Ugg

Breathe. And, take a look at 1-2-3 Magic. It worked for my son when he was that age. Still does. Also, be sure that you are getting breaks yourself. It makes us better moms.

S.

My 3 year old just turned 4 and all I can say is, I hated the threes. They are worse then the two's by far! He sounds a lot like yours. I have never given him more time outs and spanks (one swat on the bum) then at three. It was crazy! Suddenly about a month before he turned 4, he started getting a lot more reasonable. Now he is much easier to deal with. So, good luck. Sometimes kids do better with small groups or one on one situations. I would also enforce time outs immediatley after he does something you don't want. My son seemed to hit everyone that walked in the door (adult and child). He used to just walk up and sock them in the tummy. Most of the adults would just smile and say that they understand. But, I wanted him to behave. So, when he would do that, I would just tell the person that we are working on this behavior and excuse myself and him to go put him in time out. It seemed to work better after a while. Good luck. It does get better.

I understand what you are saying, I had one that everyone knew his name because I was always saying Patrick at the top of my voice. 3 is also a hard age, I never understood the terrible 2's when 3 was the hardest for me with both boys.

One of the things I found sucessful was touching him and making him make eye contact before saying anything. I also stayed pretty strict with him at all times. He is now 11 and is very active, but a well mannered young man. I know it is hard, I often felt like an mean mom but the results were worth it. I think the hard part was learing not to take it personal and staying calm. I also tried to then go and do something fun with him and his brother after being mad at them. It may be quite a while later so they do not associate good with bad but it helped me feel good again about being mom. I also would make them help in housework so they did not feel neglected and I got help. We have a 20 minute pickup time (with timer and music) where I grab a vaccuum and they run (pick up toys and put them away) and the other dusted (when they were little I would redo dusting when they were in bed). My downstairs looked great and they felt good. They still do this for me at 10 and 11. They know after that it was our time.

I found myself in the same situation. There were a couple of books I read. One was the Scream Free Parenting book (read a review http://journeyerschronicles.com/2008/07/family/screamfree...) & I started to change myself.
Then a few months (about 6) later I read Love & Logic http://www.loveandlogic.com/ by Charles Fay. There are many books that he has written- just search your library catalog to see which one applies most & get it!
Good luck!
~J.

Watch Supernanny on Fridays 9 p.m. on ABC. Jo has great methods for stuff like this.
Make a poster of rules around the house. If he's allowed to get away with stuff at home, he'll take it to school too.
Write down rules he is to follow, and you are to follow up on. Any breach of them will result in a time out, on the spot. Have a time out stair or chair or corner. Nip this in the bud now. If he doesn't break the rules at home, come up with a fun reward, like Chuck E Cheeses. It has the play areas, and you can see how he interacts with kids there. Rules will apply there too. If he's out of line, think of a consequence and hold him accountable.
Realize that you cannot control his actions when they're away from home. You do your part at home, trust the teachers to contact you with negative reports, but get some involvement in other programs, like at a local church's kids programs, where it won't be tolerated and he has stuff to learn, memorize, etc. that he won't have time to think about misbehaving.

HI S.
One of the times my friends kids were over I sang my directions at them. They all stopped and looked at me, so I sang it again. They were all so engrossed in there play all the "normal" sounds were filtered out.
I often let stuff go. Like my daughter knows I've said if she does x she could get hurt. I'm not going to say it all day. Since she's 5 now I say it maybe twice. If it's something long standing I say don't be surprised if you get hurt.
The other thing I do is insist on manners, if she gets sassy were back to yes mam like my cousins in TX.
And I watch what foods are out when theres lots of kids. I see how quickly the behavior changes with lots of processed food, and candy. Many have non food ingredients like wax or mineral oil in candy.
Good luck, A. H

Oh I forgot to say I think 3 is when they connect to there personal will. They discover there own wantings. 4 seamed to be about negotiations. Hope that thought helps.
A. H