Toddler HATES New "Big Girl Bed"... Suggestions.

Updated on November 09, 2010
C.T. asks from Winder, GA
6 answers

My daughter just turned two. A few weeks back she fell out of her bed for the first time so we knew it was about time to change beds. She never climbed in or out, safely or otherwise. I wanted to wait just to see if it was a fluke, the falling out, or maybe it scarred her enough not to try again. When she did fall out she was very angry and willed herself over the top rail, she did not have a fit like that again... at least for a few weeks, she went to bed fine and slept fine, she has always loved her bed and falls asleep just fine and stays asleep. She was, in the crib, able to go to bed, play, sing, self-soothe until she fell asleep. Then she started refusing to go to bed and wanted to be rocked to sleep. I ended up rocking her to sleep (placing her in the crib gently afterword) to avoid a fight where she got so upset she would fall out, because I knew it was possible. She would also wake in the middle of the night and I would have to get her before she got to upset and rock her back to sleep. Also during this time she wouldn't just fall back to sleep she would lay awake in my arms for hours refusing to be put back into her crib. But eventually falling asleep. I suspect that she didn't trust me and knew at some point I would put her back into bed. I felt like this mistrust was keeping her from falling back to sleep, so she would and still is laying awake for hours. None of this is normal for her. So I thought two things, molars, and/or she was telling me she was ready for that big girl bed. So we began talking up the "big girl bed," for a few days we told her she was going to get one, a bed like mommy and daddy's, she was going to sleep like a big girl, etc. She seemed indifferent. Anyhow, I got a crib rail and we changed her crib into a toddler bed, removed the drop side and are using a crib rail. The side is not completely open, she cannot roll off the bed but can get up and down. I did this in the morning so it would be ready for nap time.. It has been five nights and nap times of no sleep. She will lay in the bed but as soon as I go to leave the room she screams and gets out. I have stayed in the room with her until she finally falls asleep, sometimes three hours. And then she is back up for a few more hours in the middle of the night. I try to keep her in the room, and try to get her back into the bed. I sit next to the bed or in the rocker and do not talk to her... but she will lay there for hours. She HATES the bed. Mom suggested putting the mattress on the floor, just getting an all new bed, twin bed, putting the crib back up and taking our chances with that (also thought about the crib with crib tent but read they are not safe for toddlers trying to get out, they are just to keep pets out... not toddlers in). At nap time today, I locked her in the room (not an easy thing for me, I am quite apprehensive about doing this) she fell asleep behind the door in 20 min. I understand the technique where you keep placing the child in their bed repeatedly telling them "it's bedtime...." and then saying nothing until they fall out, sometimes hours and numerous trips later. As seen on Super Nanny. Honestly, we have not done that and frankly was hoping that it wouldn't come to that. But will if it comes down to it. Any chance she will just like her bed soon? Oh, and BTW no teeth, yet, cannot feel any, and no other teething symptoms, just disrupted sleep habits and refusal of the toddler bed. Her bedroom opens to the living room so it is hard to leave the door open with a gate, and also hard for us to pop in a movie and ignore her until she decides to stop screaming and falls asleep (also not something I allow to continue for a prolonged periods). Once she falls asleep and I can get her into bed we do put up a gate and open her door before we go to bed so when she does wake up she can call for us but not roam the house. What would you do? What have you done? Should we give her her beloved crib back, would it hurt to see what happens? As for the mattress on the floor (removing the crib completely) wouldn't this make her even more upset, to see it gone completely? Also the crib is so low and accessible to her, just the same as a mattress on the floor, what's the point? A twin bed, wouldn't this be worse? And locking her in... did you do this, did you use a gate? How did you handle a toddler who hated the "big bed?" Lastly... How long did it take????

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More Answers

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Once you get rid of the crib, it is gone.. Do not bring it back.

When it is a time to purchase a bed, take her with you. Let her have a say in it.. Obviously, only have 2 choices at that point.. Let her pick out her own sheets.

Place it in the corner of the room and get a bed guard. This will help her not fall out of the bed. Let her put her favorite stuffed animals or "lovies" in there. Keep her room extra cool with a fan. Make sure her room is dark at bedtime.

We discovered at one point our daughter loved sleeping in her sleeping bag on her bed.. Fine with us..

Try to avoid any kind of rocking patting or assistance. Help her figure out her own way to self sooth.. Some kids, rub their own heads, some hold and rub a special blanket or piece of fabric. Our daughter would curl her hair in her fingers.

Stick to a bedtime routine. Children like to know what is going to happen next and be able to depend on you following it every time.

Quiet dinner, quiet bath with lots of rubs like a massage, Quiet story or stories (do not engage her) , put on quiet music, white noise machine or a book on CD.. have a dimming lamp or night light (if needed) hug, kiss. Good night. Sometimes we would read with a book light, so that the room was dark except for the book.

It may be very easy or it may have some crying in the beginning. Just remind her this is her bed with her lovies and tell her to sleep. You can check on her if she cries for 10 minutes straight, but do not pick her up, just remind her it is time to sleep.

I am sending you strength.

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Ditto Laurie A.

Its a transition
Its a new routine
She isn't used to it yet.
It takes time.
She's not secure about it all yet... nor what she thinks about it.

My daughter, for a time, just liked to sleep on the FLOOR of her room next to her bed. Fine. She got sleep that way.
I am not about a kid having to be IN the bed... just that they sleep.

We also have a floor futon in our room... where our kids can sleep if need be. Its fine for us and no biggie.

I don't battle about sleep. My kids don't battle about it either.
It is the routine and habit you do....
If you battle about it, they will too.

all the best,
Susan

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

I agree that Laurie makes some good points. Have her pick out her sheets or something, make her as involved as possible. I will tell you however that when we moved our daughter (22 months) it was hell. We had to do it b/c baby brother was coming and it sounds like you have to do it for safety reasons, so you just gotta do what you gotta do. I think her behavior seems fairly common, so just know you're not alone. The bad news is that it took us months and months and some more months to get things down pat. My daughter will be 3 next month and quite honestly I think it was just about 2 months ago when I finally felt like I put her to bed and she's in bed for good. Hopefully my case is extreme, she is a very stubborn child, but just prepare yourself for the fight. We did use the Supernanny method and I feel it works. It works eventually, but it also shows the child that you are in charge and they can't dictate how things are going down. That was one of the big reasons we liked it. For the first week or so I would lay with my daughter and help her fall asleep. The week after that she slept so good I thought I was in the clear...about a week later, everything changed. So, also be prepared for the honeymoon, or perhaps I should say the calm before the storm! ;) I will also tell you that within that Supernany method there were nights it took all night, literally, and there were nights when I stopped counting after putting her back in bed 100X (and yes there were more than 1, sadly). As I said, I hope that we were on the extreme end of the spectrum, but I had no idea what I was getting into, so I'm just trying to give you worst case scenario. I will end on a somewhat positive note...sort of!...but even though I said it took us about a year, which is true, it wasn't total hell the entire time. We had periods of weeks or even a month or so when things were great and then one night it changed. We would go back to Supernanny method for a week or two and then it would be back to "normal". Even though it took for-ev-er it had it's periods of ups and downs.

Oh and finally, we did use a gate...it took her about a week to figure out how to climb over it. We stopped using the gate. :)

Good luck! I am supporting you!!! You can do it!!!!

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K.A.

answers from Little Rock on

I put a gate at my daughters bedroom door when I moved her from a crib to a toddler bed. I did this also with my boys when they were younger. The gate keeps them in their room, but they can see out and you can see in. Also you can hear them better if they call if you are no longer using the baby monitor. My boys slept in the floor at the gate for the first few weeks after moving them from the crib. I would move them to bed after they fell asleep. You might try placing a nightlight in her room and you might try playing a cd on repeat all night and see if that helps. At my house, it is ok to get out of you bed at night as long as you stay in your room and you keep quiet and not disturb others. My daughter has dolls and a kitchen in her room that she can play with if she awakes during the night or early morning. I would recommend that you not stay in the room with her or rock her. You might create a bedtime procedure, such as a bath, a book, and a prayer together before you leave her in the room. If she cries, let her cry about 5 minutes and then go back to the doorway and reassure her, leave again and wait 6 minutes and go back, continues this until she falls asleep. Don't give in and remove her from the room or hold her. Only reassure her that you are still there and that you haven't left her home alone. This typically took about 1 to 2 weeks before the would quit crying. My children went through this while still in the crib though. I moved them to a toddler bed at 18 months.

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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Put the crib back for another year.

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J.C.

answers from Columbus on

C.,
This is what we did with our twenty eight month old. Baby number two was arriving in four months, so we set up a twin bed in her room along with her crib. We told her that she could sleep in it when she wanted to. For several days she chose to sleep in her crib. Then one day she wanted to take a nap in her twin bed. Then a few days later, she wanted to sleep in it at night too. We kept the crib in her room for awhile. Then, as a family, we moved the crib into the baby's room. She still got into the crib once it was moved into the baby's room, but she didn't sleep in it again.
So, maybe your little one isn't quite ready. Can you lower the crib all the way and take a side off, so that she can get in and out safely? Maybe if you give her a choice for awhile, she will eventually feel ok about it.
I know it is hard. Keep up the good work! :)

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