Toddler Son Coming Home from Day Care with Dirty Underwear

I would rather my son be in *lightly* soiled underwear than having adults wipe him every day. Most daycares, teachers are not allowed to wipe in the bathroom, unless it is an infant who needs a diaper change. Also, if he does have an accident, he should have an extra set of clothes being sent with him every day to change into, or a spare change of clothes permanently at the school. So, I would request again that they are up keeping this and giving him fresh underwear. They shouldn't usually be wiping him, but if it is a big mess especially, he shouldn't be sitting in it either. They can direct him usually on cleaning himself to a point, than giving him the fresh clothing.

I own a childcare center and we do not assist with wiping unless a child has soiled themselves and needs help cleaning up. What I will do is have my staff give a moist baby wipe so the child can do a better job cleaning themselves after a bowel movement. What I would suggest is you work with him at home so he can become better at cleaning himself independently, and try not to help him. I don't think taking him out of school if you are happy with the school itself is the answer because most centers are not going to do it, because it is not allowed.

when I was a preschool teacher, we were not allowed to help the kids in the bathroom. They had to be able to use the bathroom by themselves including wiping themselves. I do think you guys are over reacting. You need to teach your son to wipe himself better.

Sorry but I would not want an adult to wipe my son. If it is that much of a problem see about getting him some of those wet wipes that they sell for that. And then really work with him on how to do it. Otherwise it is not going to hurt him. My 8 year old still sometimes has that problem!

The reality is they may not be able to help. When I worked in day care we were not allowed to leave the class unattended to go in the bathroom and wipe bottoms.

I think you're overreacting, because all the daycare's and preschools I'm familiar with have a "no wipe" by the teachers policy, unless it's a baby in a diaper. Check with them and find out, and remember, if they have this policy it for the protection of everyone.

Wiping is a part of potty training, work on it with him at home every time he poops, especially since he's with you more than the daycare, just hand him the toilet paper. My guy's preschool told me he HAD to be potty trained and be able to wipe himself to be enrolled, they're not allowed to and truthfully, I don't want them to! So I taught him.

And, see if you can send a package of flushable wipes for him to use when he wipes, perhaps that would help him to wipe better.

Speak to the teacher directly. It could be that your child isn't asking for help. I wouldn't dare wipe a child who doesn't ask me to, unless I have direct instructions from the parents. The child would also have to tell me that he is going to the washroom to poop, or I would not know to go in and wipe for him. When my sons went to nursery school they were required to be 100% independant in the washroom, and yes, they did sometimes get skid marks. We just cleaned them with a wipe when they got home, and put on clean underwear. Some kids don't become efficient at wiping until they are in elementary school. Tell your husband that this is nothing to get upset over.

I would say teach your son to wipe better. I wouldnt take him out of school for this. Its a teaching moment at home.

Our daycare/preschool doesn't help in the restroom either. Once they are out of diapers, they are on there own. Unless, of course, a child has an accident, then the teachers will help clean up and help change them.

Is it possible that the teacher is waiting for him to ask for help when he is done, and since he didn't ask, she didn't offer? I would talk to the teacher directly because going to the top can sometimes put more fuel in a little fire and make it really big.

Always speak directly to the person that is caring or teaching your child. Once you child starts school, speak with the teacher, before you go to the Principal.

If you worked in an office, how would it feel if someone wanted you to please make multiples of copies of something, but instead of asking you, went to the CEO?

I agree that being potty trained, means being able to clean himself entirely.
He needs to ask for help, or you need to inform his teacher, he is still not able to wipe himself.

How do you hande this at home? Does he tell you? Or do you have to stand there with him?

It has only been 3 weeks. This is new to him... And no you should not pull your son out for this. All it takes is some communication with the correct person.

okay, I think what's best is that you and daddy sit with him and have a chit chat about how to properly wipe. Maybe he's not wiping correctly because he wants to hurry and go play or whatever but ask your husband to really think about if he wants an adult to be touching your boy. I don't know I think to avoid a more serious situation, he should be cleaning himself. And mention the importance of washing his hands. Good luck mama!

Talk directly with the caregivers and ask 'so, what happens when (son) uses the toilet?' You might find out a number of things.

You don't say how old your son is, but some children really do not like anyone but their parents to wipe them. If the children use the toilet more or less independently at daycare, the caregivers may not know when he has pooped. Or maybe he doesn't want anyone else to wipe him, so if they ask him "did you poop?", he might say no to avoid it.

Also bear in mind that there may be any number of children using the potty at any given time, depending on the construct of the bathroom. If another child is having a hard time with pants-messing or needing more attention in the bathroom, the caregiver may not remember to check in with your son.

I have taught preschool for quite a long time. This is why I suggest these scenarios. I've worked in daycares that have had one potty in the classroom and those that have 3 stalls across the hallway. Plus, if you have higher-need kids or a substitute teacher or a squeamish teacher's assistant who doesn't like doing it-- or a kid who doesn't ask for help (because we are trying to help them become independent) then all of these things factor into the situation.

So, do talk to the caregivers. Let them know, directly, that he had a previous UTI and you are concerned about his getting clean. Do offer the wipes if need be, but remember that other kids might use them too. There are a lot of kids to keep track of, so keeping track of your wipes isn't going to be high on their list of priorities. But if everything else at the daycare looks good, ask your husband to cool off a bit. Many people would love for this to be their only problem with a daycare.

At my daughter's daycare they have a rule that the teachers don't touch the children 'down there' ever, not even to help them wipe. The children must wipe themselves. On a lot of levels I think that is a great rule. Once or twice my daughter has come home with dirty underwear. If you are happy with the daycare I would ask them what their policy is on this subject, and try to work with them. If you are pleased with the daycare try to keep your son there. I think it's really hard on little ones to be placed in multiple daycares. Good luck!

Speak with the director or care providers again. I'm guessing that the caregivers were told he is fully potty trained and to them that means he can do it all, get up on the toilet without help, do his thing, wipe, wash hands, dry hands, return to playing. Honestly, I wouldn't trust the owner to pass along the message...in my experience the owners often forget and then the unfortunate employees get the blame.

Being potty trained is part of some day care rules... meaning the teachers dont have to go wipe kids.
I'd talk to them about it.. let them know he's coming home with a dirty butt.

It's a tough job, I dont know if you can find much "good help" out there anymore that you can actually trust to wipe your kids butt these days. The world is pretty crazy.

I think most of them don't do it because they have been sued or accused of child molestation.... there's a fine line that we've drawn on that subject.

I would provide them Kandoo or similar wipes and say that he's had the UTI, needs a little help in this area, please use these flushable wipes (they can put his name on them and leave them in the bathroom) to prevent more issues. See if that changes matters. If not, look for somewhere else for fall. And make sure that the school has spare.

Um, my DD is 6 & still has issues wiping. At this age, at school, they're not monitored in the bathroom. If she comes home with skid marks, I consider it my job as a parent to continue to reinforce proper wiping/bathroom habits.

I know your child is only 3, but I would put more of the responsibility on my child & less on the caretakers, personally.

I would also mention to the teachers, not the director, what you've noticed. They are the people with him all day, and I know I wouldn't appreciate being told on before I had a chance to rectify the problem.

Here's what you do. Have your HUSBAND have a talk with them. It means more when the dad walks in and says "My wife has already talked to you. Nothing has changed, so now it's my turn." Sounds sexist, but it works. And make sure he goes in and talks to the teachers as well.

I'll bet that's the last time you find poop in the pants.

Dawn

I guess I don't know how old your child is so I assume he is between 12 months and 24 months. That is pretty young to be expecting him to go and also wipe himself.

It is very common for children up to age 3 to not be very good at doing for themselves. If he is still in the toddler room I can tell you the do not usually know very much about potty training. It usually happens in the 3 year old classroom. Sometimes a child care center will be set up to start potty training in the 2 year old classroom but since most of them are not going to be doing that yet it may be difficult for the teachers to take all the kids out of their classroom to the bathroom with your son.

BTW, it is the teacher you need to talk to. The director needs to do her work, the teacher needs to be able to hear your complaints and talk with you about it. They may need you to bring more underwear than you are providing. They may not have time to take him and wipe for him. They have other kids in their group that may have need of them too.

If you can't talk to the teacher about how well your son is able to wipe himself without going to the director about it then I don't know, maybe he needs a different setting.

I would speak to the director again. Also, bring it up directly to his teacher during pick up or drop off. Explain concerns like the UTI. If this continues another week or two then I would take him somewhere else.