Thinking of Divorce

I have a friend who recently divorced a Chicago fire fighter. She is now a mediator. You might want to use her or someone else. Her divorce went so smoothly and they didn't spend money on attorneys. Let me know if you'd like her contact info.

Anything is negotiable. You need to check with your lawyer and do not and I repeat do not use the same lawyer or try and do it by yourself. You are entitled to half of anything that has been put into the pension since you guys have been married, same for him of your stuff, pension, 401K etc. If he was a police officer for 20 years and paid into it for that time BEFORE you were married then you are NOT entitled to this money.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Any chance that you and your hubby would consider some good counseling? There is a book written by a women called "Divorce Busters", Amazon carries it. Wonderful book and very helpful. Divorce is not easy on anyone and carries scars for many, many years, especially for the kids no matter what age.

You can "go after his pension" if you have been married for at least 5 years. It also matters if you had contributed to your own pension or were a homemaker. I think that his attitude intends to scare you and prevent you from doing so. You have to weight other options and see what you can negotiate. If he wants to negotiate things that already “yours” by law – you do not have to do that. Remember that people who use bullying and scare tactics are cowards inside. Police pensions are good – so I would weigh options before negotiating this one. He has to give you something very very good for you to consider this. Divorcing police officer can be tough because they can retaliate and sent other PO to harass the ex-wife. It will be tough anyway, so do not let his attitude discourage you from getting what belongs to you by law. Good luck.

Hi L.. I am very sorrt to hear of your husband's attitude. I just wanted to lend some support as my husband is also a Chicago p.o. Good luck to you and be as strong as you can. Your disposition will have alot to say for the judge I am sure.

Talk to your lawyer, if you are able to get the pension, you should. My aunt didn't go after my uncle's and took the house instead, 10 years later she realized it was a big mistake...if it's something you're entitled to by law, then do it. You'll need the income down the road. Who knows when this real estate market will turn around...you're better off selling your house (if that's the situation you're in) and splitting whatever you get for it and starting over if you can get the pension. Good luck to you.

It's probably a very good pension, so I'd go after it! Good luck to you.

Updated

It's probably a very good pension, so I'd go after it! Good luck to you.

Updated

It's probably a very good pension, so I'd go after it! Good luck to you.

Updated

It's probably a very good pension, so I'd go after it! Good luck to you.

Updated

It's probably a very good pension, so I'd go after it! Good luck to you.

That's a decision you will have to make. Im sure legally you are entitled to half of it, but to think that is something he has worked for to be able to retire one day...do you need it? or do you want it? will alimony suffice?

You're not "going after" anything. Everything that was earned or purchased by the two of you during the course of your marriage is marital property unless proven otherwise. It doesn't matter if it is money, a pension, a house or a vehicle and it doesn't matter whose name is on the asset. It's all the same to the judge. You can certainly have the pension valued and take other assets in exchange and allow him to keep the pension in its entirety, but you absolutely are entitled to your share of the marital value of the pension.

I would not negotiate with him without having at least a consultation with a family lawyer who will explain to you what a decent settlement would look like.

Check your private messages

I highly recommend you look into "collaborative law" as the process used to negotiate and finalize your divorce.

L. - I am a family lawyer and while my response is in no way intended to provide legal advice or create a lawyer-attorney relationship, I will say that depending on when the pension was started and the length of the marriage, you may be entitled to a share of the pension. The courts also take into consideration whether or not you have a retirement account of your own and whether you are able to support yourself after the divorce. He may be willing to give in on other things in exchange for preserving his pension. Before you accept any offers, be sure you understand the value of the pension and make sure it is comparable to whatever it is he is willing to give up. Your best best is to discuss your particular situation with a divorce attorney, preferably one who has experience with QDROs (qualified domestic relations orders).

Having worked with cops in Chicago for 12 years...YOU NEGOTIATE NOTHING. Talk to your attorney about the divorce ONLY! If he is starting to be cocky and is at all threatening remind him that there is a NO TOLERANCE POLICY with CPD now as it relates to DV. Threatening counts.

I wouldn't leave the house (move) until I had an attorney who could or would direct me. DO NOT DISCUSS THE DIVORCE WITH HIM, unless it is a positive discussion! Which I doubt will EVER happen!

When I got divorced........ a long time ago...... I didn't want his pension.... They did some figuring and came up with a number that it was worth....... I then got our house instead!!! I didn't want to deal with him when he decided to retire!!!! What happens if he quits, or the pension fund gets cut.......etc..... I wanted my money now!!!! So... I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that it's possible and for me was better not to take the pension...... Good Luck with everything...... I know it's a hard thing to go through.

Like others have said make sure you get a good reputable layer. You should be entitled to half of everything, and yes everything is negotiable. Make sure you get what is fair. He sounds like he is trying to bully and scare you. If you want a good lawyer (if you do not have one) message me. I am going through a divorce now, and my layer is a good one. Fair, not trying to rip me off and has very good solid advice. He has been doing this for 20 years.
Good luck and stay STRONG!