Toddler Thoughts and Ideas

I don't have much advice because I am going through the same thing with my twin girls. They are 16 months and say about 5 words. One just started walking a month ago. The EI I went to said to give it a little more time. Its not advice but I am just letting you know you are not alone in this situation.
L.

Hi Alison,

Discuss this with her pediatrician. If you are not satisfied with his/her observations/comments, and feel there is something being overlooked, get a second opinion.

Being late in walking and talking is not uncommon ... but she does not know her parents? That concerns me.

best wishes

Hi Alison,

You must be so stressed and so worried; please don't beat yourself up over this. It sounds like you're doing everything right! Sometimes kids have their own schedules--my son was not really speaking at 2 (so we took him to therapy and he won't shut up nowand is beyond bright)and yet one of my daughters was speaking in full sentences at 10 mos. Same parents, same treatment. Explore every option so that you continue to feel like you've done everything you can and are getting as much early intervention as you can--it can only help.

The only thing that really concerns me about your post is the statement that she has yet to know who you and your dad are--that part seems serious to me, and I would consult with your pediatrician about taking her to a neurologist or possibly a DAN pediatrician (defeat autism now) to make sure there are no spectrum issues--if there are, the earlier and more aggressively they're dealt with, the better. I have friends with kids on the spectrum and the early therapies have helped them to the point that you would never know there was anything amiss. I don't mean to worry you further, and if I misunderstood your statement, my deep apologies. Good luck with everything.

It sounds as if you are doing all the right things. You cannot "force" your child to do things at a quicker pace than what she is ready for. You do have her in a program, which is great. You may want to get a 2nd opinion if you are not satisfied with what her doctor told you.

Also, you never mentioned if she was pre-mature or not. I do know that babies born pre-mature do tend to be behind and their development should be calculated by their gestitional age and not their actual birth age. For instance a baby born a month before actual due date will generally be a month behind in development for their birth age but still be completely normal in developing as they should.

Hi Alison. I completely feel your concerns. My son was also a late walker. He didn't start walking until he was 22 months. THAT IS A LATE WALKER! And he didn't begin crawling until almost 15 months. Needless to say I was very concerned. He did however begin talking at 15 months. He met his language milestones very, very early while his physical ones remained delayed.

We contacted EI at 18 months and he now receives PT twice a week and it has made such a difference. He is now fully walking, in the early stages of running, and trying to jump.

Many, many other mom's would keep telling me not to worry. They would say things like, "Why are you so worried? He will walk in his own time." These types of comments, although well meant, were not helpful. Acknowledging a mom's stress over the delayed development of their child by saying something like, "Wow. That must be stressful for you. How are you doing?", is much more helpful and thoughtful. I had only one other mother say that to me and I burst into tears because she was the first person to truly acknowledge how I was feeling.
Good luck with everything and keep up with the EI sessions.
Smiles,
J.

If at the age of 2 your child does not know who you or your husband are I would have her checked by a doctor. I have 2 year old twin boys and although one speaks much more than the other, they both know who we are and are happy to see us when we come in the room. I wouldn't be too worried about when she walked, but I would be concerned about her inability to recognize people and things.

Hey Alison- my son hit his physical milestones early but speech was and continues to be delayed. He also was connected to me but not like my daughter had been, he wouldn't make eye contact or would ignore his grandmas, with the help of speech he overcame this but it took about 6 months. We were also seeing a developmental pediatrician who was also very helpful. It's hard when your so active and watching other children, just keep on helping her and it should turn out okay.

It sounds to me like you are doing everything right and you are a wonderful mother! Children develop at different times, my son began walking at 8 months and both my daughters at 16 months....
As for the talking, this too could be normal, have you talked to your DR about it? You may want her ears checked, (one of my daughters was late in talking and it turned out to be her ears, fluid from allergies. ...).or there is a group called 'birth to three' that you can look into that can evaluate her and determine if she needs any help. Hope this helps....

my son was a late walker @ 17 months (but so was his dad, but I wasn't worried). He was also a late talker - we thought it might have been due to fall at 9 months where he lost teeth but were never sure - he wasn't quiet though :)

Anyway we put him in our districts pre-school-disabled program for language delay. It really helped him. He's 6 1/2 now, entering first grade (he was born in October, past our districts cutoff), very smart, reading, talking, almost swimming - at the end of kindergarten his one weakness was cutting curved lines with scissors.

In short:

Sometimes kids grow at their own pace
EI (or even if you get help through the school district at age 3) is wonderful!

I don't think you're doing anything wrong, but that old saying applies...try your best not to compare your children :) keep up what you're doing and if you're not happy with the progress get a second opinion...you are your child's advocate!! one suggestion I have after having 2 of my 5 boys in speech is (if you haven't already done this)is change the way you speek to her so that she can't give you a yes or no answer(or head nod). Try to ask do you want milk or juice instead of do you want juice...and push manners please and thank you should come with every request(of course it's the effort of a sound so "p" and "dat" will do just fine :)it's good practice for manners and it requires they speak more :) goodluck!!!

Its so hard not to worry when "the book" says baby should do a - b - c at specific times. If her doctor is not concered, you shouldn't be either. If he/she is concerned, then have her evaluated and get her some help. Different children (even with the same parents) do things differently and on different time lines, but they do it all. My 1st daughter was born early and I was Soooo worried when "the book" said she should be doing something and she wasn't. My Mom told me over and over again - Everybody walks and talks before kindergarten! and she did. Enjoy your child now, ask your doctor some questions and if the answers are reassuring, stop worrying so much. She'll only be little for a short time, but she'll be herself forever. whether she's a chatterbox or a quiet child doesn't matter. She only has to be herself. Good luck to you and give yourself a break, you sound like a grat mom.

Dear Alison,

I know I'm coming very late to this; I just wanted to add one thing:

YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT!

Please don't blame yourself or question yourself. It's the most natural and understandable thing in the world -- I do it myself every day for all sorts of things (my son also went through EI and will probably need a developmental preschool) -- but ultimately it won't help you or your daughter. If you can, let go of the idea that you're in any way to blame and just focus on following up with EI and getting an appointment with a developmental pediatrician, as others have recommended. Your daughter may well catch up, many, many children do -- or it's possible her life course will be different than that of some other children -- but either way, the love you're already giving her as a mom will be the most important ingredient in her young life.

(I'm sorry -- I fear the above sounds like an empty platitude, and that's not what I want it to be. I'm trying to very succinctly get at the hard truth of letting go of comparisons and self-blame.)

I also just want to pass along the title of a book I saw on Amazon recently. It's called "Shut Up about Your Perfect Children." (Not directed at you, obviously, but at all the moms on every playground who brag obliviously about their little super-achievers.) It struck a chord for me, and I thought it might for you as well.

Very best wishes,

Mira

You are doing the right things! You are accessing EI (you recognized the delays) and are keeping her engaged and active. Give her time and try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Talk with the EI therapists and see if there are specific ideas that will reinforce her goals!

Perhaps you are doing too much for her and anticipating her needs. Do you give her something to drink before she wants it? Give her meals or a snack before she is hungry? Does she point to get what she wants? Its possible she has no reason to talk. This happens a lot with a second child that has an older sibling interpret for them. Try encouraging her to ask for things, if she fusses and points ask her if she wants milk? Then encourage her to say milk.
When she is 14 you will have to pry her off the phone, so dont worry.

Hi Alison:

She may just be learning and growing at her own wonderful pace! She may be teaching you the gift of feeling secure and accepting oneself, with no judgement. If you feel that there is another reason, getting her developmentally tested is probably an option.

All the best,
N.
Holistic Healthcare Practitioner
www.WholeCreations.com

Hi Alison, I used to lie awake thinking the same things, but I had to let it go and focus on the great things our 3y/o does. He didn't walk until 17 months, and at 3 is saying two, maybe three word sentences or requests. EI Speech therapy has done wonders, and an integrated school(1/2 special needs & 1/2 "typical" children) will do him well. Keep up with the EI. At home, I took and printed pictures for everything. a picture of me "mommy", a pic of dad "daddy", a picture of him eating "I am eating", a pic of him in the bath "I like bath," and so on. . . Don't blame yourself, it won't make anything better; just keep working with your baby girl and DO NOT compare her with anyone, she learning and understanding at her pace... don't we all learn at own pace?
blessings.

Hi Alison,
Do not worry about doing this wrong. All children devolop at different rates.

I have 4 children. My first started walking at 9 months, my 2nd at 11 months, my 3rd just after his first birthday, and my last, now 2 1/2, didn't start walking until she was almost 15 months.

Pretty much the same with talking. My youngest, at her 2 year dr. visit, only spoke about 8 words, and only about 5 that anyone else could understand. Her language skills expanded and almost doubled every month after that. Now, she'll be 3 in October, she speaks in sentences that most everyone can understand. (most of what she says, anyway)

When your daugher does start talking, she will just take off with it, just like walking.

Don't worry, she will start out in her own way, and soon you won't be able to get her to stop talking for 5 minutes!! Enjoy the peace now while you still have it. : )

Relax and enjoy

I would have her hearing tested, as there are times there is so much fluid in childrens ears and we don't know. And this can cause hearing problems, and speech problems. I would also bring her to a developmental pediatrician or nuerologist for evals. EI is great, but you may want further evals done to rule out any develpmental or nuerological issues.
But also remember children do develop at their own pace and you shouldn't compare to other children. But if your gut is telling you differently, go with it.

Wow...at least I am not the only (ha!) Mom out there who is way to hard on myself. Children all develop at different rates and so reach their milestones at different times...somewhat regardless of parent input...not that parent input isn't important, but it is not everything. Still, if you are concerned about her speech development, ask her pediatrician to refer you to a speech evaluation...if nothing else, it will ease your mind. My son received speech therapy (on the county's dime)from 18 months until 4 years and is not age appropriate with his speech. He loved hte speech therapy because they approached it like playtime and he received one on one attention. My 2 cents: read to her lots, speak to her in adult voice and talk to her doctor. Good luck!

Hi Alison

If I were you I would take her for a full evaluation by a developmental pediatrician. Dr. Nordhouser is a good one (do not be put off by her demeanor) and another is Dr. Malone. It's very good you have her in EI - it has made SO MUCH difference in our son! Who, btw, only had a few words at 2 and now will not stop speaking! The things to look for are 1) How is your daughter with eye contact? 2) Does she ever BRING THINGS TO YOU to show you? 3)Does she play with toys appropriately (meaning does she make a car go down a road, petend a doll is a real baby, etc. 4)Does she communicate in ways other than words? Does she point at something and look at you to see if you are looking at what she is referring to?

Feel free to contact me if you have further questions. D.

Hi Alison,
What do you mean that your 2 year old does not know who you or dad are? Do you mean that she does not say your names, or that she does not seem to recognize you? If she does not recognize you, I would be extremely worried and get in for a full neurological evaluation. If she is not saying your names, this does not mean she does not know you.
If you are already in EI, that's a great step. If you are still worried about her speech, I'd go to the pediatrician and request a hearing test and also a referral for a full speech pathology evaluation if you have not already had one.
I'm sure that you're doing a great job with your daughter, but keep in mind that outings and crafts will not make up for a speech or physical delay, if your daughter has these delays, she may enjoy the crafts, stories and outings as much as any other child, but they will not help her to catch up. Services like speech and OT can help.
Good luck!

Hi Alison,

All the comments before are correct, children develop at their own pace, and, while my son walked at 11 months, it started to speak later than most. Albert Einstein didn't speak before he was 4 or so...

This being said, one sentence struck me: "she is yet to know who I am and her dad" Does it mean that she doesn't recognize you, doesn't have any special relationship with your husband and you? If yes, she needs to be tested thoroughly mentally and physically... Also, just in case, have her hearing checked as well, it can explain language development delays when other interactions are normal. EI should have done all those tests, but check to make sure.

Hope this helps.

My son is also late in doing things. He still is not walking independently and he is 3 yrs 3 months old. He also had a year of early intervention and 8 months of speech therapy. but it has taken his mone time to get talking. What they told us was to start simple. Break things down into categories. Start with things she will know easily. Rooms or places in the house. Take her to each room and say where are we? We are in the ____. We used Kitchen, living room, dining room, bathroom, mommy's room, Roberts room, porch, basement. Try to get 8 to 10 rooms and keep working o things in this category for as long as it takes for her to master them. Keep labeling things and telling her that you are doing as you do them. Another easy category to work on is Bathtime vocab. Bathroom, bathtub, facecloth, soap, towel, shampoo, lotion, boats, ducks, water. Then say "look, we are filling the tub!" What goes in the tub? water?" Get her to repeat the words after you. As you wash her get her to tell you what you are washing too. Another good category is clothing. Shirt, socks, pants, shoes, dress, hat, jacket, barrette, etc. (stick to 8 to 10 words in each category.)

I hope this is a help for you. It really helped my son. the other thing we did was make flash cards for every word in our list for that week. (it took my son about a week to master each list.

If you have any questions let me know, and I will be happy to help.

:) A.

Hi Alison!
You sound like a very involved and good mommy! :)
I have 2 boys...my first was speaking in 3 word sentences by the time he was 18 months and my second was only saying a few words at 2. He was closer to 3 when he REALLY started talking. Every child develops differently. It's great that she's already in EI. Have they expressed any concerns? Does your daughter "communicate" in any other ways? Point, make eye contact, does she have her own "language".

Keep up the good work! :) Keep being pro-active and if there is a real problem I'm sure you're find that out, but most likely she's just learning at her own pace. All the best to you guys. God bless!

Dear Alison,

First of all, you did the absolutely right thing, getting her into EI this early means you faced the situation and did something about it. Congratulations!

Talk to the therapists and find out if there is more that you can do and if they think that she should have more therapy. If yes, fight for more therapy thru EI or look into doing more therapy on a private basis and see if your insurance would cover for that.
Also, there are lots of DVDs out there that help to improve speech (i.e. bumblebee), this is something that really worked for us in the long run, he started imitating after he had watched the DVD over and over again. You can enforce all lessons taught in your daily life. I also found that my little one enjoyed working with flashcards.

I would also find a good developmental pediatrician to get more insight what her speech problem is and whether she has apraxia.

Alison, don't worry. My oldest was speaking at 1 year old and went downhill with speech where you could not understand a word and got him speech therapy at 2 1/2 or close to 3 Years of age and just finished. They thought possibly because he walked at 10 1/2 mos, that could have delayed his speech part of the brain. Who knows, but he's talking and we understand and he's fine now. My friend's oldest was not talking by 2 1/2 I think and one day, they were sitting outside with her younger daughter and he popped out of the clear blue and said, "Mommy, see that tree over there?" He never said a word before then. Every child develops at different levels and I would worry about it. What concerns me not recognizing you and her father. YOu are a great mother recognizing all this. As a mother, it its just speech, you are a SAHM and have early intervention test her and they do it in your home, well in NYS, Rensselaer County does and if she shws it, then they will do speech. Once speech therapist comes and works with her, you can reinforce what the therapist did with her that day and relay that to her father so he can reinforce it too. That is what I did. Also, if she has a hearing impairment, the therpist will work on that with you and may suggest you have her hearing tested again, even though she had that as an infant just to rule out the possibility. I did with my oldest and my third (who walked at 12 mos). My second son was talking and talks like he's an adult and he didn't walk until he was 16 1/2 months. Not recognizing you or her dad kind of made me question and concern. Alison, you did NOTHING WRONG, you did NOT missed out on anything. It's so happened that she needs help and whatever the problem is they'll find out if there is a problem, you work on it with her along with therapist by reinforcing what she learned from them and there is no room for guilt or feeling bad. You are a WONDERFUL mom recognizing such things and doing something about it. You are to keep do things with her as you have and she will succeed no matter what the problems (if there is any) and she'll success because of a wonderul and caring and hard working mother!! I'll be praying for all of you. If you want to reply to my message, feel free and don't hesitate.

Awwwwww don't worry. Being in EI they are usually really good at catching things the parents might miss.

My friend had a son who developed quite normally physically, but didn't talk until he was almost 3! I used to tell her, "Maybe he's got nothing to say yet." He was signed up with EI and it turns out I was right after all. LOL This child is now 7 yrs old and quite normal.

Children really do develop at their own rate. I have a niece and a woman I know's daughter both didn't start walking until 18 months.

Hi! MY little guy was as active as you are with yours. He worked on all his physical skills first when he was satisfied or bored he started talking a bit that wasn't until 22mos. Now I am wishing for a 'pause or mute' button,, lol I read somewhere that talking is just another skill to them, they pick one major skill at a time and focus on it for a bit. I did teach my son alot of sign language, once he started talking it was really quick. Don't worry, follow your gut..

My friend son was just about 2 when he started walking, and her 1 yr old isn't even rolling over yet. It's all so different, so deep breaths, and just keeping loving that little one!! :)

What does your pediatrician say? She's in EI -- what do her therapists say about her progress? Is she taking PT and speech? Our son had EI services and we found it very helpful. I don't think you're missing anything depending on how long your daughter has been receiving these services I'm sure you guys are fine. However, I would suggest asking for a referral to see a cognitive therapist or someone who can diagnose to see if there are serious cognitive delays. I don't want to alarm you but I would also recommend getting a brain and spinal MRI (not an XRAY)just to make sure there aren't any growths that may be impeding progress (my son has a spinal tumor that had to be operated on -- so that's the only reason I suggest this).

Be patient continue to work with her and put in a morning AM program so she can be around other children on a regular basis -- children often learn the most from other children.

Much luck to you.