J.
Hi S.,
I went through infertility for 6 years before having my son and secondary infertility for 4 months before having my daughter. This is just to give you a little background on me to help you understand my opinion and suggestions.
First off be supportive, don't ignore the situation by not bringing it up, that will just make her feel more alienated than she already feels.
There is nothing you can do or say that will make her feel better. You can't stop your life because of her situation and you shouldn't. I still went to my friends kids birthday party's and baby showers and even was a god-mother to my friends daughter. Yes all of this was very hard and at times emotionally draining. Your friend is going to have to decide for herself what is to much. You can't read minds so she's going to have to tell you what her boundaries are and your going to have to be supportive enough to accept them without feeling slighted.
This may or may not be the start of a seperation in your friendship, depending on how strong she is. But that happens in many friendships as you get older and move in different directions in your life. It's not always about kids.
You could suggest to her about the groups section on www.yahoo.com . I belonged to an infertility group there for almost 10 years. It was comforting to talk to other women going through the same thing and it gave me hope as many of us got pg while in the group. Many of us stayed after for years to offer support to the remaing members. Your friend may feel very alone and not have anyone to talk to. Yes you can lend a sympathetic ear, but the best thing for her is to talk to other women going through the same thing. She will be shocked at how many of us are out there.
You are not doing anything wrong by the way. I wish some of my friends did what you are doing by getting helpful advice, it would have saved me some hurt feelings along my journey.
Good Luck to you and your friend!
J. in Macomb