Time Outs Don't Work!!!!

I think it's a stage they go through at that age. I seem to remember being frustrated with the same situation. I kept up with the time outs, but I started asking him why he was sent there. At first he would say, "I don't know" or some other reason. I would then tell him the real reason and he would apologize. And yes, five minutes later he did the same exact thing. But he would be sent right back to timeout. I thin kit's a matter of consistency at this age. They are really starting to test the limits. Good Luck and hang in there!

I have a almost 6 year old, a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 6 month old, and I can tell you with certainty that it takes repeated time outs before they learn not to do the undesired behavior. Even when the are almost 6 - they can be strong willed and stubborn. Also, let's face it, sometimes they just forget what the rules are. You just have to keep up with the time outs and she will get it eventually. Then a few months will go by and she'll forget again:). It's a never ending cycle! One thing I would suggest is no playing in time out. She'll get the hint that it's not fun to be in time out, and may respond more quickly.

How many times have you put her in time out? It could take many, many, many times for her to make the connection!

Understand, I used to be the type of person who thought that the concept of 'time out' was a wussy way to parents because people really didn't want to discipline their kids. BOY was I wrong! I'm now eating my words!

We used time out with our son when he began hitting at 16-18 months. Sometimes we had to put him in time out literally 20 times a day. We joined forces with daycare and told them how we wanted the situation handled if he hit in daycare (they already used the same form of 'punishment' so it merged well). I told them if he needed to be put back at the 'time out table' all afternoon then so be it!

Here's the deal. Your daughter is not connecting a cause and effect pattern (thus, repeating the undesired behaviors), so you need to be painstakingly consistent with the technique. She needs to learn that "hitting/undesirable behavior = removal from the activity" EVERY SINGLE TIME. If you put her in time out once but then say "forget it" or "this isn't working!" the next time she acts up, then she learns that the time out is really pointless and stupid because mommy's going to let her get away with it anyways.

You may decide to ditch the time out and select another technique; that's fine. The bottom line, however, is that whatever you choose you must be 100% consistent each and every time the misbehavior happens. And, since she's 2 she's definitely smart enough to try to push your buttons and get away with whatever she can!

I worked in the two-year-old room in a daycare and many two-year-olds don't catch on to the time-outs until almost 3.

Many young children are single-minded meaning they get it in their head that they want something or want to do something and they just plow forward. They are very "reactive."
The whole reasoning thing sometimes doesn't click until later, and it is then that timeouts work.

If your daughter is LOOKING at you while she does the bad thing, perhaps with a "are you going to stop me?" kind of look then she is doing it on purpose. BUT, it sounds like she's not connecting that whatever she did is a bad thing. And I'm sure she only says she's sorry because she knows that's what she needs to do when she wants out of the time out. You're telling her, but it's just not registering.

With kids like that, you just have to treat them like toddlers and put everything out of their reach and use redirection.

Try timeouts a little bit later, and make sure you have a place of timeout that's really boring. Like the bottom stair. She needs to sit there silently (no singing to herself) and not fiddle or play.

And to know whether or not she "got it" she should not only be able to tell YOU (without repeating after you) what she did wrong, and also what she should do to fix it.

Example: "Why are you in timeout?"
"Because I was touching mommy's glass ornaments"
"What should you do next time?"
"Leave them alone"
"Good job!"

I'm in the same boat with my son who is 21 months. There are many different opinions regarding when a child can begin to understand that the timeout (or whatever consequence you are using) is directly linked to his/her behavior. Only you can really tell when it comes to your child. Many Pediatricians say it's 18 months, while others say it's 2 years old. I have a friend who is a Child Psychologist who recently assured me that some kids don't start to "get it" until they hit 2 years. She told me to keep-up with the time-outs as best as possible, but that I may not see things "click" in my son for another couple months.

I hope this helps you feel a little better! It doesn't make things any easier for now (believe me, I know!!), but maybe your daughter needs a little more time to understand. Timeouts will work eventually.

She's actually still a little too young for time outs to be really effective. Everything I've read says age 2, but I think with our son he didn't really catch on until closer to 2.5 or 3. You just need to be patient. Have you tried redirecting her attention instead? What kinds of things is she doing to get into trouble? Can you remove her from situations before she gets into trouble? Maybe she's not getting enough sleep if she's constantly getting into trouble. Also, we had to do time-outs in our son's room with the door closed because he would never stay in a chair unless we forcably held him down kicking and screaming the whole time. He hates having the door held shut, so it's pretty effective. And if 2 minutes doesn't seem to matter to her, how about 3 or 4 minutes? Or have you tried instead of a time out taking away her favorite toy for a day or no TV for the entire day or no trip to the park...... Taking away our son's favorite toy has always been pretty effective.
From our experience with a very willful almost 4 year old boy, it seems like his behavior is in direct proportion to the amount of sleep he gets. I'd suggest a much earlier bed time if your daughter's behavior doesn't change.
But also she's only 2 and learning... the best advice I remember getting at that age is that you can't run around all day saying NO, NO, NO... If it isn't hurting anyone, try redirecting the behavior and keep your NOs to a minimum. Otherwise it kind of loses all meaning. Good luck!

I can't offer any advie...we're in the exact same position, but I wanted you to know you are not the only ones dealing with this. We are consistent and put our son in time out every single time he hits (or does a "bad" behavior), but he just doesn't seem to get it or care. He'll get out of time-out and go right up to someone and hit them again...seconds after getting out. He'll also do something on purpose just to go to time-out if he wants to be in the kitchen with me (where our time-out spot is.) At 2 some kids are just so stubborn, yet smart enough to know how to push buttons and get away with it. I hope you get some good advice so I can use it too. Good Luck!

K.
Redirection is great this age. Reminding them what is acceptable is also a good discipline tool. Like we only give hugs, touch soft and gentle and show what that is, hand shakes and high fives are better uses for our hands too. Good Luck!

J. O

At that age, it worked great for us to focus on helping our children learn good ways to express their wants and needs. Punishments, even time outs, are really not necessary if the goal is to have children who listen to you and want to do the right thing. There are better ways to learn how to behave without having to be punished when you do something wrong.

Think about how we learn new things at work. Is it really necessary to have the threat of punishment over us to be honest and hardworking, or do we work best when we have a boss who we know values our efforts, assumes the best of us, and provides the opportunity and support we need to do our best work. I know that some would disagree, and think that people do need threats to keep them in line, but that is not my world view.

When one of my boys would do something that I didn't want him to do, I would say, "please don't do that", and briefly explain why, "it's dangerous, it's messy, etc.," and then help them find a way to get their need met in a better way, "use your words, ask for help when your brother is messing with your stuff, go outside for very physical play, etc."