What do you do when in-laws or acquaintances (people who you are forced to be around but aren't exactly your close friends or family) provide TMI? I find this happens A LOT, i.e. someone told me she had sand in her "crotch." (seriously?) And do I really need to know that somebody's milk came in? I just had my 3rd baby - yeah I know that happens.
I'm from a conservative family so while we talk openly amongst ourselves, we don't spill those details to just anyone. I find myself smiling politely when it happens, but I really want to say, "Can you just stop talking?" Do you ever tell people (even a MIL) when it's just TMI?
I think everyone really does have different levels of TMI. I think those comments are on the mild end.
Are these random strangers or people you know?
Either way I suggest you either get comfortable saying something like, "TMI alert!", or just deal. I don't know anyone the examples you gave would bother. You are the one uncomfortable so you will have to be the one to speak up when offended.
I say, while smiling/laughing.. "Okay, that's just a little more than I needed to know! " Maybe cover your ears and say, "la la la..."
My one relative however, is always telling me about her bowel movements and such. I can be a little more blunt/rude with her and just say, "Seriously, that's gross.... stop telling me that. I don't want or need to know."
Guess I don't have this problem, not a lot of things bother me...I mean, we all have a body, right?
I agree with the joking approach...just say "whoa! hold on...too much information!" Say it in a funny voice, but they'll get the idea and because you were joking usually avoids anyone getting offended. You may be doing them a favor...they don't have enough common sense or manners to know what should or not should be discussed openly. This may help them figure that out.
Hold on a second....still wiping.
You mean like this example?:
Setting:
Easter dinner at my house.
25 people attending.
Both sides of our family.
MIL details her sister's latest medical emergency complete with details like "there was BLOOD squirting out of her BUM...it squirted all over the WALL!"
Like that?
Honestly, this particular woman is SO lacking in "filter" that I have said "No O. wants to hear that." or "This is not the time or place for that." straight out. This was O. of those times.
She is also the O. who insists on fighting with my FIL at our house, in front of us. Or she did until I told her very plainly "No O. wants to hear this. And if you want to continue, you'll have to leave and do it at home." That ended THAT, at least.
As for the garden-variety TMI-ers, that insist on detailing periods, injuries, etc., depending on time/place/etc. I might just respond with a brief "eewe" or a blank stare or a subject change. The "subject change" done immediately and signaling COMPLETE change in topic is particularly effective.
Example:
TMI: "There was BLOOD squirting ON the WALLS!"
Reply "Did you watch DWTS last night? Gladys Knight was Awesome!"
I hold up a hand and say "OK, TMI, I don't need to hear this!" If it doesn't stop I leave the room to get my point across. I'm not rude, but I take control of what I will subject myself to.
i guess everyone has different thresholds for what they consider TMI. it sounds like yours is pretty low, so it's probably a good idea to find a humorous/courteous way to say 'no thanks.' there are some good suggestions here.
my family is much more open than my husband's, and i take that into consideration.
i'm finding that tolerance levels depend largely on where one is in life too. when i was a young mother i so loved exchanging birth stories with other young mothers. now i'd rather roll in my own puke than listen to one more episiotomy tale, or indulge in diaper content comparisons.
like most folks, i still look askance at older people whose entire conversational repertoire consists of detailing their various ailments. i was telling that to my favorite aunt (she's only 10 years older than i, more like a big sister) and she said 'oh suzy, you just don't get it. i call it 'the organ recital.' when we old gals get together, we have a WONDERFUL time sharing and exclaiming over our various aches and pains. you'll understand when you get here.'
i'm refusing to believe her.....yet.
:) khairete
S.
I think alot of families are mroe open about things then others, and might not consider it TMI. For example my family is very open about sex. My husbands family isn't. My family was making a lot of sexualy based jokes at my baby shower for my first born and I could tell that my husband's aunt was really uncomfortable. It just depends on how you were raised, but your inlaws might not think its TMI. I don't think someone mentioning their milk is coming in TMI.
I don't think milk coming in constitutes a tmi. But yeah I get people who say things like that a lot to me. I don't mind it just means they are comfy around me and don't see me as Judgy
Maybe I have been desensitized though, I used to work in vitamins and was routinely told about bowel movements, sexual stamina, urine color, etc,,,, lol
Once someone gets to be "too much" I manage to slither away from them in a polite fashion.
Some people use TMI as an ice breaker hoping that it will open a door, when you walk away you are letting them know that you arent interested in their talk, and they get that and move on.
Some people are quiet observers, and some are yackers, and some tell us more than we want to know.
It's just the way the world goes round.
Eh, doesn't bother me. Just means they're comfortable with you. Like others said, sometimes all it takes is a little "TMI" comment.
Dad on purpose - your so funny.
It really doesn't bother me unless there are others around and I'm enbarassed for them. Like if someone said something gross in front of my daughter, I'd be embarassed for my daughter.
I joke...
eewww cochina. Do you kiss your mama with that mouth.
or if we're alone I counter with something totally gross to get my point across like - oh yeah, you know what I hate? Taking a poop while on my period, don't you hate that. When they make that face, I know they get it! Fight fire with fire!
I think humor is the best way - as others have said, you can confront it directly with a "WAY too much information, thank you!" or you can very obviously change the subject. Here in New England, we change the subject by saying "So, how 'bout those Red Sox??!!!" but in your case you can substitute "those Dodgers" (switching nicely when football season rolls around!). Then get up and get yourself another cup of coffee or go fix your makeup, or look out the window and ask what kind of bird that is on the bird feeder...you get the idea. You can't stop them from talking about it, but you can choose to remove yourself from the conversation.
But I also agree that in-laws consider themselves your family, and if you are comfortable talking about this with your family of origin, then when you married you inherited another group of folks to be close with!
Updated
I think humor is the best way - as others have said, you can confront it directly with a "WAY too much information, thank you!" or you can very obviously change the subject. Here in New England, we change the subject by saying "So, how 'bout those Red Sox??!!!" but in your case you can substitute "those Dodgers" (switching nicely when football season rolls around!). Then get up and get yourself another cup of coffee or go fix your makeup, or look out the window and ask what kind of bird that is on the bird feeder...you get the idea. You can't stop them from talking about it, but you can choose to remove yourself from the conversation.
But I also agree that in-laws consider themselves your family, and if you are comfortable talking about this with your family of origin, then when you married you inherited another group of folks to be close with!
I will say that it was more than I needed to know depending on the situation/people. Some things do not bother me and other things do. Milk coming in would not bother me so much and sand in the crotch I would probably laugh and and a baby wipe over! But I am used to people telling me too much information - I am one of those people that people tell things to.
Be bold next time and simply tell them that that is TMI and you would rather not hear it. Then smile conservatively.
Sure. It takes alot though for me to raise my hand at what people tell me. I come from a medical family, so conversations during family dinners usually would consists of what my parents had to deal with that day. My friends also hold nothing back. So, for me, it is usually when I am on information overload and my brain just is tired of processing things. That's when I just say " time-out" or " yeah, I need a drink".
My favorite response to things I don't want to hear: "Thank you for sharing." To be said over and over as needed.............. lol
