Too Sheltered for Self Confidence?

My daughter started kindergarden this past year and she is also very sweet and mild mannered. I worried that she would not stand up for herself. She has learned to be a little more aggressive. Some kids are just mean and all of them say mean things at one time or another. I tell my daughter to just be herself and if someone is not nice then to ignore them. However, I also tell her that if someone is doing something to her that she doesn't like - taking her things or messing with her - that she should tell them, "Stop. I don't like it when you do that." or she should tell the teacher if it continues. I don't want her to be a tattle tale, but she is young enough to need intervention if someone is really giving her a hard time. The teacher said during our parent teacher conference that she was worried about her at the beginning of the year but that she had started standing up for herself, which is great. I am also shocked at some of the things they say. They are friends one day, then the next day they say, "I am not your friend." All normal, apparently. Role play some situations with your daughter. Some times the best response is no response at all.

Just because your daughter decided to ignore the other little girl doesn't make her too "prim and proper". Actually, I think your daughter did the right thing. Our whole lives are filled with people who are just mean and rotten people. Most of the time, they don't deserve a response. Teaching your child to be selfless and to have compassion on others whether they deserve it or not is one of the greatest lessons you can teach her. That's not the same thing as saying she's a doormat. Have confidence that you're going down the right path.

you may be taking this too much to heart. This is one incidence and in kindergarten. You put the idea in her head that it was okay to speak up. You've got many years to offer tid bits like this with hopes they will sink in. Keep in mind this could just be your daughters personality and try not to worry so much, or take it personally. She may grow up to be one of those easy going people that carefully picks her battles rather than a people pleaser.

I feel for you because I know exactly how you feel. I have an almost 5 year son who is extremely polite and will bend backwards to please other kids he knows. The other day, we got to show his photo album in class for his birthday. We left it behind because the teacher wanted to shre it with his class. We met this kid who my son calls one of his best buddies for a playdate and the kid ridiculed my osn by saying, "No one saw you album. No one wanted to" when my son asked him if he did. Totally uncalled for. I was shocked and later when I told my son that was a mean remark, he just defended his friend. So I wonder, will they eventually figure it out? Is it just low self -awareness? because I don;t want it o be lo self-esteem! I guess, wait anotehr year and see if they become more aware of themselves is what we should do. Good luck and hang in there (with me :))

On a playground,sometimes ignoring the other kids does work best, because ifthey don'tget a reaction out of you, they leave you alone. Of course that depends on how far it goes, or if it continues.
As for the other little girls remark, she could of just said "I was so happy mom came to visit, you hurt my feelings by your remark." So that your little girl would see that instead of hurting the other girls feelings, she was letting her know that her feelings were hurt. But there are some kids like this, that will always be like that, into adult hood, so it may of been just as well your daughter didn't say anything, as it probably wouldn't do any good anyway. at just 4 1/2 I think your daughter sounds like a great kid, and most at that age are arguing etc. with others, and sounds like she is above it, instead of joining in.

As long as you are teaching her it's NOT OK to let people treat you like that, she'll get it eventually. But you have to be consistent and practice what you preach. She sees and hears everything! IMHO...if you happen to witness any exchanges by all means, you should correct the other child's behavior in front of your daughter if the other parent fails to. Politely of course. If I had been in that bathroom I would have said something along the lines of "Hi Michaela, I'm Suzie's Mom...it's so nice to meet you! Suzie talks about all the time! You know...I think you might have hurt her feelings by saying you don't care that I'm here. That wasn't a very nice thing to say was it?"

And I certainly wouldn't begrudge another parent correcting my child's behavior in front of me if I fail to. But that's just me. I know most people are probably very sensitive to those things. We all need to remember there's a lot of truth in the African proverb that it takes a village to raise a child. It's a grown-ups job to correct a child's behavior. We can't expect nor encourage our children to correct their friend's behaviors. That's a huge responsibility! The most we can expect is that they will draw from their experiences and as your daughter she's going to do what mom would do. It sounds like you're doing a great job with her already. Just remember, she's only 5.