Tough Decision Regarding Moving

Don't postpone your education. Start classes during the next semester. And please don't poopoo your in-laws generousity. Maybe they had nothing as children and don't want your child to have nothing. Take what you can use and give away the rest. Tell your inlaws upfront that you are going to donate their gifts every now and again and hope that they aren't offended. Say you don't have much space and don't want clutter (make your husband have this conversation).

Honestly, I cannot tell you whether you should move or not. It sounds like you need to develop your independence and your own voice.

I think you've received a lot of great advice! I really liked the idea about making a list with your hubby - set out your goals, write down your family values in order of importance and discuss it toghether. See if your current plan puts you in position to start accomplishing those goals. And, once you make your decision, look forward towards your goals, not backward from whence you came...:)

A quick note on the in-laws: consider having your husband address the over-generousity with his parents. It will be better received from their son than their daughter-in-law.

If you and your husband are on the same page with what you want represented as important to your children, then stand up for it and let him respectively approach his parents about it. One less battle you need to worry about.

I totally understand what you are going through. My family live 7 hours a way and would LOVE to see my son and the new one on the way all the time but its hard being so far away and always having to travel with him (and my husband doesn't really like going). My in-laws spoil my son to death! I think 90% of his clothes and toys are from them. It did bother me at first and it still does but I have to realize that they love him and just want to spoil him- hey isn't that what grandparents do? And the whole support thing- I don't have any here either. My grandparents live here but not much support (their old :)). I have two sister who I am very close with and would love to be near but you have to think of the much bigger picture. You have to think of your daughter (who I know means the world to you) you have to think of your husbands job- if you were to move could he get a job fast and a same paying job. And you have to think of yourself. If you came her to go to school THEn GO! If after you get done with school and everything is still the same the talk it over with your husband and consider moving. But really don't gip yourself out of an education. You want to give your daughter the best right???

Hi J.,

there so much more to making a decision like this one. like jobs, living arrangements (like selling your house, breaking a lease), your daughters schooling opportunities when the time comes and whether or not you are willing to short change yourself on the education YOU want.

Also, consider the possibility that 'absense makes the heart grow fonder'... try to step back and look at ALL aspects of your options objectively... maybe have your husband write down, or discuss with you what positive things he would see with moving vs. staying, and what things he would see as a negative in both places. And be sure not to let your emotions dictate too much of your list. be honest with yourself. If you decide that moving is not in EVERYBODY's best interest, ask your family to support that decision and not make you feel guilty for it. And to enforce your decision.... take those classes you wanted to take. part time, full time, student loans, whatever... get it done.

maybe if your friends would like to babysit - have them come to your home to do it.

regarding your in laws... if you dont want to hurt their feelings, you can say 'my goodness,... you guys are seriously too generous, but honestly, she doesn't need so much stuff and i dont want her to expect it... if you really want to help us out, we'd like to set up a college fund for her'. that way you are telling them that you appreciate their generosity but it's not necessary, and if they still want to give, they can do so in another way. it might not work... but it's worth a shot. i have found that some people show their love and affection thru material things. Obviously they have the means to do so... and myabe they do so because heck... it's what grandparents do :)

try to count yourself lucky that your parents do visit and miss you. my father has only seen my 16 month old son twice (he live 30 miles away) - my brother has never met my son (he lives about 20 miles from us)in spite of me asking both to come for dinner, or a BBQ, and i now have a new baby (10 weeks old) that neither one have made any effort to see or call about. i would go to them, but honestly... i have 4 kids to pack up to visit them, and both of them smoke in their homes, and i dont want my kids in that.

Good luck...

Eight years ago my hubby moved me 16 hours away from my family. I can't say it was bad or better or worse. His family is great, but I miss mine terribly. I hate the weather here and the state politics are repulsive as far as the corruption goes...pretty bad I think for most states.

It is a tough decision and something that you will have to decide for yourself. None of us knows your family or his. You know it better than anyone.

You and your hubby need to sit down discuss it, write down the pro's and con's, research the two different economies and opportunities that are present in both areas.

Me personally I think that women need the support of family more than their husbands do. I can't complain about that because I couldn't ask for a better set of in-laws.

So do your research, write out the pro's and con's, look at the economics of it and so on.

Remember a few things though...if you own a home it will be nearly impossible to sell in this environment. What kind of interest rate did you get on you present home and what can you get for a new one? Are there the same job opportunities for you and your husband that exist in your present location? And is the cost of living better or worse?

I understand where you are coming from. I live in Chicago and my parents are in WA stae! I miss them and would love to live closer, but both my husband and my work is here. We are a 10 min drive from my in-laws. And though we all get along great there is still ther issue of 'spoiling the kids.'
Here's my advice:
Stay where your school and opportunity is. Sounds as though you are settling in pretty good. You will need to pick your battles with the in-laws. Have a talk with them, or have your husband say something. LAy down the ground rules. How you would like to raise YOUR child, what your expectations are of them. And when they do something you don't agree with, let them know. They won't do it again. Realize also that they are probably thrilled to have you closer and are not meaning to hurt you or disappoint. They are doing their 'job' to spoil your daughter. Isn't that what granbdparents and family do best? With my parents and family, since we see them only a few times a year, they totally spoil my sons! But because they don't get to very often, we let them. My 3 yr old gets to have snacks he normally doesn't, new PJ's, toys.
I know that if we moved clodser suddenly, i'd have to nip that habit in the rear!
Pick your battles, be assertive and strong on your decisions. They will probably respect you more for doing it than not.

You and your husband HAVE to be on the same page. If not, there will be resentment either way. Sit down, talk seriously about it and get on the same page. Tell him your concerns with his family. You've got to put it all out on the table so that a sound decision can be made. Good Luck!

This decision should be about what you want and what's best for your little girl. It doesn't matter what your family wants. That is their problem, you need to put up firm boundaries with them so that their misery doesn't affect you so much. Go out and get the book called Boundaries.
Also, if you feel those are your only 2 choices right now I would say go back to the area you used to live where your parents are. Not only do you need support more than anything right now but if there is a college there just go to that one.
Once you get your degree you will have more options and then you can take stock again and make new decisions. For now focus on that degree!
Also, why are those your only choices? You are too dependant on other people who can't or won't be there for you. You and your hubby can live anywhere he can get work so why not go where you ideally want to be and make NEW friends? Find a group of other moms/women with similar interests and start fresh. Your support system will grow. And I agree, pray about this. God Bless you!

Hi J.. What do you want? How long have you lived away from your parents? If it has not been long, maybe you should give it some more time before making a decision to move back. Do you like where you live now? Are you letting your family guilt you into moving back? Are you just feeling homesick. It can take months, even a year to settle into a new place. Are his parents really that bad? Grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandchildren. Have you talked to his parents about how you feel? Maybe they can start to be more supportive. They are just excited to have you close. In my experience, always move forward, you can never go back. Even if you do go back, it can never be the same as it was when you left.

I have been in your position, but reversed, we moved to be closer to my husbands family and we had more opportunitites there. I thought it was worth giving it a shot,but in the end I was so unhappy! While there are many things to consider, money, school, family, but in the end, what will make you happy. If we are not happy it afffects all aspects of our lives, our marriages and our children. Schools, friends, they will be anywhere, happiness however you must feel inside. I had a great job in Texas, I had a few friends, I had his family, but I was not happy, I missed my family so much and b/c of that unhappiness, it started to tear me apart and my marriage. Be selfish about this, trust me, where will you be happier? Everything can work out if you are happy! I hope this helped in some way! Good Luck!
M.

I totally sympathize with your situation. My family also lives 3 hours from us and we have debated many times moving so our children can grow up with family around (all my family and extended family lives there). Where we live now there is only my MIL and a few friends we've made since moving here. But . . . I totally agree with the post that said absence makes the heart grow fonder. Every summer I try to go and spend a week or two with my family and I am SO ready to leave after that time and this is how I know that I couldn't live down there again.
I would suggest you try to take some time off from work and spend a week with your family , without your husband and see what really makes you happy. Good luck!

Move closer to your parents. you can always have your friends visit for a weekend. you need all the support you can get when you have a child. make a comprise and maybe move about an hour away if you do not want to be in the same town. there are so many schools out there, so look for any one of them to continue with your education. in the long run, it will be the best decission you can make.

It sounds to me you would like a easy out as far as his parents getting her too much come on she is only gooing on 2 getting her things is not all that bad talk to them about what bothers you or let your husband talk to them. Your family should not be making you feel guilty you are a adult and should act like one your husband sounds like he loves you very much and your main concern should be what is best for your living and support some day neither of your parents will be alive and you will have your family and what is best for Your family. Grow up and tell your family to but out of making you feel guilty and if they keep calling and upsetting you don't carry on that conversation with them if they start talking about it tell them you have to hang up you don't want to listen to it you love them but you need to go by your decision and you will only talk about other things. Don't let this hurt your marriage and family if your husband has a better chance of job and security you better stay there. But it sounds like you want to move back and you need to leave the nest and start your own, will you want your children to go through this when they get old and leave the nest, do as your family say the rest of their lives come on (it is calling growing up and having responsibilities). Good luck love and cherrish your family and look deep into your heart what is best for Your family that you have, your husband and child and You. Good luck but it is up to you how you are going to be stay and make yourself like it or give into your family the rest of your life.

my suggestion is to finish the college then think about the move. my parents live an hour and a half away and visit 2 times a year- never over night. never watched the kids. they play long enough with the kids to get a picture with them and thats it. so you are so lucky to have both set of grandparents that are so loving. my in laws are the greatest but live in CA- they do come once a year and stay 1-3 months and are awesome.

You can go to college in any county in America. Talk to your inlaws and let them know that they are not to give anything to the child unless it is a special occasion or you'll give it away to less fortunate children. Love is what the child needs from them,not being BOUGHT. I'm 60 years old and my mother always did this to my daughter. It didn't make her love her gram any more than her other gram. In fact, her fathers parents lived close by and played with her daily. That's what my daughter loved: to this day! Let your in-laws read this. You can live wherever you want. If it doesn't affect hubby job. You could move to a community between point A and B. Be tuff mommy. These things are for your little girls best.

I say do what you feel is best for you. What will make you more comfortable? If you move because your family is making you feel guilty, I believe, if you don't really want to be there; there will be some resentment. But, if you stay because your husband likes it, you won't truely be happy. Take time to soul search this issue and (if u know the Lord)pray about it. Due what's best for you but ensure that you and your husband both are happy.

it sounds like you wnt to move, but your husband doesn't. Have you discussed all of the issues about moving verses staying with him? maybe there is a compromise to be made in regards to spoiling and where you live?

It's really nice your husband is supportive of your decision to want to leave. I've lived in the Chicagoland area for the past 5 1/2 years (since we got married) - I'm from the Springfield area and have wanted to move back from day 1. I was 24 when I moved here (my husband's from here as well as his family - my family, friends, aunts, uncles, etc are down near Springfield)as I thought it would be a better opportunity to grow in a career. I gave myself time to get used to it and I've only started disliking it more every year. Now I have a 16 month old and my parents love him to pieces = are so active (when they get to see him that is = maybe once every couple of months)- my extended family down there would be so supportive and he'd be around family that cares and takes an interest in his life. My husbands family loves him, sure, but they only live 1/2 hour away and we see them about as much as I see my parents. What's the point in staying here then? I can always find a job and a place to live, but my son won't always have a childhood - I want him to grow up and be happy where I did = where it was safe and cousins were always around. When I really put my foot down and told my husband this he didn't talk to me for a couple of days and pouted. I'm not sure what's going to happen with us, but whatever you feel strongest about in your heart - since your husband is supportive - go with that. don't let anyone guilt you into your decision = go with what's right.
Best wishes!!!!!!!!!

You have to do what's best for your family, meaning you, your hubby, and little girl. What would happen to your job and your husband's job if you moved?