Twin Trouble

Good Morning,
Twins !!! Trust me my girls will be two the day after christmas and I know exactly how you feel.Christmas is gone in a day and out coomes birthday decorations. It is hard with one child let alone multiples. The good news is god only gives you what you can handle, or so they say. I know that the mess they create is endless, for example, eating, playing, potty training, and another sibling is enough for anyone. What i have found to help me is letting go if only for a second. My childhood was horrible, dirty, and diffrent to say that. When I had the twins I always wanted a clean house for my girls to play in along with fun activities even though they were only 1.By the time my husband got home I found myself exausted and frustrated with not an ounce of patience left. My body ached from keeping my entire tile house spotless. Sure everything was perfect, but I also wanted to enjoy and spend time with them. When you get upset and tired turn some music on a watch your babies dance, or chase them with the vacuum. Women are like magicians we can do anything and multitask like pros. Everything will take its place once you relax. Also deligate to your older children they will learn responsability. They could monitor the twins well they color in their high chairs or watch them well they play in the bath, during that time you can address other issues and regain your super mommy attitude.
Stay Strong

Hi S. - I totally know where you are coming from...my twins are 11 now and when they were born, I thought that was the end of me. I was 21 when they were born and I had a son that turned 4 a month after they were born. The first couple of weeks were really bad - I had a c-section and trying to deal with 3 kids was hard. They were on opposite sleep schedules for what seemed like forever. finally around 3, they got their sleeping in sync, but it took forever to get them to potty train. My older son was fully potty trained by 18 months. He started taking his diaper off and going to the potty almost on his own, but the twins took a while. I finally realized every kid is different and just had to let it go on their time. Hope this helps.

Count your blessings you only have twins! I have a two year old and 7 month old triplets. The mess is overwhelmingly, but I'm learning to let go. Right now they're all teething...screaming...but I have a good support system. I joined a multiples group and I get out with those moms as much as possible (once a month meetings and playdates). It will pass...they'll grow up...you'll wonder how you did it.

oh, mama! I would love to sugar coat it, but there is no point! It is hard now but it will be worse before it gets better. I have twins who are just over four and the last two years have been insane! Two is tough, but it is the warm up round to being three! May I suggest you try a book, also available in book on tape and as a movie, it is called "1-2-3 magic"
Also, if you can find one, I suggest you check out if there is a local MOPs group through a local church or otherwise. www.MOPs.com may help you locate one. MOPs is a nonprofit, Christ based group for "Mothers Of Preschoolers". It is great for networking and resourses, and to meet other moms who are also going through what you are experiencing.
Here in the states there is also a national twins club and perhaps there is one there for you too! Ask your children's doctor if there are any other resourses available!
Good Luck to you and know you are not alone!
You can do it!

S.,
I know that being a mother is a lot of work although the BEST job in the world. I am a mother of 2 boys, one of almost two and the other of 3 month. As you alreday know I HAVE MY HANDS FULL! I am from Argentina and I am used to have help at home, but here in US where we live, we are alone and with not family at all. So for me is really difficult, but every day I try to remember that being a mother is all what I always wanted. I try to remember that the family is the most important and precious thing that I have and that what I do for them can afect in a good or bad aspect in their lifes. So I got help with the house. Why don't you hire a babysitter and have some rest. Children grow so quickly and you have to take advantage of every day of their lifes. To do so, you have to be happy and not tired, if not everyday will be a high step to go. Everything will change, you will be happy and so are going to be your kids. It is a circle. My main point is "do not waist the most precious time of your life" Do not let the stress and tiredness take it away from you. After you will regret it!
Good luck,

Victoria

Dear S.,

Umhuh, well, you can take lots more, .... and get down to business with ignoring the peeing on the floor - hand them a towel and point. If they refuse to clean it up, then quietly go and make a swipe at it and walk away. They will need to do a lot of crying for a while.

They are too much in control, and you are spending your mind and soul on petty stuff. You are going to have to quiet yourself down, do not allow what other people think get into your head. You sit down and decide what you want your twins to do and not do, then devise a plan. First of all you have to decide that you are the boss, along with Dad, of course, and make a battle plan with him.

If you want more advice come onto this site and lots of mommies will help you. But, first, as I said, you have to steady your mind and soul and say to your own self that this is doable ( I know, it doesn't look like a word, but I like it). Little girls cannot and should not rule the household.

It doesn't necessarily get better when they go to school, you need to make it better before they go to school, or they will run your life until they get to be 18 or 20 or more. ...and we don't want that, now, do we? No, we don't.

I used to teach in a middle school, 6th, 7th and 8th grades - those kids are really nasty and mean and ill tempered, and lie continuously. A very hard job. When the Pricipal had to be out of town or 'in a meeting', an intern Principal took his place. You could tell the difference within 1/2 of a day. After he had been gone for 4 days the school was actually a pleasant place to be - the students were more satisfied, and cooperative and actually enjoyed school. They just needed to be told some rules and the rules enforced. That is what the intern did and that is what I am telling you to do.

You will feel like a different person after you devise your plan for the naughty ones. ...and so will the children.

No lecturing, just say what the rule is one time or maybe two, then take them away to an isolated place and allow them to cry and have a tantrum. You have to stay with them, but you do not have to enteract - just stay at the door so that they cannot get out and let them rant and rave and cry and shout.

If they pee on the floor, the same thing. They know that it is wrong, so you don't have to tell them. Just swipe it up if they won't, and take them to their room to cry.

It will be hard for maybe two weeks, but if you give in even one time, you have to start alll over again. Keep remembering that. No giving in.

Sorry about being so bossy,
C. N

I am a mom of twins and yes sometimes it did seem like i would not survive. But i am still here. Do you have a good support system? Good luck it will pass I promise. When one is being naughty try to seperate the twins so the other one does not act the same way it will give you a little piece of mind. Have the twins clean up there own mess and reinforce that it is not ok to do that. Try to relax and ease away the stress i know it may seem that there is not enough hours in the day but just sitting in the backyard for a few minutes while the twins sleep may help you relax. Good luck, Mom of 9 year old twin boys

I myself have twin girls, 3 yrs 8 mths old, in addition to an 8 yr old little girl. Alhtough I love them more than I could ever imagine I too feel like running away screaming at some points. They are very different from eachother, yet they seem to be able to get eachother to do bad at any time. I live in the US and my girls won't start public school until they are 5. They have been in preschool but suffer from asthma when they get a virus, which happens often in a public school, so they are currently being watched at home by my mother-in-law. They continue to have their good days and their bad days. So I try to focus on the good days to help get me through those bad days. Thinking about the fun I have with them makes me smile and helps calm my mood to deal with their naughty moments. I'm hoping it gets better as it certainly has progressed each year so far. So good luck! I sure hope it gets better for you!

My twin girls are 26 months also, and I am in over my head on a daily basis!!!! Like you, I love them but its so overwhelming. I also have a 6month ols boy. we are potty training and every day is exausting and crazy. I always joke that I love them the most when they sleep. Try to get some time for yourself. Every other weekend I go have coffee with friends and my husband watches the kids for the morning, Its my ME time to just get away.

Well.. My twins are only 3 (recently turned 3 at that) and i still have very hard days and days that fly by because they are so good. Every day is a challenge and every day is different. My twins fight alot anymore, but I found with my brother who is 3 years younger then me just as much. We aren't in school yet but it does get easier as they grow and are no longer in that stage where everything is a play toy and there are always doing something wrong.

I in all honesty would have hated for them to be born at different times. they keep me moving. There a great cardio workout day in and day out lol. But they are the only kids I have. Our First and Last child in one package.

2 years old so far has been the hardest.. and my two went out with a bang! UGH! Good luck. I promise it gets easier, but it comes with a new set of challenges.

Hi,

I didn't have twins, but I adopted a 15 month year old, so I was hit with the immediate responsibilites of having a toddler, when I had absolutely no experience with parenting. I had no extended family near me, and I have a disability. Like you, there were times I didn't think I'd make it!

Let me tell you what I now know for certain: ASK FOR HELP: from friends, professionals, family. There is nothing more frustrating and depressing than feeling like a failure, but no one can do this alone. Pay for childcare, even if it stresses your budget. Get a mother's helper...someone to take the kids even when you are at home. When some of the stress is off, you'll have a clearer head and do a much better job parenting. Try to do something like yoga to improve your mental and physical health. Remember the concept, "It takes a village." It is a strange state we've come to when mothers try to raise kids on their own. Most cultures have huge social and family networks.

My daughter is 10 now, attends the Lycee Francais in San Franciso, and we are both doing great. Good luck.

L.

Hi S.,
I have three and a half year old boy/girl twins. For me, it's gotten much easier at three. I think you are in one of the hardest phases. Is there any way possible you could have some help during these next nine months? I believe it's too much for one person to handle. If you can get away for periods of time to relax and recharge, you'll make the next nine months more bearable. Also, do they have a twins club in France? Having support of other twin moms can help. Good luck, and as another mother once told me, "You WILL live through this". She had two sets of twins and was now a grandma. :) L.

I don't have twins, but I really feel for you.... I have 2 kids but different ages, and it's pretty hard somedays too. Your daughters are 26 months old, and this is one of the most difficult phases of todder-hood. All I do know, is that they will try your "authority" unless you REALLY buckle down and don't back-down from your stance when disciplining them. There may be a lot of screaming/yelling/tantruming....but DON"T back down. It has to be a routine. They need to know that "if they do A, then they will be disciplined...." You really need to show them who is "boss" so to speak. Perhaps, separate them as well....put them in their rooms(if they have separate rooms) when they are out of hand. They need to learn cause and effect of their behavior. They seem very strong willed and stubborn...you need to be even more strong willed and more stubborn than them... so they get the message you will not put up with their attitude. Even once they start school, you need to reinforce this. Or perhaps, can you get someone to help you...perhaps take one of the twins out, so you are only left with one of them, then that way you can spend time with only one and have a "break" so to speak? Are your girls bi-lingual? Do they only listen to you in only one language? My girl is Bi-lingual French as well, and at times, she only will listen if my Husband speaks to her. For some reason, she takes his "authority" more seriously. But as she's grown up... it is more egalitarian now. But at this age, your girls behavior needs to be nipped in the bud.... or it may get worse. I think they need really direct disciplining, and they need to be shown that no matter how "naughty" they are...you will not "give in." I know it's easier said than done. But your girls seem very strong willed. You will be LOTS of good suggestions here....I really wish you luck, and take care.
~Susan
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