Ugh. What Do You Do When You Make a BIG Mistake???

I would come clean. You just made an honest mistake. You're human and should not be expected to be perfect.

I have gotten myself into a whole lotta trouble in my time! Been married almost 18 years and have learned the truth behind a saying that I heard a long time ago. " A liar has a lot to remember" - if you tell him a lie it is only go to snowball in effect and although it's no big deal now it may become a bigger one later. Telling him the truth right now may mean that he's angry w/you for making a mistake, but wouldn't you rather be upset with him that he made a mistake rather then lying to you? Good luck.

oops - Moms can't be perfect most of the time - too much is expected of us ;) I'd not worry or dwell on it - what's done is done.

Don't be so hard on yourself-that kind of mistake is more common than you think I bet. I am always screwing up times and dates-esp with birthday parties...I have brought my kids to the party house only to find it is a week later or I missed it :-( Oh-and once I held my son home from school b/c I thought it was still Easter break-only to find he was supposed to have been in school all week.

I do think you should tell your husband though...if not your son will have to lie for you and that's not a good lesson to give a kid. I would also worry about it coming out somehow and then it will be made worse with your lie.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Even super organized parents make mistakes sometimes.
I would tell my husband the truth. Lying only makes things worse. Own up to the mistake, but tell him the bright side of the situation. Two of your children get to have fun with their grandparents while you and your middle child get to have some quality time together. He may be aggravated, but this is a small mistake that is not the end of the world. It can actually turn out to be a good thing for everyone involved.

Also, by lying you are going to have to ask your son to lie too. That is not setting a good example at all. Show your son how to be responsible by telling your husband the truth.

Tell the truth. It's too hard to lie – to keep track of the stories needed to cover up stories needed to cover up older stories. And it's not necessary.

All human beings lose things, lose track of dates now and then, make mistakes. This was not a deliberate oversight, and of course your husband will be annoyed by the loss of $80. If he yells at you, just thank him for caring, observe that you are already hugely annoyed with yourself, and that you already deeply regret your mistake, and his anger won't make you feel sorrier than you already do. You can't undo it – it's history. Give him time to deal with his feelings. Don't add to the energy of the moment defending yourself or pointing out mistakes that he's made, or it can turn into a big fight. Shrug, sigh, and move on. If he'll accept a hug from you, give him one with a "Sweetie, I feel really bad about this. I'm sorry, and will try to make sure it never happens again."

If he's going to stew, steam, or go on giving you a bad time, there are deeper problems in your relationship than forgetting a date or losing some money. But lying and covering up won't be more than a temporary bandage on those sore spots.

I'm sorry you are going through the stress of your in-laws, and with keeping your boys focused. It must be very tiring, and could very well be affecting your memory. With that said, why is it even necessary to lie? Lying rarely makes anything better. To answer your question, when I make a big mistake, I don't lie abut it.

I don't see why you feel you need to lie to your husband. You made a mistake, we all do. I think you need to own up to it and set a good example for your children.

Of course hubby will be agrevated, but he'll get over it. He he makes a really big deal out of it, remind him that in the future he can have the responsibility of scheduling everything.

We all get crazy-busy. I feel like that and I have O. child! But I wouldn't lie to my husband...imagine if he was "in charge"? LOL

I don't think the BIG mistake was getting the summer school dates wrong - rather, it would be constructing this convoluted lie to tell your husband. These things happen, don't make it worse by covering it up! Just my two cents.

You want to lie about losing the money, and be sneaky about money you dont get back and tell him you cashed the check, that didnt exsist. Thats 2 lies. 1 to cover up the other at this point. Thats wrong, both times. And claiming you "woops missed an email" is a 3rd lie. Why not just walk into the room and say, "yaknow hon, Im such a ditz and had a lot on my mind this week, I forgot that little Mikey was supposed to go to school LAST week and sent him off to gramas instead! Darn I cant believe I messed that up and wasted $80." And as you said, if the $80 is "not that much" why are you worried about it to the point youd lie to your husband? You think he might ask for the money back if you lie and say they sent you a refund for the week you plan to lie about. It made me wonder,,Why do you have to hand over cash to him? Dont you ever need money in your wallet too? Does he take all the money, and treat you like a 2nd class citizen and belittle you for mistakes? Maybe he doesnt trust you because he has caught you in lies before. Maybe you shouldnt spend too much time planning your lies. It cant be good for a marriage. If I make a big mistake, and I do, I double check to make sure it was a mistake, and was it really MY mistake, and then I try my best to fix it and apologize to whoever was effected by it. And I work hard to not make that same mistake. The first thing I dont do is try to find a lie to fit the situation.

Lying will Always come back to bite you on the backside. Maybe not soon, but it will, and you will ask youself 'why did I lie about something soooooo trivial' (I know it doesn't fel trivial now but it will later). Admit the mistake, ask for understanding for the stress you are under, and tell him yiou are enjoying the time with your child so everything worked out for the best.

You admit you made the mistake, and you apologize and move on. If you can't communicate something minor like this, how can you possibly hope to communicate effectively when there is a real problem? I have spent my whole life watching my mom sneaking around with little things like this because she was afraid it would upset my dad. Well, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy because eventually all the little mistakes and problems and yes, the lies that covered them, have come to light, and yes, my dad is upset by it. Mostly about being lied to.

Put yourself in your husband's shoes, and think about which scenario is going to cause him the longest lasting pain: the loss of $80 because of a mistake or the loss of trust in his wife because of an intentional decision to lie. Try to swallow your pride, pick the right time, and tell the truth.

dont ask, dont lie. works for me. if he gets aggravated, when he finds out, tell him its old news, and you got this. we moms go thru this. i even forgot a child. multitasking is a work of art and we got this!

Awww, don't beat your self up about it, but definitely do not lie to your hubby either. I have tried hiding stupid (financial) things I do from my hubby because I hate confrontation or just think I can fix it before it affects him, but he finds out 90% of the time and then is so angry that I didn't just tell him about it. Not only does it cause trust issues, but it also hurts his feelings that I didn't want to talk to him.

Yes, he will probably be upset about the lost money, but imagine how much more upset if he finds out about your mistake AND that you intentionally deceived him. In my case, my not telling my hubby was because I had too much pride to admit that I make mistakes and forget things (such as a few missed bills--including the credit card--had to pay some major interest on it since it was a month of some big-ticket purchases.) It is tough to show our hubbys our weaknesses, but we owe it to our spouses and our families to have an honest household.

I think you should just tell your husband the truth. I really do.
He might be aggravated that you got things mixed up and he might be aggravated that you're out $80, but he'd probably be a lot more upset if he were to find out that you tried being dishonest in an attempt to cover it up.

I'd rather not have any of this on my conscience or worry if he will ask me or if he will find this or that out. Just be proactive and tell him. Tell him you are looking into getting the money back and hopefully that will work out.
You obviously have your hands full with lots going on right now and things like this happen.
I think it's best just to be honest. It's better than your husband ever feeling that you would lie to him.

Just my opinion.

If I was your husband...and I found out you had lied to me about this (and I would eventually find out) I would be thinking..."If she's willing to lie about this...what else is she lying to me about?" Don't risk having your husband lose all trust in you over this! It sounds like you are under a lot of stress, but lying is never the answer.

Seems wrong that you should have to lie about something so silly to your husband. Even if he is cross for a day he will get over it! Or he should get over it anyway. That is no THAT big of a deal.

Hi C.,

I agree don't lie to him about it. I know how critical he is of you and how badly you feel, but lying will only make things worse. Even if he gets upset by it, that is his problem not yours. we all make mistakes, we all screw up sometime, we wouldn't be human if we didn't. Owning up to our mistakes can be especially hard when we constantly feel put down and/or have low self esteem. But when we do own up to them, we realize we are just like everyone else. If he is critical of you for it, just ignore it, he makes mistakes too. And maybe he is so critical of you because of his own self esteem issues, I don't know, but I think you made a good decision not to lie about it, it will only make you feel worse in the long run and I think you find a sense of power when you speak the truth. IT is empowering to own up to our mistakes. I too have difficulty with this due to my own self esteem issues, I have a tendency to try to make others not see how flawed I am because I feel so flawed. But we are all that flawed.

I agree with the others not to lie to your hubby...you guys are a team! Sometimes one of you makes a mistake and you just deal with it together. Don't take the path my mom has taken...she has always lied about money and hidden the facts of what she spent. It gets worse and worse the longer you are together. She is very manipulative with her husband and while they started off as friends when they first got together, they are now pretty much complete enemies living in the same house. She has always been this way though. I don't think she would even know how to change.

You are being waaaaaay too hard on yourself!

I have actually done this, too. I came clean and thought my husband would be miffed, but he actually laughed. He wasn't crazy about the lost money, but he also acknowledged that I have a lot to keep track of and that everyone makes mistakes.

I don't think it's worth $80 to lie to your husband, but I can understand how your feel! I hope things get back on track for you soon. :)

Don’t lie, it’s not worth it. Even if he gets really mad, that will only last for a few hours, but living with the lie will last longer. Plus it could come out eventually anyway (most likely through the kids?) and then you’ll still get the wrath and you won’t have saved yourself anything.

I think lying to your husband is totally the wrong approach. You would also have to have your son lie about it (assuming he knows the truth) and that is worse. I would just fess up. If he is annoyed, so be it. Is there another week later this summer that you can get him in to salvage the money you paid? I know this week's was cancelled, but are there others? It makes me sad that you feel like you need to make up an elaborate lie to your own husband over $80. I'm sorry you are overwhelmed. I hope that things settle down for you soon. Please tell your husband the truth. It isn't worth ruining trust in a relationship over that little bit of money (although, I realize that is a lot of money to some....not worth losing trust in a marriage). Good luck to you.

You are being too hard on yourself. Everyone forgets things with the kids' schedule. But --- I would not lie to my DH. Everyone forgets things (and this was certainly not a HUGE thing -- believe me I have forgotten more) and he should understand that. Give yourself a break - no one is perfect. Most especially with your in-law issues. That sort of takes over. BUT lying to a husband is bigger than forgetting about a summer school week. To me, that is going down a worrisome road.

C.,

Please don't deliberately lie to your husband! It will only cause more problems for you in the future. If he has an ounce of maturity, which I bet a million bucks he does, he will forgive you!!! People make mistakes and thats what makes us human. Ask for forgiveness after you tell the truth and move on----thats all you can do! If you choose to lie to him and he finds out, you will have much bigger problems on your plate including your marriage around trust.

As for how I deal with making a big mistake---Usually, I just get upset with myself and talk to a friend/family member about it if its really bad. But I ask forgiveness and try not to do it again!

M