To Working Moms + Dog Owners

I am a dog owner and know that I would be devastated but not to the point where I needed to take more than the day I found out off....HOWEVER, my mom is a serious dog lover and I know that when the day comes that her dog Bo, passes away she will be a MESS for a VERY long time...I dread it, as he is getting older and know it is coming someday soon!

It's hard to say...everyone is different...

*You do need to keep in mind that she has no children, I have come to realize that those who do not have kids develop a serious bond with their animals!

Wow. My cat of 14 years died last year. She was my baby through so many things, but I didn't take any time off. I may have been a little distracted for a day or two, but that is all. After a week off, she should not still be using that as an excuse. I have had two relatives die in the last two months and again, no time off. I think that a week for a pet (and I am very much an animal person) is a bit extreme. I didn't even take that much time off for my grandmother's death (and that was to help with arrangements, etc. out of state). There is no reason to be insensitive, but if she needs more personal time, and isn't productive at work, she may need to take some personal time/time off without pay, etc. You should address the fact that she isn't productive just as you would with anyone else. If she brings up her dog, mention the time off without pay to her.

I would try to treat it just as I would if a person close to her had died. Forget it was a dog, and think about how you would respond to her current productivity if it had been her mom or her best friend who had died. I know there's a big difference, but if you respond with this level of compassion, I don't think you can go wrong.

Good luck,
K.

When my step dad lost his molly after 14 years he was devastated. He did not miss work, but he only works a couple of days a week. He just has not been himself, he is sad a lot, and misses his best friend. People who are not true pet lovers will never understand the bond one can form with a beloved furry friend. That said, she does need to get back on track and do her job well, but be gentle, she did not lose just a dog, she lost her best friend.

Well as a mother of 2 children and 3 dogs I would say I would probably take a couple days off because my pups mean alot to me. I spoil them as much as my children. And I know for a fact that people do replace them as children when they don't have any. I don't think it is any of her co workers business why she took it off especially if she used her own vacation time. But as for her coming back I would probably still be thinking about them. Maybe you could just ask her how she is doing and tell her you've notice she's been distracted. Be the bigger person if will make you feel better in the long run:)

I dont think she used her dogs death just to take off work. She has vacation time, she can use it whenever and how ever she wants. I am a FTWM and have 2 dogs. My dogs are pushing 9 and I am PRAYING they live a long 15+ years. However they (and my child) are my life. If either of them were to go, I would be CRUSHED....and probably alot longer than a week. If she is not being productive, that is understandable. However long lunches, breaks and excessive phone use are not acceptable. However this also needs to be enforced through out the office. is anyone else on the phone alot or will take advantage or a long lunch once a week. How about the smokers? they seem to be out every hour for 10 mins. In other words, dont isolate her. I think something should be said but that is only if she is the only offender. If there are multiple offenders, then perhaps a group huddle would work best and you just simply remind EVERYONE about the 15 mins breaks, personal calls should be made on those breaks etc.
Another approach would be to bring her into a room alone and just talk. Let her know that you get the impression she doesnt want to be there and notice her growing distant. Tell her you are sorry for her loss but ask her if there is anything YOU can do to help her through this hard time. I would ignore the comments she has made to you about not wearing make up. you are her manager and I know EVERYONE talks about their managers...you need to act like you didn hear it.
Try to manager with your mind and not your feelings. When I need help, I always ask a man what they would do..they seem to cut out all the BS I am thinking about.

I remember your last post about how she confronted you about being offended not wearing any make-up and I don't blame you for how you feel.

I personally think it's really nice of you to be concerned about HER feelings regardless of what she said to you in the past. That makes you a great manager.

I do like what Jen C. When you talk to her remember she didn't just lose her dog, but her best friend...

Best of luck to you!

It was probably just a coincidence that she had the vacation right before everything happened with her dog. Or maybe while she off of work, she had more time to spend observing her dog and saw that it was doing poorly. Often pet owners that work all day don't notice something is wrong with their pet until they're home for a holiday or whatnot. I work in a veterinary hospital and I can tell you from experience that everybody deals with the death of a pet very, very differently. Some people don't even bat an eyelash about it and then there are some who are so grief stricken that we have to call a cab to take them home because they're unable to drive themselves. If she's had this dog since it was young, it was like a child to her. Fifteen years is a long time and consider that she loved and cared for it everyday. For the dog to be suddenly gone can be deeply upsetting. It might be especially difficult for her to cope if she had to make the decision to euthanize the pet. She may be regretting her decision or wondering if she did the right thing and those thoughts can be all-consuming. Humans go through the same stages of grief after the loss of a pet as they do if they lose a human family member so she is probably just having a hard time getting past it.

That being said, she has had a week off of work to collect herself and if she's not being productive now that she is back, then I think you could speak with her. Be sensitive and let her know that you understand that she's having a tough time but that if she's going to be in the office then she is expected to get back to her work duties because it sounds as though she's seeing how far she can push it (long lunches and personal phone calls are a bit much). I totally understand that you still have some irritation with her from the rude comments she made but I think it would be better if you put that aside when dealing with this situation. Being hard on her in return for her previous behavior wouldn't be very productive so just treat her like you would any other employee in a similar situation. I hope this helps!

I would quell the office jokes as best you can. You don't want her to feel like her place of work has become hostile. Try to treat her at work as though nothing has happened. She was off (for what ever reason) and now she's back and it's time to get back in the swing of things.
I've worked with a woman who was back at work 2 days after her adult child committed suicide. Many offices only give a day or two off for the death of an immediate relative, though people will take vacation time (if they have it) as well for funeral, etc. For many, doing something 'normal' (like working) helps them feel more normal during a difficult time. At first you just go through the motions and you really do work on automatic sometimes so for a small while you don't think about what has happened.
Yes it was just her dog, but people can get SO attached to their pets.
If she's having depressive issues, she may need a support group or some therapy, but she aught to try to deal with this during non working hours.
Try to be sensitive, but you are the office manager, and the work must go on.

Our dog, Samson just passed recently and he was a (nearly) 15 year old Husky. One of the most lovable doggies I'd ever known. My husband had him from a 6wk old pup. I'd only known him for the last 3yrs. I would have to say I agree with her just wanting some extra time off... Just from what I watched recently with my husband and his best friend/"1st kid" of 15yrs.

My husband only took the one day off and he used a vacation day.

I'd tell her something along these lines (I used to be in mgmt)-
"I'm really sorry to hear about your dog/best friend. I know how hard it must be after they're a part of your life for so many years, but I need to talk to you about your performance lately..."

I would mention things about her productivity prior to her "leave" and commend it the best you can and compare it to recent productivity. Ask her what she thinks. Simply make sure that she knows you've taken notice of the difference and that you'd like to see some improvement by XX/XX date, otherwise there will be X-steps/actions taken. (depending on your company policy)

Co-workers are just that... I don't go to work to make friends.

I just lost my dog this past January and I was devestated. If I was working at the time I probably would have taken off some time and when I came back I probably would have been distracted and distant to my co-workers. My husband did try to take off work but people wouldn't stop calling and there was an emergency at work. He was so upset about it. Make sure you continue to squash those rumors by the other employees and talk to her if need be. Tell her you sympathize with her and ask if she needs more time off. If not then try nicely to tell her that her work is lacking a bit and she needs to get back on track. I totally understand you still hurting from her comments but since you are the office manager you have to just let it roll off your back.

Gee this is odd - I just had this discussion with my hairdresser this morning . She recently lost her dog after 14 years and it was hard for her but she back in the shop working the next day. I totally sympathize with your employee about the pain she's in . I am also a dog owner and Jake is our baby - especially because our kids are in their 20's now but everyone handles grief differently. Unfortunately some people take it a bit farther. I would sit her down and very nicely say, "I wanted to say how sorry I am about the loss of your dog. I'm sure it was very hard for you and I'm sure you miss him/her. Is there anything we can do to help you through this transition? I notice that you've had a difficult time getting back into the swing of things....." Hopefully this will turn a light on in her head and also have her open up if she DOES need help. You should have the name of a couple of reputable counselors that she can talk to in case she needs some counseling to get through this. Even though it's a pet, it's still a loss. As frustrating as it is for you as the boss, your job as a boss is to try and help your employees and don't let the others make fun of what this person is going through. I've been a boss and it's tough but you need to try your best to help her. If it continues and it's effecting work and the team, then a bit more direct approach in about a month would be called for letting her know that as much as you feel for her situation, it's imperative that she try to leave her personal life outside the office now that there's been a decent amount of time to begin to adjust . Good luck

When you don't have children your animals become your children with alot of men and women. I have heard of people taking time off from work to mourn an animals death. My mom had my dogs ashes put in an urn and a memorial plaque that still sits in the living room when her dog passed, it's a very tough time for some people.

Having been an office manager many times myself, I think in this situation you will have to separate your feelings about the make-up comment from the other matters at hand.
If you feel you need to sit down and talk with her, I would do it from a caring point of view. You understand she's had a loss, you've noticed it change her work habits. Does she need support? Counseling? Time?
She might feel better about just having you to talk to so she can clear the air and she may be well aware of the insensitive comments that have been made.
I have pets. I love pets. This might sound horrible, but my backyard is a dang pet cemetery. I never missed work over an animal dying, but that didn't mean it didn't affect us. We had a pet rabbit that was 7 years old and lived in the house. I just lost her a couple weeks ago. I knew she was dying and I was up past 2:30am with her knowing full well I had to leave for work at 6am. I'm not heartless, but I think some people take things too far.
That's just my opinion. I worked with someone who took time off because a hamster died. It was kinda like the goldfish jokes, except it wasn't the hamster she was upset about. She had little kids that she had to explain death to and she felt she needed the time off.
I have a good friend who fell to pieces when her old dog died. She took so much time off of work, I was afraid she would get fired over it. She drove him hours to have him cremated and paid who knows how much for a special urn for him and she cried for weeks. She was a mess.
I got threatened with getting fired for taking a day off when my dad died and I didn't even get to go to his funeral. To that extent, employers can be extremely callous and that's why I feel that sometimes the pet thing can get pushed too far. But, that's based on how I was treated for losing a human.
If this person has no children, she may have loved her dog like a child and in that case, who is to say how much that should actually hurt her for losing him?
Like I said, I would approach her from a position of understanding. Even if you don't understand it and even if she did make a rude comment about not wearing makeup.
Being nice to her right now might be a way to break down several barriers between you.
Keep in mind that managers get the brunt of everything and we have that position because we can handle it. There's always someone mad or judgemental....so, you manage it. The best way possible for the benefit of everyone.

Best wishes.

Dogs are people's "kids" when they do not have one, I know how hard it is. I was forced to give up my dog and I was devistated it took me almost a month; however, I did not miss even 1 day at work. My dog was never allowed at work so I was able to work just fine.

I would go to her and say " I am so sorry for your loss. Can we sit down and talk for a moment. Your work performance is not at your normal level, I am concerned. I cannot offer you more time off of work to cope; however, here is a great counsler's name. I realize you may see this in bad taste; however, I have to ask that you please focus on the job at task and try to seek help so you can get your proformance back to meeting expectations. Again I am very sorry for your loss."

I'm a dog owner. I lost a 15 yo dog at O. point. I didn't feel the need to take a week off. But I'm not her.

You can say something about the flex lunch times, too much phone time, etc if it is in violation of your company policy. You would be kind to cut a little slack and see if it continues much longer. In that case, you can say "Jane, I know you have been upset about Bowser, but I've noticed it is affecting your work." This is a very slippery slope and you do NOT want to say/do the wrong thing here as far as what is legal and what is not.

She took paid time off or she used vacation time?
If it's her vacation or comp time, that's up to her.
I don't really think you need to do anything. She's back at work, be it depressed or not.

If you are asking what to do because you feel badly for the woman in spite of her nasty make-up remark, then I'd say get her a nice card and a small bouquet of flowers to brighten her day.

When I lost my dog I took one or two days off. (then it was the weekend). I can honestly tell you, I felt numb. I was so depressed. It took a couple of weeks for me to feel back to normal. That was 4 years ago and I still remember the feeling! I have to agree with what Shane B said ... " You understand she's had a loss, you've noticed it change her work habits. Does she need support? Counseling? Time? " I think that would open the conversation in an understanding, supportive way.

Wow, I never even dreamed that the love of pets could be so extreme. I don't eveny you , but you should like a lovely person and i know you will do the right thing for the company and this crazy woman.

We each deal with grief differently, and I personally believe that pets can fill voids in our lives that people can not.

I don't know if I would take time off of work. I chose to work full-time through 5 months of chemo with a newborn and a 2 year-old. Most people would not have done that - it was the best thing for me to keep my sanity.

So, I'd approach it gently even if she was a royal jerk to you. I was completely on your side about the make-up thing. I think Denise P had a great comment about having a conversation with her if it's really impacting her work and bringing it to her attention.

Since she's not a close friend, my first guess is that she's deeply insecure and probably only had that dog in her life to keep her from being in a deep depression. I know when I was diagnosed with cancer, my dog and cat gave me comfort in ways people couldn't. Who knows if it was a gift from her recently deceased mother or something like that she hasn't shared with you.

I'd tread lightly and be the much bigger person in this situation - even if she is a difficult, self-absorbed person.

Good luck!