should go to a non-religious based counselor. If you go to one who is so based, you are already siding with the counselor against your husband. That would be bullying him so that you get YOUR WAY instead of trying to fix the problems. If you are committed to making effective change to raise your child well and with good morals, you do not have to have a Christian husband to do so, as long as he has good morals and values.

In summary, I opine that you are looking for religion based excuses to free yourself of a marriage in which you are unhappy. If that is the case, be a big girl, accept what ever blame you feel that leaves you with, and end the marriage. If it is not the case, then make a real effort to change the imperfect-human causes of your problems. But do not blame the failures on one person, when it takes two people to make, keep and sustain a marital commitment, whether it contains or does not contain God at the center.

I would further edit my response to say that the fact that advice does not quote scripture does not make it bad advice.

Best wishes to you both (and your child)
B.

I hate the term "unequally yoked" even if it does come from the Bible. If you think you're unequally yoked (i.e., he's inferior), why did you get married? That is actually a good place to begin as someone else suggested. Try to remember what attracted you to him in the first place and why you decided to get married and focus on those things. I also agree with the many suggestions of counseling. However, I would highly recommend using a non-Christian counselor. I know with my husband, the fact that the counselor was Christian would put him off and he would automatically dismiss everything. Marriage is all about compromise. You've chosen to marry and have children with someone who has differing views from you (not criticizing as I have, too), but that means you have to respect his beliefs and incorporate them into the marriage and child-rearing, too. Hang in there; you can get through this.

It certainly sounds like you are not happy and haven't been for most of the marriage, so I guess I am confused...why are you married to a person you have not been attracted to for the whole marriage? It seems a little martyrdom like to me. Just because you are a Christian does not mean you must be a martyr. Do you love this man? Have you ever been attracted to him? Why did you get married? These are questions you must answer before you do anything else. If you decide that yes, you do love him. Then start talking! What is holding you back? An excuse of "it's been this way our entire marriage" is not an excuse to get out of talking to each other now. You can't control his response to anything, but you can certainly begin the discussions. Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first and may not solve any immediate issues for a while, but the other option is to do nothing. You do have a child together and must decide some fundamental issues in order to raise her. She needs her family to be united and in agreement on most issues. If you don't think that you can begin talking with your husband on your own. Go to a counselor, not a clergyman or anyone from your church, so you can get help communicating. You will need to see someone your husband can be comfortable with too. If you decide things probably won't change...then you have to make a decision to live like this forever, or separate/ divorce your husband. What type of relationship do you want your daughter to have in her marriage? You are her primary role model and she will learn most of her life lessons through you and her father. Decide what is important to you and go with it. This is the rest of your life you're talking about. You can live it to the fullest and enjoy it, or be miserable.

By the way, I am a Christian and my husband is not. I take our children to church with me. My husband does not go, but he will help us get ready in the mornings and will meet us at church for the family suppers on Wednesday evenings. He does believe in God, but was raised as a Catholic. Do his experiences with his church, school (it was a private Catholic school), and his parents he does not approve of most organized religions. We have discussed the issue to a point that we are both comfortable with our agreement. We both agree that our children will choose what they want when they are older, but for now there are many moral/ethical benefits for having our children in church. Children need firm boundaries and to see things in black and white. They will see all the exceptions and grey areas when they are adults and make their own choices then.

I do not expect my husband to change his views. I certainly don't want him to change them for me or our children. He must do it for himself if he ever does. And if I want to stay happily married to him, I must continue to accept him as he is. I do. Things are not perfect in our life...but we are happy to be in this together.

Good luck.

I haven't been through this myself but I have observed it in some friends over the years. I think the advice you have gotten is great and really second that finding a great counselor could be really helpful, does your husband see that there is any problem? If not I agree with the advice that it could be helpful for you to go anyway just to process through things. Anyway,I digress...what I was going to say was the women I knew who were going through this all seemed to be able to find a way to be friends with their husbands in whatever area they could. One lady I was working with in a crisis pregnancy center came in one night with this Dean Koontz mystery novel. I casually asked her about it, she said her husband recommended it and she was really enjoying it. Now I am not saying Dean Koontz is the answer, but it was something for them to relate about. I am just saying that maybe finding a way to connect on even regular things could help brighten things up. Is there anything you guys liked to do when you met that you still like today? My husband and I loved Smallville when we met, we still watch it together today. Whatever it is, bike riding, movies, dry humor, whatever. For me the thing that holds our marriage together is friendship(after Jesus of course:). I think from friendship flows respect, trust and love. Maybe working on this area will help you feel more connected on whatever level is possible at this time, it may help with the attraction as well. As far as raising your daughter, I think showing her how to be a great wife is a wonderful gift to give her. Knowing your parents are in love, is a great source of security for a child. One of my close friends who went through this has since seen her husband come back to the Lord. She just hung in there and God did work it out, it did take many years, but they walk together today. I wish you all the best and hope you guys find a way to walk in all the unity that is possible and I really hope he gets to know the Lord:) Your prayers for him have so much authority,hang in there!

I agree with everything these ladies said. Pray,Pray, Pray. God does great things through prayer. I also recommend the Power of the Praying Wife by Stormie Osmart. In the book, she reminded me that I am only able to change me. I can pray for my attitudes to change about my husband. I can pray that I will love my husband more with each day. I can be his warrior no matter what his stance is. I can also pray for my husband that God will grow him into the man he has created him to be. I know that God can change your marriage. Your heart sounds to be in the right place and God will honor that.

J., my story is much the same as yours except that I always found my husband physically attractive. It was his behavior that was the turn off. I tried everything I knew to get him to go to church with our two little boys and me. He attended occasionally, just enough that I constantly had to answer the question, "Where is Joe(not his real name) today?" One Saturday afternoon, I told God that I was tired of trying and that I was never again going to even mention church to my husband. I felt so good about that, no pressure. My plan was to go to a different church where no one would know my husband's name or even that he existed. My husband knew nothing about my little talk with God. At bedtime, here is what my husband said, "Wake me up when you get up in the morning. I am going to church with you tomorrow and every Sunday from now on." Was God just waiting for me to relinquish control? I don't know. All I know is that my husband kept his promise. And, about twenty years later he heard the story I have just told you for the first time. Blessings, I hope this little lesson from my life helps yours. How about I say a prayer for you? B.

Hi J., years ago I went through the same situation. First, I would highly encourage you to seek spiritial counseling. There are always elders at your home church that can pray for you and your family. And my advice to you is to stay in prayer daily for your husband because I'm sure you know God can do anything and he can surely bring your husband to Christ. Keep loving your husband, although at times it may be difficult as you mentioned. When you keep in prayer God will give you that love and atraction towards your husband, it sounds outrageous but it's true. Lastly, we have to be cautious on where we get our advice from. Sometimes the enemy will come in and have someone give you that ungodly advice and from there we can get ourselves in trouble. J. I will be praying for you and your family. God Bless (Also look up these scriptures I'm sure it will help, it helped me:1Corinthians 7:13-16; Ephesians 6:10-18 and remember the Agape Love!

First of all--I've been in your situation. I was saved when my husband and I had been married about 5 years. He was raised in a different faith, but not really Christian. There were a few years of awkwardness, but I decided to read the Bible to determine how I was to behave as his wife. I discovered that I was to respect and honor him (doesn't say anything about him EARNING that respect and honor OR about his being a believer.) I am simply to DO it because he represents Christ to me.

As for the failure to communicate--it takes an effort on both your parts to share things with each other. You don't stop working on your relationship just because you're married--it's just the opposite. It takes even more work. I would suggest that you go to counseling. You HAVE TO learn to talk to each other.

As for your lack of sexual desire for him--ask the Lord to give that to you. He is faithful, and He will provide. I have had the same problem at various times in our marriage, and God has always answered my prayer to love and cherish my husband more.

By the way, my husband was saved after watching me go to church by myself for years. At first I would ask him to go with me, but after hundreds of refusals (at which, I must admit, I got mad a few times), I finally told him that on Sunday I would be going to church and that I would love for him to share this with me. So he had an open invitation which he finally accepted after a few years of staying home by himself. The Lord had mercy on him and saved him when our daughter was about 2 (and we had been married about 9 years). It was one of the happiest days of my life.

I hope some of what I've said is helpful to you. You are to remain with your husband unless he does something like abandon you, cheat on you, or become violent with you. The marriage vows you took are, indeed, "until death do us part", and in the eyes of God that is a covenant that lasts a lifetime.

Please feel free to email me if you have any other questions.

It sounds as if you had issues before you got married and for whatever your reasons at the time decided to go forward with marriage.

If you think your marriage is salvageable, go to a marriage counselor and see if you can figure out how to communicate with each other.

If it's not, you are the only one that can answer the question as to whether your marriage can move forward in a positive direction.

There was a point in my marriage where I felt my hubby and I did not communicate well. It took me and him awhile to figure out our communication styles. If he is working on anything he grunts at me and points almost caveman style which is highly irritating to me but I now know that certain tasks involve a lot of concentration for him and even asking him something as simple as a yes or no question will just need to wait. He has also found that if I get mad or upset I need time to cool down before I am ready to talk about things. We also know that we communicate better when we have time to just sit and relax and not worry about being interrupted. Their have been many times, that we have had the best conversations when we decide to go on a last minute road trip. I guess the spontaneity sparks lively conversation.

I really liked Jen B's answer. What attracted you to him in the first place? Maybe, re-explore your initial attraction. What are some things you can do together? What about date nights? Is their anyone that can watch your toddler while you two have a night on the town? It may be as simple as finding a little time to reconnect and making special time for one another to get the conversation going again.

Good Luck to you.

Dr. Gary Chapman has some superb views in his books. You might be able to download excerpts from his website (search it, sorry I just can't remember the address!) He has written about LOVE LANGUAGE and I think it would be very helpful for you to read that and apply it to your relationship with your husband. I'm sure you feel like you don't have much of one, but you do! I truly believe Chapman's book(s) can help you look at it differently! Also, I'm sorry that this sounds harsh and I truly believe you're present unhappiness, but I know that YOU can change it around and find joy. It's easy to fall out of love, and I think religion is very, very important to share...but we're each on a journey in life and so you and your husband are just at different places on your journey. It doesn't mean you can't find harmony and share deep religious convictions in the future. You're going to have to work on your marriage. It's your responsibility and obligation to your child. I believe it's all about your child now. I also believe that if YOU find ways that your husband feels loved and appreciated, you'll grow the love in your family and save your marriage, and give your baby the loving family which he/she deserves. Pray as if everything depended on God, but work as if everything depended on you. I know it will be hard but worth it. I'm not talking about denying yourself; I'm talking about focusing on growing in love with your husband, and I know the Lord will help you. He will always be there to help you because this is a righteous desire. The world would tell you to give up. Read the Scriptures and pray and WORK and you'll be strengthened as you do your best (the Lord will take care of the rest). Best of everything in life to you!

I'm impressed you've made it 11 years and I mean that sincerely, not sarcastically.

I don't hear the word "love" anywhere in your request (I'm sure of your love in your faith and your child).

I've been divorced and a child is involved. It kills me every day even though I am happily remarried and I am friends with my ex.
I admire the fact that you don't mention divorce as it may not be an option for you and that you are willing to fight for this.

I believe a physical relationship (long term) just isn't possible without an emotional relationship for women. It wasn't for me. But a marriage without either...well, that has to change for all of you including your child who will be impacted by being raised in what appears to be a loveless marriage.

Buy some books on marriage "repair", see if he will see a counselor.
You never said how HE feels about your relationship. Maybe he feels the same way regarding the lack of communication.

Maybe start doing different activities together. Take walks at night. That can give you an opportunity to get away from everything and just...."be". Baby steps.

Find ways to connect, change it up. Maybe try to find in interest in something he likes, sports etc. A gesture to create a bond in something to start with. Any way to get closer can be a beginning to becoming closer on a deeper level maybe including religion.

He has to be willing to try. Good luck.

You are not alone and you'll soon find out. Many are in your shoes. Here is a good book to consider:

Spiritually Single Moms: Raising Godly Kids When Dad Doesn't Believe

http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Book /product?item_no=38747&event=CF

First of all ((((((((HUGS)))))))

This first thing I can think of is to pray for him. You might read "Power of a Praying Wife."

My next advice,is to find some support. Is there another woman at your church who has an unbelieving husband? Perhaps you could confide in her?

I tried to find an online support group for women in your shoes. Here's some links to try:

http://www.shoutlife.com/groups_home.cfm?group_id=5552 (Doesn't seem active but you could send her a message)

http://www.cafemom.com/group/103713/

If you don't go to church and are looking for one, here's an article to read:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1374119/how_to_f...

I also do recommend finding a good Christian counselor. The trick, however is finding someone who is "good". There are aLOT of BAD MARRIAGE COUNSELORS out there. I worked as a social worker years ago, and I know of some "Christian" counselors who would just recommend divorce. Unless he is unfaithful or abusing you, its best to follow scripture and stay married to him. You should tell the counselor right up front that divorce is not an option.

As a mom with 2 kids, I highly recommend you wait a long time until you have the second. Like,when she's in kindergarten. If you don't have your husband to support you, it will be very, very very difficult! And even though there is a big age difference, it is a much healthier choice.....

(HUGS)

Hi J.! I just want to say, that i totally understand the "Unequally yoked aspect of your marriage. I have only been married for 2 1/2 years, and I have known Jesus since I was 13. (I'm 49 now) My husband found Him when we were dating (about 3 - 3 1/2 yrs ago). I should Have realized when he didn't really have a life altering experience, that he maybe didn't really meet my savior. Even though he calls himself a Christian, we are very unequally yoked. We have had our problems, i can tell you. And I am the communicator, hubby doesn't know how to talk. But one thing that I have found really helps me, is when instead of praying to God for all the ways I want Him to change my husband...I ask God to change my heart towards my husband! I think of all the little ways that my husband is a good man and focus on that, instead of all the things I wish would change, and I ask God to help me love my husband, and I thank Him for my husband. I ask Him to make me a better and more loving wife, and guess what? God answers that prayer! He helps me to love my husband warts and all! Try it, I know if it works for me, it will work for you, but you gotta mean it when you pray it! Best of luck, and God bless!

Hi J.,
You need to seek a professional to discuss these issues. I know you are not being fair to your husband, child or yourself with these feelings. Your child will sense these things eventually and I am sure your husband feels similar. A marriage is a partnership with common-like goals and visions. Marriage is about growing up together and experiencing life and making a future towards retirement. Yes you will have ups and downs good times and bad but it doesn't sound like you are in love with your husband or have respect for him that you need to have to make it thru life. Seek counceling and find out if its worth trying to communicate with him your feelings. If not, then you need to move on for the best interest of your family. What you said is very sad for everyone involved, so try to get professional help asap and maybe you can turn the ship around! Good luck!

J.,
along with all the other GREAT advise you have received,
I would suggest you & your hubby renting the movie "Not Easily Broken" Blockbuster Video has it. If I remember correctly,It may have a few curse words in it (not sure tho), but if so I think that could be overlooked because its a great movie for couples, the moral to the story is ( and it plainly tell you this point in the movie) if God is not in your marriage it will cause serious issues in a marriage.( Rev. T.D. Jakes & his wife even play a role in this movie) My husband watched it offshore & called & told me to rent it & watch it! Im so glad I did. Our problem isn't being unequally yoked, its we've grown apart from the duties of work, children etc.And we've put God on the back burner so to speak. There is no "us" there is a you & a me! After watching this movie, we have both agreed (at the recommendation of my precious hubby) that when he comes home from offshore we are going to take a second honeymoon (no kids!) on this trip, rekindle our passion as it was when we met & start all over, putting God back where He belongs....# 1 in our marriage then all else will fall into place.
This isn't much advise, I know, but add it to the other great advise you've gotten & try watching it with your hubby & see if he may be aroused to make some changes.

I have been through the same thing. We have been married 23 yrs. First of all it is very normal for there to be a big drop in the satisfaction level of your marriage after you have kids. This is based on alot of research and happens to alot of people.
If you chill out and focus on yourself it will help. Do not focus on what he is not doing, focus on what you can do to be the best you can be. You can go along way toward creating a good, stable home environment. I worked hard to pursue my husband the way God pursues a relationship with us. I also tried to forgive my husband the way God forgives me. God's grace is new every morning and your can be too for your husband.
I also was greatly helped by a counselor. Not necessarily one that advertises as being a Christian but one that you hear good things about. Get some references.
I focused on creating a good home, clean, orderly and supportive and on self growth. What was I interested in? What made me happy. Give yourself some self nurturing. I read Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach each day with my Bible.
Things can get better. Our three kids are about grown now and we are expecting our first grandbaby from our daughter (27) and her husband. Keep the faith in God and in your husband.

First question is why did you marry him if you are not attracted to him and have no communication with him? Yikes, that is just a failed marriage waiting to happen. Now a child is involved. Counseling is the only route for you now if you want to stay in this relationship, ideally both of you should go, but if not, you should go to figure out what you want in life and out of a marriage. Blessings!

First of all I do not understand how you marry someone that you are not attracted to mentally or physically. My husband and I are somewhat unequally yoked but only in the sense of religion and family values. I managed to look over these things because I love him and realize that he did not have as stable of a family life as I did so I can't expect him to display what he does not know. That aside I know him to be a good person that just was not raised in a church but when I compare him to some so called Christians, he is a much better person then a lot of born again Christians. I have been married almost 30 years and for years I felt disappointment and I would only say that if you are truly unhappy leave now. If after you communicate your wants and needs to him and he does not respond, leave. I stayed and realize he allowed me to do all that I wanted, just not with him. He works and is a great provider. We are not rich but I want for nothing. We have grown to be the best of friends but I still feel that I have never had that 1 romantic evening.
The important thing is you talk to him. Men do not and never will try to read your mind. We as women must demand what we need from our mates. We separated for six months once and I realized that what I was looking for, I had all the time. Good luck and remember to examine yourself also. Make sure you are delivering your part of the bargain.Sex is where two people express their love for each other so if you find it difficult, you may not be in love and after 11 years, I feel sorry for you but mostly your husband.

I highly recommend some couples counseling. Doing so has really helped my husband and I. I was feeling the same "unequally yoked marriage".

You may find a qualified counselor at your church or ask your regular physician for a recommendation. I wish you luck and will pray for both of you. It probably be good for you even if you can't get your husband to come to the counseling sessions.

The best thing I learned was that doing nothing and hoping "things" would get better won't work.

Good luck.

If raising your child properly is your main concern then you need to repair your marriage before one of you gets tired and moves on.

As many have said, pray for your husband. I can give you a list of women whose husbands came to the Lord because of her daily nonverbal witness. Some took a few years, some took many years, but they never quit.

Get the books, "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" for you and "Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" for your husband. You need to be the kind of wife he will never leave for your daughter's sake. If he doesn't want to read the book, then read the first one and highlight all the things you are going to do and hand it to your husband. Ask him to tell you what he thinks after he is done reading. That way he has time to read and think about his answers before responding. He is used to not talking to you so do not force it. Wait until he reads it all (either book) before asking any questions. These are secular books so he shouldn't be intimidated by them. But they are very practical.

Do what the book says and you will be surprised how much more attracted you can be to your husband. It's hard to be married to someone you don't respect physically and spiritually but God can change that.

Pray also that you will be open to God's amazing plan for your marriage.

Then why are you with him? Because you have a child together? Not a good reason. If you're on different pages now (I'm assuming you were on the same page when you got married??), there's basically nothing you can do to change 'his ways' & vice-versa. What I'd do is sit down & discuss w/him your thoughts & feelings like you did here, with us. First, ask him what he expects from marriage. Try to get him to talk about it. Allow him to really express his thoughts & feelings & be open to them. Be prepared for anything he may say. If he still won't try, then express how you feel & what YOU expect from marriage & that you have ideals that he doesn't share & that you're wanting your child to raised a certain way. If he agrees then you need to reach an agreement. If he disagrees then you may need to consider separating or divorcing. There are a great many men that you can be with that share your ideals & wants (as far as relationships & religious feelings & the upbringing of your child are concerned). I realize divorce may not sit well with you but sometimes you have to do what you didn't expect to do to be happy. Good luck!

The biblical answer is if he wants to stay with you then you let him stay (1 Cor. 7). I would suggest listening to John MacArthur's The Divorce Dilemma http://www.gty.org/Resources/Sermon+Series/92 Parts 5 & 6 are going to relate more to your situation. I know you haven't mentioned divorce so forgive me if I've assumed too much. However I find MacArthurs sermons to always give me good biblical perspective. If you haven't seen Fireproof you should set up a quiet night alone with your husband and ask him to watch it with you. My last suggestion is to pray, pray and pray. Ask God to give you the wisdom and understanding to give you things to talk about and to awaken the attraction to your husband. Also, do a search on regaining attraction to your husband, there are some good tips out there. I sincerely hope you find this post helpful.

Love your sister in Christ,
K.

you need to go to a good marriage councelor i suggest one that is christian. dont give up on him. read in the bible about divorce. also thank your lucky stars that you are in a luke warm marriage rather than a hot hate one. get back to loving him. marriage is work.

Being unevenly yoked is one thing that you as a Christian woman chose and now you have to live with. Not being attracted to him physically is much more serious in my book. How did that happen? Does he feel the same way? You need to work on that and then maybe he will try to take your religion more seriously. Good luck.

Hi J., I pray that you earnestly seek what God's will is for you and your husband. I was reading through some of the advice given by "Christians"... and some of it saddened me. There were several posts saying that you should go to a "non christian" counselor because they will not be biased and won't make your husband feel uneasy.... Please seek Biblical counsel on your marriage. Worldy counselors will just speak from a wordly perspective, as a believer, you should know that well. A Christian based counselor will speak the Truth to you. THat truth can only be revealed through Jesus himself. First and foremost, you need to change your attitude and treat your husband with respect and love. Regardless of your "unequally yoked" circumstance. THat is the decision that you made, and now you have to make it work. I am sure you are nice to strangers and go out of your way to help others, how much more should you work in helping your husband. Your husband needs love and respect according to Ephesians 4:22-33. Read it, You must work hard to give that to him. Keep praying for him and cover your child in prayer as well. Once he sees you making wholehearted changes in your life and accepting him, he will follow you. It may not be in your your timing, but God's timing is always perfect. You entered into this covenant with him and you have to see it through, he is your husband! I pray for the blessings of God to be poured out onto you and your family as you seek God's heart in this situation. He is the only one that can see you through and help you to change into the Godly woman He created you to be. Everything else will follow accordingly to the way you react to what God has allowed to happen in your life based on your decisions.

Hi J.! Sorry for the late reply but I hope it is helpful to you. My husband and I are not really unequally yoked but he is catholic and I am nondenominational...so our personal relationship with God varies and is different. What I have learned is that I cannot change my husband and make him closer to God. Only God can lay that on his heart. I recommend reading the book "power of the praying wife". It is an awesome book and since reading it...I have started going to God about my marriage, my husband, my child, everything rather nagging my husband about it. We have a great marriage but still thru my prayers after reading this book, I have seen God reveal his love and mercy to my husband and I think it is awesome. This book is a must read for all women. Blessings to you and your family!

I felt like I had typed what you wrote! My husband and I have been married for over 11 years and we have a 3 1/2 year old and another on the way! The first two years of our marriage were very hard with me trying to change him and get him to do what he said he was going to do. We had promised each other we would go to church with each other although we had very different beliefs but he never came with me. Once I finally realized that it was not up to me to change him, God is the only one that can do that, things got much better. Not to say that life is a breeze but I also went through a time where I didn't find him attractive. I know it was because of the HUGE spiritual void between us. Try praying not for him to change but for you to change. Pray to be a better wife and for you to fall in love with him all over again. You married him for some reason, try to remember those. Continue to pray for his salvation but know that even if he was a Christian life would not be perfect. No relationship is perfect and it's so easy to think, "oh if only he were a Christian our lives would not be so hard." Yes, that would be AWESOME but all marriages go through problems. Christian or not, men are stil men and women are still women. We're very different and we see the world very differently. I truly believe that one day my husband will be saved but that is up to God, not me. All I can do is be the best example of a Christian wife and mother that I can be. I read to our son from the Bible, he attends church with me, and thankfully, my husband is not hostile towards us going to church without him, he just gets hostile when I try to force or coerce him to go with us. I hope this helps. Just know that either way, God is in control and He is perfect. Even though we don't know why or how, He really does work all things out for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.