Thinking About #2 - Zirconia,NC

One thing to take into consideration when planning for a second is how hard it may or may not be on your daughter at that point in time.

Our kids are 21 months apart. Our older did beautifully transitioning to a younger sibling. My sister had her 2nd last week, and her 26 month old is having a tough time. A lot of it is personality, a lot of it is getting accustomed to being the "baby". How you approach the one-on-one time with a 2nd is also a major consideration.

None of us can tell you what's right, but we can encourage you to follow your instincts and to do what's best for you. Money is always a concern no matter how much you make or how little you have. It's always a stressor, and people figure out how to make it work.

I'd like a third. We're not in agreement about it for many reasons: money, time for us, having been diagnosed with cancer after the birth of our 2nd, off number of kids, etc.

Good luck with your decision. It's a tough one, and you'll make the right decision. A lot of the moms here with 3-4 kids still don't feel complete when the realization of no longer having a baby hits. It's probably very common and very natural.

I had and still do have the concerns you mentioned above and I had my second baby 8 months ago!!

There is no knowing the future and no way you can 100% plan it (which I hate because I am such a planner) but I had to tell/convince my husband that we were always destined to have 2 kids. My daughter is now 4 so things were SUPER EASY before #2 came along but now seeing the two of them becoming friends and playing and learning from one another it makes the extra daycare money, the no savings, lack of energy at times and starting all over with teeny tiny ones ALL WORTH IT!!!!

Every day our daughter says, "I just love my baby brother! He is so cute! I am going to teach him..." IT MELTS YOUR HEART and we know we did the right thing.

We are definitley more stretched now than before the second baby but we knew it going in and were able to promise one another that we would stick together throught he most expensive time (diapers/formula/2 kids in daycare) and in the end things would be A-okay. We have to work twice as hard but the rewards are 2-4 times greater.

I don't know if I can offer any suggestions or input as I am in the same boat as you except my son is only 11 months now and we are thinking of trying another one after he turns one or shortly thereafter. My husband had been wanting #2 practically the day after my son was born. He said babies are too cute to just have one. I thought that would be a wrong reason to have another child. I was adamant to just having one after my son was born because I am a SAHM and it's so much work to tend to your child 24/7 at least at first. Now that I am 11 months into being a SAHM it's still not easy but I am beginning to think maybe I can handle another child. I do want two kids but what's stopping me is the baby/newborn stage with the new baby and then tending to a toddler. Luckily newborn tends to sleep and eat and they don't run around etc. but it is still time consuming work. I am still thinking about when to have #2 and my hubby is patiently waiting for me to make that decision. He was so excited when I told him that I would even consider having another baby so now he respects me to determine when that time should be.

I am 36 so I really don't want to wait any longer. I might not have as much energy for two kids if I wait any longer. Money is also another issue since I want to continue to be a SAHM after baby #2 is born. There is no point in putting my kids in daycare if the cost of it will probably my whole paycheck plus I want to raise my kids myself, that's something I've always wanted to do if we can afford to.

When I watch my 11 month old play by himself I often think it would be nice to have another child so they can play together. I also don't want the gap to be too far so they can play together better. I know the first several years will be hard until they are both older and that's something I have to come to terms with before making that leap to have another one.

Sorry I couldn't offer any real suggestions but just want to let you know that I know what you are going through and hope you and your husband come to a decision that works best for both of you and your little one.

My son turned 4 in April and #2 is due any day. We are still unsure - but this is going to happen! We wanted another child but we also wanted a sibling for our son. We both come from families of 3 children - we probably will keep ours to two but we want both of our children to not be "only" children. There's nothing wrong with an "only" child and for a long time I expected my son to be an only - but you have time to decide.

Pray about it - think about it and discuss the idea together and don't get pregnant until you've come to a decision:)

I waited and had my #2 when my daughter was 4 1/2. I'm glad I waited for her to be older -- she truely loves and cares for her brother. I'm glad I decided to have him despite crazy debt and '95 Nissan and all other concerns. For some reason, we were broke and in debt before the kids, and not much has changed:) My husband wanted kids immediately, I made him wait, and now he claims #2 was "all my idea" -- go figure:)

Everything but time changes, and time just keeps going... don't let what-ifs or regrets get too big and good luck!

No time is ever a perfect time to have children. Your hubby seems to be on board with #2. Just do it. Things tend to work themselves out finacially. Just remember to have couple time once #2 is here, that way daddy won't regret adding to the family. Good luck.

Hi! My husband and I are planning #1 soon and the main issue that has prevented us from starting a family has been financial.
Basically, with any amount of debt, even acceptable ones (a house, a car, etc.) you are limited with options, with money to pay for childcare, or emergencies.
We have been following Dave Ramsey on the radio, and so the first goal is to pay off the biggest debt (snowball effect), then have an emergency fund built, and then pay off the other debt. Then we can breathe and within a year total (hopefully baby would be on the way during that time), we are in a position to become parents.
So if I were you, I would start making a plan based on Dave Ramsey's principles, give yourselves some peace of mind and conceive #2 without having to worry about finances (as much... it is always going to be a concern but it can't hold you back from living)... Good luck!

If you feel like you will never be complete without another, then you probably will never feel complete if you don't have one. Also, plenty of women who don't "finish" their families will tell you that they never felt complete, yet no one ever regrets having another...just a thought! I also 100% believe that the finances will always come through, so to my husband and I (also a 1-income family), that isn't an issue. There are plenty of months we stress about whether the bills will get paid on time (or not), and somehow, we always manage to scrape by! Our son has everything he needs, so we figure what is one more to the mix?

Personally, I could never have an only. I love my siblings to death (my sister is actually going to live with us soon), and my husband and I cannot imagine our son being without one. However, that is a personal decision that he and I made for our family. Take some time, think it through (I don't know how old your daughter is now), and know that whatever decision you come up with will be the right one for YOUR family. Others may not agree, but if it makes sense to you, then that is what you should do.

Well, if you aren't financially worried about feeding, clothing, and diapering then WOW! I get your concern over a rainy day fund but I wouldn't/didn't let it stop me ;) And maybe there are some untapped potential places and people for your kid(s) to go to give you and "husbie" some alone time :) Family or friends close by? A church class or program to enroll in? And the stressful no time together period is relatively short with two small children, like you said 4 isn't a baby anymore. Just my thoughts. Good Luck!