Things About Your Spouse

I adore my husband. We are both imperfect human beings and thankfully, we have a lot of compassion and empathy for each other. He is who he is. I am who I am. He's still the person that brings out the biggest smiles in me. We love each other.:)

I think of it this way: If something annoys me enough that it sticks around in my head, then I say something. He can't read my mind, so he's not going to know that I don't like something unless I say so. Once it's off my chest, I let it go. But always, I think twice before deciding if it's a big enough thing to address. If it's not, I let it go ASAP.

So, when you write this, I don't have anything that jumps to my mind. Because truly, the hard part and also the most rewarding part of my philosophy is truly letting the small stuff go so it's not even in my brain.

Everyone does just as I'm sure my hubby has a laundry list of stuff he'd like to change about me. Hard to believe since I'm perfect but .....

Of course! But that's not just spouses, I'm sure we all feel that way about most of the people who are the most important in our lives and with whom we spend the most time. It doesn't mean that you're bad or mean, but that you're human. Think about other close relationships...your parents, siblings, kids, roommates, close colleagues...we're all filled with difference that can rub each other the wrong way.

It's important to keep things in perspective and determine what you can and can't live with. My husband and I are separated and planning to divorce. Could I live with his dirty socks on the floor, disdain for leftovers, tendency to lose my keys and his habit of scraping the plate while he eats? Sure. Could I live with the fact that he's a fundamentally unhappy person with mood and personality disorders that he doesn't treat with medication, therapy, or lifestyle changes and that his negativity was taking a toll on our kids? No. You have to pick your battles.

I don't understand the point of this question other than to act as a venting sounding board. If you have issues no matter how large or small discuss it with your spouse. We're all different, no one is perfect and make sure you're wiling to work on yourself if you're complaining about your spouse.

Oh yeah.

Sometimes I wonder how I ended up with the dude at all, he seems so different from what I would've pictured for myself at a younger age.

But here we are! As crazy as he makes me, he's family.

And when we strip out all the craziness of life- jobs, wild and needy children, household demands, social obligations- and just go to a movie or dinner together, I catch a glimpse of the man I fell in love with. It is important to reconnect as a couple, and reconnect with the version of your own SELF that was so willing to overlook all those annoying personality traits that seem so impossible to ignore now.

(I need to take this advice myself- Christmas is making me crazy and my husband is the most irritating person right now. Time for a date night!)

God yes. I think they are on their best behavior when they first meet you :)
I sometimes say to my husband (20 years) "So you weren't like this when we first met" if he lets out a big belch or sits there and inhales a bag of chips. He'll say "this is what marriage has done to me" or "It's the stress of the kids" lol.
We have had a few things that needed changing - he quit smoking - which was a big one. He dealt with his mother - another big one.
He doesn't really irritate me. We're pretty compatible I have to say. We just co-habitate pretty well. He's very much say it like it is (and I'm a big softie so that took a while to get used to) but he'd do anything for me.
He could exercise a bit more, but so could I - so I don't go there ;)
The one habit that drives me nuts is he snores. This has gotten to the point where he often sleeps in our den because there is no way to block the sound. It sounds like a freight train.
But yes - my sisters/friends and I vent from time to time about our annoying husbands. But we give them credit too. It's when you just vent that it's a problem :) I did have a friend who just had a never ending list of vents, and there never was anything positive. They did end up divorcing.

Of course there are things that he does that irritate me. BUT I wouldn't want to change him. He is a great man who loves me to the core of his soul. I am more than happy to put up with a little irritation given what I get in return.

Sure, I wish he'd be more like me! But after all these years, I'm smart enough to realize he's not going to change just because I think it's a good idea. I think we're pretty well aligned on the big stuff, and a lot of the little annoying things I can just work around. I have to remember that he's the person I fell in love with and who is still my best friend.

If there's something big between us, we talk about it, fight about it if needed, and then either come to some accommodation or just agree to disagree. We do what we can to avoid the irritations, even if it means leaving the room. But I can't imagine my life without him, faults and all. And I have to remember that, for as many faults as he has, I probably have just as many. (Kills me to admit it...)

Yes, multiple things I would like to change. But even more that I would not.
If I just sat here and thought about all the things that I think is "wrong" with him I would not be a very loving spouse. AND How hurt would my feelings be if my husband made a list of the things he would like me to change, doesn't like about me, irritates him, or my unhelathy choices. Geesh.

L.

I guess there are a few things that irk me but nothing I would actually want to change.
I'm sure there are things about me that irk him too.
It's better to count your blessings and dwell on the sweet things he does for you rather than the 'squeeze the toothpaste tube in the middle' sort of things we all do from time to time.

not much, really. he's pretty wonderful. and probably the only person in the world i could live with, and who could stand living with me. we've rubbed each other's prickly bits enough over the years to find a good custom fit with each other.
the tiny things that cause my brows to snap together on occasion don't even compare with the many ways i'm sure i make him crazy. i love him for not torturing me over 'em.
:) khairete
S.

**I** don't want to change him - I want him to make changes on his own - not forced.

There are things we've talked about. He has to want the change. He works on them. He was doing a GRET job on quitting smoking - then stress hit. He'll quit when he's ready.

Just like there are things I am working on. Change isn't always easy.

Is it possible to want to change this: sometimes he is just too nice to people and they take advantage of that. But that is why I fell in love with him. He is wonderful to us, and married me when I had two tiny children. And helped me take care of them. I wish he'd stop smoking, too but he has really cut down and keeps it outside.

He's pretty darn perfect and the spoiling me rotten factor only makes his halo brighter. However, the older he gets the worse the snoring and increasing sleep apnea. He needs a sleep study and a CPAP. I'm sick of kicking him out for waking me up and I miss sleeping through the night with him next to me. I'm working on it. good ??

Yes! I wish he would notice the dirty laundry more often or spontaneously offer to take the boys out for a few hours so I can have the house to myself. But, knowing what other wives deal with, I wouldn't trade him for anything. The list of his awesomeness is much longer. And, he doesn't "see" my faults either.