Twin Daughter Growling and Yelling

Well I have 3.5 year old b/g twins and a 11 mth old...my girl twin is like what you describe, she gets mad and has a temper...I just talk to her calm and sometimes laugh it off..then when she is good I give her "babying" time where I give her tons of affection. It will pass.

Read: Raising Your Spirited Child, a book about children who are smart and, as the result, harder to deal with. Your daughter is probably responding to a need for a different kind of attention and communication. Check out this book ~ you will not regret it.

Also read: How to Talk to Kids so They'll Listen and Listen so They'll Talk. Great book for any parents, much less someone like you who has so many of them :o)

Then, give her special "mommy" time every day. Little girls need their mommies all to themselves for a little while every day. I'm guessing that this time is hard to find for her, but give it a try.

I have learned a lot from the "Your [number]-Year-Old" series by Louise Bates Ames (and various co-authors). My girls just turned two, so I've just read "Your Two-Year-Old," but have every intention of reading "Your Three-Year-Old" within the next six months. These are child development experts who lay out some of the "typical" behaviors for children of a given age, and give some ideas about why those behaviors happen. In a broad way, they also give you some basic ideas for how to live with your children in those stages. Typically, it's the "-and-a-half"'s that are, as they put it, in a state of disequilibrium. It may not tell you exactly how to deal with your daughter (and they only ever have passing mention of twins, to my chagrin), but it can help you feel like she's acting normally for her age. That, and it will reassure you that it will pass. :)

At 3 and a half, it is probably a phase. Try giving her other things to do when she becomes angry. Things like jumping rope, throwing a ball, something physical to reduce the amount of frustration and to relieve her stress. Another thing you could try is giving her choices of what she wants to do. Two at the most, you can yell and growl in your room if you want or you can help me do the laundry, she will probably choose the first, but eventually, she will learn that it is more fun to be with someone doing something than to be upset by herself.

A little about me: I am a mother of a 7 year old little girl and step mother to a 22 year old. I raised the older one since she was 5 and she had many of the same tendencies, that is to become angry and "develish". I also work in a pre-kindergarten with some emotionally disturbed children. Your little one sounds like she is just being a normal (all be it demanding), little girl.

It is likely just a phase. You need to stand your ground and let her know who the parent is. You need to discipline the bad behavior and not let it go. There must be consequences for her behavior now so she can begin to distinguish the actions=consequences scenario. Explain to her in love after things have cooled down why she is being disciplined, what behaviors she's doing wrong, and what she can do to avoid the consequences next time (ie: counting to ten and not throwing a temper tantrum, doing something kind instead of hurtful when she's angry, etc.). You'll do fine, just stand up for yourself and don't let her walk all over you (or anyone else).

When my youngest daughter was 3 1/2, she went through a very similar stage. There were days I thought the devil was in her -- screaming at her sisters, picking fights, etc. Totally not my baby's normal behavior. So my husband and I started to really listen and watch our children and found that no one ever listened to what she had to say! Her sisters ignored her when she was talking to them, older brother discarded her ideas as "not important". We decided that we needed to make her feel like she was as important as everyone else in our family. And we also had talks with her about how she must behave in order for us to really listen to her -- using her words to tell us how she is feeling, what she wants, why she is angry, etc -- instead of throwing fits. It has worked for us. Good luck with her!!

This sounds exactly like one of my twins! I try to give her plenty of extra attention but I also let her know that this behavior is not acceptable. I remind her once to stop and if she doesn't she is welcome to continue it in her room and rejoin us when she can use her words or behave nicely. It seems to work well for her (although I still have to send her to her room fairly often). She doesn't have the right to subject everyone else to the misbehavior.

Good luck!
J.

F.,
It is hard to give all of our kids great attention, but don't beat yourself up about it. They need discipline. They want to know what their boundaries are. I start to count when I am not happy with my kids behavior. If I get to three and they are not settleing down, I simply pick them up, put them in their beds, shut their door, and tell them they can come out when they are ready to be nice or stop yelling or whatever it is that they are doing. I don't usually get past "1" anymore. My kids are 10, 4, and 2. And the two year old gets no different treatment than the 4 and 10 year olds. She does have a temper! She will calm down, come out of her room, and I will ask her "are you ready to be nice" And if she responds "I be nice" I let her come over and give her a hug. If she responds "NO!" I pick her up and put her right back in her room. Good luck. It will not change over night, but whatever way you choose to discipline stick to it. It will confuse them more and take longer if you keep trying new ways to discipline all the time.

when you find out let me know. I have a little boy who just turned 3. Ok, so I have tried time outs, spankins, kicking him outside until it stops and holding him. none of them worked for him. I though about it for a while and decided to give him something orally that isn't bad for him, apple cider vinegar. He hates it. He has had a complete turn around. ever time I mention the fact that if he doesn't shape up he will get some he shapes up. It took one drop for him to realize it wasn't a treat it was a punishment. HTH

H.

I had one of those, too! It's not a phase - it's a way of life that has to be trained out of them. (I know - I did it wrong for quite awhile with my first daughter.) Get a copy of What the Bible Says About Child Training by Fugate. It's exceptional! And know that all that energy currently channeled negatively can be an amazing asset when channeled to the positive.

SAHM of seven, 3 bio/4 adopted

1,2,3 Magic by Dr. Phelan has been successful with kids. I saw him speak about 10 years ago and his program seemed great!

Just remember that when you try a new, undesirable discipline technique, the behavior will get worse before it gets better!
Best of luck!

Well, from a twins point of view...

My twin & I fought all the time. She was the independent sassy, sarcastic one & I was the laid back, quiet, never get in trouble type.

We were total opposites in our personalities. Twins are constantly , in my opinion, trying to gain there own identity. Especially when they are given the same things.

Hang in there! It's normal!

J.

I think it's a phase. My daughter, almost the same age, is acting out too. She has a 10 month old brother, so the younger sibling probably plays into this. I found that I was getting too lax on the discipline, because I didn't want to deal with her reaction. I'm trying to be more consistent and that seems to be helping. Consistent routine, especially with sleep, is helping. I also talk to my daughter when she is in a good mood about rules and why we have them, so now when she misbehaves I ask her why do we need rules and she'll say, "To protect me," and she'll usually stop what she's doing. Warning:When I first started being more consistent with time-out etc. she became much worse. If you persevere it will get better.