Thief

Hi L.,
Boy this sounds so familiar to me and I'm sorry to say this is just the beginning for you. I experienced this problem personally with my own daughter and It followed her through her entire life to this day. She is now 30. I truly recommend Psyhco Thereapy because what has started out to be small amounts could grow as years go on. I don't mean to scare you but if you think you can handle this on your own you might be doing him harm in the long run. Save yourself the stress & get help. He might feel like he needs to give to himself for some underlying reason. I understand what you are going through and It can be very embarrassing. Apology letters, sending him back with whatever he took, I've been there. Go get him some help please !!

J.
Mia Bella's Gourmet Candles
Independent Distributor

First let me say that you are doing all the "right" things. It is so hard when they don't real get that it is a BIG deal. I would "steal" something he loves and when he asked me I would tell him I found it so I was keeping it. After a while I would talk to him about how he felt about my stealing...and see what happenes. Good luck! Being a parent is TOUGH!

Hi L.,
Sorry to hear you're dealing with this issue. As someone else said you are doing the right thing with punishment and the teacher was right to send him back to return the book. Although I have never dealt with this issue, my brother went through this with his son. I would suggest talking to his teacher to find out if he is having any problems with other kids. Maybe he's being bullied and this is his way of calling attention to himself. Also you may want to see if the school's guidance counselor can meet with your son - most are very good at getting to the root of a problem. Stealing at such a young age is usually a cry for attention and it's important to find out why your son is doing this. Good luck to you. I hope all goes well. - C.

Use your resources at school... talk to the social worker or school counselor about what to do. Maybe other kids are egging him on? Also be very aware of your own behaviors around "found" items. I talk out loud: "Gosh, I wonder who lost this? I bet they have been looking for it. I would be so sad if I couldn't find my <blank>. Let's go find the manager (or whomever) to turn it in." My son has the uncanny ability to find WADS of cash in strange places! We have always turned his "finds" in immediately... even the tiniest thing!

I just went back and looked at your post. Does your son have any opportunities to earn his own money to buy the things he wants? I noticed that most of the things you mentioned were cash.

That sounded so familiar. I have a son who's pretty much like yours.He is the nicest kid you can have except for the stealing part. I would look into how he is in school (eg. is he being made fun of by other kids, having difficulty with schoolwork, etc) and how he is with everybody at home. It might be depression and his way of feeling good is stealing. It his way of satisfying himself. If not taken care of at this age, when he gets older, it will escalate into something bigger. You can have him evaluated by a psychologist to see what's going on. And then you can go from there. If he needs therapy, find a good one whom your son can feel comfortable to open up and be able to share what he is going through. Young minds are amazing when they open up. It's tough for them to open up to their parents but sometimes easier to strangers since they know they won't be reprimanded the way a parent would do. I feel for you because I went through it all these years and my son is now 17. He wasn't doing it all the time but I've realized he was doing it when he's stressed out about anything (changes in the family, changes in school, not being accepted by kids his age, etc.) and that was his way of coping which is negative. They know it's wrong but they cannot control themselves because of the depression. Even tougher if they have learning disability which mine has. I ended up sending him to his grandparents in another country to finish his high school and he has been doing fine and staying out of trouble. Good luck.

This is a tough one--I am so sorry this is happening. My son at preschool age took 1 or 2 items and I had him return it. The embarrasment alone plus the punishment (no TV, no toys) did the trick. Is he embarrassed when he has to take stuff back? Probably taking him to a local police station and seeing how he can end up if he continues. I don't know if it will help but I guess it can work depending on the kid.

Maybe he's doing it for attention. He may be getting negative attention (lecture, punishment), but it is attention. With two other kids and a full time job, maybe he doesn't get as much of your time as he wants right now, but he can count on getting your attention if he steals. Maybe plan a special day out with just him.

Hi L.,

I know how hard this is foe you. My older daughter went through this after her sister was born. I became ill about 5 months later and the behavior escalated. I sent her to a child psychologist for help because I just didn't know what else to do. The work she did was miraculous.

Here is a link to and article that might be helpful. It is from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. It's a long address, but just copy and paste into your browser.

http://aacap.org/page.ww?section=Facts+for+Families&amp;n...

I hope this helps .. But you need to know that this is not happening because he is "bad" He's doing it because he has a problem that as an 8 year old he doesn't understand, and can't fix by himself. Don't be too hard on him and please, after reading the article, consider getting some help. It will make all of you happier.

Did something happen 3 months ago that could have affected him? Could he be acting out for some reason? I know that at this age kids start acting out, stealing and lying. But this incident at school, to me, suggests a deeper issue. First taking the money, then not returning it when he knew who the owner was, using the money and then blatantly stealing the book when reprimanded. Maybe you should talk to him- find out if anything is bothering him. Have him see the guidance counselor or talk with one of his older relatives that he feels close to. Make sure there is nothing more going on. Hopefully it will turn out to be "just a phase".

Good Luck