Ugh Where Does the Money Go???

I think you have to go to a cash spending plan in some form . . . whether it is the envelope system or something else. That way you cannot overspend. Good luck!

We get paid at the beginning of the month and pay all of our bills that very day, whether the bill has arrived or not. Our insurance agency and phone company both actually appreciate us paying ahead of time, and they never have to actually send us a bill because we've already paid it. We pay to the nearest ten...insurance may be 56, but we pay 60...and once a year or something like that, we have a month where we owe nothing, and either don't have to pay or receive a refund check at the end of the billing year.

I find it helps to pay all our bills at the beginning of the month, due or not, because then we know exactly how much money we have left to spread out. Then I budget the REST of the money. :)

You've asked a wonderful question! Maybe some of these suggestions will be worth your while.

If you get too hard on yourself when it comes to money, you'll quit the whole project. If you feel deprived going without anything you want, you'll quit the whole attempt, so you know you need to change your ideas about deprivation. Using apps or other motivational tools can be very helpful, especially in the short run, but their effect doesn't last long because they're external to you. What you want is an internal change, a thinking change, a lifestyle change, and that's a long-term deal. So use the tools when you can; just don't expect them to do more than help you *start* in a better direction.

I use the envelope system, too. In fact, I was delighted to see Dave Ramsey copying me! I fill up my dedicated envelopes every month before money goes anywhere else, and there's an envelope for every predictable need. So I have one for God's money, one for vet bills (we have pets so I keep ahead of vet expenses by putting something aside every month), one for my haircut, etc. There are some fun regulars, including my guitar lessons. I also used to put a regular amount in my savings; that's not possible right this minute, but I do put all my coins in my wallet into my little piggy back every day (no kidding!) and save that way. The rest of the money goes for groceries, clothing, other family needs, and a little fun. This is all house money, by the way; if I were the wage-earner in our home, there would be a lot more envelopes. Stealing from one envelope for another purpose is not allowed!

Here are some mental games I play to help keep my spending under control:

I have one (count 'em, just one!) credit card. I use it for gasoline and for things for which I *must* use it, like ordering online. I must pay that bill entirely every month - no slopping over into next month. That's quite a good incentive.

I actually save on groceries by going to the grocery store fewer times. The same goes with other stores. I used to do basic shopping twice a week; now I can frequently get away with twice a month. If I don't go in the store, I don't see other things there that I want.

I also stopped reading advertisements and watching commercials. When I really need something, I can usually find a sale or I can ask a friend or a neighbor if it's on sale. That helps keep me from getting a case of the "wantsies."

It is even possible - but it takes some doing - to learn to wander through your favorite store, see things you like, and enjoy having seen them without needing to bring them home. This is a great mental game. Window-shopping (with or without the window) is cheap and fun. If you don't buy it, you don't have to figure out where to put it.

Not doing the impulse buying (or so much of it) helps me appreciate what I have and look at it more clearly. I was frustrated with a bedroom last year. I was determined not to hit the stores, so I had time to realize that what the room needed was not different stuff, but different paint. The brain was working, and I could save up for two gallons of sale paint.

If I buy an item of clothing, I have to dispose of an item that's already in my closet. If I were interested in tools, I would do the same: whatever I buy would take the space of something else, so I'd need to decide before buying what I'm willing to pass on to the thrift store.

When I find something I simply can't live without, I live without it for at least twenty-four hours. It's amazing how a little time and a little distance can cool the ardor for something I thought I couldn't resist.

Here's a hard one (for me), but effective: There's a verse in the Bible that says, "The little foxes spoil the vine." A corresponding proverb is, "Mind your pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves." DO sweat the small stuff! I do myself more damage with the dollar here-dollar there spending that I think "won't count." I have to make it count. When you pass up the little stuff, pat yourself on the back!

It's important to have some money to do things together - to go out and have a little fun. Perhaps you both can get to a point at which it could be a game of taking turns planning a less-money or no-money good time. Or do that most of the time, and save for a larger-money night out once every three or six months.

And it's very important to have some individual money for which you are NOT accountable. You and your husband are grownups, and you need to treat yourselves and each other with grownup respect while you each learn to use your money wisely.

If you have good thrift stores in your area and you get a case of "itchy wallet," try going to a thrift store and see if you can satisfy the itch for less than five dollars. That can be fun to do.

If you all need to know more about setting goals for yourselves (financial goals in this case), I recommend this:

http://www.amazon.com/Goals-Setting-Achieving-Them-Schedu...

I have not read the responses, but I do what mrslavallie does. Though I am paid bi-weekly and my husband is paid bi-monthly, I don't pay attention to the bills. Everything is on my Excel spreadsheet and I pay it whether I've seen a bill or not. I always pay up. I actually just got my most recent gas bill (heat for my house in this cold MD winter) and they OWE me $134 :). Sweet! I'll keep paying though in case that bill jumps up and I don't have the $ to pay it.

So pay everything ahead of time, whether the bill is in or not. If you can pay off all credit cards before your income stops that would be ideal. Track EVERY THING you spend money on, both you and your hubby, that should help!

Cash is king!

If you bring only $20 to Target or Lowe's for a specific item and NO credit/debit card, you simply can't spend more than that $20. Instant budget.

This is sort of how the envelope system works, although I will admit that I would just mooch from one envelope to cover another. However, it still was the same amount of cash, just reallocated. If I raided the "grocery" envelope for "blow" money, that was it. No more groceries until we got paid again and it was restocked.

You'll find that many things you think you need really aren't that important when you see the cash leaving your hand and realize what is left behind for the rest of the pay period.

We use the envelope method for purchases. We do not make purchases using our card or check. Groceries, kids' allowance, and "grown-up allowance" are all envelope categories we keep cash in. Once the money is gone, it's gone until the next "pay period fill-up." It really does help us to stay on budget and know our out-go.

All our recurring bills come out of our bank account automatically. Money that goes into savings also get moved from the main account into savings.

For "blow money," we have a simple rule: We reward ourselves for savings in the cash envelopes. For instance, this pay period, we managed to save $50 in our food envelope. We shopped wisely and spent less on groceries, so that extra $50 got moved into the REWARD $$$ envelope to be spent as hubby and I agree. Since it has no adverse affect on our bills, savings, or budget for the next pay period, we are free to spend it as a reward for our wise spending behavior.

We're using it to pay for a $30 Sweetheart banquet at our church next month. :-)

Institute a FIRM budget that you both agree to...and stick with it. Reward yourself for saving cash. It works.

♥
C. Lee

ETA: We also shop for groceries ONLY at Aldi. Our dollar goes MUCH further there.

It sounds like the problem is not with you but your husband's extra spending. There's often one saver and one spender in a couple, opposites attract, right? So until he's ready to get on board with saving, it's going to be an exercise in frustration for you if you are saving and he is not. Has he been to the Dave Ramsey class? Does he want to save but just needs the tools to do it, or does he not have any savings goals to work toward yet?

Men tend to be goal oriented. If your husband is working his butt off and spending every dime, he'll have nothing to show for all his hard work in a few years. So help him find a goal that's worth working toward, like having ___ dollars set aside in an emergency fund, and ___ dollars in a vacation fund. Once you've arrived, keep building the emergency fund, go out and enjoy your vacation as your reward, and repeat. Good luck.

Sounds like the Dave Ramsey plan would help you guys out immensely. Ultimately, though, you and your DH have to be on the same page, and be able to say "no" to yourselves a lot more than you do now.

We moved somewhere that has no real shopping. So, I can drive a longish drive to a big town/city and shop or I can order what I need. We have found that if we just order exactly what we need on Amazon we spend so much less money. No going in a Target and then making impulse buys! So, my one advice is stop going into stores for a while. I know, that is no fun. Think first...do you really need it...really? Or do you want it? I plan meals for the entire week...it's very rare that we go out to eat. It's boring, but it saves a lot. My husband brings his lunch in to work most days. We make good coffee at home (and my husband does in his office) and we avoid coffee shops. So, see if you and your husband can make a deal...for the next 3 months don't enter a box store! It's a real challenge. :)

Mine goes to the grocery stores. We have a double income, so there is always a larger amount of discretionary income for us and that is one of the problems. I spend more money on random trips to the grocery store than should be for a small family of three people. I do not have a grocery budget, but try to stick to a list.

I had to stop making frequent trips - which is dangerous. You go in for 3 items and come out $78 later. I could do this twice in one week, which makes no sense at all. And this is AFTER doing the big grocery shopping trip. I also shop at several places, which increases the likelihood that I will overspend at one or the other. For me, it is definitely grocery shopping. I've grown to hate it because in reviewing my check register....that's all you see.

I've never tried the envelope method, but might give it a shot. I do have money automatically deposited into a savings account each pay period, so that $$$ is "safe" from the grocery stores........I guess.

I agree with the thought that you need a more immediate goal. It is so much easier to save for something specific. "Good financial shape" is one thing, but too vague. Try instead, "send an extra house payment this year" or "pay off that one credit card with the highest interest rate." If you have a big goal, open a new, dedicated savings account. You will only withdraw from this account ONCE, and that will be when your goal is met. So if it's down payment on a car, or replacing the carpet, or a "rainy day" account that you want to have a specific dollar amount set aside in, or whatever - find out how much needs to be in it, and go for it. If you have to, deposit $50 in it, every time you cash your paycheck. Or just have it autodrafted. Do NOT include this money in your budget. As far as spending is concerned, it's not there.

And, I do this: when you go to the store, take a pad of paper and a pen with you. Write down the dollar amount of every item you put in the basket. Round to the nearest half dollar; do NOT account for coupons (this will help you account for the tax). Go in with a budget. When you get to that dollar amount, you have to leave, or seriously think about what you have in the basket. So, if I have reached my limit in the grocery store, but haven't hit the milk aisle yet, then maybe I don't need that twelve pack of soda after all...probably healthier, anyway. If I DO determine that I need what I've picked out, that is why I also have a MONTHLY grocery budget. It just means that next week's limit is going to be a little lower. (I do have a weekly AND a monthly budget. The actual dollars spent, from the receipt, goes towards the monthly. So wise use of coupons and sales means a possible reward at the end of the month...)

Also, after you've done your budget and know how much you have to spend - which looks like, you said about $600? - take that out in cash, BUT put all the change in a jar. When the jar is full, maybe in a couple of months, that change goes toward your goal. An extra credit card payment, maybe, or deposited in that dedicated savings account.

I hope you get some ideas here that work for you! Good luck!

My husband and I adopted the "WWMD" method for a bit. Essentially his mother is an amazing woman who is great at being frugal, but not cheap. She is not an impulsive shopper and does not buy things she does not need. Yes, she has very good control. So, when we are considering buying something, from the extra socks to the new stereo system, we ask ourselves "What would M. do?". And you know what, she keeps us on track. It is essentially asking yourself, "Do I really need this?". Also, if you wait a few more days and ask yourself the same question, the answer should be quite clear.

Furthermore, if you have to actually write out what you spend and be accountable for it, and I'm not talking about tracking via your bank account, it is a lot harder to spend the extra money. The envelope system works well for this too.

And please let us know what works for you! I could use some new ideas too!

1) Use cash only.
2) Minimize your trips to places where you can spend.

#2 is by far the most effective, in my opinion. When I don't go to the grocery store, I don't "saved $18 on your total purchase".... know what I mean? If you can eliminate any trips to stores, at all, do so. It is SO SO easy, to put extra items in your cart because they are on sale and you know you will need them eventually. If you aren't there, you won't do that.

I used to do the envelope method..
Gas
Fun
Groceries
etc..

That helped me tremendously. Now, I do the envelop method, but in my checking account.

My husband is the spender, but he is really good at paying bills, I am really good at putting money in the savings.. so I make him pay all the bills and the "extra" money, I put in the savings.. it helps us.

When our kids were young we rarely went out. Instead we had pot luck dinners, rotating homes, with friend also trying to save money. We took the kids so no paying sitters either. We had a ton of fun playing charades and laughing after the kids were asleep in another room, or set up with a dvd. I miss those days!

If you don't eat out you can save money. Pasta night, egg night, etc...

Stick to the budget. Just say no.

When I worked FT, we had his/hers/ours accounts. Money for "our" bills went to "ours" off the top, with buffer. That paid all the necessities. We each paid our own car loans and credit cards out of our individual accounts. Then what was leftover was for our savings and spending. The bills are always first, and then IMO you should put some automatically into saving as well, and THEN you can have some fun. You may also want to look into year round budget plans for utilities so you know you will always pay about $100/month for x.

Something that helps me is going to the store with a list and sticking to that list. It's not any money saved if I don't really need that thing. Yes, I bought DD some new boots the other day at Target for more than 50% off. But I did not buy them til I confirmed that they would fit her through the next shoe size. We don't get a ton of snow and it is more economical if I can get a jacket or boots that fit more than one season.

And for little things, use cash. If you go to the store for a gallon of milk, you don't need more than a $5 in your pocket. Use just that $5 and do not pull out the plastic. Plastic is an easy way to get overdrawn. My SD will use her debit card for everything, even $1.10 for band aids. And she has been overdrawn a couple of times because she doesn't track it. If you go through the trouble of using an app, USE it. Or find a new one that works for you.

We go out or get take out for dinner maybe once a month. We buy entrees for the week on Saturday and make it a point to be home to eat them. When I shop, I use the scanner thing and I know when I'm at my budget or way above it. Do I really need that? No. We don't buy a lot of sodas or chips or snacky junk food. We choose to use that money for things like fresh fruit instead. I compare the price per quantity even on sale prices - sometimes a sale is no better.

When you go to one of your "gotcha" stores and end up overspending, take a look at the bill. What did you mean to buy? What DID you buy? Why? Was it an impulse buy? Was it something you needed at a good price? Sometimes to get to the bottom you have to figure out why you bought it. My M. is the queen of "it was just $2..." but then it's 10 things that were $2 each that she doesn't need and she's out $20. Even a few bucks spent poorly is wasted money. Emotional or lazy shopping is more expensive.

If you like the "high" of a new purchase, is there a better way to get that purchase? Could you thrift that item? Freecycle? Trade? Wait for a really good sale or coupon? I got DD's dressy jacket for $9.44 with shipping because I waited to use my Zulily credit on a discounted jacket. Or I wanted a new dress for my anniversary dinner so I "shopped" ModCloth by putting things on my wishlist til I the dress I wanted came on sale for the price I wanted to pay.

There are never little trips to Target. So hard not to need something. Our income is always changing. I feel that I finally found a way to track where all that money goes. I used the mint app also and like you, ignored when it goes in the red.
Now each week I break the check up 50% Needs/ 30% wants/ 10% emergency/ 10% savings
I add my husband's gas in the Needs, but my gas in the wants (stay at home M.) This has really helped me because now I know how much I can spend for the week. If I want to save for something, I'll save like 5% from the Wants. For us Netflix is a want, but the internet is a Need. I also pay the debt from the savings, then the savings will build up when it's paid off.
So in the end, we'll live the entire year off 50% of our income, spend 30% on our wants, and have a 20% savings/emergency fund.

I do have to say my husband makes less stops for coffee now when I tell him there is only $40 left in the Wants (before he didn't think twice)...now he knows it takes away from the kids or gas in the van if he spends the money. And I say no to Target so much more...it's so hard when they're clearance items :(

You're the boss of your budget when you're creating it. Then you have to let it be the boss of you, or it doesn't help.

One thing that definitely helps - don't do little shopping trips. Unless the item is need-or-die urgent like medicine, keep an ongoing shopping list and shop no more often than once per week. When you do go into Target, shop off the list and leave. No stopping to look at clearance racks! Combine your shopping needs into one day. If you need to go to the grocery store, the pet store and Target, make it a plan and do it all one after the other on the same day.

I've noticed that my friends that tend to do errands all the time also waste the most money. Your spending needs to be purposeful and deliberate, not spontaneous.

First identify your problem areas. Where are you most likely to "waste" money? Observe others, in what way do you think they "waste" money?

I'm always seeing people walking arround with their Dunkin Donuts cups, even those that I know have financial troubles. Whenever I leave the house, I take a beverage (usually a reusable water bottle filled with water or iced tea) with me. That way if I'm out running errands, at a meeting, waiting on the kids - I'm not tempted to purchase a beverage. It also helps to bring along a snack.

Target can be dangerous. Since you know you tend to overspend, when you go only bring enough cash with you to cover the cost of the items you really need.

We all have those "I don't want to cook tonight" or "there's nothing in the house to eat" moments, so we get take out or go out to eat. Keep some easy quick meals on hand for those times. It could be frozen left overs that you just need to thaw and heat, or a box of mac & cheese and hotdogs.

I think eveyone should have a little "blow money". I often take $20, sometimes it lasts a week or two, other times it can last almost 2 months.

Ditto on the not going shopping often. We only go shopping twice a month. I keep a list on my fridge with sections for the various stores we frequent. When we run out of something before our "bi-monthly" shopping trip, it goes on the list and we do without for the few days between shopping trips. Then when we go out, we stick to the list religiously. If we see something radically on sale when we're out, that is the only time for deviation. Otherwise, it's the list or nothing.

If you go out shopping EVERY time you run out of one item, that's just another chance for you to be bombarded with "product placement" and temptation.

We also downgraded our cell-phones to only be phones. Cut the data and texting plans. Dumped cable and subscribed to Netflix streaming. We trimmed everything we could short of cutting off the internet and if push came to shove, we'd dump the cell phones altogether and downgrade our internet package to something cheaper and more throttled.

There are always ways to trim and save. It just takes the willpower to suck it up and do it.