Throwing Fits - Halethorpe,MD

it's hard to answer because circumstances change. to you it looks like no reason, but 2 year olds are developing a relationship with the world around them and what seems like nothing to you is HUGE to him. you need to understand that this is incredibly, incredibly frustrating to him and he doesn't yet have the skills to communicate this and explain. you can try reasoning with him, but remember to keep it very very simple, and that you can't do this at all while he's in the middle of a meltdown. i'm sad at how many people find it appropriate to punish, even hit, a little who is in this state. quiet, calm and consistency are what will work in the long run....and isn't the long run what you're interested in? look him in the eye and tell him that when he's done screaming you will talk to him about what's bothering him. then stay in his eyesight but don't pay any attention to him. when he calms down you can try to help him verbalize his frustration (don't speak for him, but do try to help him use words) and express a resolution to the problem. 'i'm sorry you were so angry because we couldn't go to the park right then, but it wasn't park time. would you like to read a book now?'
quiet. calm. consistent.
khairete
S.

I ask my son to calm down so we can talk. If he doesn't, I will tell him to let me know when he is done, so we can talk, and I turn away from him. Just make sure that he isn't throwing a fit because he doesn't want to do something. When that happens, they still need to do it. For example, my son only really gets timeouts for hitting me, and only hits me when I ask him to do something he doesn't want to. So, when he hit me because he didn't want me to change his diaper, I told him that he was going to time out, but that the diaper was still going to be changed. I did that in silence, and then he got his time out. He hasn't repeated that one yet.

At home the only place they can throw a fit is their room, so if they start, I just say, we have a place for that, do you want to walk on your own or do you want me to carry you? This usually stops the fit & they say sorry right away, otherwise follow thru! If you are in public, then say , we have a place for that, do you want to walk on your own or do you want me to carry you? Then leave your things & go out to the car. Strap them in the car seat & start the car so there is air. You stand outside the car with your back to him. If too hot out for you, then sit in the car with him & read a book, clean your car, etc... when he is done, have him apologize & then go back in & finish. If you are at a friend's house, same goes... use a room at their house or do the car thing. Kid figures out quick that the fits get him nothing & are just a waste of time. If the fits are excessive, then I would check to make sure that he is getting enough sleep & food. Hope this helps.

Don't give it any attention... If he keeps going, send him to his room and tell hime that he can come out when he is done.

Updated

Don't give it any attention... If he keeps going, send him to his room and tell hime that he can come out when he is done.

Walk away if your at home. Take him out of the store wihout talking to him if your running errands. Put him in another room and walk away if your at someone's house. Turn up the radio if your in the car.

If you ignore it, and do not put up with it he will stop. It can be hard to have to leave the store (like when you have a basket full of groceries!) but if you simply ignore him, he will get attention (even if it's negative) from someone else and that's what he wants.

This is normal but it's pretty easy to nip in the bud! Be strong momma, this too shall pass!

Good advice about ignoring him. Just step over him and go about your business. If he follows you place him in his room and tell him when he is "ready for a hug , he needs to stop crying".
Purchase ear plugs. Give "yourself" a time out and go into your room and close the door. Nip this in the bud now and you will not have to deal with this when he is older.

Remember he does not have the words to express what he is feeling. Try to notice what is going on and give him the words.
"You seem frustrated because you want a cookie. You seem disappointed because you cannot watch tv. You seem upset at that little boy because you want that toy."

Also giving him choices when you think a request is going to upset him can also give him some control." Do you want apple slices or orange pieces? Want to wear the red or the blue shirt?"

If you have a child that is older than this throwing a fit, they need to go to a time out chair. This way they can put themselves there if they feel the urge coming on.

Look at www.oneweekparentingmiracle.com. I use this discipline method with my two children and it has helped immensely. It focuses on positive reinforcement, and extinction (ignoring) negative behavior, but has some great ideas for time out that I had never thought of. I hope this helps!

It's normal. Tell him you won't listen to him while he's having a fit, and put him in his room so he can throw it there by himself. They do it for attention. If they aren't getting any they'll quit.

Very normal behavior, and truly, children don't have meltdowns for no reason at all. The life of a toddler is unbelievably frustrating when you take some time to see it from their perspective. They hear "no" to most of the things they want to do. They get stopped in the middle of doing something fun because parents are rushing to meet a schedule. They are constantly managed, pushed, and required to do things that often make no sense to them at all. Their motor skills and ability to communicate are limited and can be extremely frustrating for them.

I've recently read a fabulous book called Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman. Studies show that children whose parents practice "emotion coaching" are more physically healthy and emotionally resilient, less affected by stress, perform better academically, have better relationships, and are less likely to develop behavior problems.

I strongly recommend this excellent resource, which has practical tips and examples of how to be a more empathetic parent. It's not the same thing as a permissive parent, either, since it actually helps you draw clear limits for your child in a way that children can better accept.

Consider yourself lucky that it only lasts 15 minutes! When my son was in the throes of the terrible twos he could easily go for 45 minutes or more. Just hang in there. There is nothing you can do to avoid it. It's developmentally appropriate for your son at this stage of his life.

Ignore it. Say nothing just get up and walk away. If he does it in public, pick him up, say nothing and get him into the car and drive home. He will get the message that this will get him nothing.

I see a lot of moms are telling you to put him in his room until he is done or to walk away. My daughter's fits (at two and still at 4) are so terrible and we are afraid to lock her in room because we are afraid she will hurt herself (by throwing herself around or throwing things etc.) She won't stay in the room if it is not locked. She follows me around and screams at me and it is still tough to handle after all this time--her fits escalate if we yell at her or try to keep her in her room. She really needs us to be with her to talk her down and tell her to take deep breaths. If your son will stay in his room and scream it out and that helps him calm down, go for it! I wish that worked for us. Our child psychologist has told us that trying to reason with a child when they are in that state of mind is useless and from my experience, it is the truth. If your son is like my daughter, he probably can't hear a word you're saying anyway.

hang in there! it will pass. Ignore them as much as you can and he will see they are not effective.

Ignore him. Temper tantrums are so expected and stressful (for us!) but the reality is he is trying to get a reaction from you when he does this. I have twin boys and we did fine until they were 3, then the tantrums started. Ultimately, they didn't last long because my husband and I would literally step over them and ignore the behavior. Sometimes they'd get up, follow us into the next room and then recommence the tantrum so we could see them. It's harder to deal with out and about. The best you can do is make sure he is in a stoller and strapped in so he can't get out and then do your best to ignore him. I know it's hard to walk around a grocery store or some other place with a screaming kid, (I've taken them outside of the store a few times and just let them finish) and a couple times I did have to give up and go home. But generally, I tried not to let their behavior effect what I could or could not get done during the day.

So in conclusion....do your best to ignore him. He'll get over it soon enough.
:-)

J.