Three Year Old Regression - Frederick,MD

I would take her to the pediatrician ASAP. That seems like a very severe regression. He should be able to make a referral if needed and rule out anything else going on.

Make an appointment with her pediatrician. Kids don't change their personality's just because. They may have a temper tantrum or something but to have a complete personality change, that's just not right.

Many things can happen to a child that hurts them so deep they shut down. Since you're a stay at home mom and she's not left with anyone where you're not with her it's not likely someone molested her. Since she's with you all the time she probably not being bullied at child care, not being hit by some adult, etc....since she's at home with you most of the common reasons for this personality change just don't have any chance of being the reason.

So that leaves a health issue. I'd be worried too. Take her to see the doc. You might have them check her girl stuff just in case, sometimes other kids will act out stuff they see and hurt another child but not really mean to do it.

Pediatrician ASAP. Keep us updated. I would be interested in the docs thoughts. Someone might come across this and any info you have might help in the future.

Pediatrician. This isn't normal. She may be sick and can't communicate why. Better to rule the physical out first. I would call tonight and leave a message with the nurse so you can get in to see the doc sooner rather than later. Google to see if there is some sort of after-hours pediatrician so you can see someone this weekend if it's possible.

I agree that a visit to the Pediatrician is in order, your husband surely can't be uncomfortable with that idea and if the Ped. thinks a specialist is needed, make sure your husband feels comfortable asking the doctor himself about his concerns.

I agree that this could be normal and just a reaction to a change in the routine, but it seems extreme. I'm sure it's tough. Hang in there but call in the professionals!

I agree with the other mamas who say go see the pediatrician. This sounds worrisome. Good luck in figuring it out!

I have never heard of this happening. However, it might be completely normal. Still, I think you should take her to a specialist, just in case this is indicative of something else.

Another responder might have experience with this, but ASSUMING everything is neurologically normal with your daughter, I would just play along with it. Don't try to force her to talk, carry her around if she wants it, and forget potty training for now.

Assuming, once again, that she's fine, she will eventually grow bored of not talking and start talking again.

But if it were me, I would start by taking her to a doctor.

I've never heard of this, but I can see a 3.5 year old doing this. They want control, they want power struggles...so I can see a kid deciding to stop talking.

I love books by dr. Ames. They are called, your one year old, your two year old, etc.

I'd start by stopping letting her control you. You should not be carrying a 3 year old. I know lots of people do,,but I don't. 3's aren't toddlers, they are more than capable of walking, and should. In fact, since she can talk, I'd refuse whatever she wants until she talks. When she tantrums, walk away. This isn't tough love, this is called not playing their game. Some 3s like to play these games, it's best to walk away. My son threw himself on the floor in a store because I wouldn't carry his coat. I can't carry everyone's coats, so I let him tantrum. Today? He didn't ask once for me to take his coat, he can carry it or wear it, his choice. Tantrums can be your friend if you are consistent with your No's.

As to potty training. I'd take her to a friends house and let some peer pressure get her interested. I'd just say, " you are a big girl now, when you want to be a real big girl and not wear diapers, let me know. Until then, you can wear diapers like your baby sister. I won't mention it again. It's your choice." Then don't mention it. Let it be her choice.

You have to give 3s choices. So start asking choice questions constantly. "Do you want to put your socks on or your shirt." Do you want to hold my hand while we walk, or do you want to walk alone.

By giving choices, you build up confidence and they usually stop being so stubborn. It takes practice. But you can make almost anything into a choice question. This is the best technique for handling stubborn 3. And also repeat things like, " ok, you don't what to come to dinner. If you want to go to bed hungry, that's your choice." Then you walk away.

There is also a shy period at 3. I remember my son clinging for a few weeks, and then he went back to normal. They also baby talk at this age sometimes, maybe your daughter just decided to really baby talk and use her finger.

This may be normal, it may not be.

Regression at that age is a major indicator of the autism spectrum. You should definitely speak with your pediatrician. The pediatrician will hopefully refer you to a specialist. They should also check her adenoids, tonsils, etc. to make sure they are not inflamed and preventing her from talking or hurting her such that she doesn't wish to talk. Tell your husband that you simply want to rule out any physical problems that could be causing some of her difficulties. Perhaps he will be more willing to have a medical Dr. check her vs. a psychiatrist (at least at first). All of that said, her regression may simply be sibling jealousy. If all other causes are ruled out and it boils down to that, then you are going to have to take a hard line with her - no carrying her, no replies to grunting, etc. I'm not going to lie, that will be tough - as parents, it is our natural instinct to respond to our children. Hang in there!

Hi, A.:

Get the Ped doctor to run a blood test on her.
She sounds like she is physically sick.

Good luck.
D.

I think your kid is just wanting the "baby attention" that your littlest is getting. In my experience, it is best to try to treat both your baby and your three-year-old as if they are both 3, as nearly as you can. In other words, if one kid can't be carried, neither can be carried. Your arms are too tired today! Make sure to ask your baby questions and wait for answers, just like you do for your older kid. Use prompting only after a nice long pause. Both kids need to learn to say "Please" and "Thank You" and "OK mommy." Using sign language or holding up a sign with the word on it is OK for starters. Kids even at the age of three can learn to distinguish those three phrases apart in writing and sign language is great to relieve pressure from speech. Absolutely nothing can be given to either girl without communicating please, even if it means helping baby sister hold up a sign or helping her rub her chest to sign please. Allow your daughter a way out of talking if the pressure is too much: "Are you feeling quiet today? You can sign it today. Maybe tomorrow you can speak the word 'please.'" One thing I have tried with some success is if your kid does say a word, you can capture the word as it "flies" around and put it in your pocket. You are saving it for later. Also remind your daughter of how proud you were when she said some of her earliest words when she was a baby. Tell her what the words were and how amazed you were that a baby could say such great words.

Try this for potty - get lots of books about the potty from the library. Read them as often as your kids will stand for it. Make sure you have a potty for each daughter. Bring both girls into the bathroom, let their dolls/stuffed animals sit on a pretend potty (like an open clean wipes box), and then let their dolls "decorate" the pretend potty with stickers for doing a good job trying. Only let your daughters decorate their potties after trying on the potty. Your child may be in love with her diapers. Get rid of any beautiful diapers in the house and replace them with some plain looking 7th Generation or other plain diapers (the store is conveniently out of all other kinds). If little sister tries the potty, she is "so big, just like her big sister!" No rivalry language, only sameness.

For pretending she is a baby (when your daughter grunts, etc.) - tell your daughter that you don't like to pretend "baby human" because you are so proud of all the things she can do now that she is not a baby. Ask her to play "baby dinosaur" or "baby cat," and really get into the game -- ask her to do all kinds of things a baby animal can do. Maybe start gently and then ask her to make animal sounds (like she probably did as a very young baby). Bring dolls into the game -- the dolls are pretending to grunt (in your best falsetto) like baby humans, but then after you tell them you don't play "baby human" they change to be baby cats and meow! Later this can be expanded to becoming "magic babies" that can say "please" or use the potty.

For attention without leaving baby sister out, put music on and let your older daughter dance to it -- allow baby sister to sit on your lap and join in the audience! Do this often and change it up with different kinds of shows - air shows, car shows, horse shows, etc. that your big kid can do with toys. Then the girls can switch depending on your baby's dancing desires. :)

You can do it, just be consistent and persistent and fair. Good luck!

When I first started to notice that my older son seemed a little different, my husband thought I was crazy. But I took him to be tested anyway. The people that worked with us were able to show my husband more clearly the things that they were looking for and the reactions that our son had that were different so that he could see that our son needed help. WE were told that our son was not autistic but that he had red flags and received speech therapy and the counselors have given us some other strategies to use when working with our son. Our son was 18 months old when we started and they expect him to go into regular kindergarten next year.

I say all of this to say that early intervention helps. If you are noticing signs now that concern you, you need to do everything you can to help her now. You have nothing to lose by having her tested.