Hello moms,
I am the mother of an energetic 4 year old boy. For several weeks now my husband and I have had a hard time getting him to go to sleep at night. We have always had the same nighttime routine (baths, books, songs) and he has always been a good sleeper. But for whatever reason it has been like pulling teeth to get him to go to sleep at night. We stopped forcing the daytime nap issue thinking he was getting too much sleep during the day (if he doesn't take a nap, he still has "quiet" time). I have tried doing extra activities, more running around, etc. thinking it would wear him out more, but nothing seems to wear him out! He does not have ADD, he just doesn't want to go to bed. I am at my wits end. He has been staying up until 9:30-10 just playing around in his room or coming in and out of his room with requests. We also have a 2 year old daughter, and she still takes a nap and doesn't seem to have a problem with sleeping. Also, just a note, once he falls asleep he sleeps like a rock until 8-8:30 in the morning. Please help, I'm going crazy!
Thanks moms for all your advice! I do appreciate the reminder that I am lucky that my child sleeps entirely through the night, but I would hope that by 4 most do that. God bless those of you that have toddlers/preschoolers that don't. It's only been a few days, but I've really been contemplating all of the advice. For now I think we will just start to accept the fact that if he is sleeping later he will not want (or be tired enough) to go to bed until later. He will start preschool in the fall full-time, so he will have to get up earlier at that point anyway. We have our whole lives to get up early, right?! I also wanted to respond to the suggestions about the darkening of the room. The room has room-darkening shades and he has a small night light. So, it is dark, but not scary. I appreciate all the information about napping and how much sleep he may need. I will continue to attempt naps, or bare minimum quiet time. I do however want to mention something I've noticed on this board. Sometimes it feels as if some moms are responding to issues very judgementally. I'm not referencing anyone in particular to my issue, just in general. I just wish everyone could remember this board is meant to be helpful and supportive to moms, not critical. Does anyone feel this way too? I think it's great to give advice and I for one appreciate the support, but there are ways of saying things without making other moms feel inadequate. Thank you, and please don't take me wrong, I just really felt that that needed to be addressed.
Maybe just waking him up earlier in the morning if you want an earlier bedtime?
My son will be 2 in June and a lot of nights he is up until 9 9:30 at night ( he gets to stay up because his daddy's work schedule is odd) but then he is awake by 7 am most days. Granted he still takes an afternoon nap = )
Sometimes you have to tweak a schedule a bit to get it to work for you.
Lots of luck
B.
I don't know the answer to that but if you find one let me know! My 3 year-old doesn't take naps either, while maybe for 30-45 mins every 3 days or so, but that's it. Last night I was still dragging her to at 12:30am no nap! Now she got up the day before at 9am so it's not like she sleeps too much. But I put her back to bed that night the last time at 2am (no nap)! She doesn't get any sugar except for time to time some choc. milk. Of course she wakes up her little sister when she gets up who decides she wants to nurse again. They are both light sleepers. Last night I stepped on a cherieo and it woke up the little one, so I'm toast no matter what I do. They are wearing me out! It's just seems so impossible that they can require such little sleep!
I had a simular problem with my 2 1/2 year old daughter. She would stay up and then get up to come in our bed.
We put a stop to that problem before it got too bad. In doing it we found out she wanted her door open and the hallway light on.Now she will tell us shes going to bed. But she always says leave the door open..
well he is getting 11 hours of sleep. You didn't mention how early you are trying to get him to bed. I know a lot of kids that go to bed at 8:00 but they wake up early around 6 so you have to determine what time you want to be up in the morning. My kids went to bed around 9:30 and woke up at 7:30 or 8 at that age and did not take naps. Some kids only require 9-10 hour of sleep and others require 12 hours. 10-12 is usually what is recommended for small children.
Hi A.-
I'm really just here hoping to read your responses, as I've got the same problem with my 2 y/o son, except that he doesn't sleep like a rock all night, so now he's not asleep till 9 or so (when he should be at 8) and up at least once during the night and still up for daycare at 6. Do you think the longer days have something to do with it? I'll be reading to see what good advice you get! Good luck!
So I don't have much to give you, because I am having the same problem with our 2 year-old! Her dad and I just got married Saturday, and we thought it was stress from that, but she seems to be in the habit now. And with wedding planning, we did not have much time to lay down with her and make her sleep. And we don't want to encourage her in thinking we will lay with her every night! We are enrolled in parents-as-teachers, and she suggested sitting at her door, but the rule is that she must be laying down for us to be by her. Her daycare allows books on their cots, but they have time limit. We are actually going to try that tonight, as well as take shifts with a chair sitting right by her door tonight. She can't keep reading her book until 10 p.m, the morning is too rough! I'd be happy to let you know how that goes, and if you hear anything, please pass it along!
Sincerely,
E. B.
Well...first of all he's hardly a toddler anymore. And as someone else suggested, it's NORMAL for a child of 4 years of age to want and need to stay up later.
I think that getting up at 8-8:30 is rather late. But maybe that's because I have a house full of kids by then. Most of my kids are up by 5 or 6 and at my house between 5:30 and 6:30 and by 8:30 they are way past breakfast and have played for awhile. They are ready to settle down to their morning learning. By 11am we are eating lunch and by noon-1pm they are in la la land. These guys are still tired enough to sleep for hours in the afternoon. I have to wake them or they would sleep at least 3 hours.
Maybe you could get him up earlier in the morning. Otherwise, just enjoy the time with him at night. I know we've never been able to get our kids to bed much earlier than 9 or 10 because of how late my husband gets home. If we tried to get the kids to sleep from 8 or 9pm to 7 or 8 in the morning, my husband would never see the kids.
I think maybe somewhere a long the way you fell asleep and have not realized that you woke up to having a toddler and a PRESCHOOL age child on your hands.
Suzi
In my developmental psychology class I learned about this one. He is right on track developmentally! At this age they don't want to miss out on anything and will try to stay up as long as possible. Don't take out his nap. This can actually makes it worse. Have you ever been extremely tired but unable to sleep? At his age he still needs a nap for his cells to regenerate. I wouldn't make it completely dark in his room though. This is scary to little ones. We want them to feel safe. Keep up with your routine. Allow him to get up one time to get a drink of water (on his own in the bathroom). I left a plastic cup in the bathroom for my kids (I have four). This way he knows he can get up so he feels independent. Now it is time for bed for the night. Let him know that mommy and daddy have to go to bed too so you can do your jobs in the morning. You ALL have to go to bed. Now is the hard part. Be consistant. Don't fight with him. Just keep putting him back to bed. No playing allowed at bedtime. I do let my kids have a lovey to hold. Good luck.
I would make his room dark enough that he cant see to play. If he turns on the light I would put a switch on that he can't turn on. And tell him once your in bed don't get out. Put him back in bed without talking to him until he falls asleep. Now its a game so you have to quit playing.
God Bless,
L. (H now)
let's flip this......how about being VERY thankful that he's sleeping 10 hours each night? !!! Wow, you are truly lucky...seriously, not many children are allowed this much sleep. & 10 hours puts him dead-on perfect for his age group for development!
I've been a childcare provider for many years now....& consistently, I see kids going to bed at 10pm or later & getting up at 6 or 7am. That's not enough sleep & they're ready for a nap by 10am. If your son's schedule bothers you, then what about trying getting him up at 7am....to move that bedtime closer to 8-9pm??? Would this help?
As for getting in more activities & eliminating naps, I truly believe this is worsening the situation. If he's over-stimulated, then bedtime will be an issue. My decision for nap elimination is based on whether or not KG is a full-day....which usually allows a short "lay-down time" for the 1st semester. This is not naptime, but simply a quiet time. As my daycare kids hit the 4-5 age group, naptime is reduced .....to prep for KG. It sounds like your son is hitting this milestone!
Hi A. - my son is 4 1/2 now and we were having a similar problem but the tag pen reader has been our solution. He is in daycare so he still takes (most days) and afternoon nap. Our bed time routine is, he gets one of his TV shows at 7:30 and then he turns off the TV (at my request), then just after 8 we head upstairs to change into PJs, brush teeth and daddy reads a story first, followed by me and then he gets kisses and I hand him his Tag Reader Pen that he can listen to till he falls asleep (or "read" the books). This seems to work well b/c it is a very quite activity he can do till his body finally calms down for sleeping. He knows he can only get out of bed to go to the bathroom and must get right back in bed, and he does. Some nights his out in 15 minutes other an hour or so but he's quite in his room. I know there are some nights I'm ready to crash and others I need to read to calm my mind to get to sleep so why wouldn't it be the same for him. I hope this helps. I know how furstrating it can be. Good Luck!
At this age, he only needs around 10 hours of sleep, and that includes naps. If he is getting up at 8 or 830, ten pm is par for the course. If you put him to bed at 8 and make him get up at 7ish, it might work better.
I agree with darkening the room. You don't have to make it completely dark - a night light is fine - but since it's light out longer, maybe that's the issue. He might feel like he should still be awake. We have room darkening blinds (which don't really work - don't waste your money) and curtains in our daughter's room, but in the last month, we've started hanging throw blankets over the curtains, because it was just too light in her room at bedtime. It seems to help. Good luck!
He's sleeping 10-11 hours a night, sounds pretty normal to me for a preschooler!
If you want him in bed sooner, you might have to slowly transition by getting him up a little earlier. I would suggest getting him up at no later than 8 for about a week consistently, then start getting him up at 7:30 for a week or so (or until it feels normal), and so on, 30 minutes at a time each week until you're at the time frame you want.
HTH!
God bless,
--A.
