My 16yo is the mother hen in my family as well - partly in her nature and partly because I am a single mom - - - I remind her in a positive way, "Childhood only lasts a short while and you are already half way through - so enjoy it and let me be the mom."
Other thing that works - I tell the kids to stay out of each other's fights - - - When two are fighting the 3rd and sometimes 4th always try to get into it to "HELP". I remind them to stay out of the fight and go on having fun....
Work on respect - Your husband and you need to try not to scream and yell at them - not to raise your voice - almost to the condescending point - the more aggitated you two become the more negative energy the kids will have to feed off of...
Make one room in the house the "Safe Room" where no one can yell, insult or physically attack or tease - don't forget you and your husband have to follow that rule too...