Too Sad Too Much

Got no dough!?! Just start emailing me. I LOVE to talk to others. I just lost a friend because she moved. I will certainly crack you up!!! I've been sad before, dont like it. If you are interested, drop me a line.....I like to email throughout the day....just whatever you want. What do ya got to lose!?!

:0 Margaret :)

When my littlest was born, I suffered from feelings of panic and anxiety. My wonderful OBGYN described it as being like depression, but to the other extreme. She recommended a book by an author and therapist named David Burns. Here's the link to his book on depression:
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Update...

It's called Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy. Check with your local library to see if they have it or can order it from another branch. I can't recommend it enough. My doctor offered to put me on anti-anxiety medicine, but said I should try this first and I'm so glad I did. It made such a huge difference in my life. Please do give it a try.

The other book you might try (though it's a bit denser) is called Flow by Mihaly Csikzentmihaly. I think you'd find it helpful also, but start with the other one. With this one, it might not be immediately obvious how it will help, but stick with it. It's a book that helped me understand how to rediscover my joy in living.

And be sure to write back and let us know how're you're doing. This motherhood thing is a tough gig. It's so easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless. But please know you're not alone. I think this is something every reasonable thinking adult goes through. And mothers are particularly vulnerable because motherhood heightens all of our emotions, even the bad ones. And we never get enough sleep and it's so easy to feel alone in this journey.

But you are not alone. The wonderful ladies here a mamapedia will always be here and know what you're going through.

And one other thing ... pick a time period (a week, a month, something in that range) and if you're not feeling more yourself, go to your doctor and talk to them about it. It could be something like a thyroid issue. Some underlying chemical imbalance that needs to be addressed. Don't be afraid to seek help!

Dear Momma, I know that lie can be depressing in general, let alone raising a child on your own.
First of all, do you believe in God? He cares about you and knows everything you are going thru. Try talking to Him (praying) about your life and fears and dreams. He isn't Santa Clause and won't give you everything you want, but He will give you want you need. I go to church and I know people, but I'm not involved because my work schedule is not regular, so I don't have close friends at church who I feel comfortable sharing things with. But I have realized I need close friends. If you don't have one, pray for one and see who God puts in your life. We women need friends to talk with and do things with and to whine to. My closest friend lives in Iowa and I'm in Kansas. So sometines we do a lot of talking, but it's good to have friends that are nearby. See if there is a M.O.P.S. group near you to try. (Mothers of Preschoolers) They get together on a regular basis and take turns entertaining the kids. Getting out around other women and finding a good friend will help a lot. So will letting God into your life if you don't currently pay him any attention. Try reading the book of John in the bible. Hoping the Lord will give you some good friends that you feel comfortable talking to. Open up and that helps a lot!

Well, if you would like to chat on here or online, that might be a good way to vent. Also if you have some close friends, I'm sure it would help at least a little to involve them with your feelings so that you don't feel you are walking alone. I'm only 21, in college, and a soon to be mom come June. So I definately feel the pressures building and sometimes wonder how I'm going to be able to handle it all. Also I find when I'm depressed it's helpful to get out of that routine and change up daily habits, maybe even take a small trip to clear your mind !

Exercise. Get out and walk around the block. Take up running. Join the YMCA. The Y has a very flexible payment option for people who meet the requirements....they also have free childcare!
If you think it would help, you could try a church. Just know you are NOT alone. So many of us (single or not) suffer through periods of depression and sadness. You'll get through it.

oh sweetie. I am the most upbeat,positive person but this happened to me, too,a few years ago. I just got down and somehow I KNEW I was down and I just couldn't do anything about it. I would tell my friends and they would blow it off because I was always such an upbeat person. I had ONE friend who also had experienced this same little depression and she was the only one that would call and check on me. It made such a difference knowing that one person cared and "caught on". I would go through the motions but when everyone had left the house in the morning I would just go back to bed. Part of it was the time of year- THIS time of year!- and part was a lack of exercise and sun. Once I got back into my routine of walking the dog and riding my horse I began to feel better. Any day there is even a little bit of sun- put yourself out in it! I know there hasn't been much sun in Houston recently, hopefully El Paso is better. Take a walk. Put the baby in the stroller and walk the mall if it is too yucky outside to walk. A little exercise will do wonders for your brain and your self esteem. Also talk to your doctor. I'm not big on taking meds but sometimes you need a little boost to get you through a rough patch. Hopefully just seeing how many replies you get will give you a boost- people really do care. Depression is real. If you have one good friend, tell her how you feel and ask her to help you. Tell her you need someone to get you out of the house or call or whatever. Talk to someone. And Spring is around the corner- that should help lift your spirits. Good luck.

Hey A.,

I'm sorry to hear about your sadness. Do you know what could have caused this, did you recently have a baby? This could be an after effect of having a child and it can go on for more than a year. The fact that you are single and are having to provide everything can also cause this. I am single now and it's hard and I tend to go in and out of depress moods but when I realize this, I try and find something that will occupy my time and my mind.
Do your job offer counselor services? If so, take advantage of it. Think of what could be affecting you and take control of it, get some help.

A

When my daughter was 3 I began getting very anxious and having nightmares. I went to see my doctor who prescribed an anti-depressant. I was too anxious to take it for a very long time, then I started opening up to my friends about what I was going through. Turns out several of them had turned to an antidepressant and/or was still on one at one point or another. Being a mother (heck, being a female) in this consumer driven world of time demands and financial stresses is really difficult on the psyche. Women are not designed to be so isolated. And our modern workforce demands absolute obedience. I mean, it's impossible not to get depressed at some point or another. I know it's hard but try not to blame yourself for what you are going through and see a doctor. An antidepressant will help you get through the initial slump. If you have to, start off slow. I started by cutting my pill into quarter pieces. Currently, I only take half but it has made a world of difference for me. Then check and see if your insurance offers low-cost counseling. Often universities and medical schools will. You will be seeing a doctoral student but they are supervised by an experienced staff. I am able to see a doctor at a local medical school for $20 a week, but they determine your fee based on income - some people go for free. Anyway you manage to do it, try to find a way to see a counselor. While the antidepressant will help to make you feel more positive, the problems are still there. Talking with a counselor will give you the skills to cope and really change your situation permanently. Lastly, remember that this is temporary!! It's hard, when you are hurting so badly, to ever see a time when it will end. But it will. Have faith and believe in your own strength (which you have in abundance as a single mother) and you will get through this.

So many of us have been there, A., so we will be thinking about you and praying that you find a way out from under the dark cloud. When it hit me, I felt like I was a horrible person in every aspect of my life. People tried to tell me that I was overreacting about things but it wasn't until a professional told me how to deal with my load that I finally got free.

I found an intern who charged me such a small amount because we had no money then. He wasn't a full-fledged counselor yet, but he was so good at helping me take each segment of my life and break it down into small pieces. It was like I was trying to deal with all of my struggles as a whole. He taught me how to let some things go for now. Then we dealt with the most urgent things. What I thought were insurmountable obstacles ended up being a series of smaller obstacles that I could deal with one at a time.

Like you've already heard, he also made me get outside with my kids in the stroller. I walked the same route in the neighborhood at the same time every day. I met a neighbor who joined me. We smiled and waved at every person we saw. It was such a joy to make someone else's day by having my daughter wave at them and squeal hello. The older folks looked forward to our daily walk.

I found that I felt better when I could find ways to bring joy to someone else. I made cookies for others and it took me away from my difficulties for a while.

We know you will come through this. Moms are the strongest people in the world. Your child(ren) will learn from you how to handle the difficulties in life and be the better for it.

Hi A.,

Have you thought about talking to a pastor or someone in your church. They can usually give you "counseling" sessions for free. If you have any family around you maybe they can help watch your baby and you can take a mommy break. When I first had my daughter I went through a real emotional time b/c I never had a break. I felt very overwhelmed. She is now in a Mother's Day Out program and it really helps just to be able to get a break. I am also a member of a mommy group and it is nice to talk to others going through the same thing. Hope you get what you need.

Hi A.,
I don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but often your local non-profit organizations will have counselors that are available on a sliding-scale, so you only pay as much as you can afford. For example, I know that in the two cities I've lived in (San Antonio and Houston), Jewish Family Services offers this, and no, you do NOT have to be Jewish to use their services! I've known many people who've been helped by them. Secondly, have you had a check-up with your family doctor? I know people who have been helped by simply going on a temporary anti-depressant, which is something your family doc can prescribe. It seemed it was enough to get them out of their 'rut.' Your family doctor can also put you in touch with counseling services and maybe even a support group. Good luck! I hope you're feeling better soon. :-)

best thing to do would go get checked out by a doctor, also take a look at diet changes you may have made....used to work at a vitamin shop here in midland,tx. and b12 is great for mood problems. i have my brother in law on it and hes no longer depressed. plus its not high dollar. just make sure to research natural alternatives before considering anti-depresants....they can make you suicidal if you have no problems but you do start taking them. ive been there and it just turned out i had a vitamin deffecancy which doctors cant really point out if you do or not. also stress relief using aroma therapy and yoga will help lots.

You're not alone...many moms feel the same way. Perhaps in addition to finding a counselor with a sliding fee scale (there are many that do), you might be able to find a parent support group (usually its just moms in there)...As moms, we need the love and support of other moms to not feel that we're so alone. The saying "It Takes a Village to Raise a Child" is very true, yet we moms think we have to do it all alone and are the only ones suffering. Brainstorming ideas on everything from child care to relationship issues, support groups really are a godsend.

Another important thing to keep in mind that as a busy single mom, you might be depriving yourself of a good healthy diet and enough rest. You have to take good care of YOU too! Natural supplements, such as St. Johns Wort and vitamin B12, can help you with your mood. When we have babies, our brain and body chemistry changes dramatically, and perhaps you need vitamin supplements or even a prescription to help with depression. I would try to stay away from Rx's until you have tried other methods first, as they aren't always as useful as they are promised (and sometimes create more issues that you don't need). Good luck, and take care! You're not alone and things will get better!

I am a newly single young mother of a young baby and just 3 months ago I was quite depressed. I felt like I was at the end of my rope quite often and not having insurance to cover a visit to a therapist certainly didn't help. What DID help me get out of this rut was joining a playgroup on meetup.com. If you live in a larger city you can probably even find a group that's specifically for single parents.

I also found ways to cut back a little in order to be able to afford seeing someone about my depression. I found a psychiatric nurse practitioner, since she charges less than a doctor would (and the woman I see is 3x better than any doctor I have ever seen!) and asked to set up a payment plan to make multiple smaller payments rather than one large payment I could not afford.

Something else you might look into if you are working. Where I live, a lot of larger employers offer something called an "employee assistance program" which allows employees anonymously see a therapist or counselor for free (limited to a certain number of visits).

Good luck.

I got depressed after my daughter was about 3 months old. I realized I wasn't eating like I should AND I had stopped taking my fish oils. Once I started that things got so much better. Take a look at what you are eating and drinking every day. If you are not getting enough omega 3's and you are nursing you will get depressed. I know having no sleep doesn't help either. Getting ouside and doing a little bit of cardio will help you too. And tell your doctor. They can recommend someone for counseling if you need it. Being a single mom has got to be so tough. This was life changing for you. It will take some time to adjust. Just look in to your little ones eyes and realize what a blessing they are!

Not sure if there is a rehabilitation agency in your area but there is a rehab place here where I live and I think they work mostly with MHMR or people with diabilities including single moms that deal with post partum depression but they help provide jobs, schooling, supplies for school, counseling, and medication for depression. I had a friend that went thru this program and they payed for her to go to school and the supplies for school and when she graduated they also payed for her equipment she needed for her new job and while she was in school they payed for her to see a psychiatist and a counselor and they provided her with anti depressant zoloft that helped her alot. Hope this helps!! :)

Go to a doc and see if you can get on some anti-depressants. I've been on a mild one for over a year and it's done wonders! My doc put me on one of the depression meds that's on the Wal-Mart $4 list, so it doesn't cost much each month.

Whatever you do, do not allow people to bully you by saying "just get over it" or "choose to be happy." I had lots of people in my life telling me that. This was right after my husband died, I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't hold down a job, and Hurricane Ike destroyed my neighborhood (I didn't have electricity for 17 days, it was super hot/humid, and the city/state/FEMA said they couldn't help me because they considered my place liveable even with a 2-year-old here because we had running water). Whenever people told me to "choose to be happy" I felt they really weren't hearing what I was saying. They got sick of my complaining, in their opinion, and I got very suicidal. That's when I went on the meds. It took a year, but I finally "got over it" with a combo of the meds and getting rid of those people from my life! I didn't care who they were to me, I just needed them out of my life. Do this if you have to. It'll be tough, but you can do it!

Good luck!

I would start off seeing a regular doctor first. It couild be depression, which is a chemical imbalance, and is a real malady that affects moods and can make you feel sick. I have many family members who have had this. The doctor might prescribe you some medication. If you have depression, you also need to eat a healthy diet and get some exersize, these things in combination with medication can help you eventually get back on track. Don't be ashamed of getting help, you and your child deserve to be happy.

Perhaps your insurance company will pay for a counselor and you just pay the co-pays. Definitely look for a mom's group. Have any fun, upbeat music that you enjoy? Put it on while you go about your routine. I also think exercise is of HUGE benefit. YMCA's usually have scholarships for those who can't afford a membership or they offer fees on a sliding scale according to your income--counselors often offer a sliding scale, too. There have been other young moms on here lately who are feeling depressed. Dig around the questions and to see the answers they got. My advice: exercise , exercise , exercise...even if you don't feel like it. At the very least, go for a walk. Good luck!! You're not alone.

I agree with what the others said about finding a mom/kids group, if you're not in one, and also exercise. It's a great idea to look into seeing a counselor. You could also look for a depression support group -- sometimes it helps to talk to others who are going through the same thing. You are in a tough spot because you're the only one taking care of your child -- I have my husband to help, but I still have a hard time taking care of myself too. But it's really important, and taking care of your depression is part of being a good mom -- it's harder to do everything you need to do when you feel bad! Take care of yourself.

Get to a doctor for a physical. It may be any number of physical ailments making you sick. Check thyroid and ask the doctor to check any thing else that may be contributing to depression. If something in your life happened that is making you feel depressed, then talk to someone. I know you say you don't have money, but you need to take care of yourself and there are county mental health clinics and medical clinics that will work within your income. Look under "county" for mental health and health services. Also, if you already have a doctor you trust, ask for a discount or payment plan if you do not have health insurance. I have been through depression before, and it is usually a combination of physical and mental issues, so that's why I recommend visiting a doctor first. Also, there are many free groups. A doctor should also have referrals for groups. I worked in community mental health for 6 years, so I know there are resources out there. Pick up the phone, do it today, the longer you put it off, the worse it will be. Asking for help is the first step. Blessings.

Journal - I know this sounds like a pointless excercise, but start writing, you have a computer obviously, you can start a journal on your computer, password protect the document if you're concerned about privacy. PIck a topic or a phrase, a word, a verse of scripture and then start writing. There have been times I've started with the phrase - "I think this is the biggest waste of my time, how could writing in this little bitty book, make one iota of a difference in how I feel about............... and then WOW, the stuff that would just flow out of me on to the page!!!! It is very cathartic, it is amazing how much this can help.

Take a walk, you will likely have to force yourself to do this, but choose to do it, because everyone else says it will help. You don't have to believe it will help, you just have to choose to do it, because its free, and it can't hurt.

If you don't have a Church home, to seek counseling at no cost, then call the 1st Baptist Church, or the 1st Presbyterian Church, 1st United Methodist, you get the idea, keep calling Churchs until you find one that understands you need help, and you need it quickly. You might be surprised to learn how many times someone finds a Church family, because that Church made themselves available to help when they needed it most. You might also try to find a Church that sponsors Celebrate Recovery, this ministry meets the needs of hurting people, hurting from all types of hurts. A Celebrate Recovery Church will most likely have an excellent counseling staff.

You are doing the right thing by reaching out to others, often times just admitting you are struggling is the open door to feeling better. Hang in there, being a mom is hard, under the best of circumstances, so don't beat yourself up, just because you don't feel like you're doing your best right now, we all experience a season of life that drags us down at one time or another. If you seriously try all of the above, and nothing is working, you might need to seek medical treatment, there should be no shame or guilt about taking antidepressants, if you had a cold you would treat with medications, if you have clinical depression, it needs to be treated with medication, its as much of a physical condition as it it a mental health condition.

God Bless,
Deb

Do you go along to any mom and tot groups? Maybe try and join one in your area and meet some other mom's. What about friends? Do they have kids? Try and have a girls night once/month , if you don't have anyone to babysit and you can't afford a sitter then invite some friends over and have some food and some wine.

I hope you feel better soon