***HUGS!***
first of all: good mama!! it seems as though you are doing a fantastic job for your dear little one!
it's amazing for me to read your post...if i were more concise, it could have easily been written by me just three short years ago after my preemie was born: concerned about milk coming in...lactation consultants...supplementing formula...stimulate production...nipple shield...doesn't want it...time limits...too tired for feedings (the magic ticket home, right?), etc. etc.
i know you must be sleepy, but i'm still going to pour out all i can to try & help (forgive me if it's too long, though!) ;D
#1: if your baby is spitting up much at all (even if they say "it's normal") - unless she is a micro-preemie - whatever formula your baby is on now (22 cal?), it's a good idea to get her on an elemental formula (i.e. neocate) instead of a dairy or soy based one. if you have to pay for it yourself & bring it to the hospital, i'd do it if i were you (ebay works great as a source if you can't get a script for it). if i knew then what i know now, i would do everything in my power to get my son on neocate from the get-go. not every baby will develop allergies as a result of early exposure to the proteins/antibiotics zapping the normal flora/not getting as much breastmilk as possible b/c the docs prefer the measurable formula route, but you never know if your baby is one of them until it's too late...(mine was/is)
#2 when it clicks for them that bottle = easy, breast = difficult, it's not uncommon for babies to just develop a strong preference for the bottle...at the sake of stimulating your supply. any doctor or nurse that tells you "nipple confusion" is a myth is lying at worst, misinforming you at best. do what you can to get that baby to nurse as often and as long as possible. you can offer to those that might pester you about time limits that "she's just nuzzling" and will be fine for a few more minutes. ;D that babe is likely hooked up to all sorts of jazzy monitors -- you can keep an eye on her stats while keeping in mind that nursing is typically easier for babies than feeding from a bottle; nursing skin to skin (feet, head, & back/bottom covered in warm blankets) is just as warm, if not warmer, than the isolette; nursing often & long is more beneficial for your baby than a bath everyday, yet think of how tiring that is for her & it gets done! (well, in special care nursery, at least, maybe not the nicu itself, but my point is the same) : nursing is good for your preemie!!!
#3 drink LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of water and get PLENTY of calories (more than you think you need) don't notice a difference? take in more. (the bathroom trips will be worth it.) ;D
#4 stay away from reglan (firstborn is a preemie + little/no sleep + nicu time + breastfeeding stresses + reglan = crazy-bad risk for post-partum depression and or serious & irreversable neurological side effects --- it's not worth it)
#5 you might try a supplemental nursing system (sns); your baby can get the breastmilk/formula supplement and still stimulate your supply. be prepared for the "can't suck/swallow/breathe" routine & remember, it's well-known & proven that even preemies can nurse & it's usually *less* stressful for them to get it from the breast than from the bottle. (have plenty of quality tape on-hand for that tubing!)
regardless of whether or not you decide to use an sns, be sure to surround yourself with positive things/people while you're nursing -- and feel okay about asking a nurse or doctor to excuse you while you nurse if he or she is being negative, making you feel like a failure, or stressing you out; *you're* the mama of that baby & you're doing a FINE job!!! nursing, even "comfort nursing" or "suckling" is a GOOD thing for your preemie -- don't forget it! :)
#6 DO consider these:
-fenugreek pills (taken to the point where you continually smell like maple syrup)
-oatmeal
-mother's milk tea
-salmon oil (good quality fish oil supplement)
-if you contine to have troubles...domperidone (this is the step my husband convinced me to not take with my first, though i told him if our second child brought similar challenges as the first, then i would... here's where i would look if i needed it: http://www.inhousepharmacy.com/general/motilium.html)
domperidone is not approved by the fda in this country, but it's used in many other countries successfully; it's safer, has fewer side effects, and is more effective than reglan - without a doubt.
#7 check out the awesome support and information to be found at these sites:
[triple w].mothering.com/disscussions (there's even a nicu/preemie forum in addition to the breastfeeding forum)
[triple w].kellymom.com
[triple w].breastfeeding.com
#8 if you would like any other help, advice, or just to talk, please feel free to pm me. you can also call connie (a very kind le leche league leader in dallas) at ###-###-####.
HTH!!!