The Pink Debate with Boys

Wow. There are still men like this? I don't know any. All the parents I know would consider this a non issue. Anyone who does have A. issue with it is either ignorant or homophobic or both.

Little boys that age love to be provocative and get attention . . . I wouldn't worry too much about it.

That being said, I do have a very dear friend whose child knew his/her transgender status very early in life (maybe 3 or 4?). It was a shock to me but my friend handled it beautifully.

I'm NOT suggesting that's the case whatsoever for most kids though.

My son is a Princess boy, he LOVES! everything "girly" I love my son and do anything for him that makes him happy. Maybe it's just a phase, maybe it's not. He wears pink nikes to school with his pink and purple backpack. When we pick out stickers at the doctor he gets Princesses and fairys. Sometimes we get strange looks, but I don't care. I hate that people have stereotyped colors. Why can't it be everybody's color?? What makes me laugh sometimes but then makes me mad too, why is it that girls can be tom boys and everyone is okay with that but then let a boy wear a pink shirt and everyone runs to get their pitch forks and lanterns??? My husband is totally supportive of my sons interests. He is actually a little more public about it. I'm not ashamed of my son in any way, I'm just afraid for him! :)

Its no big deal.
I have a son.
My son is 6... and he loves to play with my daughter's Pet Shop toys and they play together. He even has some of his own. No biggie.
It is great imaginative and pretend play.

And by the way, at least in my city, pink for young men, is THE trendy and fashionable thing right now. They wear pink sneakers or shirts, and pink clothing accessories. And these are guys in their 20's. They look really cool and hip and not feminine at all. And they are really hip cool nice regular guys who surf and what not. Even the Skateboarders around here, wear Pink. They rock!

My Dad, wore pink too.
My Husband has some pink shirts too.
My Husband... used to let my daughter put make-up on him when she was younger. And my Husband likes to brush her hair for her.
It is nice.

My daughter who is in 5th grade, has a classmate, a boy... who's favorite color is PINK. He's always been that way since Kindergarten. The parents have NO problem with it. And he is a TOTAL rough and tumble boy... who has NEVER EVER gotten chided or teased about it. He openly says he likes pink, and in fact he even has a pink wallet. Which he is proud of. NO ONE... ever has teased him. He is a perfectly normal kid, normal boy, and is VERY boyish and rough and tumble. He is totally self-assured and has NO confidence problems. He is himself.
THAT is what a child, should be.
Not be all hung up on stereotypes and caveman ideas of what a "guy" is.
LOL

Your kids are so young.
Its no biggie.
Sounds like your Hubby has A. issue with "male" stereotypes.

Yes, your kids are 2 and 3 for pete's sake.
Tell your Hubby to loosen up.
Not all men... knuckle crunch or chest thump or drink Budweiser or grunt and look like Archie Bunker.
Egad.

I have a daughter... and we have taught her how to build and hammer things and use hardware and tools. Is your Husband gonna think she is going to grow up being too masculine? LOL
My daughter also does Karate.
She can throw a punch, just like a "guy."
Oh my, would your Husband think that is not feminine?

Boys/girls... they can do and be anything.

ask your husband if its okay for a 2 or 3 year old girl to play with cars, mickey mouse, blocks, mud, balls (let's see, what else is "boy")...wear pants, boots, and navy hooded sweatshirts.

thought so - it's okay for the girls to play with and wear everything but not the boys! that may help his attitude and help him see that he's being riduculous.

there's a fine line to walk in steering their choices when they get older and go to school because of peer pressure. but at their age, let them do what they want.

fyi - they'll love your makeup brushes too. they feel soft against their skin and tickle!

You can't make someone gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender. They are born that way. Your husband needs to lighten up and embrace the "pink". Buy him a pink shirt for his birthday or christmas and tell him to embrace the color for his sons. Pink is just a lighter shade of red. If your sons see daddy in pink--I am sure they would love it! Tell him they are little boys and don't think the way he does because he is A. adult. Good luck!

FYI I paint my boys nails all sorts of colors and they aren't turning gay etc. They are wonderful, handsome, and all boy!

All of my boys played with Barbies, Minnie dolls, had their nails painted, were occasionally dressed in dresses by their sisters. Heck even had their hair done and every last one is straight.

On the opposite side my girls play with lego's, army men, Hot Wheels, action figures and believe it or not none of them are lesbians.

Your hubby needs to step into the 21st century.

My nephew loved to have his nails polished when he was little.

He is now over 6 foot and the Quarterback, and very much into girls..

Nail polish and certain colors, cannot turn anyone into anything,,

Homophobia is his problem..

For one, you do not make someone gay, that is simply who they are, but not at 2 and 3! lol. Let them be who they are and tell your husband to shut it.
Historically pink was actually for boys and blue was for girls. My sons favorite color used to be pink, now its green, and next week it will probably be something else. lol

I taught my kids left and right by polishing the big toe on their right foot bright red. They were about the same age as your boys are now. For my boys I only put a red stripe down the center of their toe nail for my girls I polished the entire nail and then the rest of the nails bright pink. In about 2 days they knew left from right. I would ask them 'where is your red toe' and they would pick up the right foot, I then explained that was the right foot. And proceded to hand ect. It also helps to put a red mark inside the right shoe or tie a piece of red thread to the shoe lace. They very quickly learn red toe -- red mark on shoe go together.
Personally, I think your husband is homophobic. A homophobic man is afraid he might be gay and is afraid to explore it any further so he is condesending to anything that may be gay.
I agree that gays are born gay and you cannot turn anyone gay.

I read some of the answers you have gotten but not all (sorry if duplicating).

Your boys are 2 and 3. REALLY?!?!?! If they want to play with Barbies, fine. My son argues with my daughter that all of the trucks are his because they are "boy toys". Wrong answer kiddo. I bought a lot of cars/trucks for your sister before you were born because she wanted them. My husband wears a pink shirt all the time and looks hot in it. Some men can pull it off great and others just so-so. It's a shirt for crying out loud.

I used to dress my brother in dresses and play ballerina with him (and if anyone asks I never told you). He is perfectly fine. I didn't scar him for life. I used to play makeup with him too and do his face. (Although I should also mention the day that I used red nail polish to paint his face like A. Indian to play cowboys and indians....That one, I got in trouble for since it was with the babysitter and they figured Mom would flip out. ...Mom laughed btw. So did Dad.)

I don't know your family situation. But if you are the main caregiver (husband works and isn't home all day with them), they are going to want to do what Mom does. Regardless of gender.

oh, geez. You don't turn someone gay, they are or they aren't. The boys want to have their nails painted because it seems cool. If your husband is going to be such a douche about it, get black and blue, something more "manly".

In answer to Mallory's post below, my husband doesn't have a problem with our son getting a couple (or all) of his nails painted or insinuating he is wearing a dress. Not all men are complete doorknobs! It's not about being "politically correct", it's about not squelching little kids likes or imaginations and not making them feel bad for a little nail polish or liking pink, or even pretending a t-shirt is a dress just because A. adult has A. irrational hang up.

C., I feel for you! Sorry that your husband has things upside down and backwards. My husband was really intolerent of my nephew having his nails painted, but came to his senses. Sometimes really great people are really stubborn about their silly ideas.

Pink is fine! Nail polish is fine! :)

eta- Sorry Mallory, but you proved nothing. How is it comical for people to give valid opinions? As for your challenge about nail polish- already been done. Grow up!

Hubby's just having a male freak-out. People are born gay. You won't turn your kids gay. They are kids and they want to be like their parents. Gender is not important to them. Minnie is like his mom, so tell hubby that if he brings it up. He needs to lighten up. But if it upsets him, I wouldn't make the "girl stuff" comments anymore just to keep him from going off in front of the kids. They don't need to hear that stuff.

And pink is a popular business color. Men even wear pink shirts, pink ties, pink striped shirts/ties, etc.

Your husband needs to get over himself. What if 1 of them is gay; will he turn his back on them? In my opinion (and I'm sure others will disagree) they are either gay or not at this point and nothing you say, do, don't say or don't do will change that. Again, that's my opinion. To humor your husband, perhaps you can also buy him a Mickey doll this year to go with the Minnie doll? I don't see any harm in showing both sides. As for the polish, it is all about doing what Mama does - they imitate what they see - plain and simple. Heterosexual males wear pink all the time - it's quite fashionable in dress shirts and ties. And this month, MANY people are wearing pink in honor of Nat'l Breast Cancer Awareness month. If it truly bothers your husband, you do have to give his point of view some merit as he is their father so maybe just tell the boys that "polish is for girls." Better yet, let hubby watch them in the bath while you lock yourself away and paint your nails! Win win... LOL

I agree that all the things you described are perfectly fine! The bottom line is this...they like it because you like it and they love you, admire you and look to you for how to act...which is exactly how it is supposed to be!! Maybe try explaining it to your husband like that. You are only simply being A. excellent parent by making them feel safe and express themselves. It is also his role to show them how to treat others and how to respect women when they get older. Eventually they will lose that little kid innocence of thinking that mommy knows everything and is the coolest thing in the world (sniff, sniff!) and when that happens he'll have to step in and be a role model for other things.

Also, I have a boy and he too loves to have his nails painted. Some times he picks pink but most of the time he picks blue because it's his favorite color. I do have a daughter and I feel like a lot of my son's likes come from wanting to be like her (he's 3, she's 5) but whatever. He loves Cinderella and even wears her dress up dresses sometimes too...but he also wears his police outfit and firefighter outfit too.

My husband had a tiny bit of anxiety over the nail painting and dress wearing, but in the end, he doesn't really care and knows that it will likely dissipate in the next few years, now my FIL about has a canary every time he sees the painted toes, but oh well! There is nothing wrong with buying your son a Minnie if that's what he likes. I just bought my son a pair of fairy wings so he could wear them when he watches our fairy movie and he was ecstatic.

I say keep on keeping on and ride the train of happiness where the simple things bring joy!

Your husband needs to get educated. You cannot TURN someone gay. Either they are or they aren't and no amount of football or pink nail color is going to change that.

I have A. acquaintance who acts like Barbies are grenades and heaven forbid her son pick one up at A. event around other kids. I wonder what in the world she's going to do now that she has a daughter, too. She wont' even allow her son to attend a mutual friend's kid's party because it was a "girly" theme (Dora). IMO, it smacks of control and her own issues and one day her kids are going to rebel against her insanity.

If I can get my DD dinosaurs, then you can get your son Minnie. My youngest cousin grew up with 3 older sisters and now is considering becoming A. RN (let your DH scoff if he wants but some really great men I know are male nurses) because he's smart and caring and always has been - and he's not gay. He'll make a great nurse and he's a terrific uncle and I'm so proud of the man he's become. He's going to be a great husband and father some day.

I'd ask your husband what he's afraid of. Because most of the time when people flip out about something like being gay or having gay kids, it's fear. Will he stop loving his sons if they don't fit his mold? He needs to think about what he's really saying about his kids. Maybe they aren't gay but they could still love art, music, theatre, dance....will he be man enough to let them be who they are?

I think that right now they hang out with you and want to do things with you. And there will be times they'll hang out with him and want to be like him. They're just little kids. Let them play.

My neighbor use to think his sons playing with my girl's play kitchen was going to "make them gay"!!!! Seriously???? Men have such "Phobias" it's ridiculous!!

The more you tell a little one that they can't have this or they can't do that because they are a boy or they are a girl, the more they are going to want to do it! Lol Tell your husband not to worry, once the boys are out among their piers, they will pick up what is girl behavior and what is boy behavior. they will decide for themselves which they prefer. :) my girl's still can't get over boys with their ears pierced!!! They think it's soo stupid and dorky looking!!! Lol girls...6 & 9.... What can I say? They just better never bring home a boy like that!!!! Lol S#*^ will hit the fan! Lol

Guys can be funny about their boys. It is ok to like/wear pink as a boy. I bought my son a shirt that said "Real Men Wear Pink" and "Tough Enough To Wear Pink". While I don't think boys should have painted nails, it isn't going to change their sexuality...it could get them teased though. Maybe paint their toes (with a more masculine color).

Well I just hope that your husband doesn't show his displeasement in FRONT of your boys. No matter what it is, the world will always bring our children down. It's up to Moms and Dads to always encourage their children. There's enough negativity that our children will get!

I think your children like what you like, because they are around you (more?). Sounds like you and Dad have different points of view as to how to raise your boys. I don't think you're turning them gay. I also don't think they are born gay. They're 2 and 3 yrs old. They should get equal "mom-time" and "dad-time" doing mom-things and dad-things.

I don't think they can turn gay or whatever because of that.

My sister and I would "play" dress up when we were younger and wouldn't let our little brother play with us, unless he dress up like a girl.He enjoyed dressing up of course(b/c he would do anything for a laugh). We would even put play makeup on him. He is now 22 and likes girl but never found the "right" one yet.

My son has two older sisters and every time i paint his sisters finger nails and toenails he would wanted his painted. I tell him its for girls. I will paint his nails a clear color and paint his sisters nails a pink,purple etc. My girls will play with boy toys same as my son will play girl toys. My son is on a kick with spider man now. I think kids go threw phrases. I wouldn't worry about it! :)

Hi, Chairty:

He is 2.5. His values are forming from his experiences.
He will pick up on your husbands concerns.
Start worrying when he is 15 y.o.
D.

My ex was unhappy that his son was probably gay. I asked if he raised him any differently than he would have raised another child. You are what you are. No one can make you anythng you are not unless you allow them (but that is something different.)