The Total Transformation - Has Anyone Used It?

I really like the Love and Logic books and philosophies. They also give advice on what do do when things get beyond what parents can handle in their home.
Good luck!
C.

I dont have any information re: the total transformation, BUT I do have a daughter who was having MAJOR problems about three years ago, here in Oak Lawn. She was barely squeaking through the end of high school, hanging out with all the wrong kids, and getting into some problems with alcohol, pot, and shoplifting. I was at my wit's end as you might imagine...she had gotten a DUI (in which no one was hurt, thank God) The court had ordered her into treatment for alcohol so I started to research alternatives for her. I wanted a positive experience for her: I found Passages to Recovery, which is a wilderness camping experience....She was not excited about that, but knew she needed something ....and in the end she loved it...it was not just alcohol avoidance, but an eye-opening experience, learning about life and nature and exposing feelings that had been masked by chemicals etc. I have to say that when I picked up my daughter after 6 weeks she was a very different young lady: I had my daughter back!! She followed this up with a school in Texas (and there are several similar excellent programs throughout the country) Fulshear Ranch Academy, that continued her personal education and growth into a fine young woman....Today (three years later) she is happy healthy, a part-time student with a full-time job. She worked hard to get to that place too.
Now the cost of these programs is not cheap, however, what is a child's life worth? I am a single mom working full time, and I would have spent my last dime to help her. Hope this helps.

I have heard the ads. I think if it really worked they wouldn't have to advertise. We took a class at LF hospital called Smart discipline www.smart discipline.com. The program is very affordable and works. It builds your child's self esteem and makes them responsible their actions.

I've heard amazing things about results when following advise from a book: "A New Kid By Friday," by Dr.Kevin Leman: http://www.haveanewkidbyfriday.com/default.aspx.

You divorced early enough that your child grew up without dad in the home for so long. Your friend may not be in the same situation. I'de go the councelor route first before boot camp. It'll have to be someone young so the child feels more "in touch" with the phd. Good luck to her.

don't know about that place , but there is a place called Lincoln;s Challenge also and it is state funded. Most of the camps cost a forune . Tell her to look it up

I would like to recommend she look at what her village has to offer in services first. They offer sliding scale fees which is a help because this type of help gets very costly. I also feel that having a counselor as an objective party involved helps communication between teen and parent. We have an excellent relationship with our son but outside forces were pushing between us. There is just too much out there hitting at teens. No matter how good a parent you are, no matter how good your relationship is with your child, the teens are a changing time, and they will listen to outside forces as they begin to develop their independence. From what I have seen, if you think you don't have a problem with a teen in today's world, take a second look. They are very good at masking things and you'd be surprised what you don't know about your own child. I read recently that you should trust your child but only to a point. Their brains are not yet developed enough to always make the right choices. They need you there to set the structure.

I also recommend trying other options before going the camp/bootcamp route. I recommend the books "How to Talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" and also the book "The seven habbits of highly effective families."

I think that a major issue with teens is that they feel very allienated and like they do not have adults who they can depend on, trust, or who are involved in meaningful and personal ways in their lives, and they also feel very misunderstood. I think most teen issues stem from something serious and an issue that is very painful for them and cannot be "disciplined" out of them, and a boot camp route will most likely make them feel more alienated.

Also, I think that teenagers need to feel like they have some degree of control over their lives, and their destiny, and some assurance that they are headed in a positive direction. Perhaps she can help her child to get involved in something that he/she cares a lot about, rather than trying to be more forceful about the behavior issue.

About me: I was a teen mom and now have a three year old son.

I don't know about that program, but I do know so many people with problem teens (including my stepkids, years ago) and I believe the most common mistake parents make with them is trying to base the relationship on control. They're not yours to control and it's not your job to raise a kid who only behaves because he's afraid of you or anyone else. Your job, and kids can be told this at a very young age, is to raise a kid who will behave when no one is looking. This puts a lot of the responsibility on them and shows them that ou are not about control, but about getting them out of their own way long enough to grow to adulthood. It's a tough time of life and not only in these times. Read history and you will find that teen years have been an issue for millennia! I personally do not remember being a teenager fondly and I suspect if more people were honest, they would admit the same. It's not a "carefree time." It's totally scary and full of fears, doubts, false friends, sometimes no sense of self. Sometimes I wonder how so many of us get through it without getting completely screwed up!

My sister was a counselor for a camp called "Anasazi" and she saw amazing results with the kids. Most of these kids have SO many distractions - internet, phones, tv, school, peer pressure, drugs etc. - so many things coming at them that they have no chance to find out who they are away from all that. The wilderness camps give them a chance to separate themselves and learn to listen to themselves - what they need, what direction they should go in, what behavior they need to change. They write to their families each week and usually begin with angry letters, and near the end of their time there, they have totally different approach. If she didn't care about not making that much money her whole life, she would have been a counselor forever - she saw AMAZING changes.

And with the other program - it can't hurt to look into it. Do they have a money back guarantee type of thing? I think knowledge is power - and if you can learn tools on how to deal with your child - I think that is a huge step. Many parents never learn how to effectively communicate and get caught in ruts with their child. I think you should go for it.

I have the book and there is a lot of good stuff in it - and as with anything, you need to pick a plan and stick with it -
I will say that in getting the material, I am hooked up with James Lehman's website - EmpoweringParents and that has some great stuff on it - things that relate to real life and don't pussyfoot around things. I think one of the hardest things to do as a parent is to keep issues non-personal (don't get caught in the guilt trap or the kids engaging you into argument and bringing other issues into the mix to detract from what you are trying to "parent" to at the time - Mr. Lehman deals with a lot of tough issues and has good well-thought out advice - and as I said before you need to be consistent and it helps if dad and mom are on the same team -
and Mr. Lehmen is right when he says, kids are good at pushing your buttons when they are little, they only get better at it and more conniving as they get older and the stakes are higher and the situations more dangerous - so try and keep that in mind - I have always said, since my boys have become teens, I would much rather be handling a 2-year old tantrum than a 16-yr old one.
you know yourself as the kids get older, the dangers and decisions they will be making are much more important and out of your control - and they get very smart about how to work the system
so best to deal with it and guide them with consistent logical, safe and loving boundaries so they build responsibility and accountability, self-confidence in making good safe decisions and being who they are and know they are loved beyond measure by doing so.

so - Mr. lehmen gets my vote - but if you get his material and link to Empowering Parents, study it, read it, develop a game plan and be consistent - and know all along this is kind of 'tough love' but remember, it IS love......

I don't have an answer for you, but I just wanted to say that there have been major problems with some of these "teen boot camps." The best thing, IMO, is to have your friend and her daughter go to counseling. If further measures need to be taken, a qualified psychologist and/or psychiatrist and/or social worker can help. Good luck!