Trying to Relax and Trust Dad with Baby!

I get frustrated with my fiance watching the kids sometimes, but then I remember... just because he does it DIFFERENT doesn't make it WRONG, as long as the end result is the same :) I also remind myself that there are things that he does far better than I do, like sports and fishing and teaching the kids to ride bikes :)

If the baby is fed, clothed, bathed and happy when you get home... don't worry about how he got that way!

I was in graduate school when my son was born, so my husband had him alone at least 2 nights a week until he was a year old, including some overnights when I had to take licensing exams. Needless to say, my husband did things differently and even gave him his first haircut while I was in Albany for two nights. Thought I would explode when I came home, but bottom line here is that he's a great dad and the time alone together is something that most kids don't get to have.

I had to keep reminding myself that "different" isn't "worse or better", it's just different.

I guarantee it's better than daycare bc nobody loves that kid more than you two. You probably are more efficient at some things but just let it go and be grateful that someone who would gladly lay in front of a bus for your child is the one taking care of him. Whatever you do, don't instruct him about tv etc, he can make those decisions just fine without your help and your child will do great. How many kids get that much daddy time???? Heck, I'm jealous!!

It's perfectly normal as a new mom to be overprotective.

And you're right that guys do things differently. But that's actually a GOOD thing! There was a study I heard about over 10 years ago that found that having mom & dad active in raising children had massive benefits, more than just having a second person around. There's something about the way a dad interacts with his kids (talking generalities here!) that really benefits them. I guess it kind of rounds out their experiences.

So, yeah, relax a bit. Let dad do it his way. Except maybe putting your foot down a bit about tv. A child under 18 months really should be watching any. But even a bit, if its also time cuddling with daddy, won't ruin him.

My husband has been involved with the kids since day 1 (I am sooooo blessed) and I can see they're very well-rounded kids. Even if he does things very differently than I would :)

It is hard to let the dad be a dad. I suppose the best question is does HE feel like you are nagging when you mention these things? I would say that you may have to be creative with how you go about mentioning these things.

For instance: when the baby cries when you are both home you could say, "What do you do during the day to calm her down? I don't like to just assume she's hungry and stick a bottle in her mouth. I need some new options!" That way he doesn't feel like you are hounding him and you get some idea of what he is actually doing...

I find myself a nagging wife sometimes and so I try to go about it all backwards to get the info I need without giving him grief. It works for my hubby but maybe yours will figure it out anyway

I think many of us go through this. I know I had to get to a point where I could think, "ok, so that's not how I would have done it, but no real harm done".
I realized it wasn't fair to my DH to expect him to do everything MY way- even if my way is the right way ;) They were always warm, fed and safe. So what if he forgot to wipe a mouth or something?
BTW, I'm a horrible multi-tasker, and my husband is great at it. He calls me "Uni-tasker"-lol

I have read somewhere (now I can't think of where) that babies acctually benefit from interacting with they Daddies in a different way than with their Mommies. The more active play that Dads engage babies in and the different tone of voice they hear from Dad is supposed to be good for their brain development. Daddies do things differently than Mommies, but that is OK, it can be a good thing for your baby! Just be careful when you make "suggestions" to your husband about how to take care of the baby that you don't overstep and control how he cares for the baby, chances are he is already doing a better job than you think and that your baby is perfectly fine! Good luck!

It's hard to let go. Of course you feel you do a better job than your husband, but you also need to trust in him to do thing the way he does it. Your husband and you are on the same team and your son is both of yours. I still remember the first time my husband disciplined our children. I was like these are my kids, how dear you punish them, never said it out loud, I put myself in check. You just have to be on the same page with him and just let it go when he does something the way you wouldn't. It's hard, but you do know he has the best interest of your son. You also have to let him figure some of this out, he's a new parent too.
These are normal feelings, just remember he loves you before you speak and feel like you might nag him.

This is so funny because I am a stay at home mom and next month I will be leaving for a weekend to see my best friend graduate college. My daughter is 2 and a half, and I am worring about leaving her too! I don't think it's something that ever really goes away, but my husband is great with her. Last year I went on a cruise and left her here with dad and thought about it the whole time. This time I told myself I will go and simply enjoy myself! He is a great dad and it's silly of me to worry. I just keep telling myself this. I will say if you do keep saying those things to your husband be prepared for some retaliation, as in,"Fine then YOU do it."

"Dads do things differently" has always been the saying in our house.

And that's OK. Dads are not moms.

We worked similar schedules when my stepfather got very ill & he & my mom could no longer watch our son. Guess what? My husband still feels incredibly lucky to have had that time with his son. It's a gift.
They will be fine. Do what YOU need to do and let dad handle it!
How awesome that your husband is so involved!

Im the same way, and fight to keep my mouth shut when Dads doing the care of our little one. As long as he's attentive & safe, I try to shut up. Not always so successful, if she "chokes" on a drink or on water in the bath, he asks her if shes ok... Grr, as if she could answer!

You've gotten some great feedback and I agree that your expectations need to change & that there is benefit to letting dad do things his way. And also that the anxiety you feel over it is normal. I just wanted to add one little thought. I don't know if it's due to media, magazines, internet, etc. - but it seems that our generation of moms is so worried about everything being done "right." We all get sucked into it. Information overload has somehow messed with our brains to the point that we feel enormous pressure. Especially with our first - we have a clean slate & we want everything to be PERFECT for our kids. Totally understandable - it is the most important thing most of us will ever do. But I think that we would actually be better moms if we learned to relax. We need to stop beating ourselves up.

For instance - we all know breastfeeding is best for our kids. I breastfed my first two with no problem. My 3rd came along & he just couldn't do it. I was devastated. Think of all the disadvantages I was starting my child's life out with! I was so sad. Until I talked to my pediatrician and found out that in the scientific studies, the health benefits as far as infection & sickness go amounted to 1 fewer infection per year for breastfed babies. ONE infection per YEAR. Somehow in my mind, I had made it out to be a much bigger difference. My point is that we need to be careful about how we interpret the information we're given. Just because it's best to limit TV to one hour a day doesn't mean we are ruining our children's lives by exceeding that by a bit. I'm sure that if that's all they did day in & day out it would have a big effect. I just think it's important to keep perspective. This generation overestimates to a huge degree the effect of all the little things. We all need to cut ourselves some slack. The fact that we care about what's best for our kids and that we try makes us good moms. Whether we co-sleep or not, cry it out or not, take our kids to museums weekly or not, breatfeed or not, watch one our or two hours of TV a day, send our kids to public school, charter school or home school - we are not going to move the needle THAT much on who are kids will be. I think we all need to relax and make the choices that feel right to us and trust that just who we are will determine more about who are kids become than all of the minutiae of every little decision. I truly believe that when we relax, we end up giving our kids the very best gift we could give them - a relaxed, authentic mom with harmony in the home because we let our well-intentions spouse, mother, etc. do things their way. Who knows - maybe the last scientific study was flawed & your husband's way is actually "best" anyway. :o)

Yep, your expectations are the problem. I wouldn't say they are too high, you just seem to expect that dad is going to do things exactly the way you do them. Let it go. He isn't you, and he is entitled to parent his child the way he feels is best, just like you are when you are with your child.
I have 2 sons and a wonderful husband who is an awesome dad, and I still find myself sometimes thinking or saying the things you have described. It's hard not to think that way sometimes, and as moms we like to believe that our way is the best way. Sometimes it is, but I think that our kids will actually benefit from the differences in style between my husband and I. I have had to learn to bite my tongue sometimes about the way he does certain things. I may always feel that I could "do it better" but I don't want to be the only caregiver in my boys' lives, so I just have to let it go and let dad (or grandma or auntie or whomever) do things differently. It will get easier, as time goes on, but for now, as long as your kid isn't in danger, try to let dad do his thing, and you go take a nap :).

This is something that is SOOO hard to do, but you have to do it. You as a Mom need some "me" every now and then. I get "me" time on Saturday morning for about an hour when I get to sleep in. My husband takes the kids into the living room or kitchen and they decide what to fix for breakfast. Usually by the time they have it figured out I am out of bed or waking up to a sweet kiss from one of the kids. :) It took a long time for me to give up that control, but when I went back to work full time I had no choice.

My Husband is very attentive, even more so than I at times. I find I am a little more easy going. And that being said when our son was born I couldn't even go for a nap to relax becasue I was always wondering what was going on in the other room. Our son is now 2 and we have a new one on the way and I have learned that there is no one else I trust more than my husband to care for our childern, I just had to learn to let go a little.

I have to disagree that women are better multi taskers and better nurturers. My husband does a fantastic job with our kids and I have never once told him how to do things. He has his method and I have mine. Both methods work for both of us and our kids know what dad does and what mom does. You really need to nip your thinking in the bud, because this kind of thinking can destroy marriages. I know you are wanting what's best for the baby, but trust me, daddy wants what's best too and he sounds like he's doing a fine job. Please don't think your way is better.

I felt the same way. Not ot worry, if you don't let it get the better of you, the feeling will pass. If you intend on having that sort of conversation with your husband, it might be good to have it be a dialogue. i.e. did you do anything today that seemed to work really well with the baby? he might have some tricks up his sleeve that you could implement. if you do want to have things done "your way", try offering it as advice relative to the baby or his wellbieng. i.e. instead of saying, "don't just stick a bottle in his mouth if he cries" say something like, "I find that sometimes after the baby has just had a 6 oz bottle, he might carry on crying, if I give him another bottle, the baby ends up overfull and has a lot of spit ups. I tried distracting him with a song or a "tour" of the house for 5 minutes in the morning and it worked wonders. I tried again in the afternoon and no such luck baby carried on and continued crying and indicating he's hungry, so I fed him more then."

good luck with that and consider yourself lucky that you have a loving husband and your baby has a loving father.

feel that way too sometimes. Its okay though, if dad loves the baby, he's doing his best. :)