To the Wise Experienced Mothers!

Things I'm glad I did: everything AV says, particularly to listen. Tell them all the time how precious they are. Lots of kisses and hugs. I feel like I did a lot of things right, those are just the most important ones.

Things I would do differently: lighten up more and don't be so hard on them when they are little, especially the oldest. They are babies.
(And I wasn't all THAT hard on them.) Don't yell. Spend time with them while you can, because it goes fast. Praise effort, not intelligence.

Good Question.
I really felt like we did lots of things great, because our priority was not to have a clean house and perfect yard, so much as to have fun times together.

We also did not waste money on expensive new cars or new things, instead we used our money for basics, so we could go out together to Museums, the theater, Festivals, adventures togther.

We gave our daughter choices when we could so that when there was no choice for her she was willing to be a big helper.

We always followed her lead and never underestimated her in any way. Just because the box says 8 to 12 year olds, did not mean our 5 year old could not figure it out and complete it with a little assistance. Just because she could walk at 6 months, did not mean we put her in walker, instead we made her/our house safe for her.

I wish we had not worried so much. She is not eating, she is so picky, her room is not picked up.

I wish when she was first ill with ear infections and it continued over and over, I had followed my mommy heart and brain and gotten the damn tubes right away. My husband was so worried, so I let him lead the way. She suffered so much pain and hearing loss all because of an adults fears.

The number 1 thing I think we are all 3 thrilled about is that when our daughter would ask for 1 more story, or 1 more book, We ALWAYS read it.
Sure there were some super late nights, but what better way to spend it than reading together in our daughters bed all together so many nights?
She has thanked us for this so many times, I always slept so good, knowing we could fulfill that wish so easily.

Love your kids. Sniff their sweaty heads. Ask them to tell you a story and then listen.

Our baby will be 21 this summer, seems like yesterday I was carrying her around with those bright eyes.

ooooh, good one. I have an 8 year old, i dont know if that makes me experienced, but i also have a 2 year old. They are both girls and besides their age they are the spitting image of each other. The one thing i can say for sure is this quote i read the other day totally rings true. For a mother...

"the days are long but the years are short"

It saddens me sometimes, like when i clip my 8 year olds nails, hug her,brush her hair, buy her new clothes. I notice she is far too grown up. Somewhere between potty training and buying her a justin beiber c.d. she grew up and i barely noticed! I have a tween! My two year old only serves as a reminder that she too, will soon be wanting 'skinny jeans" and "time alone".

My advice would be too take things a little easier, live more in the moment and enjoy things while they last.

Sometimes i wonder if awesome memories could have occured while i was scrubbing the kitchen floor instead.

Spend less time on errands and cleaning and enjoy them more. You will NEVER look back and think about when your kids were little and wish if only your house had been neater! I wish I had pushed the kids to put more effort into things and not rely on their intelligence- always praise effort not intelligence. Treasure every moment as if your kids could disappear over night, childhood does not last.

I have two, grown, successful sons.
When they were teenagers I had them do things for themselves. Such as calling and scheduling orthodontic appts and such, since THEY knew what THEIR school schedules and activity schedules were like, I taught them to figure how to fit things into their own schedules. I made them pretty independent, knowing that I did not want them to be like their dad was (expecting me to do everything all the time). They learned how to wash their own clothes and iron and vacuum and clean up a toilet.
When they decided to balk on filling out paper work for scholarships they were expected to work when they turned 18. Both of them joined the military by the time they were 19, got great educations and both are now making close to 200k a year. My youngest is married and owns two homes and have a beautiful wife and my granddaughter. The oldest just bought a home in Hawaii. They are awesome men. I'm not going to take all the blame for them being so great, kids have their own goals and passions about things. I tried to give them as many opportunities as I could, did the best that I could with the circumstances we had at the time. They both took piano lessons and played sports starting at age 4, I think those things have a lot to do with helping them shape a good self worth. I read to them often when they were very little, both were reading and writing by age 3. Being a sahm for the first 5 years is really important I think, I was blessed to be able to do that. If you are a sahm, take that job seriously, because you are their greatest teacher.
And by the way, my house was usually pretty darned messy most of the time:)

Hi T.-

I am glad I focused a lot on 'catching them being good' and guiding their behavior.

I am glad I focused more on cooperation and not so much on competition.

I am glad that when they went off to school that I had them prepared to learn with a respect for others and good manners...and NOT so much their ABC's...

I am glad that THEY take credit for their good grades...(**I take credit for the 'behavior' section on the report card...and providing the environment at home for them to take pride in their work**)

I am proud of the people they are 'growing' into...and even if they were NOT my children, I would 'like' them...

The list goes on...lol
michele/cat

I have 2 daughters in their 20's and 2 sons in their teens. There's a 5 year gap between the girls and boys and I raised them very differently, not because of their sex but because I changed my thinking over the years.

When my girls were little, my ex and I subscribed to a very authoritarian style of parenting. I believed that if you followed this formula and demanded obedience from your children, they would turn out well. This method may work OK for other people, but the way we applied it caused alot of damage. By the time my girls were in their teens, it was obvious that they were not OK.

I've changed how I parent my boys. I talk to them more, try harder to understand their point of view and treat them with respect. I'm still pretty strict and expect my boys to treat me with respect and help out around the house. But I don't yell or make demands anymore, I just set clear expectations and consequences for them. These may not seem like huge changes but it has really changed my relationship with my boys, and the atmosphere in our house.

The best advice I got from a mother of 10 was: "Control your kids firmly and completely (with love of course) until they are 3. It's the only time you can. After that, just gently watch them bloom. If you miss that early window, prepare for years of battle." Early discipline has been a huge blessing to us, our kids are soooo good now with little effort. It's easy to spend all our time on fun. Her kids, now many are adults, are all amazing. She never sweated the house cleaning either.

I am the mother of 3 grown daughters and one grown son...I have 4 grandchildren and one great grandson...so I fit the "experienced" part of your question...I don't know how much I fit the "wise" part...lol.
I wish that I had been more patient with my children...that I had given more thought to "how is this going to effect them as adults" or "how is this going to help them grow into mature, well rounded, happy adults" instead of focusing on a: being their friend.... and b: keeping the peace and making them happy.
Luckily all of my children have become wonderful, well educated, fulfilled and HAPPY adults...IN SPITE of the mistakes that my husband and I made with them as they were growing up!!
Would I want to go back and do it all over again...knowing now what I wish I had known then?? No...probably not...I would have just made a whole NEW set of mistakes for them to survive!!! My biggest pleasure is in knowing that they love me and that they know that I did the best I could at the time . I see the more well thought out plans and deeply researched parenting styles that they have developed with their own children and I know that I HAD to have done a lot of things right!!
The main this is ....always love your little ones....(You don't always have to LIKE them...shoot sometimes they won't like you much either!!!)...never compare one to the other...they are each individuals and precious in their own right...and there is no greater gift than the gift of your TIME....you can never ever spend too much time with your children...the time is SO fleeting!!!
I will be interested to see what the rest of the Mom's have to say to your question.

I always stayed focused on the fact that they grow sooooo fast.
I educated myself on child development and discipline methods.
I gave them space to come up with their own solutions.
I hugged them lots and lots.
I read to them regularly.
I listened (really listened)
I healed my own wounded heart.
I learned how to connect with them.
I didn't worry so much about the house.
I was ultra organized.
I had passes to the zoo and museum and took the kids often.
I respected my children.
I taught them by example.
I allowed my children to teach me.
I laughed a lot with them.
I encouraged them.
I gave them lots of puzzles, duplo blocks, crafty stuff: paper, crayons, felt, glue, limited their tv and video games when they were little which nurtured their creativity and imaginations.
I understood that the school system sucks and doesn't serve most of our children well and was therefore more flexible and supportive about school and homework issues.
Taught them manners and respect for others (my 17 year old just thanked me for that last night.)
I focused on the children throughout the divorce and made every choice by considering how it would effect them (I still cared for myself however, I always kept my children the priority especially when it came to the anger I felt. I chose to deal with my anger appropriately and not allow it to come out sideways on the kids. I kept foremost in my mind that co-parenting would be a critical component.)
I attended their activities.
I shared my own life with them: stories of my childhood, stuggles I had and how I resolved them, embarassing moments, etc.
I practice non-judgment and allow them to be who they are and not who I think they "should" be.
I acknowledge their successes and strengths.
I support them in resourcing their weaknesses.

(Thank you for asking this question. It was actually helpful for me to look at this in my life! Thanks.)

I think I was too harsh. I didn't mean to have that attitude. But often I felt like I was the only one who cared about how my children grew up. Having rules is fine, but they need to be enforced without harshness. (Of course, when you have teenagers, they'll ALWAYS think you're too hard on them! But that's not the same thing!)

Listen. I try to take time to listen to our little one because I know how fleeting it is and when they are teenagers, it's a lot harder to get them to talk. Listen now so they'll talk later. The dishes, the work, bathing the dog...it can wait a few minutes so you can hear out your kid. I try to remind myself, too, to always say I love you, to praise her for good things, to encourage her and not try to make her into who I didn't get to be. I try not to get too worried about being uncool or being the "mean mom" where it's warranted. When she's grown like her brother will be when I can sit back and be her friend.

The BEST advice was from my NON ADVICE giving mother-in-law.

Her biggest regret was constantly cleaning and not spending enough quality time with my husband and his siblings. BUT she was raised in a hoarding house so I COMPLETELY understand why she was so obsessed with cleaning. To be honest those kids turned out pretty well and the BOYS can clean a house top to bottom without "needing a medal!"

One of the things I am most glad that I did is something my younger daughter is very glad that I did --- not DISbelieve her weird pains and symptoms even though every medical professional for years dismissed them and said they were not real. It made me so that I could not believe, but I did not DISbelieve, and so I pursued helping her anyway - See this interview http://www.foodsensitivityjournal.com/2011/03/its-not-men... or http://www.ItsNotMental.com