Two Year Old Bed Time Routine.

You have a consistent method, but it seems like there's a lot to it. Simplify and see what happens. With my almost 2.5 year old, it's

diaper change
pajamas
tuck in
milk
song
cuddle (to the count of 5)
kiss and hug
leave the room

no nightlight, no music, no toys in her room. sometimes a book if we start a little early or she hasn't already had a ton.

When we're struggling to get her down, we pull out one of the components and she does fine. If we do go back in, we take out one part each time. So insead of milk, song, count, it's only song and count. If we go back again, it's a simple kiss and good night. If we have to go back more than twice (which even that is rare), it's because of a poopy diaper and then back to bed.

Wondering if you allow him to sleep with you in bed at night. Would it help or does it make him want to see you until you fall asleep too. My little daughter who is 2 will not fall asleep until her older brothers are in bed.

We went through a very similar issue with our daughter. Most of her toddlerhood...we ended up making a pictorial chart with the bedtime routine laid out. THe visual image was helpful for her to understand what bedtime meant. We talked about the sleeping picture and how that meant we dont call mommy and daddy in for "silly" things...seems soo simple, but we were at our wits end and this simple trick helped a ton! Made all the difference. message me privitely if you want a copy. I have charts for everything!

Hi S.: I will add a few things to the advice you are getting. Your experience is pretty standard 2-4+ year old behavior. Yes, even into the 4s! Your son will go through stages where he tests your rules/limits and pushes the boundaries to exert his own independence and control. My daughter did the same. For months she would do wonderfully at bedtime with a similar routine (except we have no music in the room). Then she'd be a completely different child for no reason we could ascertain. They're just growing up! By the way, my daughter is now 4.5 and she still naps ~1.5 hrs every afternoon and still goes to bed with lights out no later than 8:30pm. So, it's not a napping issue necessarily (depends on child). Remember they need 11-12 hrs of sleep daily. So if your son isn't napping, then earlier bedtime may be in order. If you have not read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Weissbluth, you should check it out at your local library.

So, here is some of my advice to add to what you received:
1. Getting up constantly is an attention seeking action as well as independence/control, so we made sure that our evening routine included some quality family time. What we do is have dinner around 6pm, and then it is family game time - nothing physically active - just card games, board games or puppet show kind of stuff, that she enjoys for about 45 minutes (depending on the time we're done with dinner and clean-up). We all sit down on the living room floor together and focus only on that - being together, playing together, having fun. NO TV either - it is a stimulant (one of the first things docs will say is to make sure your child is not watching TV close to bedtime).

2. Figure out what motivates him - what can you reward him with for staying in his room? What can you take away if he continues to come out? Remember, you cannot make a child sleep, but you can expect him to stay in his room. Reward him for staying in his room (we would give her a ball for each good behavior which she put in a jar and after 5 balls she got a little something special). Also, if he does stay in his room and doesn't sleep/stay in his bed, that's actually OK. Your goal is to get him to stop coming in and out and to stop making it a battle every night. Let him play quietly in his room if that's what it takes. Don't make it a battle. He'll put himself to bed on his own terms and feel empowered by it. You will have some nights that he's got the light on late, but you both have "won" so to speak. Put aside your concern that he's not sleeping earlier, that won't last.

3. At about 2.5 we instituted House Rules. We have a list of about 10 imtes that we wrote together with our daughter (that part is key) in big letters on construction paper and put on the wall in the kitchen area (anywhere obvious). At that age our rules included things like: No Hitting or Kicking, No Means No. No Whining. Be Helpful. Stay In Bed at Bedtime. Clean Up Toys. Respect Eachother. It was fun to do with her because she was really interested in adding rules! So cute. We of course edited the list to the ones we felt were most important/appropriate. We would refer to the House Rules when needed and it worked well (break a rule, get a warning, or go to naughty spot if not heading warnings or if hitting for example). By the way, we did tell our daughter that the only reason she is allowed to come out of her room at night is if she has to go potty. But if there's no potty (she's pretending), we would take away one of her balls from her reward jar.

4. Also, you may find success with Supernanny's stay-in-bed technique. We had mixed results (and we're awfully determined folks!). We struggled because our daughter turned it into a game and it jazzed her up spiraling into a multi-hour ordeal and a trial of patience. She's strong willed and stubborn as they come it seems! With a 6 month old to care for as well, you need to rest, so if it works go for it, but if it is getting too hard, try the other advice.

Remember nothing works like magic in one try or one night. Pick an approach and stick to it for about 3 days minimum to give it a chance to work. And don't reward negative or attention seeking behavior in any way (e.g.,tantrums, wall kicking, etc.) Ignore...ignore...ignore. Don't let him get a rise out of you. Just return him calmly to his room and repeat your expectations. Good luck. It is HARD to get through these litte stages, but you'll become a pro soon enough!

Hi... I have 2 suggestions. 1) put him to bed earlier if possible - say 7 or 7:30. You might be missing a window of opportunity by waiting until 8pm. 2) Don't go back in more than once. If he asks for water, tell him you'll get water for him, but then he has to go to bed and you won't be coming back in. Then follow through. :-) My little guy tried this a few months back, then quit and just started trying it again. Fun!

Something else that works for us is to lie down in our 2.5 yr old's room for a few minutes (2-10) after we turn off his light. I got in this habit during a vacation in the summer, and after a few minutes, I'll get up, give him a kiss, and he's fine.

Good luck!

ps - Have you been putting him to bed at the same time as before daylight savings started? If so, he's probably really tired by 8pm, since it's actually 9pm to his body! Our little guy has been going to bed around 6:30 or so several days since daylight savings (normal bedtime is 7:30.)

Hi S.,

I agree with the poster below. Just don't go back in - that simple and that difficult. I stuck to it (never did CIO before btw) and within a week all issues went away. It feels mean but I remind myself that he's using these tactics to figure out how things work and how to change situations he doesn't like. Part of being 2 of course...

How things work in my house: I decide when it's bedtime because I have your best interests in mind and I know you need to go to sleep. You've had a nice dinner, a warm bath, a clean diaper, a couple stories and you have a couple paci's SO you should be all set. Nice try little man, I respect your tenacity but it's not working this time. :)

Good luck!

T.

I didn't read the other replies. My apologies if this is redundant.

We messed with the whole drink, potty, story, song, kiss, etc mess for awhile too. What worked was telling her at the end of her routine that we were done and it was time to go to bed. We then did the Silent Return, which means that we don't talk to her or make eye contact. When she came out we would just take her in and put her in bed and leave and close the door. Repeat as needed. :) Sometimes the door opened immediately after we closed it, but we just continued. We probably did this 60 times the first night, 40 the next and then much less the third. After that, we only had occasional pop-ups every couple of weeks or so. She is now an excellent example to her little sister of going to bed when it's time to go to bed.

Good luck!

Light, even dim light and classical music is a stimulant. I would get rid of those.

all the advice you have received so far is great advice, but i have 2 things to add. first, how much is he sleeping durning the day? my daughter was about this age when we had to give up naps for her. we went thru EXACTLY the same routine you are. in bed at 8 but never asleep before 10. i get up at 3 so it was a real pain for us! we finally started rewarding her for going right to sleep and if she didn't then she lost one of her stuffed animals each time someone had to go into her room.
the second thing is to bear in mind that he is also still adjusting to having a little sister. it's amazing to me how "baby-ish" my 4 year old will act some times just because her 9 month old sister gets (needs) more attention.
hang in there, it does get easier! ~m

as far as i have been told these are really hard years. i hav'nt got there yet but advice i have gotten from alot of moms is to be consistant. let him know his bed time is now and put him in his room. if he wants to play with toys let him, but in his room. maybe putting on a movie he likes kids usually fall asleep to it. but i think were you could be going wrong is, going back into the bed room. they are all about reaction. if you show him that this is the reaction your gonna give him he will keep doing it. once he is in his room and its bed time dont show him a reaction by going in the room when he throws a tantrum. i know its hard i hate listening to my daughter cry. but if you be consistant they will comply.

Hmm, my baby is only 15 months old so I haven't been there yet, but I've heard about such adventures with friends' older toddlers. Have you tried not giving him any of the attention he wants after "lights out"? (ie silently take his hand and put him back and bed without saying a word?) Maybe the first time he gets up you concisely remind him that it's bedtime, then from then on, it's silence and he's guided back into bed time after time until he gets the message. Maybe if he doesn't get what he wants, he will realize that there is no point in waking up and playing games. Perhaps you could make it impossible for him to turn the lights on. I know it's easier said than done. Good luck!

S.,

Welcome to the joys and frustrations of the 2 year old. My daughter too is 2 1/2 and we have our nights where she will! not! go to bed to save her life.

Here's what we do that usually works:

5:00 dinner play till 6:00
6:00 jammies and quiet play till 7:00
7:00 cuddle on the couch and watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy (these are about the only shows I'll let my kids watch at this time frame)

I also have a 6 year old and they usually fall asleep on the couch with me while watching those shows. I've also started cuddles early at 6 if the kids are just super tired. There have been days lately where the kids are in bed sleeping by 6:45. There's also bath time after dinner if the kids need it.

Hope this helps,
Melissa

I also have to say that you have already received a lot of good advice.
Before you go about changing your bedtime routine, I would also consider whether it is something during the day, that is leading to a harder bed time. I know that for us, since the weather has turned, my daughter just does not get as much outside play and therefore less opportunity to burn off energy.
Another part of it may be your new baby, he might feel like this is the only time he gets your undivided attention.
If you have an opportunity to give him more physical play time take a walk outdoors when it's not pouring, with some watertight pants you can even hit the playground or go to an indoor toddler gym at a community center. Some exclusive cuddle time before bed may also help, as others have suggested.
Last but not least remember that even though he is a "big kid" now, they still go through phases, and this one will end too! Good luck!

This is a pretty typical "stage," unfortunately for parents everywhere. A few ideas:

1. He may need more cuddling at bedtime. If you don't do this already, can you make time to lie beside him, stroke his hair or rub his back, ask him his favorite part of the day, sing to him? Fifteen minutes of this might help. If this isn't part of your current routine, he may need a few nights of it to "allow" it into his repertoire. But he'll probably quickly come to accept and want it.

2. Leave a sippy cup of fresh water, a pacifier, a favorite book, a small, soft toy, and a rechargeable flashlight by his bed. Fewer excuses to call you.

3. Work on tantrums when he's not having them. Explain that you understand and sympathize with his wishes, but that you have needs of your own. Clarify what these are (I'm tired at night and need some rest, too; I need to get some work done when you are resting; I need to be a good mom and see that you get sleep to keep you healthy; etc.)

Clarify what you expect of him at night. Be very concrete. Remind him occasionally during the day (when he's not acting out), and be sure to notice and complement him on his cooperative behavior. This can be powerful, and so easy to forget when we're busy. Remind him again when you put him to bed.

3. Be sure he's getting the right kinds of activity during the day and into the evening. Too little physical activity during the day, TV or rough-housing before bed can be a problem.

4. Look for "stimulants" in his environment. These could be scented products like air fresheners or fabric softeners that really jazz some kids up, foods with artificial dyes and common preservatives. All of these things affect some children and make sleeping harder. If he's sensitive to any of these things, he might really have a hard time staying in bed, managing his emotions, etc.

Hang in there, mama. It sounds like you really are doing the right things. It could just be a stage that you'll have to endure. Be consistent.

Just keep at it...consistency is the key and it SHOULD get easier:)

Maybe sing the songs while in the bath? So that way the story and the sitting quietly is the last thing not the singing which is louder and such??

Also, is he still taking naps? Might need to cut back on the amount of sleep during the day or adjust the actual time of the nap?

Hi good luck with this one as I know it can be frustrating. I have found a couple of tricks that work wonderful.
1. buy a twilight turtle -30$ but worth 1000$ it projects stars onto ceiling and gives soothing light to the room. Also my daughter thinks it is the best thing ever. If she starts pulling tricks like she keeps wanting me to come in her room I tell her that the light from the turtle must be keeping her awake so I should take it away for the night. (SHe really doesn't want to lose the turtle and after having lost it for a night once and then once again a month later she stopped bothering me for things at night)
2. make sure before you put your son to bed you have a good bedtime routine that goes through all the water/book/bathroom stuff so you get it out of the way.
3. put him to bed earlier....I have found the more tired my daughter is the harder it is to put her to bed.
4. Cut out afternoon nap or have it earlier.
5. buy a tot clock...it glows yellow during the day, and is light blue at night that way when kid wakes up in night they see clock and realize that it's still night and go back tobed and don't wake up until morning when clock turns yellow again (there is also a red time out light and a green incentive light and a blue nap light)
6. buy a marpac 980a it's a white noise machine....it is soothing fan noise that covers up house sounds and helps put kid to sleep. 49.99 and worth 1000$

7. if he turns on his lights at night to play tell him that you will take his lightbulbs away. I did that once with my daughter and it worked wonderfully. (took away lightbulbs for a few days) now I tell her each night that if she gets up she will lose her light bulbs...she doesn't get up

Maybe you should try giving him a later bedtime and see if that makes a difference. If he gets a nap during the day he simply may not be sleepy.

Sorry you are going through this. We are going through similar with my 3 yr old since our move. All I know to do is leave her in there until she falls asleep. I think it is something that you have to keep telling them over and over and over... "go to sleep" until one day they out grow it.
I really don't know what to tell you but hope it gets better for you. I think you will find you are not completely alone.

Stop going back in. That simple. (And that hard.)

Go in, perhaps once, get what he wants, say 'Do you need anything else? Because we're not going to come back in.' Deal with it. Then leave. Don't go back.
It seems like he is trying to figure out what he can get away with - how many times can he call you back? how long can he delay? Your response isn't giving him the limit. I think it will be painful for a night or two while he adjusts, and then will get better and be worth it.
I can think of ways to modify if you are uncomfortable with such cold turkey - 'i'll come back and check in 5 minutes' (and then 10 minutes, and then 15 minutes), or start by allowing three visits, and then two, and then one. You could work on the behaviors first 'if you turn on the lights, i'm taking away the light bulb.', etc. No matter what you do, though, you need to make some rules that you find easier to live with, and then stick with those rules.

We knew with our son that once he transitioned from crib to toddler bed we would never be able to keep him in his bed atnight. We figured he would get up and turn light and play with toys, etc. What we do is unscrew the light bulb in his light. He is unlikely to get up in the dark to play - though he has a few times- but he will get tired of playing in the dark and get back into bed - though one time he did run into the side of the bed and gave himself a bloody nose! Maybe try extending out the books or songs until 8:30. We too had many nightmare experiences in trying to get our boys to bed at times. It sounds like you have a good bedtime routine going. I always like Super Nanny's advise too. If they get up first time say "its bedtime darling - Night night" while putting them back tobed. Second time and future times say nothing - just put them back to bed with silence from you. I guess the trick is to not let them engage you with verbal interaction. It seems to work on the TV show!(LOL) Although we could not get it to work for us!! Our trick has been removing the option of light and if I have to go in - I keep it dark and tell my son its night time and rub his back a little to keep him down. It does get better! They get older and get up in the middle of the night while you are sleeping to watch TV that you restricted them from!!!!