To Start Kinder or Not?

For a boy, being NOT the smallest when they reach middle school and high school is kind of a big deal.

Think locker room.

I started kindergarten at age 4 and did not turn 5 years old until November. I was always one of the smartest children in the class and never had issues with academics. However, I was never as mature as my classmates, from kindergarten throughout high school. I had good friends, but I always felt out of place in a way because everyone around me was more year mature than me, which didn't make much of a difference to me being 4 and in kindergarten, but being 13 and a freshman in high school, there was a sudden realization that I was not at the same age level as everyone else in my class. I didn't turn 18 years old until 5 months after graduating high school and this also caused issues in my house. I had a high school diploma and a curfew and was not treated like an adult yet. Just some thoughts to ponder. Ultimately, if you feel your son is mature enough and will be able to keep up with his classmates then it might be good for him. Otherwise, let him have another year with his mom and grandma at home.

I don't know about you but the kids I see who start kindergarten at 4 tend to struggle and the teachers really tend to forget that they are youngest - 4 is SOO young.I've seen kids get sent to special reading programs because of their age.Children have such a long career of schooling why make it any sooner than you need to.

R.

Maybe your boy has an opinion? I started my daughter early with the thought that if she seemed behind at the end of the year I could have her repeat kindergarten, it seemed a pretty safe year to repeat. Her friends were a little older and were all starting that year. He'll probably be fine either way, but the only caveat I have is I've seen parents hold their kids back a year or even a year and a half to "give them the gift of a year" and the kids ended up unusually large or mature by the time they got to 5th and 6th grade.

I had this same delima last year with my 4 yr old daughter, Her bday is in Nov. Anyway, I opted to wait for two reasons.

#1. I think she really need the extra time as she was a bit delayed in the fine motor department (I was worried she'd have trouble doing the work, and might get discouraged.
#2. I wanted her to be 18 when she went off to college instead of 17.

I also did some research online to see what kind of things kids needed to be able yo do to be considered ready for kindergarten.

http://school.familyeducation.com/kindergarten/school-rea...

Good Luck!

I am a teacher and I think kids benefit starting later than earlier.

This decision is very specific to your unique child, but I will say, that if you have any concerns at all about readiness, I would listen to them. I started my daughter in K at 4 despite having some doubts and every year we struggle with the issues the maturity gap causes. It is a shame, because we gave it so much thought, but she just was not an obvious choice like the other fall birthdays from her preschool, and in the end we choose by the school guidelines and our finances (K being free v. preschool being private).

Factors to consider:

1) Social maturity. Does your child exhibit the same social skills and the same overall maturity level as children a half year older? Or is your child more similar to children a half year younger?

2) Size. It may sound odd, but I have noticed that children tend to judge each other's age by size, and unusually tall or unusually small children in a grade encounter increased social concerns.

3) Academics. Is your child ready and eager to learn the skills presented in a K environment?

4) Your child's opinion. Inform your child of the issues as much as is possible for his age, and see what his feelings are.

If you have academic readiness but are unsure about the others, and you can manage it financially, I strongly suggest that you look to see if you have a private K option at a preschool. Completing K in a private environment would allow you to choose K or first grade in the following year at the public school, using the additional insights gained from the year. Once your child is tracked with a group of students at a public school, you will find him reluctant to leave his friends no matter how poor a fit the grade he is in becomes. So, the flexibility gained by starting in a private K could prove valuable.

My daughter's preschool did offer a K class, and her first choice was to attend K there. I really wish I had given heavier weight to that, just at the time she seemed ready, the private K was expensive, and I pushed those small doubts out of my mind ... Sigh. It is what it is. It's just a shame there is no magic looking glass into the future that lets us know for sure which is the best course.

Hi M.,

I agree with the mom who wrote about social maturity. I too was a November birthday, and although I didn't struggle with academics....social issues were a problem all the way until college (I left home at 17 and definitely didn't feel ready). Anyway, I am a public school teacher (first grade) and I always advise moms (especially to boys) to wait. Good luck! I'm lucky because both of my children have winter birthdays---S.

So excited to hear that you are well educated and appreciate psychology. As a result, this might hit home...
As a freelace writer and a Mom, I collaborated on an article with a wonderful reporter, Jackie Burrell and a dear friend, Sara Denman, who also happens to be a fantastic psychologist and Mom. Please investigate our article: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4176/is_20071028/... and listen to your heart!
While my son is very bright, he lacks the maturity people impose on him for being so tall and articulate. I took a step backwards and said this is not OK, he's three and I found a school that nurtures maturation via age appropriate standards. The backlash of being impatient with our children's physiological development is insanely offensive to those of us who want our children to be confident, curious, and well balanced individuals. They'll have a lifetime of social expectations placed upon them soon enough. Let them learn their ABCs and approach academics with a smile. What does it really matter if they start kindergarten at age 5 or 6?

I am not sure what "A track" means but it sounds like you are the one who is comfortable with him being home <grin>. If you feel that he is comfortable at home then starting him now may be the best idea so that he can make the transition slow if needed. If you wait till he is almost 6 then he will not have a choice about going and may take the change harder. You really do not want him to be too comfortable at home. I am sure that you have heard that boys develop slower than girls and it is okay to start them later in school than early. I can't say that one month is early though. I think if he does well with the trial day and is interested in school then now is the perfect time.

I beleive you have to take clues from your child. Does he seem ready. Is he egear to learn. Does he play well with others. My daughter is in Kindergaden and has an Aguest b-day. We just made sure that she new how to write her first name,count to at least 20, know and reginze her abc's and also know many of her colors. Shes in the top of her class right now. She never went to preschool or played with many kids her age before school started. Shes doing great. do what you think is best for your child. Its better to have your child be ready then to throw them in when they arent ready.

Don't send him. It will absolutely only help him in years to come. Academic standards are leaps and bounds above the standards of our time (I'm 34 and a "retired" 3rd grade teacher and at home mom with 4 kids).

The cut off for kinder should be September 1st, and may very well be changed in the near future. I held back my June birthday 2nd child (daughter) and do not regret it one bit. Also have an October girl turning 5 this year and will not be sending her.

So many people are waiting to send, that if you do send you will find many of the kids in the class being over 1 year older than your child.

And more than just academic development is the social end. I think it's in the child's best interest to enter school in more of a "leader" position than a follower. Being older will help with his confidence both academically and socially.

I guess I'm not very opinionated! hehe!

Good luck!

Does the school have anysort of testing that they can do to help with placement. I don't want to sound naive but we are getting ready to put our 3 year old into a pre-k program and they test before this and they also test before letting them go into kindergarten. This is a private religious school so maybe they do thing different from public. If he has to be held back K is the perfect time to do it. I know there are certain thing that they require to start K, if he is at that level then I'd probably start him.

Hi M.,

Whew, the tough decision - should we start Kindergarten? My children are now 15 (girl), 14 and 11 (boys). It's a very personal decision on whether to start kindergarten now or wait that one more year. What I will tell you is this, my boys would not have been ready had they turned 5 in the fall and not in the spring (thus they were 5 1/2 when kindergarten started for them). It may seem like a huge issue now, but when they get to be the age my kids are, it's not. There are a lot of kids older than my boys (so they started later) and a few younger. I think you have to look at the level your sons is at; some of my friends waited simply because they wanted more size on their sons before they started.

Good luck,
R.

I have a son who will be six in August. My husband and I chose to put him in a Jr. K program instead of starting him in Kindergarten. It has been the best thing. I have seen him grow in confidence and maturity. He will definitely be rady in the fall to handle all that is required of him. I am also a Kindergarten teacher. We see that a lot of students who are put At-Risk of Retention or who are retained are late birthdays. Sometimes the immaturity does not come apparent until Jr. High or High School, and if you look at it through the "Sports" eyes, your child will be bigger and more coordinated.

Hi M.,
I started my daughter in Kindergarten this year at age 4 (her birthday is Sept 13) and it has gone great so far. I think it really depends upon the child. And hey, if it doesn't work out, repeating Kindergarten is no big deal. I was always the youngest in my class (October 17 birthday) but I ended up being SO glad that my parents didn't hold me back because I am tall (6') and even as a 4 year old in kindergarten I was the tallest child in the class! So... if your son is unusually tall or short, that might affect your decision one way or another.

My son is a late Sept baby, we started him at 4 and he did fantastic, he is in 3rd grade now and at the top of his class. I say it all depends on the child, you know your child best. Do you have your son in Pre-School at all? If so you can ask what they would recommend. If not Google Kinder Readiness and see what the basics are and work with him on a few things. Anyway, don't know if that was helpful, but I wish you the best!

I too struggled with this decision. My son had 3 years of preschool by the time he turned 5 in late July, but he was still immature. I had talked to numerous teachers and other parents about my dilema, and chose to wait until he was 6. He is now in 1st grade, and is doing great. Yes he was taller than most of the kids when he started, but now he just blends in. There also seem to be more 7 year olds this year in 1st grade, possible because they repeated kindergarten...who knows. Repeating kindergaten was something I just didn't want to do, why not just let him be a kid a while longer. With the state standards being so much higher, there is so much pressure at such a young age.
Good Luck D.

In my opinion it would benefit your son more in every way to start him when he is 4. I was born in December so I had to start school when i was 5 & turned 6 in kindergarten & I was always older than all my friends it was only a yr but a yr is alot to a kid in school,not that that would be an issue either way for your son,but starting him while he is 4 can only be a positive thing for him,at least in my opinion!

I'm in the same boat, but after giving it a lot of thought, I decided to hold my son back a year. It really is to his best advantage, especially if your son is on the smaller side. I would, however, put him in a pre-K program so he'll be more prepared for Kindergarten.

Good Question. 15 years ago my husband and I were faced with the same question.. spoke to several of my girlfriends who worked in pediatrics at a local hospital. I was given information regarding starting k. The article read that a child will usually catch up by the time they reach 3rd grade. Well, from experience that depends.. Boys truly do not mature as well as females.. The work was not the issue for my son, it was maturity.. Therefore, if your son is mature for a 4 year old, has been attending a pre-school then I would possibly start him. If he seems socially behind, a little young for his age, then I would hold him back, because he will struggle both academically and emotionally. I am a school secretary for a K-5 elementary school, and I truly wished I would have held my son back. It was a struggle during grade school. I can tell you I had the best to talk with.. teachers and school psychs. Good luck with whatever decision you and your spouse come to terms with.

You have to do what is right. We are facing this decision for our daughter, also. Your choice depends in part on what function you see school fulfilling. Do you see it as a place for your child to gain academic learning? Is it a place for your child to develop a peer group? Does that answer change over the years?

My whole life I hated that I was kept back in kinder. I was always so much "smarter" than the kids in my class because of it, and let me tell you, being the smartest kid in the class is NOT a social advantage. Ironically, I wasn't actually smarter, just older, more mature, and more able to absorb the lessons. But I did not have the maturity to avoid being exasperated with my "childish" classmates, which exacerbated the situation. I used to beg to skip grades, and was twice offered the opportunity by the schools, but my parents kept me on track. They believed that because I was an unusually small child of late-blooming parents I would be better off that way.

Were they right? I don't know. I didn't hit puberty until my sophomore year of high school. By the logic of my parents, I would have been better off waiting *another* year to be more typically developing. Would it have been better to be with my academic peers or my physical peers?

In my mind that is the real question, and I do believe the question changes over time. In those elementary years, being with academic peers is awesome. As a teenager, being with social peers matters more. So if your child's physical and cognitive development don't track evenly, you will have to assess and reassess over time.

For me, it wasn't until I got to college and was surrounded by people who were far "smarter" than me that I actually felt comfortable and could relax into myself. Maybe that has nothing to do with the kinder decision; maybe that is just growing up. But I thought I would offer an alternative opinion to the knee-jerk "gift of another year" camp.

Good luck.