Trying Natural Birth with Doubting Hubby

I wanted to respond to this sooner - but it looks like you already have a load of support and fantastic advice. Something else to put out is this: - second babies come much faster and easier than first babies as the path has already been cleared!!
Good Luck!
You can do it!
L.

hi
i'm so glad you've gotten so many positive responses! i too would strongly recommend you having either a doula or trusted family/friend(s) there. i had my son sans drugs, and i'm glad i did, but it would have been really REALLY hard w/out my mom and sister there. at first my husband was reluctant to have them both there, but in the end he was really glad to have the support- and to take a break himself! it sounds really important to you, and it was for me, so i hope you guys can work it out. also, there are books like "the birth partner" that could help him to know what to expect and do- maybe that would boost his confidence & acceptance!

E.,
Congrats on your pregnancy! I'm a mother of 3. My 1st was a c/s - my 2nd was a natural birth in a hospital (awesome experience) and my 3rd was a natural birth in my home - just 4 short weeks ago - also an awesome experience.

My husband is just like yours - the practical one. While I am emotion driven and idealistic like you. YOU CAN TOTALLY DO IT - by the way.
A Doula is an excellent idea - they are experts in pain relief. They are also experts in family dynamics as far as pain goes. They are not there to replace dad they are there to teach dad how to help you. Let's face it, he does not have a single clue what kind of pain labor is. But the doula says, "put your hand here, press here, massage here" and suddenly he is your hero because he is relieving your pain.

This was absolutely true for my hubby who is also a great guy - but not a natural when it comes to comforting me. My midwife is also a trained doula and she coached him and he walked away feeling like he was my knight in shining armor. And really? He was. But SHE was the expert on the pain issue - get the difference?
You could ask your hubby to skim through "Husband Coached Childbirth" by Dr. Bradley - it's a tedious read at times but perhaps you can read it together - it is written for a man, by a man so it may work for him.

There is so much information on pain relief and birth, I couldn't possibly get into it all. I would encourage you to stay FAR AWAY from Pitocin. It causes abnormal contraction pain that our body would not naturally produce. Therefore it makes the contractions unbearable, which necessitates the epidurals. There are other ways to "augment" labor if you get to the point that the doctor says you need pit. If you get pit, it will be a bit harder to deal with the pain. If you don't augment or induce, the contractions are absolutely manageable. I definitely recommend a birth class - there is just so much to learn about pain relief like certain massage, walking, water, positioning!!! that one is huge. I can't say enough.

I wish you the best and I absolutely encourage you to go for it - you'll never regret it!
-H.

I am in a similar situation, I had an epidural with my first and really want to have a natural birth this time around. i am due July 28th. My husband wanted me to take drugs, because it is easier for him and he can't stand to see me in pain. But I wanted to be more present and didn't like the epidural the first time around. We did hire a doula, my husband didn't like the idea at first. He was worried about the cost and felt that the doula would replace him. I made the apt to meet with a doula anyway, it was just a meet and great were she explained what she did and gave us an opportunity to get to know her. After that he was sold. He realized that she was there to help him help me and pick up the slack when and if he needed a break
I also gave my husband some reading about the effects of drugs on the baby. Our first had a really hard time breastfeeding and I think it was because of the epidural. I was really worried about making it thru labor without his support, but after being educated about the doula he was much more receptive. Hope this helps.
Good LucK

You two should watch the documentary "The Business of Being Born" -- it's about how the medical profession pushes interventions (pain meds, epidurals, etc) onto women rather than trusting their bodies -- and how such interventions lead to unnecessary C-sections (which are major surgery!). If you have Netflix, you can "watch instantly" over the computer or borrow the disc. It's 87 minutes and very convincing about going without meds.

I gave birth to my 2nd two months ago, this time without an epidural (I had one for the 1st). It was worth it. It gave me confidence in myself and my body, and was a good experience for my husband because he could truly support me in the midst of some pretty powerful stuff.

Feel free to e-mail me if you have other questions -- but really, check out the DVD "The Business of Being Born". Blessings to you!

All these moms gave great advice. I took a Bradley class, which was VERY empowering and I felt confident that I could control my body. I have two girls, both natural. My first was born butt-first - so you can imagine how weird and painful that was! My second, labor came on fast and I remember wanting to bite things - haha. You CAN do it and you're fine. You/your hubby just need to remember to breathe, massages, visualizations, music, whatever gets you going...
There ARE side effects with epidurals - and hospitals are SO accustomed to giving meds...SO, both of you should create a birth plan and share that with your doctors so that they're aware of your wishes for a natural childbirth. I remember that both times, all these residents were in my room because not many people have the opportunity to witness a natural birth!
I remember the pain - no kidding, but it's worth it! I had such a natural high afterwards that I was up and walking around fine - everyone kept asking if I wanted drugs for the pain - I'm like - why? I feel great!!! :)
Educate yourselves -that's the best way to go about it and Bradley is awesome!! :)
Best wishes!

Why not try a hypnobirthing class with your husband? Maybe it would help him to see that it can be done through focus and breathing. I pushed out a 10 lb 7 oz baby including having the suction cup placed on his head without any pain meds using breathing and self-hypnosis techniques. A good place to start the conversation with your husband might be to ask him why he thinks you should have pain meds. Is he afraid to see you in pain? Is he afraid he will be uncomfortable or unable to cope if you make noises of discomfort? Use those professional counseling skills you are learning and try to help him understand why he thinks you should do an epidural! GOod luck!

I ama fellow yoga teacher and was going to suggest yoga, but you already have that in your back pocket. I think you're ready and prepared. Your hubby probably doesn't want to see you in pain and struggling. Does he do yoga as well? My hubby was fantastic, because he's a fellow yogi and just tapped my third eye or started chanting "om" when I started to get too intense. It worked out very well.

I think it's important to find out why he thinks you need the drugs and what his fears are of a natural birth. You CAN do it. Women did it for centuries before drugs were available. You have more tools than the average woman. Use your breathing and meditation skills. Think of your contractions as an energy surge and visualize it for what it is, a way to open you up and bring your baby down. If you perceive it as the positive it is rather than pain (negative), it really does help.

Good luck.

It's really tough for men, particularly ones who like to take charge. This is one thing they really have no control over. And it is very difficult to watch someone you love in pain. They really have a feeling a helplessness. That being said...

You can do it! I was the same way. Had an epidural with my first son and then had a baby girl 20 months later without drugs. One good thing about having your children so closely is that your body "remembers" what it's supposed to do. So labor (usually) is a lot more efficient. Here's some practical to do's that should help:

1. Labor at home as long as you safely can. After you have your cleansing poop (the big poop you take before your body goes into active labor)try taking a shower. Standing up allows gravity to help your baby naturally move down into position and the shower helps relax you a bit. Staying upright for as long as possible and voiding (keeping an empty bladder) all helps make your contractions work more efficiently. Your body will tell you when it needs to be lying or sitting down (i.e. you won't be able to stand or walk during the "real deal" contractions). Involve your hubby in timing contractions, helping you walk about the house, giving you a massage, bringing you a cold washcloth, taking you to the hospital, etc.

2. You may want to have another female around. If your mom or MIL have had a natural childbirth or maybe a close friend who has been through childbirth, you may want to include them in your birthing experience. While a dula may be great, a great dula is great. A not so great dula might be millitant and can tick off you or your husband - which is the last thing you want. And at this stage in the game you don't have a lot of time to interview people. You might be better off involving someone you know will be supportive. Only involve mom though, if she's been through natural childbirth. Otherwise she's in the same position as hubby - she won't want to see you in pain.

3. Have a very pithy birth plan (the shorter the better), bring it with you to your hospital. And ask your husband to be so kind as to not mention drugs of any kind during your labor.

A note about pain:
* For me what made the pain more managable the second time around is that I wasn't afraid at all. I trusted my body, and although I was in pain I knew it was a pain my body was meant to endure. Having that thought really helped me relax through my contractions. I kind of submitted myself to my pain, not try to control it. Does that make sense? Between contractions I would fall into a deep sleep and even dream. It was wild. During contractions (during active labor) I made noise or focused on other objects and did whatever worked for me.

** Your support system is crucial. For my first experience it was just me and my husband and neither of knew what we were doing and we were both nervous. I had a millitant midwife who, instead of being supportive, was combative. That really negatively effected the whole situation. Second time around while I was laboring my mother came over (to watch my son), but when she came up into the room where I was laboring, she really helped me and my husband. Having done it before, she knew what I was experiencing. She was calm and had the right words to say. She helped me to focus when I was in pain. She realized when I was sleeping and instructed my husband not to touch me or wake me between contractions. It was really nice having her there. I think it made a huge difference.

I really enjoyed (if you can use that term) the second birth experience much more. Afterwards I had so much energy and was just so exuberantly happy.

Good luck. You'll be great!

Def get a doula! My son was born last August and I had a difficult labor, but was committed to delivering naturally. My husband was supportive and was great during my labor, but if the doula wasnt there I NEVER would have delivered the way I envisioned. She basically took charge and helped me in a way my husband never could. It was the best money I ever spent!

E.,

I believe this is your decision, it is your body and you have to do the laboring, your awesome husband will empower that decision when the time comes. Drugs during labor statistically are less safe then a natural childbirth, for you and especially for the baby. It has also been proven that when you introduce drugs, the c-section rate goes up. Drugs can also slow down the birthing process. I believe you are correct, men just can't deal with pain or seeing someone in it without the need to "fix" it. It more painful for sure, but can go much quicker. With that said, I have tried TWO natural child births that ended in "c" section after much time and/or pain. I can say that I wouldn't change a thing, I did what I felt was right and safest for my children, gave 100% and I have no regrets.

Good Luck.

Last July I was in labor for over 63 hours with my first child and did it naturally without any epidural or inducement. I had a midwife and a doula not to mention a very supportive husband. The decision to go natural, have a midwife, hire a doula, etc., were primarily mine as it was my body that had to endure the contractions (which is far worse than the actual delivery phase). My husband understood this and supported me 100 percent by the time the big day arrived. Meeting with the midwife and doula totally convinced him. I explained that I did not want my experience, physically or emotionally, to be altered by drugs and I in no way wanted to expose the baby to drugs if I didn't have to do so. Of course, my husband, midwife, doula, and I all agreed that I could call for an epidural any time that I wanted. Perhaps your husband might feel more comfortable if he knows that you always reserve the right to change your mind. Birth plans are rarely followed completely. I happen to have a strong tolerance for pain and had a great support team and was able to tough it out and don't regret it for a single second. It was the most amazing experience of my life amd my husband would agree. I however feel there is no shame in getting an epidural. That being said, any doula or midwife will tell you and your husband that labor is supposed to be painful and you must take each contraction one at a time. You don't think about the next contraction or how bad the last one was but simply breathe through each one. I had freakishly long contractions and was still able to ride each one out by breathing, staying in my head and not focusing on the pain down below. Remember that the peak of pain for each contraction is only about 30 seconds. Many people can endure severe pain for thrity seconds at a clip as long as they know that the pain will eventually end. Use a birthing ball, the bath tub (so great on the back), shower, and diffferent positions to relieve pressure on your back. My husband would help me by jabbing (yes, jabbing) his thumb between my eyebrows and applying very strong pressure there throughout my contractions. Using this pressure point REALLY helped me. You can even do it to yourself but my husband was a lot stronger and I kept telling him to push harder into my head which he did for me many. many times. Standing while putting one leg up on a chair and leaning my bodyweight on my husband or the doula while squatting up and down a little also felt great. If your husband is worried that he is not going to be able to provide you with enough support then arrange to have a friend or family member there to help you and decide what his role is going to be ahead of time. Perhaps he can be responsible for making sure you have snacks, water, nice music, the bathtub ready, a massage, etc. When my contractions weren't that strong yet, the doula rubbed lightly scented lotion in my feet and legs. Your husband could do something like this. I have a feeling he is struggling with having to see you in pain and doesn't want to feel helpless or guilty. Let him know that you only get the chance to deliver this baby once and you want no pressure to do things his way. Remind him that his most important job is to support you in whatever way that he can not to discourage you. Remind him that he doesn't need to be the only one helping you. Also, getting the doula would make him more involved not less. One of their primary goals is to actively involve the father and they do a beautiful job doing it. Research shows that fathers and mothers are more satisfied with the father's role in the birth experience if a doula is involved. There is also a much lower incidence of c-section and epidural. I say hire one or get a relative or friend to help both of you! Good luck!

Alot of people have been suggesting it, but I do as well; google Bradley Method and see if there is a course close to your home. Bring your hubby to it and just say, let's just try this way. Also, a great suggestion would be stay home as long as possible as soon as your labor begins rather than feeling that first contraction and/or water breaking and like in the movies rushing into the car and making sure you are "safe and sound" at the hospital. The safest and most relaxing place to labor would be in your own home. Once your contractions are 4-1-1 (4 minutes apart lasting for one full minute for a full hour) then get in the car and go to the hospital. You know your body and if your husband is pushing for you to go to the hospital just tell him it's not time yet and do some relaxing yoga techniques, sit in a hot shower, watch a movie, just relax. THEN get in the car and go to the hospital...chances are, you'll be 8-9 centimeters and you'll be "too far along" to safely have an epidural. Your husband won't know what happened because you and your baby are in charge of laboring, not your husband. Just go with the flow. If you can't get him to a Bradley class, purchase or rent from Netflix the movie, "The Business of Being Born" and at least have him watch this movie. Yes, it is talking a lot about home births, but see past that, and get in tune with the stats that it talks about and how a natural birth truly is better for baby and better for mommy.

Hope this helps!

Hugs,
J. and Sylvia (born a year ago the Bradley Method Way) ;-D

E.-
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Your story sounds a little like mine. I'm due in November. I enrolled for Bradley classes last week, and my husband just couldn't understand why we have to commit so much time to learning how to give birth when people have been doing it for centuries. After our first class this week, he admitted that he was happy we went and he learned some new things that we definitely need to talk about and decide. Plus, he understood more about why I really want a natural birth so much. I also brought up the doula idea (a couple of hours before we went to class). Once again, he immediately refused and couldn't understand why my mom isn't good enough since she birthed 4 kids. However, after class, he understood more about what a doula does and decided that he's going to be my advocate/doula. It's been two days, and I'm mentioning things like perineal massage and making sure that my muscles have time to stretch before pushing so I don't tear. I'm basically trying to get him to understand that a doula can help him even if he knows how to do everything. It was cute. He said, "who is going to hold your hand if I'm doing a perineal massage?" So, I think that really helped him better understand that a doula isn't all bad. My husband tends to initially freak out about all my natural/organic suggestions. I just keep mentioning benefits and why it's important to me until he starts listening. Once he starts listening, then we have a discussion about it and come to an agreement together.
Every relationship is different. I would recommend making casual comments until he adjusts to the idea. If he likes to read, print him some articles about the benefits of natural birth. Since you don't have too many weeks left, you just might need to sit him down and ask him why he feels the way he does. If you already found a great doula, you might want to ask her to explain her role to him over the phone. The doula I found gave me some great ideas on how to explain her role to my husband. Ultimately, you know your relationship best, so figure out which method will get your husband to listen. If you can get him to listen, I think he'll understand how important it is to you.
Good luck!
-T.

I think that it is great that you want to experience natural childbirth. I had my son naturally in May, not only is it a truly empowering experience but I felt so great afterward, I was up and in the shower after a couple hours. I will say that support is vital, I was fortunate enough to have a very supportive husband and an excellent doula. If you can convince your husband I would strongly recommend a doula, my husband felt that he was a more effective coach b/c he had her example to follow. To get your husband on board I suggest sharing the many benefits of natural childbirth as well as the risks associated with pain medications. There is a great book that discusses this,"A Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth" You might also consider a birthing class that is focused on natural childbirth, your husband might be shocked to hear some of the increased risks/complications that pain meds bring. One thing I found was important was that I was comitted to giving birth without pain meds, I can say for certain that if I had had the mind set of "trying it" I would not have done it. Your commitment and confidence could go a long way in getting your husband on board. Remember that our bodies were designed to give birth.

OK, here are my thoughts. I'm thinking that once you are in the delivery room, you just never know what's going to happen. You might not Need any drugs and the baby will just come real quick. Or, you may need Pitocin -- with Pitocin, while you are in pain, you may then decide you want an Epidural. ( I had no drugs with both children; elected no epidural with #1 -- he came fast! And had pitocin with my 2nd -- I wanted an epidural then, but I couldn't have one)

So, you just NEVER know what's going to happen......

I think as long as you both are OPEN to any possibility....

While you're in labor and dr. says 'baby's coming quick' there just might not be a need or time for epidural - and that's fine.

OR, Your baby might not come as fast as you'd like. You try the breathing and the pain just gets too much. It's always your choice to have an epidural, but you still might not want it. That's fine too.....

My point is you really can't decide what you want now. You just have to have an open mind about all the possibilities and talk about it that way with hubby. Maybe that will be a better conversation..... :)

Good Luck with baby #2! How exciting!!!
J.

Hi E., I think if you want to try natural birth, go for it! even though you say your husband is awsome, tell him you can do it without him. I gave birth to 5 and except for my last, (my sister was my coach) The others I had by myself. I had read and was in good shape, in control as you are. What ever his reasons, do what you feel is right. Good wishes for a healthy baby and a smooth labor and birth. Grandma Mary

E.,

Congrats on wanting to have a natural birth. I had my first natural, I'd suggest a birth plan for your OBGYN so you and he or she is on the same page. My husband let me do what I wanted, so I really don't have any advise, just remember it is your body and you should have control over it. As far as how to cope with the pain. I walked around or was in the tub soaking (back labor) from my first labor pain until I was pushing. I think that helped move things along a lot since the whole process was 6 hours with my first. Stay calm, understand what is happening to you physically, slow and deep breathing will help keep you calm and relaxed. (I never did lamaze class, I used birth works). Finally, I found that ice worked great and numbing areas that really hurt like my lower back, on my head to cool me and on the sides of my groin where your leg meets the torso. The midwife thought I was nuts when I was pushing and requsted ice, but she was amazed and said she would offer it to others in the future. It helped numb the area a bit which in my mind made the pain more bearable.

Good luck.
T.

What exactly are your husband's fears or concerns? Some people are under the mistaken idea that labor hurts the baby and an epidural helps alleviate that idea because they don't see the contractions.

Is your husband afraid of seeing you in labor? Seeing a woman in labor can be alarming but one shouldn't confuse pain with suffering.

FYI, I gave birth at home with a midwife (two, actually) and a doula and I cannot say that what I experienced was painful; it was the hardest thing I've ever done and it was the most intense thing I've ever felt but painful is not the right word for it. Breath, relax and give in to the sensations. I recommend Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin for you and The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin for your husband.

I highly HIGHLY recommend getting a doula. She can help talk this through with your husband.

It's great that husbands are such partners in this process now but they are not equals. This is YOUR birth and YOUR body. Your wishes are tantamount and if something is non negotiable for you it is your husbands job to do what he needs to do to process his concerns and be the support you need.

Good luck,

S.

Having a doula is great. My husband actually felt like he could be more involved with a doula there--he could support me in the best way he could, without feeling like maybe he was forgetting something. "The Birth Book" by Dr. Sears is great--I came across this book long before having a baby, and felt that it really informed and empowered me to make my choices, whatever they be. I can't remember exactly, but his wife, who is also a nurse, had several children. A few were born the traditional "medical" way, with pain meds, etc., and she had natural births, water births, she tried it all. She talks about the pros and cons of each. There is also a special section of the book on epidurals, WHEN they are useful (because there are those cases), and why you might choose not to have one if you don't need it. It's an easy read, and I like that it's useful to anyone who's going to give birth, or their birth partner, regardless of any "method" they're going to use (bradley, lamaze, etc.) Good luck to you.

E.,
It is your body if you want to try having the baby naturally then do so. I had 3 c-sections and then 2 totally natural and I would do it naturally again in a heartbeat. The labor was hard because I was induced and it did hurt a little, but as soon as the baby was born I forgot all about it. The worst part for me was when I had to have a skin tag removed after delivery, the stupid novacaine shot hurt worse than the actual birth. You said your teach yoga, that alone will make natural childbirth much more easier. My girlfriend trains and breeds Arab horses, when she had her son she had him naturally, he was almost 11 lbs. and she is small framed and only 5'1". The doctor told her the fact that she rode horses and had good muscle tone is what helped with her delivery; most women her size could not deliver vaginally if they weren't active like her. So I say go for it. Tell your husband you want to try it and if it gets too much then you will ask for something for the pain, but that you want to at least try doing it naturally.
Hugs,
T.

My husband wanted whatever I wanted but he had a hard time seeing me in pain. With our second child I had no meds and labor was faster and less complicated. I did tell my husband at one point to shut up and the nurse helped me with breathing. They are trained to help. He did great but was just going to fast! Talk to your husband and ask him specific questions rather than general ones. "Are you afraid to see me in pain?' vs "what is your problem with no meds?" Then be willing to LISTEN! If you ask questions that sound gruff he may shut down. MINE DOES!!! GOD BLESS!! A.

This is how I explain labor pains to men: When you lift weights, you are contracting muscles and it's hard, it's sometimes achey, but it isn't truly painful, right? Labor is the contraction of the uterus, which is 100% muscle. When the muscle is resting between contractions it doesn't hurt. The only thing I found truly painful was the couple minutes the baby was crowning - and you've already experienced that! Maybe it will be easier for him if he is able to relate to the pain instead of thinking of it as this awful experience that most men seem to think birth is.

I can only say - it is YOU delivering the baby. It is YOUR decision - totally! It is YOUR body! I repeat - It is YOUR decision! I wanted to be "totally natural" too and I wound up with the works - but only b/c my water broke w/meconium show and I wasn't dilating - it scared me enough to get the meds and a C-section to top it all off! I am the proud momma of a 23 month old little girl. Remind your husband and your doctors and nurses that this is the way YOU want it. You may change your mind, but it is YOUR decision - did I say that already? Best of luck & god bless you and your family!

E.,

I had my daughter o'natural and loved it! It wasn't easy, but I did it! My husband doubted me as well, although he never said it to my face. I heard from my best friend that he was talking to her husband about it. From that point on, it became my goal. To show him, and the rest who doubted me, how strong I can be! The saying "I am Woman, hear me Roar" came to mind!

How did I do it? I stayed in the jacuzzi for most of it (all except the pushing part). It was amazing! Every time I had to get out to walk a little, the contractions felt so much worse. I would beg to go back in the jacuzzi! It was amazing in there! The jets were lightly massaging my back muscles and belly muscles. I HIGHLY recommend it! Hope this helped!

K.

hi E.;

you got a lot of great advice here but i'll just throw this in since i had two natural births an they were wonderful, safe experiences.

first of all why don't you check out my youtube video at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gKBjzu9s44

to see what a natural birth is really like, and look at My Favorites videos as well to see some other experiences. show these to your husband and he will see how safe and normal natural birth is.

then you can also email me personally if you like and we can talk about pain coping techniques and perineal massage.

you may also want to read the book "The Big Book of Birth" by Erica Lyon who is the founder of a fabulous birth education center in New York City. and if you are anywhere near the city, i highly reccommend thier extended 5 week seminar on pregnancy, labor and delivery.

good luck to you,
J.

I took a hypnobirthing class and had a good experience with the birth of my son. Both the attending nurse and the doctor really commended me on how well I did giving birth. The class really educated us (both you and your husband attend) about our bodies and how we as women are really made to give birth. Giving birth is so medicalized now, and we have become afraid of it. We learned a bunch of different relaxation techniques that worked, but would have worked better had I practiced a bit more! We also watched some videos of women giving birth using the techniques we learned and also water births, neither of which I had ever seen!

It seems to me that you are the one who will be doing the work of birthing your child and your husband ought to respect your beliefs and desires. If you think you can do it, go for it. You already have an advantage being a yoga practitioner, having a natural birth doesn't seem like a stretch at all. Maybe educating him is the key. Give him some reading material that he can peruse at his leisure and think about in his own time. The class I took is called Hypnobirthing, A Celebration of life by Marie F. Mongan. The publication Mothering is also a fabulous resource on any number of "natural" parenting issues. They are also online at www.mothering.com. There was another book that I got that I can't put my hands on at the moment, grrr. It was yellow with a painting of an indian woman in a kiva, that I found really helpful, moreso at the end than the beginning. It started with a sort of art therapy to get into your deep felt concerns with the birth process, but there was a lot of really helpful info towards the end.

I wish you lots of luck and if you have any other questions, I'm at ____@____.com!

Hi, E. -- You have already received lots of great advice and support, and I'll add my encouragement. I just had my first child three weeks ago. It was natural, only with pitocin because my contractions weren't strong enough on their own to do the job. I had read that pitocin makes the contractions even stronger, but I was still determined (some would say stubborn) to do it without other intervention, though I did keep an open mind and told the doctor that I would go along with anything if either I or the baby were in danger.

One of the main factors that got me through was repeating what we learned in childbirth class: "You can do anything for a minute" -- as the strongest contractions and each push lasted only a minute. I was overcome by the realization that the body really is amazing and capable of enduring much more than we think. A good friend of mine, a midwife, also told me to remember "childbirth is 70% mental and 30% physical." (Someone in my life also told me she didn't think I could do it without an epidural, and I was determined to prove her wrong -- but that's not a very mature reason, I know!) I also focused really keenly on the breathing techniques we learned in childbirth class. Our instructor also taught us to use positive language -- for instance, contractions weren't "bad," they were "strong" or "intense"...and we didn't say "I hope" (because hope includes an element of doubt) but rather "I know." And with each contraction and push, I visualized the baby on his way through the birth canal and knew that every "pain" brought us closer to seeing our precious child.

It really helped to have my husband's support. In the heat of the moment, though, I think he got so caught up in the experience that he forgot what he learned about coaching and just experienced the birth with me, so I focused on what all the really supportive nurses were saying to me. It was kind of funny -- they seemed really excited that I wanted to do it naturally, and they were all cheering for me.

It was intense, to be sure, and I was exhausted after it was over, but I would do it all over again in a minute.

I wish you the best in having the kind of experience you envision. You can do it!

E.,
It sounds like he doesn't want you to go without the pain medication for the fear of him not being able to coach you through a painfull experience and him not being sure he can emotionally deal with seein gyou in pain. I doubt that he doubts you're capible of handling such a task. Yes I also think that your Yoga experience will be helpful, however, when your body is in that much pain, it takes a form of shock and it's gonna do it's own thing and you need to just let it. It's all got to do with mother-nature and what she intended our bodies to do in this time.. I went all nautral with my second. Did not have anything with the first either except a spa-tub to ease the back labor. After getting through the natural labor and healing process, I felt like superwoman! it was quite an experience and woman-to-woman, it gives you bragging rights. LOL. JK. But it does make you feel great inside. As far as getting a doula-I wouldn't. (One)-Don't make your husband feel like he can't handle it, and (Two)-They don't know you like he does and you can't possibly be more comfortable with someone other than your husband holding your hand. Your did it once, you can do it again and your husband will see you as superwoman when it's all said and done. As far as having a talk with him about it, it's thoughtful of you to include him in the decision, but don't forget, it is up to you. When you're laying in bed at night, talking softly to him, tell him you've decided to go natural, the way woman were meant to have babies and you think both of you have the right and deserve to experience such a moment together because if it never happens again at least you will know what that is like. Good luck with your new baby and I wish you and your family a happy healthy life together.
H.

I have three children. The first two I had nothing during labor. My labor were very fast though. Did you have a long labor the first time? My third child's labor was a little longer and I did receive a shot of stadol which got me through it was just enough to ease the pain and get through delivery. If you can tough it out its worth not having the epidural. Afterwards you feels much better without having the effects of the epidural. I was showered and cleaned up within the first couple hours after delivery. Good luck! C.

E.,

Congratulations on your second child! I have three children. I had natural birth with all of them. When I became pregnant with them, I opt not to have any pain meds. I wanted to feel the whole experience. I dealt with the pain and got through it. I used my breathing methods and focal point and my husband helped me through them. I had attended a birthing class at the hospital which also helped a lot. When we have our next child, no pain meds again. Despite the pain, it's such a wonderful expereince to go through.

You get through it and I know your husband will support you on your decision.

Definitely use a Doula.

She is an added support, not a choose between the two of you. Your husband Cannot relate to birthing and that is OK. He can however be as present and emotionally there for you as he can be and in a way that no one else fills. But a Doula has her own role and again, that is an added support to the both of you.

Just remember that this is one of the single most powerful experiences you will Ever have and every time you look at that new baby going through some other major development in his/her life you will reflect back to that L & D... set yourself up to have great positive memories of it. It's really very empowering.

Needless to say, I had a Doula and will forever be grateful that I did. She has her servce listed here on MamaSource but let me give you her info anyway b/c I'm sure she won't mind. And don't worry about the short notice- couldn't be shorter than mine! I "booked her" on a Monday, met with her on Tuesday and went into natural labor later that evening, gave birth on Wednesday!

Her name is Kim and her number is ###-###-####. Good luck!

Hi E.,
Relax, no doctor gives you meds til you need them. Asking is not giving. Let me just tell you some of my experience.
My husband thought I should have natural childbirth. We were pretty much opposite from you. Of course OB would listen to me so I was not afraid, but when I ended up with a C-section it was not me who was upset. I am thrilled that they can do C-sections because I have 4 marvelous children because of C-sections.
I simply let the OB be the OB and since he was loosing the heart beat on our little one I wanted that baby more than I wanted to worry about whether I had meds or not. My husband cried as he told me, and the OB was amazed that I just hugged him and told him it was going to be OK.
Perhaps your hubby is more like me and takes life as it is given rather than how we wish it was. Perhaps my story will give you a jumping point to talk to him about it. I don't know.
You have no reason to be concerned and every reason to be able to make decisions as they come along.
God bless you
K.
SAHM of 4, and still married to the wonderful man who cried as he told me I was having my first C-section which was 37 years ago. Our twins are 18 now and heading to college this fall. Yup that means we will be empty nesters, but our first grandchild is due Aug 1st.

I would suggest thinking about it in terms of ADDING IN other more helpful measures for pain relief like hydrotherapy (ie - taking a shower or bath), massage, visualization, etc. rather than a WITHOLDING of the epidural. It's a shame to make your entire birth a completely medicalized experience and then just think of the glory of childbirth as a withholding of pain medicine - it's about creating a nurturing environment in general. Personally I don't think this is a question of "practical vs. emotional" - there are some very real risks to many hospital procedures and you're being practical by wanting to learn about your options. I am also a yoga instructor and a labor doula and a quite practical girl myself who bridges the medicalized and non-medicalized arenas, and I know there are many others like me, so I would suggest you talk to a doula in your area to see if her vibe is one that your husband (and you!) could relate to - and let her answer questions for him. I don't think he sounds so terrible, but he should be willing to hear what this person has to say before he vetos it. I don't mean to make this whole thing about doulas, but the question of how to cope with natural labor pain is broad and I can recommend books if you'd like but since you're due so soon it's not the ideal time to start burdening yourself with a ton of homework. The idea is not to get a doula "so that he wouldn't have to be so involved" but rather to get a doula so that "he can have better ideas of how to help and have you all work as a labor support team." And the doula helps with informational needs in the prenatal phase, not just during the labor, which is why she'd be helpful answering questions now. Here is a link you may find helpful: http://www.dona.org/mothers/faqs_birth.php
You can contact me if you have other questions.

Good luck to you! You inspired me to write to this forum for the first time...

When each of my 3 daughters got pregnant they asked me how bad it would hurt. I told each of them it hurts like hell! I wasn't going to lie to them. But I also told them that they could do it and a few minutes after the baby was born and they held their baby for the first time they would forget all about the pain they just went through. I've always said, "women have been giving birth to babies without drugs for 1000's of years and if it was that bad, no woman would ever have a second baby"! All of my daughters decided to go completely natural with no drugs and each of them have said they were glad they did. All 3 have each had 2 babies so far so I guess it wasn't that bad the first time.

My grand daughter in law just had a baby less then a week ago (WooHoo! I'm a great grandmother!!) and she also went completely natural. She did great! Yes, it hurt, but she did it and is so glad she did. As we went into the hospital for the birth I told her she could do one of 2 things. She could scream, fuss and tense up and be in a lot of pain or she could relax, do what she is told to do and it wouldn't be that bad. It would still hurt, but not as bad! Her husband (my grandson) was great. He has a very weak stomach and was afraid he wasn't going to make it during the "messy delivery" so he stood at her head, counting for her when it was time to push and talking to her between contractions. Her mom and his mom (my daughter) were there to hold her legs up while me and the other great grandmother stood behind the doctor watching. It was amazing!

My grand and great grand children were between 8 1/2 lbs and 10 pounds at birth, so none of them were little babies.

Bottom line is, it's your body. You do what you have to do to give birth. If you want drugs, take the drugs. If you don't, then don't do it! Just use whatever tactic you need to use to relax during labor and delivery. You can do this! As for your husband....tell him when he has a baby he is welcome to do it his way!

BTW My birthday is also August 9th. It's a very good day to have a baby! haha

gloria

Your husband sounds like a smart guy actually. He does not want to see you in pain and as most guys, is a little overwhelmed by the whole birth experience. I went into labor 3 hours before my scheduled c-section (baby was breech) and it was the worst experience of my life. They had to hold off on the spinal till my scheduled surgical time so I had real labor for about an hour and it was enough for me!! I am healthy, active, and had an amazingly beautiful pregnancy. Bottom line, its your body and if you choose to experience the horror of contractions, then its your deal but you have to not take it so personally that your husband disagrees. Your husband loves you and is focusing on what's important: A healthy baby.

E.,
I completely 2nd the response about the hypnobirthing. Please buy the book and check it out: http://www.hypnobirthing.com/
I went into my first delivery that I too wanted a natural birth, but at the end of the day if the pain got to be too much I would ask for the meds, but having read the Hypnobirthing book and learning about their techniques as well as having a personal instructor come over to personally teach my husband and I the techniques, I was able to use them when the time came for my baby to be born, and for a first time delivery it was fast (6 hours) and I didn't need the drugs. I learned how not to be fearful, as that tenses up your muscles even more, to try and relax and just breath. Women having been giving birth for centuries without medication, and still do in many countries. The book teaches you to be in sync with your baby, because remarkable as it sounds, your baby knows what to do when it's time and your body responds, the way nature intended. Good Luck!

E.,
Tell your husband exactly what you've told us...this is what you'd like to TRY...and that you need and want his support. Then sit down and be practical...it may be harder or more complicated(hopefully not) so be okay with the fact that plans may change during labor...I don't know how your husband feels "in the moment" during labor but all 5 times we had our babies my husband held my hand and kept saying he was "sorry" and "thank you"...it's got to be hard on them and we need to respect that they are just as anxious as we are, well maybe not AS anxious, but it's their child and loved one there too... Good luck.
C.

Get a copy of The Business of Being Born and sit him down and watch it. Maybe if your husband truly understood the potential side effects associated with epidurals he'd look beyond your ability to deal with pain and consider the safety and well being of you and your baby instead! The epidural creates a slippery slope of often unnecessary interventions and can also result in some realy bad complications.

i know you already got a million responses and i don't have time to read them to see if i'm giving you duplicate information, but i would definitely go for the doula. i had my second baby in january (my first was 18 months old at the time), and the biggest benefit to having the doula was always having someone available to take care of me and to take care of my daughter. i labored at home for 12 hours (which was awesome), and was only at the hospital for 58 minutes before my baby was born without any drugs, IV's, or any other intervention. having the doula made it possible for me to stay home as long as possible, and because i knew there was always someone there to keep my daughter entertained and cared for (the doula and my husband and my friend took turns with that), i could really focus on laboring and relaxing. it was the best laboring and birthing experience i ever could have asked for. (I had an epidural with my first birth and the recovery was horrible. with the unmedicated birth, i had the baby on tuesday and was at Gymboree with my toddler that Friday. i cannot tell you how much better my recovery was!!!). maybe if you put it in terms of having more hands on deck to help with your daughter, your husband won't be so threatened by the idea of a doula. good luck!

Hi E.,
I see you received lots of responses but since I have a 13 day old newborn I don't have the time to read them all. I just gave birth to my 2nd child, both were natural deliveries. I had such a positive experience with my first that I knew I wanted to do the same for my second. The only difference between the 2 births was that this time I had a doula. It made a BIG difference, she was absolutely wonderful and helped pass the time, pain management, trying to get contractions moving along and just getting whatever I needed. As wonderful as my husband is - he's just not good in those areas and he is able to admit it. :) He was there for the emotional support and of course the birth of his 2nd child - he said it took alot of the "pressure" off of him and was able to enjoy the experience as well. In the end he raves about how great it was to have her there. Being a yoga instructor you are so in touch with your body you are way ahead of others. I practice yoga and found it very useful in keeping my body relaxed during contractions.
One of the best things about having a natural delivery was being able to move! I didn't have to be hooked up to an IV and only had to be monitored for 15 minutes of every hour. This allowed me to walk, use the tub, birthing ball, change positions etc until I reached 8cm! Then I had to be hooked up to monitors, but that was only for 10 minutes before I delivered a perfect baby.
Good luck to you!!

E.,

Have him watch the Business of Being Born by Ricky Lake. He might change his mind.

For my second I decided to have a homebirth, bc I was so afraid that they would give me drugs in the hospital. With my first they gave me demoral in my IV without my knowledge. My labor was progressing fine and I was already 10 cm dilated. After he was born they said he was groggy from the demoral. 2 months later he developed a serious reaction to his vaccines, that left him severely brain damaged. (He died last year from complications of his brain injury he would have been 11 this year). There is always a question in the back of my mind that maybe the demoral was an unnecessary stress on his system and the vaccines put him over the edge. (And we did years of genetic testing and everything came back negative!)

I realize that there are instances where pain meds cannot be avoided. If I had to have pain meds, I would probably choose an epidural over demoral. Mainly because I think there is less chance of something happening to the baby. With the demoral I felt completely out of control of my body and it did not take the pain away.

With my second (the homebirth) he was posterior for many hours (back labor). The midwife gave me positions to help turn him. I am convinced if he were born in the hospital he would have been a c-section. At 9.5 pounds it is possible to have natural childbirth with the right coach. And btw I had no tearing!!

I do hope your husband changes his mind. I know when I first told my husband that I wanted a homebirth he thought I was crazy.

Hope you have a wonderful borthing experience!

A.

I had all 3 of my kids naturally, it is not only possible, but infitiely preferable, and you can do it. Get yourself a copy of the book "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". When I was pregnant with my first, I knew I wanted to have a drug-free delivery. I took the class my hospital offered, which was Lamaze based. After weeks of classes that tried to tell me I could distract myself away from the pain of birth, I was more frightened than ever of giving birth, as I knew that I was pretty much undistractable as far as pain goes. I asked a few friends to pray for me, and one of them (a dad of 5!) gave me a copy of the Bradley book. What a gift! Here was a natural childbirth plan that actually gave me (and my husband) something to do to keep the pain minimized and the labor as short as possible. My husband and I worked quickly through the book together in a couple weeks and had a successful Bradley, drug-free birth! The truth is, by the time I really felt ready for drugs, the contractions were about 5 mintues from over, and pushing is the best feeling ever, once the contractions are done. I highly, highly recommend the Bradly method. Feel free to send me a message if you'd like more specific details...good luck!

hi E., i tried to go without an epidural all 3 times, i just couldnt do it. i am thankful that i was open to the epidural, and that really is my advice. go for it, try to do without, but dont shut the door on the possibility. i think if you explain it to your husband that way, he might be more accepting of the idea. just so you know, all 3 of mine were big, my smallest was 8 lbs 9 oz, my biggest was 9 lbs 5 oz. and also, i dont want to scare you, but with my 2nd baby, i chose not to get the epi, then when i knew i had to have it, the anesthesiologist was in surgery and unavailable, they had to get another one out of bed, and it was the worst 2 hours of my life, just awful. (she was 9 lbs 1 oz, and short, almost a bowling ball, omg!) ...so i would certainly just make sure that there will be one available if/when you want it. also, i dont know that you have to be completely numb from the epi. i had one 3 times, and only the last one left one leg numb. otherwise i was pretty much in control of my body. my doc is veeery conservative with the epi, he wanted me to be able to push, which i did, all 3 times, so maybe have a conversation with the doc about it. one more thing to consider - with my daughter, the one where i had to wait for the epi, i was laying there clenched so tight against the contractions that the baby wouldnt come down at all. i was 9 cm dilated but the baby was all the way up. once i got the epidural and it kicked in and i relaxed a bit, my body just did its job, everything happened in 20 min, down and out! so sometimes its not just for pain, but it can relax you enough to let your body do what it is trying to do. and, just as an aside, she was by far the one born closest to me getting the epi, and she was the only one of the 3 that nursed immediately after delivery. the boys both took some doing. and just so you know, if i were to have another, i would try yet again to go without, being open to the possibility of the epi if need be. every baby is different, you never know! in the end, all that really matters is that everyone comes out of it fine. best of luck to you.

Hello E., congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm sorry that your husband isn't supportive of your birth philosophy.
This is really where a good quality independent childbirth class like a Bradley class comes in handy. This is where the partners learn the benefits of unmedicated birth, the risks of labor medications and effective techniques for coping with labor. He can't be expected to coach an unmedicated labor with no training on how to do so! While you are too late in your pregnancy to take a full class series, you may wish to seek out some private instruction.
Another option for you is a birth doula, a professional labor support provider who can work with you during labor and is trained and experienced in unmedicated birth. This does not mean that your husband cannot still be present for the birth of your baby, but the job of coaching will not be his responsibility.
Good luck!

E.,
First I feel you need to make hubby understand who's body it is and who makes the decisions about that body. Maybe turn the tables in conversation to a realistic example of a situation where he would be the ultimate decision maker concerning his body. There must be a way to make him understand the pros of natural child birth.

Each pregnancy and birth is in fact different, so you really can't assume this one will be anything like the others. I personally did have both of my children completely natural. I was , however an in shape 20 something when that happened. Not so sure how I would fare in such a situation now, but The recovery was wonderful compared to what I hear from others. Within less than 2- weeks I was feeling terrific and I have always contributed that to the fact I let nature take it's course without interuption.
Best Wishes
K.

Sounds like his intentions are caring, so you might try to shift the focus away from 'being in touch with your body' to both the baby and to his support of you. For the baby, the epidural is likely to make the baby want to sleep instead of feeding, so healthier to go without if you can and he would be asked to value the baby's health. You can also ask him for his help by being strong with you rather than you being strong yourself. It is natural for him to fear for you, but you both can be reassured that the epidural will still be available if you want to resort to it as the back-up plan. This way he can both be and have a safety net. Good luck on all fronts.

Your husband sounds a lot like mine. He actually has had a thing of wanting to go back to the old fashioned way of him waiting outside with cigars, but I have drawn the line...And on the other hand, being threatened by the doula idea.
Though he was supportive/liked the idea of natural labor, we knew we couldn't count on him to know what to do (despite two sets of birth classes) and hired a doula. Our first birth, this was great, and although he feels that he did nothing, I found his help during pushing--just plain whispering nice loving things in my ear--amazingly important--oxytocin and all that.
Similar to above, my second labor went really quickly. I basically did it all at home on my own. Our doula was at another birth and didn't make it to meet us at the hospital (our son could have been born in the car!!), but what I liked about her was that she was interested in working with us both together, finding things that my husband felt he was good at and that he could do to be involved.
I guess it's good to go into this knowing a. second births are generally faster than first births b. at a certain point you realize you can't really plan anything in this area--it's the baby's show! In any case, goodluck and let us know what happens.

One thought is to just look at evidence-based medicine on this matter. Any time you puncture the membrane covering the CNS you run the risk of lifelong, intense pain. I forget what it is called, but you could look it up. Another thought is to get Ina Mae's guide to Childbirth. She is a long-time homebirth advocate/midwife who teaches in med schools. She has her statistics in an appendix at the back of the book. I think the 2nd section of the book should be required reading for everyone giving birth and their birth partners. In contrast with a home birth just going med-less isn't such a big deal. I think having a doula is an awesome idea. Perhaps you could stress the housekeeping things she'll do and the other advocating things she could do at the hospital so that he wouldn't have to stress about them and doesn't feel so replaced. If he meets one or two and talks with them he might change his mind. Good luck.

Dear E.,

My first child was born after an epidural, and though he was healthy and the hospital attendants were great, it was a very negative experience for me because I never felt like it was "my" birth. I felt like an object on the table that people kept "managing".

My second was a beautiful birth at home, and since it progressed SOO quickly, I'm sure in part because I was able to move freely and soak in the tub which relieved a lot of the pressure of contractions, I can honestly say it was easier (and quicker- 1st was 44 hours from first contraction to birth, second was a mere 2.5 hours!) than my epidural birth. My legs never swelled up, I didn't need a catheter or help to get on the commode afterwards, my son was delivered by his dad since the midwife didn't get there in time as we waited to call her, not imagining he would come so swiftly! I promise you, an hour after the birth I could be heard saying "I'll have ten more!" I felt SO GOOD, so primal, so victorious, and so WHOLE afterwards. Contractions and childbirth do not have to be a "horror", although they can be- but this is more a function of what you believe about childbirth and if you have complications (back labor, for instance, IS a horror).

As far as your husband goes, I am all for respecting and honoring your partner's wishes, and even putting them before your own as relationships are built on selfless preference to another. However, you cannot allow ANYONE to push DRUGS on you if you are not comfortable with them. Tell your husband that you appreciate his concern for you, and present him with the real facts- that epidurals increase your odds of having an unplanned c-section DRAMATICALLY, that the epidural itself can cause PERMANENT INJURY to you and they even tell you this as they give it to you (my husband actually started crying when they put the needle in my back after saying I could possibly become paralyzed or have chronic headaches for life). Not to mention your poor child will have to work harder to get out, as gravity assists when you are not laid up in temporary paralysis.

The best thing you can do is educate yourself on the risk of interventions and communicate this to him, and tell him how you plan to handle your contractions and why you believe they can be positive. If you want some good factual resources or to talk further, my number is ###-###-####.

Becca

The thing to remember is YOU have to give birth to your baby not your hubby, so you need to do what feels right for you. He may be scared of seeing you in so much pain and that's why he wants you to have an epidural - but he needs to understand that if you are coping with the pain then he should be coping with it too! You could always elect to have an epidural later on if you feel you need it.
Is there a birth preparation class or something you could do together to help him feel more prepared for it?
I was really sure I wanted a natural birth with my first, but after 10 hours of very full-on labor and still only being at 3 cm dilated I had an epidural and it was the best thing I could have done!
However, with my second I went in thinking, well I'll have one if I need it. In fact, having had an 18 hour labor the first time, my second was so quick (2 hours max from the first contraction) that there was no time for anything at all!
Everyone I know had a much quicker and easier time the second time around so you may find it is all over much quicker than you expect.
Like you, my epidural was allowed to wear off before the pushing stage with baby #1 so I had some idea what to expect. What I had never experienced was the urge to push (I thought I needed the bathroom urgently!) and needed the midwife to tell me what I was feeling - that was the main difference between having an epidural and not having one for me.
The only thing which really helped was keeping upright and mobile as mcuh as possible. It was only when I lay down that I couldn't cope - standing up and walking round were OK. IF you don't have an epidural you really don't want to lie on your back at all, as it can be agonising. I gave birth on all fours and that was a really good position. Don't listen to a doctor who tells you how to lie down or whatever - a baby can be delivered safely in lots of different positions.
The seond stage was easy the second time round - your body knows what it is doing and has done it before, so it's nothing to be worried about.
So good luck talking to your husband and see what books or courses might help him to feel a bit more confident of the whole thing.

hello,

i am hiring a doula. im in the same boat...due to ahve second baby, want a natural delivery. had pitosin and epidural with first (at lets secondZ) turned it off and pushed naturally so i know what ti takes...and i know i can do it.

my hospital in nj actually has doulas on staff (which you option to hire or not) so its great.

i told my husband i am doing teh pushing and i need a special kind of support where someone will tell me to try new positions and maybe a walk or massage or a birthing ball so that i can avoid medicine unless necessary and have a faster recovery time so we can be with the whole family (especially so first born doesn't see me too drugged up).

so my husband got the message. he wants to feel like he can help me and that doc knows best but i want more control in giving birth than that. and its my body. i demand respect for my body and teh strength i know i have to push a 2nd baby (theyre supposedly easier to push since first paved the way).

E. that's unfortunate that your husband doesn't support you. Maybe education would help convince him. My husband read a lot of the Bradley books. But, you can do it. . .reagardless. . and your YOGA background is sure to be a big help. Women were having babies long before there was a choice for pain meds. I have had 3 pitocin inductions/ labors (due to medical condition) without pain meds. It's very tough. The support of my husband was amazing, but in the end it was me that got me through. Ultimately, when it comes to pain, it's the very end of labor. . .when your just about there. . . that's the hardest. But, when you feel that, just don't get discouraged because a few more contrations and you're there. Bradley writes about it in his books, and it was one of the most helpful points I read. When your dealing with those contractions, I found I didn't want any distractions or coaching or anything. . . just me. . .but, I also knew that it was the end and that was encouraging to me. Good Luck. I'm sure your husband will come around to your wishes. Afterall, it's labor. . . your body. . .the best for baby. . .your decision. And he sounds like the type of guy who will ultimately do his best to support your decision.

Dear E.,

Congratulations on your upcoming birth!

If your hubby is a practical and realistic guy, you might try couching the discussion in the most practical, realistic terms possible. One angle you could take would be to emphasize that compared to a first labor, a second labor is usually a walk in the park. I don't mean to suggest that it'll be painless -- labor hurts -- but it'll probably take a fraction of the time. If you tell your hubby that he was right about your first labor, but that this one (for very concrete, physiological reasons) will be different, that might allow him to support you without admitting he was wrong. Guys -- even the best of 'em -- often have a hard time with that.

And if there's any way you can convince him to take a Bradley class, I highly, highly recommend it. Thanks to our wonderful Bradley preparation, my husband (who was NOT looking forward to seeing me in pain) rose to the occasion and was a champion coach. His presence was more important to me than that of the midwife, the L&D nurse, anybody. I really feel like it was he who delivered our baby.

Congratulations again, and good luck,

Mira

Please, please, please check out www.hypnobirthing.com

I had two "traditional" births (pain, pain meds, stalled labor, pitocin, epidural, 16 hour labors. etc) then I discovered hypnobirthing for my next 2 births and I could have kicked myself for not doing it for all of my children.

With the complete relaxation that I learned from my hypno classes, I had 5-6 hours of "labor" (which was no more "painful" than a slight menstrual cramp), no pain meds, no interventions! The hospital staff was amazed at how far along I was in my labor and yet I had NO PAIN. You aren't even supposed to think or say that four-letter word (pain) while you are pregnant or in labor, according to my instructor.

The premise of hypnobirthing is that birth is a natural process which is NOT painful. The only reason we "feel" pain is because we are taught (by society, by listening to others' horror stories, by sitcom t.v, etc.) that it is supposed to be a horrendous ordeal which we must "get through". Hypnobirthing teaches you how to "un-do" the ideas that you and your husband already have about the birth process.

If you would like more info, please feel free to email me at ____@____.com luck!

Tell your husband that its your body, and your decision, but that you need (and expect) his support to do this successfully. I have 3 kids (9,11,14) and never had an epidural, eventhough one involved some intense back labor, and one was breech. I just kept telling myself, its only for a few hours, its only for a few hours. I do not regret that decision AT ALL! Women having been giving birth for thousands of years without meds - its what we do!

Hi E.,
Thanks for sharing.
I just wnnted to say: It's your decision, your pain not his.
Are we always listening what other people have to say and suggest??

Go by your instinct.

C.

I too had an epidural with #1 and went natural with #2. I used hypobirthing which my hubbie thought was a crock of balony. We were in Germany at the time so it was something I got (rather last minute - last trimester) mail-order. It was a FAB experience. So wonderful in fact that I was chomping at the bit to do it again. Even my hubbie was impressed once it was all said and done. #1 was a somewhat stressful delivery (she had already passed meconium, we didn't know what we were doing, living somewhere where we really didn't master the language, etc.). #2 was perfect. You can get some info on hypnobirthing on the internet. As for his support, you can do it without. He just needs to help you focus on relaxing. Perhaps you can say that you are not adverse to meds if it is really necessary for either you or the baby - he might find that reassuring to know that there is an 'out' if needed. But meantime you need and expect his support in helping you remain focused and relaxed. You know he can do it just like you know you can do it. I must say I felt very proud of myself afterwards and was really happy it went the way it did. You also have to understand each time is unique. You know have an idea of what to expect, your body is much better prepared, etc. #3 for me came so quickly that he ended up being born on the sofa with the paramedics arriving to help the head out. So really - each one is unique! I couldn't even walk with contractions with #1 and with #3 I was running errands at stores within an hour before giving birth; driving myself home during 5 min. apart contractions, etc.

Give yourself some credit. You could run a marathon without him training with you everyday. You can give birth without him totally being on board with you as well. Once you are in the room, he will be there for you, especially since you say he is a great guy.

Best of luck and enjoy!