My one year old daughter is going through extreme speration anxierty. She wants to be carried constantly. I try to distract her with other things as much as possible but there are times where she will just wine and not let go of my leg if her life depended on it. She won't let ANYONE take care of her but me. Even my husband can't calm her down if I am gone. She has become a part of my body at this point and is very hard for me to do ANYTHING includding trying to potty train my three year old. So how do I deal with this? I know short periods apart is good but I always feel HORRIBLE for the person who is stuck trying to calm her down...plus I don't really have anyone to babysit to make that possible. So I am ALWAYS with her. I am always ecouraging her to play by herself but she always comes back to me to pick her up. I know that this stage is short and I KNOW in a year I will miss the cuddles but I need some alone time to make it through the day.
With my kids I got an Ergo baby carrier and put them on my back. That way they are close to me and I can do stuff. Eventually their need to explore becomes stronger than their separation anxiety and they want to get down.
Ergo baby carrier is awesome - carries kids up to and over 50 lbs, and you can wear them on your back. Also distributes the weight across your whole back so it's very comfortable. Wear her when you can, and tell her that you need some quiet time so you have energy to play/take care of them, etc. She may not understand now, but will eventually. Good luck!
I think you answered your own question. You need some time to yourself to make it through the day. Take the time you need. When you feel better, you and your daughter will both benefit.
This is a personal choice. There is no right or wrong. I had a velcro or cling on baby. It was very hard. I chose not to leave her but our daughter had some medical issues so that made it even more difficult for me. This too shall pass. I miss my little cling on. She starts college in the fall.
Take some time to yourself. Being a Mom is a tough job. You deserve it!
My daughter was like that, and I have to say, she still has trouble separating from me at 10 years old! It was tough, but I didn't force the issue with her. I am just now gently pushing her to be more independent and she's starting to do so. I don't have solutions, just empathy. I just think this is her personality, she's always been a rather anxious person and is in no hurry to grow up. It has its downsides, but it also has some pretty good things about it, too.
Do you have a baby carrier that you can wear her in? My 15 month old has recently gotten more clingy, so when he is being that way at home, I put him into my Ergo carrier and wear him. I am also potty training my middle son, so I understand what you mean. Wearing the 1 yr old has seemed to help, as it gives him a sense of reassurance, and eventually, he wants to get down so he can play with his brothers.
If my son at 12 months had wanted to have been carried all the time, he would have broken my back. Don't try to carry him all the time, and don't put him in a carrier. You could end up with a bulging disc, and that would end up requiring surgery.
Just sit down a lot and hold her, then get up and do something you need to do, then sit down, lots of back and forth.
This will abate at some point, so it's not forever. But truly, you have to leave her with your husband at some points and not worry about all the crying. If you DON'T do it, this stage will last longer.
Dawn
When you are the only parent present, I would pick her up. I see no point in trying to encourage a one year old to play by themselves - they will do that when they are ready to. And it might be years - my son was 4 before he would choose to play alone. I would get a comfortable sling and wear her.
I would also make sure that DH spends as much time with her as you do. She should be used to him feeding her, changing her, bathing her, carrying her, etc. If she is crying when DH picks her up, I would leave the room or house (either with the 3 year old or alone) so she is used to her dad being a full parent. Does she go to daycare? If so is she having issues there? I think it is really great for babies to learn that they are loved and cared for by multiple people. Perhaps it would have been the same if I had been a SAHM with a husband who was traditional in his role, but my son was always happy to be with myself, his dad or our daycare providers.
Hand her to dad and tell him to take her for a walk. Start some sort of routine with him being in charge so you dont have to feel like a pin cushion ALL the time.
Get a sling when she's truly fussy and wear her. It will pass. You can also encourage your DH to do things with her that help her understand that he can take care of her - feed her, take her to the park, give her a bath, participate in things she likes. Friend of mine works Saturdays and her DH says that's his special Dad time because when friend is totally out of the house, their daughter is fine with him. Maybe leave the house for a couple of hours and see how she does.
I think that your child needs you. Emotional needs are real needs, and part of what she is looking for in the world is comfort and knowing her mommy is there, and she can count on you when she needs you. From what I've read, learning that she can always count on mommy may actually help to make for a more independent kid later on, because she feels confident that you will always be there.
Separation anxiety is totally normal at this stage, mine went through it too, and also screamed when daddy tried to hold her. If you work, of course, you have to leave her, and it's really not the end of the world! But, if it's just a matter of convenience, I would try to meet her needs and comfort her. Maybe put her in an Ergo or something so you can have your hands free and still hold her. Ultimately, I would try to think, "How does this make her feel?" And I just couldn't put her in a situation to be panicked, afraid, and feel like I'm not there for her just because I'm tired of doing to the "mom thing" (and believe me, sometimes I was reeeeeally tired of it!). That doesn't mean you shouldn't have a break when you really need one -- you can't be a martyr to your kids, and so a date night or a break occasionally is super important -- but that I don't think the idea of breaking a child's fears by forcing them into them (especially at this tender age, where there's so much they can't understand about what you're doing and why) is a very good parenting strategy, IF you're logistically able to try to nurture them through those fears.
This stage will pass. My toddler now asks for daddy all the time, and goes to sitters without even a tear. What a difference a few months makes! Also, at one, I assume she naps. I always tried to cook and clean while she was awake, both so she learned that we all have to do chores, but also so that I could take a break during nap time. Try to take your "alone time" then.
I don't have the answer, just empathy. My 2 1/2 is like this. Wants to be w me constantly. If my parents go near her and I am in the room, she runs to me "I want you mama." She does better when I am not in the room! I don't let her sit on my lap when we are eating in a restaurant and she has adjusted to that. She does have her older sister to play with, which helps. I put her in 1 day a week day care to get her used to other kids and another caregiver and she likes it. Keep her as social as possible even though she will still cling!
