C.C.
Hi T.,
Yes, it's true that Miss Manners does not want gifts mentioned whatsoever on invitations. However. If you do not want gifts, you will need to put it on the invitation, otherwise nobody will know. (I know Miss Manners also says that you should speak with each person as they RSVP and tell them no gifts, but somehow I doubt Miss Manners ever had kids, a full time job, and tried to organize a party with the fun people at Pump it Up while tracking down the families of 20 kids to find out if they're coming or not.)
That being said, my daughter was invited to a birthday recently where the little girl's family asked for a donation for their school in lieu of gifts. I thought that was a great idea, as all schools can use money for capital projects, books, supplies, etc.
Also we were invited to a party last year where they asked that each guest bring a donation of canned food for the food bank in lieu of gifts. That's an easy one to get behind, and they got a TON of food for the food bank. Good to teach the kids that they should count their blessings as well as their birthdays!