Toddler Won't Stay in Bed - Smithfield,VA

You have to be presistant. I swear she will get over it being a game. Don't play don't seem happy about it. Set there and everytime she gets out the bed. Don't miss a beat just walk over scoop her up and put her back in the bed. Don't talk to her at all. Than go set back down. After a while of getting no response from you she will stop being happy and get REALLY mad. But it will work.

Have you tried putting a gate in her doorway...she can see out, but can't get out....honestly, we eventually locked the door from the outside, but it was a last resort.

Large Doggie gate, great dane size and a baby monitor. You tell her that she can't get out of bed til 6am. I know some moms used to lock them in the room. Take the toys out make it a sleeping room only place til she grows out of this. Maybe just put a noise maker in there where she can't reach it. We all sleep with white noise (rain or whatever) going now. Works very well for blocking out house noises.

Someone suggested a Pack n' Play -- if she can get out of a crib, she can get out of a Pack n' Play, and it's lighter than a crib -- she could overturn it. I would not put the crib back or use a crib tent. Kids can get caught and entangled in crib tents (see earlier posts) and once they are able to climb out of the crib they are done with it. I've posted it before but will say it again: My friend's toddler fell from the raised top rail of her crib and broke her arm. It could have been her head she landed on instead -- imagine that happening to your child.

This is not an issue for discipline, not at her very young age. She can't be expected to know she should stay put. She has a very interesting new world where she can actually escape her bed. So right now it's about teaching her what bedtime means -- and it means everything interesting is done for the day, including any reactions from mom or dad.

Others have said to be consistent and that's exactly right. You said you'd tried holding her down, taking her back to bed, closing the door, etc. -- Find just one thing to do rather than switching among several. It may seem for a while, a long while, that what you're doing isn't working and you'll be tempted to try something new, but all that will do is confuse her and make it a new game.

Don't hold her down physically; if that goes on long enough it may cease to be a game to her and could make her associate bed and bedtime with what feels to her like punishment and frustration. Do return her to bed. The first time you can quietly say "We stay in bed. Goodnight." But every other time after that, say nothing! Don't pick her up -- that's a cuddle to her and it's bedtime, not cuddle time. Just gently turn her around, maybe keep a hand on her shoulder, and put her back and don't react if she talks or calls to you as you walk away in silence. Be aware that this will take many, many times but you have to be very consistent and VERY calm -- yell or react and it either becomes the game she likes or it upsets her (and you) and no one sleeps.

One important thing -- You and your husband both MUST handle this the same way. If, for instance, you do it by returning her silently over and over and over but his technique is to carry her to bed in his arms and hold her there, she will very quickly learn to fuss until Dad does the duty because she knows Dad will cuddle her and play the wrestling game. You and he have to agree on how you'll both do this and it should be the same process used by both of you. Otherwise she'll figure out that one of you reacts to her and plays her "game" while the other doesn't.

Someone else mentioned returning their child to bed 15 or more times a night for a while. That's the reality with many kids and yours is young for this transition but you can tough this out now or tough it out later. If you backslide to a crib with a tent, you'll just be putting off the inevitable. Good luck and most of all, keep calm even if it means gritting your teeth to keep from yelling at her to please, please go to sleep. I know from experience how frustrating this is!

My oldest did the same thing. Once she has mastered getting out of the crib, putting it back up will not work - she has a great new skill and will want to keep using it. My pediatrician had some scary stats on injuries from falls from cribs.

You and your husband just have to decide to be more patient, more calm and more stubborn than she is. With my son, after his official going to bed routine, I would take a book for me to read and sit against the wall outside his room with the door open. Every time he got out of bed I put my book down and calmly walked him back to bed or picked him up and put him in bed - and as the other moms said - don't say anything! (and especially don't get mad - she'll take mad interaction as a great excuse to stay up). You just have to keep doing it until she stays in bed. I think we did some version of this every night for at least 2 weeks which sounds exhausting, but then you've won more than the going to bed battle - you will have proved to her you mean what you say - without yelling, screaming, punishing or negotiating.

After the bed thing, every time my son tried to negotiate something non-negotiable I would just look at him in a kind, but firm way and ask "Is this my "you're going to bed look"? and he'd give up on negotiating. (the only way to keep this going effectively, however, especially with a very bright inquisitive child, is try to make many things negotiable as is reasonably possible - always pick battles carefully.)

Good luck - the breathing techniques from natural childbirth classes help here as well:)

We had the same problem with our just turned 2 year old. We had to put a gate on his door and basically do sleep training all over again. So we set the timer for say 2 minutes, 4 minutes, and 6 minutes and would lay him back down each time. It took about a week, but stopped being a game. I actually posted a similar question on here on May 7 under All Other Topics and received lots of great advice if you'd like to review.
Good luck!

My son did this and it took quite a while before we could get him to stay in his bed every night. We put him in at about 19 months and it was almost his birthday before he stayed in bed. We tried the walking back to bed without saying a word - he found it as a game and it would go on for hours. The two things that we found that worked 1. wearing him out as much as possible, which also meant making sure his nap didn't run too long and 2. locking the door. You can lock the door two ways - either reverse the door knob so you can lock it from the outside or put a hook and eye lock on the outside. He would eventually read some books and climb back in bed. Sometimes we would find him on the floor and move him back in bed. It will work, but it can be a long process. Good luck.

Buy a crib tent, and put that crib back up! I had the same problem with my then 18 month old. We put the crib tent on, and now she is 2 1/2 and still in the crib!

You need to nip that in the bud now or else you will be running after your daughter in the next few years. Hang the belt on the door knob and the next time she gets out of bed tell her to bring the belt with her.

You have to be firm, but not rough. Just keep walking her back. Don't say a word. OR Gate her in her room and leave.

Do you still have the crib components? They sell 'tents' for cribs for youngins who won't stay in. That may be your safest/best bet. 17 mos may still be a little too young for her to be in a toddler bed, so you may just have to put the crib back together and tent it. Good luck!

1. I try to make sure my daughter is tired at bedtime. That means that her bedtime is now nearly an hour later than it used to be. If she isn't tired, there is no getting her to calm down.

2. I cuddle up with her. She goes to sleep and I sneak out.

make her tired. that or make it a crib again and get a crib tent. mine lay in bed and watch tv til they drift off.

Hi. I have had the the same problems with my children. I know how frusterating it is. I have also tried sitting next to the bed (it worked with my son but not with my daughter). My daughter climbed out of her crib when she was 15 months. Do you have a Pack'n'Play? That might help temporarily until she figures out how to climb out of that. My daughter is 2 now and we are still struggling to get her to sleep in her room. Most nights I have to rock her to sleep in another room and then lay her down in her bed. Just about every night she ends up in our bed so that we can get some sleep. I know that is not the best advice but sometimes you just have to do what helps you get through each day.

Good news is that she will eventually be sleeping in her bed. I have a 5 year old boy that we also struggled with at bedtime. He now goes to bed easily after storytime and sleeps all night. I never thought that would happen!!:-)

Install a hardware mounted gate in her bedroom door so she can't get out, baby proof her room (outlet plugs, anchor dressers to the wall etc.) then let her sleep on the floor. Eventually she'll figure out that the bed is more comfortable. Sleeping on the floor isn't going to do her any harm. Oddly enough, my almost 2yo boy actually prefers the floor. He sleeps better and longer on the floor, isn't that weird? He loves camping because we get to sleep on the ground. Most night he goes to sleep in his bed (I lay my head down with him for a minute and we talk about how mommy needs to go get her work done, but she's always near by and he's not alone) and then sometime in the night he moves to the floor if he doesn't come into bed with us or my older son.

The important thing to remember is to stay calm and treat it like it's no big deal. Just confine her in her safe room and let her figure it out for herself.

Hi Wendy,
Our two boys have twin beds, are in the same room and a lot of the time either my husband or I will lay next to them on the floor on th on their old crib mattress. This way we watch them, if they get up we are quick to tell them to get back in bed, close their eyes and be quiet. Now they have a routine of going potty first, blowing noses and getting a drink of water before they get in or else they are up every couple of minutes with a new excuse. Some nights when we are exausted or one of us is only home I will just adamently tell them they better stay in bed or else. Good luck. It will get better, just be patient.

was this all 1 try? if it was, you gave up to early. don't switch tactics. i have 3 boys and my 4 yr old and 2 yr old sleep in beds in the same room. the crib to bed transition was rough w/ each of them. we did what you tried first:putting them back to bed w/o speaking to them. it does eventually work. it takes FOREVER the 1st few nights and then gets, gradually better. you also may want to consider nap modification. that is an issue that we just resolved w/ our 2 yr old. he had gone back to constantly getting out of bed. we figured out that he just wasn't tired. we eliminated his nap and now bedtime is a breeze. is she still on 2 naps? try going down to 1. if it's already just 1 nap, make sure it's early enough in the day. if it is, then try going w/ out. different kids have different needs so that may not be the issue but, if the nighttime routine doesn't improve, it may be worth trying. good luck!!

My first son was the same way. We moved from overseas and he went from his playpen to a toddler bed. What I found is that he has to wind down for about 20 minutes after we put him to bed. So we started to read him a book.

What I found worked the best was the walking him back to bed method. However, the key here is NO TALKING after the first time you put him back in bed. As parent's it is hard to not say anything. The first time you lead her back to bed, let her know that it is bed time and she is expected to stay in bed. Then, everytime after that when she comes out, take her back to bed but SAY NOTHING! No talking is the key. Do not engage her after the first time.

THe first night took two hours, the second night toook about an hour, the third night took about 45 minutes and after that, the time just got smaller. Another reason we found out why we had such a hard time is because his naps were to long. Eventually, we gave up naps but once we did, he went to bed with no problem.

You can find this method and others in John ROsemond's " How to make the terrible two's terrific". I see that other people have recommended locking the children in room but I was unable to do that. For some reason, I just do not like shutting doors on children. So, we were almost at the point of making half doors out of our doors and then I found the book.

If you try this method and wear her out, and do a normal nightime routine to help her body realize it is nite nite time, eventually, she will stay in her bed.

Well, yea, it is a game, and it will be until the novelty of being able to get into and out of bed at will diminishes. We have double trouble in our bedroom (two girls 10 mos apart who were moved to toddler beds at the same time and thought it was a party). We don't have ANY toys beyond sleep buddies in the bedroom, and have knob covers on the door so they are "stuck." Of course, they are entertainment enough for themselves, but for the most part after a few months, just go to bed now. With nothing to play with, they get bored. Found the oldest on the floor by the door a few times, but just picked her up and put her in bed before we went to bed for the night. Don't worry, and don't make a big deal about it. Enjoy her and try not to drive yourself crazy.

I kind of laughed inside about this one Wendy. If I do not do enough day and evening activities with my son, he will flip and flop get up and walk around, go in the fridge, have a snack, etc when time for bed. Also, if his naps during the day are too long, I won't expect him to sleep at a decent hour. Perhaps a rigorous sport outside with friends like kick ball or hide and seek, or duck duck goose, etc. followed by bath, teeth brushing and storytime would help. Give it a shot! My husband says to "wear him out" meaning get him to the point with so many activities that he is exhausted and he climbs in his bed with a sleepy smile and embraces "Nighty night" time(and we parents get our rest too) Yaaaaaaay!!!!!

Try putting the door knob covers on the inside of her room door so she can't come out. Otherwise, yes, it is a processes of going into her room 1,000 times, if necessary, and just putting her back in bed and walking out. Good luck!

it is a game.. until you totally won't engage with her at all and it gets boring because you are not laughing along with her. it can take hours for it to be not bOring for her. when I moved my daughter to her toddler bed in a new room because my second daughter was due to arrive (she was 19 months old) we elected to put up a gate so that she didn't feel locked into her room because she could see out the door.. but the room was "safe" and so if she ran around a little bit.. before settling into her bed, then so be it. Nap times she would play a little bit (I would give her books she could get to to look at) but ultimately she climbed in and went to sleep. nighttime.. she just stayed for the most part. It is just another thought. your procedure WILL work.. but you need to commit to it completely and stick with it. It will be hardest at first.. but when she realizes that you are not changing anything, she will quit on it. good luck

My son climbed out around that age. We tried toddler bed (mattress on floor) which = SCREAMING. Then we bought a crib tent. It's the best thing that happened, ever. He's still in there and will be 2 next month. I highly recommend them.

wendy, you tried all these things in one night then concluded they don't work?
consistency requires deciding on your strategy and sticking to it. your first one was great, but it's not going to work just like that. the next two sound like games to me too, i'd be right there with her (assuming of course that being forced down onto the bed and held there wasn't perceived as coercive and terrifying.)
pick your plan, stick to it and BE PATIENT. nothing works in a single night.
khairete
S.

We had the same problem with our son and did the same things you already tried which did nothing. I talked to a few friends and my pediatrician, and since the gate didn't work (he pushed it down), we would leave it open a crack, if he opened it, the door was closed. If he opened it again, he got locked in. He still sleeps in front of the door (6 months later) but with no protests and we don't need to lock it anymore. The doctor said as long as he sleeps, to just let him sleep where he wants in his room until he figures out the bed on his own.

Our son starting climbing out at 16 months and it was just too young for him to be wandering around, even in his room. So, we got the crib tent & it worked out great. He actually loves it and feels very secure. Our Ped. said too keep him in the crib until he's 3 if we can. He's almost 30 months now and still asks to be zipped in. When he wakes up in the AM, he just calls us to come get him.

There are a couple of things you can do. You can get the knob covers and put them on the inside of her door so she can't get out (we did this w/my now 3yr old when we 1st transitioned her @ 19mos b/c we needed the crib for her brother).she did eventually figure it out and could open the door. You can baby gate the door. We did that w/my oldest. Just make sure that you get one that has a swinging door, otherwise they are a pain to take down and put back up. If she is climbimg out of her crib, she may try to climb the gate, so be wary. With our son, who is 20mos, we are buying a crib tent b/c he has no fear and loves to climb. I'm afraid if I put him in a toddler bed that he will be jumping off the bed, climbing up his dresser or changing table. It just wouldn't be safe. I hope you find what works for you, every kid is different.

You may have already received this advice and feel frustrated in response. Both of my girls went through a tough time at about 18 months and then periodically would test me as they got holder. My husband and I found that we had to tag team each other and just do the walk back to bed with no talking or interaction. Unfortunately, it works better on an older child, but our girls eventually got the message and went from 15-20 times a night to once or twice at the beginning of the evening. Also, it my seem counter intuitive, but we had early bedtimes for them (especially considering the long process some nights of the in and out of bed game). The later we put them to bed, the worse their behavior seemed to be.
Good Luck

I posted a similar problem a little while ago. My daughter started climbing out at 22 months, and now she just turned 2. we still have hard nights every once in a while, but she has gradually gotten better and better about staying in her toddler bed and going to sleep. I moved her nap time up a bit (to about noon instead of 1 or later) and basically just keep putting her back into bed when she gets out. when i don't have patience or if she is too wound up and acting like it is a game, then i just put the safety gate on the door and leave her. at first she would fall asleep on the floor by the door, but now she will crawl back into bed sometimes and fall asleep there. we just had three perfect nights in a row, where we left the door open, no safety gate, and she stayed in bed like an angel and fell asleep on her own. yay! i didn't try a crib tent because a lot of people on here didn't think it was a good idea. (you can see reponses here: http://www.mamasource.com/request/14176334495443124225)
either way, just try to relax, and know that this is just a short phase! also, our daughter is very verbal, so i tried explaining what we expected in a very loving way, and told her i would just be doing boring things like cleaning so that she wouldn't be tempted to come out. also, bought her her first pillow, and that seemed to help. she doesn't end up using it much while sleeping, but she likes it.
good luck!

I echo Jody's respnose....put the crib back up! We tried a toddler bed with my 18 month old as well, and it wasn't a sleeping place to him. So we put him back in the crib. He seems to like the enclosure for security when he sleeps. And yes, he climbs out all the time, but at night when he's tired, he knows it's his safe place to sleep. And then he climbs out in the morning. My other son - almost 4 years old - slept in his crib until he was 3 and then very smoothly transfered into a bed. Good Luck!

We transitioned my son to a toddler bed when he was about 2 1/2. He was climbing out of his crib. We got him an actual toddler bed since we are going to use his crib for the next child. It is a Lightning McQueen bed, not shaped like the car but it has the cars painted on the head and footboards. His sheets and blanket and pillowcase are the Cars theme as well. We hoped it would make him more excited about sleeping in a toddler bed. We did have to put the baby gate up at his door and he gets out of his bed sometimes but we have his room child proofed to the point we feel he is safe. We are usually getting ready for bed at the same time as him or shortly afterwards. We at least turn the lights down and quiet the house when we put him to bed. If he gets up and struggles to go to sleep we take turns going to check on him and just tell him to go to sleep and usually he will only stay up an hour at most after we have put him down. We do the whole bedtime routine with brushing teeth and 2 books a night. She is younger so another option may be to even just put the matress on the floor, a friend of mine did this with her son and it worked just fine for him. Good luck!