Ugh-Potty Training!

my son would wet his pants too and not care. He just was too busy to go to the bathroom - typical 3 year old - toys over toilet. We just kept at it and it got better. I have to say being dry through nap and the night were not indicators for us. We potty trained before that and my son chose when to ditch naptime diapers (he was not dry) and it was fine. We potty trained over 1 1/2 years ago and he is still wearing diapers to bed - he's just not there yet - we've tried. Every kiddo is different. For us it was persistance that won out.

Potty training is ultimately a process that the child must control, or else he's not trained. Because of this (sometimes unfortunate) reality, there are three facets of readiness, the third being emotional maturity. Your son may have the first two (physical/neurological and cognitive), but he apparently does not have the third.

Sometimes rewards work in the short run to overcome this hurdle, and if your current reward doesn't work, perhaps something else would. But that introduces the very real possibility that rewards/bribes will need to escalate to keep him motivated, and that is a mistake that you will seriously regret someday.

So, what I would suggest is that, as hard as this will be, you drop your expectations, tell your son you are proud of how well he's growing up, and express your confidence that he will use the potty when he's ready – when he notices that taking a few minutes to go to the bathroom will be easier for him than getting changed. And then do it. Just stop hinting, fussing, reminding, nagging, demanding, bribing, acting anxious or annoyed, or anything that you MIGHT currently be doing around the topic of potty training.

Little boys frequently don't pull it all together until 3.5 or 4. When those three necessary elements are in place, he will decide to do it, and it will probably not take more than a few days at most. Kids WANT to make this developmental step when they're ready, just as they want to walk and talk when they're ready. And your son just MIGHT notice he's ready when you back away and give him space to work it through for himself. Or he may need a few more weeks or months.

You will probably not "convince him" to want what he doesn't yet want. But you can continue to make all your messages about using the bathroom as positive as possible. That can include modeling how easy/quick it is for you or Daddy, reading potty books or watching potty videos, having his toys/stuffed animals role-play pottying, and in general making a game of it. With my grandson, once he would go but didn't want to take the time, I would go into the bathroom and begin forcefully ejecting all the dinosaurs that were taking up all the space and sitting all over the toilet seat. My grandson couldn't resist that game, and would come in and help me wrestle the beasts, and claim his spot on the toilet.

Sounds like a power struggle. Tell him you threw out (or Dad ate) the jelly beans cuz that method didnt work, You need to transfer control to him. Give him two sticker charts (poo and pee) and have him put on the stickers. Again one for sitting and two for success as you did with jelly beans. When the chart is full of stickers, what will the two of you do? go somewhere fun with Mom or Dad? You can make and print cute charts on the website DLTK
Dr Sears recommends letting them pick out their own potty seat. You could let him choose underwear and sheets for his bed, let him choose fun soap for washing up after, let him choose the rewards. If you have two bathrooms always ask which one does he want to use right now? Give him lots of cuddles and hugs at other times of the day so he understands growing up doesnt mean losing that, some kids want to stay little and potty training is certainly about growing up.
here's a good article on 3 yr olds who are physically ready and refusing to train http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm

If I were you I would throw out all diapers/pull ups and go to underwear all the time, no *exceptions!
*Is he waking up dry in the morning? If yes, then continue reading, if no, then I say he's not ready yet.

It doesn't matter if he doesn't care about sitting in soiled underwear...change him EVERY time, RIGHT AWAY...

Eventually the accidents will stop, you'll see.

~The way I went was waiting till my kids were dry when they woke up, all underwear all the time, change them ASAP when they have accidents but don't make a big deal out of it. It is just the way it is, kind of thing..."Oh your wet, lets get you fixed up" and then change them. Remind them and take them to go to the bathroom often and it will happen.

If you are still sometimes using diapers/pull ups, I suggest stopping for a week or so,taking the power struggle away and giving time to reset his feelings, then prepare him for the upcoming change. Pick a weekend or sometime you will be home with him for a few days in a row, tell him ahead of time that its almost time to be done with the diapers/pull ups, tell him "he's ready and it's time", then when the day comes when he wakes up, take off the diaper/pull up and put the undies on, make a show of throwing them/it in the trash and be consistent all day(s) until he gets it.

Maybe even switch candies? I used dum-dum suckers with all 3 of my kids, they are small and all mine loved the suckers!

I hope this helps. This might not be the best advice but it's all I got...all 3 of my kids got to the waking up dry stage really early, and we went all undies, all the time from the very beginning...all 3 of my kids were night and day potty trained (with no regressions) right before or after they each turned 2, I had no problems with any of them, they were all very easy and ready, so I never had a struggle, hence the I am not sure if this is the best advice? But I bet it will work and I know it will be OK if you take off the pressure and just go with the "this is the way it is" attitude and the "no big deal" attitude when he has accidents.

I'm not going to be the popular answer here, but I have 3 children and 1 of the 3 had to be "strong-armed" into potty training. Some will say it is a "no-no" but she did not work on the praise system alone like my other two (and most kids) do/did. We told her if she peed in her pants she'd get a time out. We did still praise her as well, but let her know that peeing in her pants was not an option. Worked like a charm, she was potty trained in a week.

I have a friend in the same situation and her son was 4. She took him to the pediatrician and he told her that potty training is one thing that they can still control. You cannot make them do it. He then told her to not say one word about. When he was ready he would do it. Turned out it only took a couple of months and he approached her and was ready. Let it go....when he is ready he will do it. You are just frustrating yourself and him.

My son was the exact same way. In fact, you could have been describing him, just substitute M&M's for the Jelly Belly's. I was at my wits end when one day, out of the blue, he went into the bathroom and peed in the potty chair. I gave him praise for it (without making an overly big deal about it), and then 30 minutes later he went in and went poo in the potty chair. I was shocked. After that, he was trained. He totally knew what to do, just didn't want to until then. He was right around three yrs. old. Hang in there! It sounds like your son just has to make the decision for himself.

I agree with the other posters that transferring control to your son is a great idea. It's his body, not yours, and you can't control this part of him. The desire to use the potty should come intrinsically (from inside him) not extrinsically (from you controlling by way of rewards). The reward is using the potty and taking care of his body...that's it. Bribing isn't fair. To me rewards (for any behavior) are like saying to your child, "I do not trust you to learn to use the potty on your own, so because I have no confidence in you I must bribe you."

Maybe lay off a bit, continue to talk lots about using the potty, read potty books, and play games around the potty. My son is now 4, but when he started using the potty at around 2.75 years we talked a lot about poop and pee. How it's made, where it comes from...yeah, gross, but it he loved it. Every stuffed animal he had "pooped" on the potty. There's a book called "Everyone Poops" that my son loved. It says, "An elephant makes a big poop. A mouse makes a tiny poop." Then I said to my son, "How big is your poop?" Then the next time he felt the urge to go we talked about that story again. Just make it an enjoying and amusing experience.

My son would pee in underwear when we first got started, so he just went naked for weeks and weeks. I just let him figure out what was best for his body. I was cheery when he peed in the potty. I was cheery when he had an accident. He wanted to learn the task so I just found ways to make that work for him.

Anyway, good luck! It can be a long process and it takes a lot of trust to get there. But you will get there!

Change the reward. He's lost interest because it's no longer exciting. Get some other candy. Try stickers. I've kept my son excited for months by using stickers. When we move on to a different sheet of stickers, a new character pops up on his sticker chart and he loves it. It just has to be something new. If candy is his thing try switching to M&Ms or PEZ or skittles etc.

Peg M. said a mouthful. I think she's right. Back off. He's not interested. I promise he will not be wearing a pull up to the prom!

I think you need to drop it. Put him back in diapers and wait for him to be ready. It is super annoying, to be sure, but it is the most effective and quickest way you will see your desired results. Good luck!