Tradition

I don't know if you are teetotalers or not, but if you don't object, you could buy a nice bottle of wine or whiskey or something from the year of his birth and give it to him for his 21st birthday.

If you give her a charm bracelet, give it to her while she is growing up! You can still buy charms but give it to her when she is like 8 or 10 so she can enjoy. Because I do believe by the time she is 18 it will just be a keepsake and she would probably want something more like a Teno bracelet for a charm bracelet. ;)

I think it would be nice if you told him what you were doing for her, and asked your son what he'd like for himself, as you want to do something special for him. Doesn't have to be a surprise - may even be nicer to do it together.

Maybe collect something he is currently into and make up for the years you missed. My family collects Christmas ornaments for the kids and I started collecting with the sks when DH and I got engaged. They won't have as many as DD will at 18, but they still have enough for a small tree.

I don't think it is necessary to collect anything specific for your son right now. Different children in a family get different things at different times. For instance, my daughter will someday inherit my grandmother's platinum and diamond ring, so I gave my son another diamond ring I owned to give to his girlfriend when they become engaged.

One of the best sentimental gifts I've seen for a boy - the mom saved all of his little league/baseball jerseys since he began playing t-ball and had them sewn into a beautiful quilt for his high school graduation. This would work with any sport or even with t-shirts purchased on family vacations, etc.

My father in law has given my children gold coins on their birthday. His theory is that when they graduate they can either keep the collection for sentimental reasons or sell it to help pay for something they may need. Maybe something like that for your son?

First, don't let that other mom guilt you. Parenting isn't about "being fair."

I think it WOULD be cool if you did something for your son, but it doesn't have to be a "built up over the years" sort of thing. My brother got dad's pocket knife and grandad's pocket watch on graduation. Heirlooms are always wonderful "man gifts." Is there an heirloom you could pass onto him?

Best,

C

I think the charm bracelet is a lovely idea. I'm not sure of something similar for a boy, but my mom always bought a special Christmas ornament for us each year that meant something specia to us. She's done that with the grandkids too. That's kind of cool.
Another thought is to write your son a special card/letter each year on his birthday talking about the milestones of the year with how he's changed and what makes you proud of him, seal it and put it away until he's grown. Seems appropriate to do for all your kids, though. So, it' would't really take the place of a charm bracelet but would be special as something you've done all these years. If you want a tangible item for him, perhaps buy an i/d bracelet with his name on it and put it away for when he's grown. Then they'd each have a bracelet waiting for them all those years...there's just no way to add onto his.

Gosh, I have two boys and am struggling with this. We just do the savings account - LOL .I think the reason this is so hard is that girls and boys are typically so different in terms of sentimental items.

Here are a couple of ideas, but, again, are incredibly subjective:
Is there a way you all could start him a wine cellar and give at 21 with a bottle of vintage from each year?
Maybe some kind of autographed sports card or baseball card??
Art or photographic print that captures the feeling of that year's milestones (Like a Life magazine cover of his life)?

I get my girls a new Christmas ornament each year. I get them ones thar reflect their personality and they love looking at them each year. I will give them to them when they move out. I have a friend who did that too and her son is now close to 30 and still charrishes his ornaments.

I don't see this as a matter of being fair or unfair. We treat our children differently depending on so many things. It's easy to buy a charm each year. It's not so easy to buy a son something each year. I wouldn't compare this between the two children.

You will always being doing something different for each child.

I hope that you're sharing with your daughter once she's old enough to understand what you're doing. Otherwise the bracelet will have very little meaning to her when you eventually give it to her. Sharing the collection each year will add to it's specialness. If she's not been aware of the collection she may not even want a charm bracelet. The bracelet will have meaning for you but not so much for her.

I do like the idea of contributing to a savings account for both children so that they will have some money to use when they set out on their own. That is treating them equally. Buying charms is a tradition and is special for a girl. Buying pens, wine, etc. is not special for a boy. It's not a tradition.

Yes, you can make your own tradition but it's not necessary and it's not treating your son unfairly.

BTW A bottle of red wine will not be good in 15 years. A bottle of white will taste even worse. Those wines that are kept for years are not for quality drinking. They're for collecting only and have to be a certain wine to be collectable. I left wine in my basement for 5 years and it was no longer drinkable. Liquor may be different. I don't know.

You could collect classic novels for him.

How about you start both of them a "Hope" Chest (Hope you have a successful start) and purchase things they will need for thier first apartment

Pots & Pans
Utencils (cooking and eating)
Glasses (drinking, alcohol and wine)
Towels
Sheets
Cookbooks
Toaster
Microwave
Coffee Maker
Blender
Food Processor

All of the things you wish you had when you moved out on your own the first time.
My mother did this for mysister and I and we LOVED it each year we looked forward to what our next item was. The big things like GOOD pots & pans were for milestone years. This will work for both boy and girl, just make sure to keep it all in neutral colors - no red mircrowaves!

ETA by the time I moved out of my mother's and on my own I had all of the above, plus a Crock Pot and a fully matching bedroom set (curtains and all) and bathroom because others wanted in on the fun too! It was GREAT, I only had to buy a vaccum (dad bought as a housewarming gift) and furniture (hand me downs from my sister) so I did not actually have to buy ANYTHING and I was set.

It's a nice idea, but I don't know many girls or women who wear charm bracelets. I really liked the idea of the gold coins, or collector coins. Life insurance and college savings plans are great practical ideas as well.

I know when I left home at 18, I had zero Christmas ornaments. So, I get my kids an ornament every year - that they pick out - with the intention that those are their ornaments to take with them when they start their own homes.

-L.

I'm glad you asked that question. We do a few things, since both my children are boys. First, I LOVED (still love) my charm bracelet that mom gave me, but I agree with others that it should be given to her when she's like...12 or 13? As a special "young lady" birthday, whatever age that would be. That way it's special to her from then on, and not just a sudden gift. We collected the last 5 years or so together and it was special. I wore it proudly because it was a gift from mom, regardless of the style.

Now with my guys: my dad started a little knife collection for them. One knife every few years, and not just "whatever" knives, but something nice. My brother, into geology still, received special rocks or minerals (blue lace, tiger eye, jade, agates, later a big geode, etc). My husband and I both have books (one from mom, one from dad) that tells a lot about us, our history, where we come from, memories, thoughts, etc but also where we write to our children. I bought a couple large journals and used some "premade" books that I saw in a store for ideas on what to write (fill in the blank type stuff) but wanted the freedom and space to write anything else that came to mind as well, so that's why I chose journals for us to write in, instead of the premade books. We write letters to the boys (especially on their birthdays and New Year's Day), reviewing the year and how they've grown, funny things they've done, things that made us proud, big accomplishments, lessons to be learned from what THEY went through but also special things that are just on our hearts at the time. Mine looks kind of like a scrapbook. Jeremy's has a lot of funny illustrations and jokes, more like letters. That's what we're doing for our boys, to be given to them later when they're leaving the house.

We also DO buy one Christmas ornament for each family member, we all have our own "ornament boxes" and those are sort of like charms for a bracelet. The ornament needs to represent something we did that made a big impression that year, or something we were into that year, to help us remember it much like an annual charm on a bracelet. I also did little things like cutting the characters off of their infant mobiles and making ornaments out of them...or their favorite toys from Happy Meals or whatever and making ornaments of them. Theirs a lot of fun stories and everyone smiles and retells their stories when we decorate the tree with these every year. So to me, that's an equivalent that isn't "girly".

And yes, there are special heirlooms that boys can receive that can be passed down as they become adults. I have a little box for each child that has only certain tshirts (not just any old thing, but their favorite, or my favorite, or something sentimental for whatever reason) and some day we will cut those shirts and have them made into a quilt. We probably won't do that for their jerseys (well maybe the youth jerseys but not the later ones that are nicer), because I have something else roughly in mind for those---shadowboxing. But we're not there yet, my guys are still very young. But yes, we're planning the tshirt quilt. :)

I also agree that you shouldn't sweat not doing the exact same thing for each child. Each child is different, especially if they're a different sex. Just figure out something to do for each---it doesn't have to be the same thing, as long as each child gets something "collected" or saved just for them.
I love the suggestions about preparing the kids with money and/or "stuff" for when they move out. When I moved away, I had a stereo, a comforter, 3 soccer balls and 2 bags of clothes. That was literally all I had for awhile. So it could be good to give them a leg up, even though I cherish the memories of my milk crate and cinderblock with wood boards furniture of years past. :)

It's not an issue about fairness, it's more of the difference between boys and girls. Your girl will appreciate the sentiment of the yearly collection of charms into a pretty bracelet that she would proudly wear. A boy would not. However, in the interest of fairness, you should present the boy child with a single special gift of the same accumulated cost. It's hard to think of special sentimental gifts for teenage boys because they're not really into that. When I graduated from high school I pretty much wanted money and a stereo for my car! When I graduated college my Dad gave me a pair of silver spurs that my grandfather won in a rodeo - I appreciated that, but I was also 23.

Well girls are 'easier' in that, they wear charm bracelets and there are so many types.

Boys? No, they don't wear charm bracelets, and they might not be the type that wears jewelry.

But sure, do something for your son. Like you are doing for your daughter. It is only fair.

I have a daughter and son. She will get my jewelry, but my son will ALSO get some too. Even if he is a boy. Because, it is a treasured memento, of me, to him. And it has meaning.
And I have some collectible toys, that will be his too.
And some things that belonged to my late Dad, that will go to him, AND my daughter.
I have told my kids this already. They know.
It is special to them.

Why not, collect some pens, for your son? Collectible Pens, are a real investment and the value appreciates well. I'm not talking Bic pens. But real nice collectible pens. Fountain pens, or collectible ball point pens. Some of them are real works of art and limited editions and are even in museums. And, it is valuable.

Well boys are hard the only thing I can think of if putting money back to help with a car but then again your daughter would probably want that too. You might talk to him even being young he might be ok with it. Since he will be much older when you give it to her.

Savings bonds?
Btw, Sara, I think that a bottle of port is what you mean, rather than wine. I don't think the wine would be any good 21 years later.

Dawn