Toddler Behavior: Hitting and Throwing Food/Cups

Updated on January 02, 2011
A.F. asks from Bellmore, NY
4 answers

My twenty-one month old is constantly throwing food and also has the habit of hitting me, my husband or the dog. Alyssa is a sweet, loving child when she is happy and content. I know deep down that most toddlers go through this kind of behavior but it is frustrating to say the least and I do not know how to get her to stop. I do take her food away as soon as she starts to throw it. I read one suggestion about hitting is just to hold her hands and say "No hit."

I feel like the moment Alyssa wants to come downstairs for her usual milk and dry Cheerios, she starts her tantrums. Half the time she starts to throw the cereal and her cup on our hardwood floor. It always feels like a stressful start to the day. I think I should stop giving her the dry cereal unless she is in her highchair ( I was allowing the cereal while she listens to music on the t.v. or watching Barney).

I'm sure other moms' feel this way but lately I feel stressed trying to make my toddler happy. I am a SAHM and days can be very long when Alyssa throws food and cups, not to mention the hitting. Any advice on how to stop the behaviors? Thank you.

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A.J.

answers from Williamsport on

This stuff only happens if it's allowed. We taught all our kids FIRMLY but calmly not to do these things immediately as they started them and they never got in the habit. That goes for food throwing, tantrums, hitting EVERYTHING.
Taking stuff away at 2 is vague, because it's not unpleasant, they just see the food is gone and may or may not wonder why but either way, who cares, it's still fun to throw. Getting hands held for hitting is practically a nice reward, who doesn't like having their hands held? Same with tantrumming. If there isn't a good reason-as in avoiding major discomfort-to decide against starting the tantrum given the choice, they won't.

She's almost 2, you're getting a late start on nipping things before she's difficult!
I have 3 non tantrumming non hitting non food throwers (and it took almost no repetition) who never had terrible 2s 3s or 4s. I have a firmer book for this age range if you need it but this site is a good start,
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com
I disagree with older techniques not working. My friends who went against what their parents did (which they admit worked fine and they're great people today) have gone with newer methods and their kids are total terrors.

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K.H.

answers from Dallas on

I suggest reading the book Love and Logic..you can find tips on the website too. Below is information from the website.

http://www.loveandlogic.com

What is Love and Logic® for Parents?

"I don't understand it. The techniques my parents used so effectively just don't seem to work with kids today." Does this statement sound familiar to you? A lot of parents today are wondering what to do with their kids and are frustrated because the old techniques just don't seem to get the job done.

Parents want to enjoy their kids, have fun with them, and enjoy a less stressful family life. But even if their kids are trouble-free right now, they fear what the coming teenage years will bring.

At no time in history have parents been more unsure of their parental role. Even the best are not all that sure about whether they are using the best techniques. They say that their kids don't appear to be much like the ones they knew in years past.

A lot of conflicting philosophies have been presented over the last 30 years. Many of these sound good, but don't seem to do the job of helping children become respectful, responsible, and a joy to be around.

Many ideas, offered with the best of intentions, center around making sure that kids are comfortable and feeling good about themselves in order to have a good self- concept. However, we have discovered that self-confidence is achieved through struggle and achievement, not through someone telling you that you are number one. Self-confidence is not developed when kids are robbed of the opportunity to discover that they can indeed solve their own problems with caring adult guidance.

There is, however, an approach to raising kids that provides loving support from parents while at the same time expecting kids to be respectful and responsible.

This program is known as Parenting with Love and Logic, a philosophy founded by Jim Fay and Foster W. Cline, M.D., and based on the experience of a combined total of over 75 years working with and raising kids.

Many parents want their kids to be well prepared for life, and they know this means kids will make mistakes and must be held accountable for those mistakes. But these parents often fail to hold the kids accountable for poor decisions because they are afraid the kids will see their parents as being mean. The result is they often excuse bad behavior, finding it easier to hold others, including themselves, accountable for their children's irresponsibility.

Jim Fay teaches us that we should "lock in our empathy, love, and understanding" prior to telling kids what the consequences of their actions will be. The parenting course Becoming a Love and Logic Parent teaches parents how to hold their kids accountable in this special way. This Love and Logic method causes the child to see their parent as the "good guy" and the child's poor decision as the "bad guy." When done on a regular basis, kids develop an internal voice that says, "I wonder how much pain I'm going to cause for myself with my next decision?" Kids who develop this internal voice become more capable of standing up to peer pressure.

What more could a parent want? Isn't that a great gift to give your child? Parent child relationships are enhanced, family life becomes less strained, and we have time to enjoy our kids instead of either feeling used by them or being transformed from parent to policeman.

The Love and Logic technique in action sounds like this:

Dad: "Oh, no. You left your bike unlocked and it was stolen. What a bummer. I bet you feel awful. Well, I understand how easy it is to make a mistake like that." (Notice that the parent is not leading with anger, intimidation, or threats.)

Dad then adds, "And you'll have another bike as soon as you can earn enough money to pay for it. I paid for the first one. You can pay for the additional ones."

Love and Logic parents know that no child is going to accept this without an argument, but Love and Logic parents can handle arguments. Jim Fay advises "just go brain dead." This means that parents don't try to argue or match wits with the child. They simply repeat, as many times as necessary, "I love you too much to argue." No matter what argument the child uses, the parent responds "I love you too much to argue." Parents who learn how to use these techniques completely change, for the better, their relationships with kids and take control of the home in loving ways.

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S.L.

answers from New York on

Sounds like a typical toddler! You have to get some snack trap cups (there are other brands with other names) that dont spill the cereal when thrown.and she can pick it up herself. Remember anything you want to teach her- will take you repeating it literally hundreds of times! so hold her hands and say firmly (your voice and facial expressions are very important) no hitting! I really like the book Happiest Toddler on the Block, helped me survive those toddler years with hardly any tantrums!

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M.K.

answers from Stationed Overseas on

Make sure you are consistant and firm with your discipline. If she throws food while watching tv or listening to music then tell her no more, take away the food and turn off the music or tv. Tell her why and be sure to explain what's going on. A bad behavior needs to be dealt with and have consequences. If she throws the food then take it away. If she wants the food during Barney the next day then tell her know and why (because she threw the food yesterday). She's old enough to understand. If she hits you then make a big deal about it. Pretend to cry, tell her it makes you sad when she hits and walk away. You are not only teaching her empathy but also that you will not engage her if she hits.
I feel your pain. I'm also a SAHM and sometimes breakfast is a nightmare with my 2yo because we are in the stage of her wanting to do it herself. It can totally set the day off on the wrong foot when it begins with a tantrum.

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