Two Year Old Gone Independent

If you know it's wrong to avoid that stuff, why are you doing it? The longer you let her be in control, the worse it's going to be/get. Stand up and be her mom! She's just pushing to see how far she can go. Stop letting her! Be firm and consistent. I'm not sure what you deem as acceptable punishment so I can't give any pointers there- what I do and what others do may be two totally different things.

L.,

I have a two year old boy and let me tell you I think what your dealing with IS normal but....its very, very hard to deal with. I just wrote a new question about my own son yelling at our friends when they visit or at the waitress at the restraunt, etc. Its so hard! I justed started reading Dr. James Dobson's book, "The Strong Willed Child" and I think Im starting to see results already and Im only on chapter 2! One thing Iv noticed is when he starts his whining, etc. I have to get down to his level and figure out what the problem is, he knows if I bend down to do the discipling that he'd better do it or there will be conscequences. Its so hard because youve got so much other stuff going on but it does help in the long run. Good luck and remember every other 2 year old is doing the same thing!
Peace...

L.,

Two year olds are GENIUS when it comes to figuring out that fits either work or they don't. You job is to teach her that when she pitches a fit about something that it will get her NO WHERE with you. That it has negative results. Your best bet is to get some books/videos to help you with this so you can develop positive parenting practices NOW. It will make life much more pleasant and positive for you and your daughter. Kids and people only do to you what you ALLOW. She has obviously figured out that she can have things her way so she is doing what works. It isn't a power struggle...it is YOUR way. You are mommy, remember??? I use to do that same thing with my son and it took several years of MISERY before I realized the errors of my ways. Don't wait this long! It will only get worse.
Try Love and Logic principles. They work. And be CONSISTENT with whatever you do. Say what you mean and mean what you say!!!
You can check out love and logic online, get the books or videos from your local library, etc. Also, watch some of the parenting videos on monkeysee.com. Parenting is work. Letting them win might be easier temporarily but the aftermath will always be worse in the end.
You CAN make her mind without losing yours! I have faith in you! :)

Stay strong. Almost all (i haven't met one yet) children go through this stage. It is a stage and if you stay strong and stick to your routine and choices she will get past it and be a great child (not that she isn't now.) I am reading a book right now that I love. My husband has already read it completly. It is called "Parenting by the Book Biblical Wisdom for Raising your Child" By John Rosemond. He is a psychologist who is trying to educate parents in the biblical (or has he refers to it "Grandma's way") of raising children. He describes your exact problem in the begining of the book. I find it a must read in our family.
Good luck, stay strong and pray. God will help you.

Being independent is a good thing when it comes to certain things like feeding, dressing, bathing themselves.

When it comes to wanting things when you say NO and throwing a fit because she isnt getting her way well I wouldnt call that being Independent. I call it pushing buttons and being in control. You have to nip it in the bud now or else she will be this way forever and everything in life will be a power struggle, its not something you want to have to deal with in her teenage years. Teenagers are bad enough just being teens.