The Great TACO Theft

I don't think detention at whatever grade she's in that has lunch monitors is going to affect her college admissions.

Take a breath, and let her see how the other side lives - in detention. :)

I assume the original point was that kids shouldn't share or take food. A simple reminder at the time of the 'event' should have managed that.

The teacher was setting the kids up to lie. Since she 'knew' what happened she never should have tried to entrap them. In fact there are very strict rules about entrapment for law enforcement to use for adults. It also sounds like the entire thing was blown way out of proportion.I certainly don't see how any sort of punishment at this point will teach any sort of lesson.

I would personally request a meeting with the teacher and her principal. Their interrogation methods are really inappropriate. If you asked me if I had ever taken food - there is an excellent chance I would omit mention of the fries I ate off DH's plate last month. Would I be in trouble too.

There is going to be PUNISHMENT? Seriously? They give 7 year olds detention? I keep reading this over and over I am just completely flabbergasted about how ridiculous it is.

You need to use the word debacle or kerfuffle, just sounds better than theft. :p
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I used to be a cafeteria aid, a fancy way of saying I opened milk cartons. Anyway, what I tended to see was everything was fine until mom was involved. What I mean is, is it possible that the girl shared the taco, everyone was fine, then mom asked how she liked the tacos and little Cindy said they were great! Judy had one too! And mom flipped a nut! Not like mom could say Cindy didn't mind since there is a no sharing rule, maybe mom was afraid Cindy would get in trouble for sharing.

All I know is with dealing with grade school kids the truth is no somewhere in the middle, the truth is smushing all the stories together, taking out the overlap and there is what is missing.

I wouldn't take it any further.
I'm sorry but unless you were there you don't know what really happened, or what was really said, no matter WHAT your daughter told you.
You seem very defensive and are way over thinking this, IMO. Kids get in trouble all the time, and the it's not always fair, but guess what, that's life. This will be a good lesson for her, and she'll think about touching other kids' food in the future.

wrong or not wrong i would let my kid attend detention. some things are worth taking a stand over, 15 minutes- an hour of her life in detention will not have any long lasting affect on her.

it sounds like they arent friends. cant they rearrange their lunch seats?

sharing food happens always in school but it doesnt sound like she wanted her taco taken? even if emmy didnt take the taco and J. a crumb i'd tell her that no matter if she likes the person being bullied or not she should stand up for them. even if its at tiny as J. taking a taco. even if she J. says a simple "thats not cool"

the kid got her lunch taken, and i'm sure your daughter pribably giggledand took the crumb

not a big deal but neither is detention

Your child may NOT be strong enough to be a bully, but she's hanging out with a bully. If you want her to be a better person, she needs better guidance.

AFTER READING YOUR SO WHAT HAPPENED, TO RECAP:

Your daughter is not a bully, her friend is?

Your daughter is not a taco thief, her friend is?

This is not the first time something like this has happened?

Your daughter and her friend always sit at their designated table and the girl with the tacos, even though lunch room is monitored and her mother was volunteering near by that day, sits anywhere she wants?

Would it be possible for your or your husband to volunteer every now and then at lunch when your daughter doesn't know? Then you could observe for yourself.

Your daughter and her friend were participating in mild bullying and didn't get away with it. Her friend may have eaten the WHOLE taco, but your daughter was guilty by association. She may need to re-think who her friends are.

To tell your child "Don't Share" food is very sad.

You weren't there so you don't know "exactly" what happened. It seems like you have had a long talk with your daughter and will decide what kind of punishment is fair. Once that is done, I would let it go.

I agree with your lessons learned, but I don't agree with your refusal to sign the sheet. She sat by while her friend took the girl's taco, and she partook in eating it when a "crumb" fell (which is what she told YOU...in my experience, if a child admits to a crumb it was probably more than a crumb.) That's like saying...oh, my FRIEND stole this and that, not me...I just USED it after she stole it. It's still wrong.

I'm sure your daughter has learned a good lesson and you need to let her go through the punishment, regardless of whether you think it's just, because she does need to share some of the blame for this. I don't like how everyone is saying she's "too young" to understand this and that about lies...absolutely NOT TRUE. She's old enough to understand everything about the truth. She was asked did she "ever" take food and she said no...and not until they called her out on the fries did she say "Oh, well, I guess I did." That IS lying. IT IS. I don't understand why people are saying it's not. To answer the question, "Have you ever taken anyone's food?" the HONEST answer would have been to say, "Yes, a month ago we took fries off her plate." That's NOT an obscure question...well, maybe for a three year old. Not for a what, 12-13 year old?

I'm not trying to be harsh, but I believe that lying leads to worlds of hurt and trouble and you ought to explain that to your daughter. Lies can really, really hurt people, and almost always do, whether you intend for it to or not.

(***Want to share my own unjust story. When I was in third grade, we moved to a new state, new school etc. In my FIRST day of art class, I realized my chair was broken and raised my hand to ask if I could have a new chair. Apparently, the teacher had just said something like "Are there any other smart-as%es in the class? If so, raise your hand and you can join so and so in the hall." Okay, my own fault for not paying strict attention, but I had been distracted by my broken chair, first day in school, etc. This teacher GAVE ME DETENTION. I was traumatized. I was 8. I had just moved across the country. I TRIED to explain the truth, but to no avail. Of course, my mom believed me, but she didn't argue with the whole school district...I sat through my detention!!! And my mom used it as a lesson to pay better attention during class...a lesson I never forgot. I only share this because you need to use this experience as a lesson for your daughter.)

I dunno, Sounds like one girl took the other girls taco without permission, a big no no, sounds like bullying. and your daughter, instead of sticking up for what is right, (we DON'T steal other people's food!) joined in with the bad girl, and you're saying but the other girl was more bad than my girl and she didnt do EVERYTHING they said she did, so she should not be punished. The real world words like this: You support theft you get punished, you're an accomplice. You receive stolen goods, you're guilty.

Just for 45 seconds, I would try to see this from the other parents perspective.

you bring your kid lunch at school, some kid TAKES it, ( even if it's just part) AND SITS there in front of you and EATS it. probably laughing and snickering the whole time and SHARING it with her pal.

I do wonder why taco girl didn't speak up at the time, or maybe she did. Did you happen to ask your DD WHY taco girl didn't say anything?

That's were the "did anything happen at lunch today comes in." Seriously if i saw a co worker flitch another coworkers lunch I think i would remember it. especially if I had a crumb of her tasty lunch too.

and to have it happen more than once! wow. Maybe TAco girl and Taco mom let it go the first time with the fries, but when stickly fingers and your dd sort of kind of do it again. yes i would say something to the teacher.

AND you don't KNOW that she will get detention. actually where is the part about not signing something i thougth i saw that and now i don't? My guess is that if all you say is true she wouldn't get detention.

BUT this should be a wake up that sticky fingers is trouble. who knows she just might take your DD's lunch next.

When I first read your post I read the 7 and assumed 7 years old. But now I see she's been there 7 years so I assume 6th grade. In that case, let it go. Her teachers know she's a good kid but she's not a baby anymore and can deal with this. At that age, she likely knew what they were getting at with their questions if the taco owner raised any kind of fuss at the time. I agree with you to teach her to speak up for herself and not share food if it's that big a friggin' issue at her school but also to watch herself with certain people. It's a learning experience that some people will make a mountain out of a molehill and if this girl is one of those and doesn't like your daughter anymore, then she's got to be particularly careful. One detention isn't a huge deal and won't go on her permanent record so I'd let it go. I'd also tell your daughter that sometimes things aren't fair (as I'm sure you have many times) and this is one of those times but you also have to pick your battles. So unless your daughter is super upset, be done with it. And hate to say it but you weren't there so can't really be sure what was said. I certainly lied at that age a little and also was a "very good kid", never in trouble in school etc.

I agree that the way it was handled was a bit overboard... and that the "questioning" was very open ended and set up the girls to unwittingly lie ("ever taken food?"). Kids just don't think like criminals under interrogation or on the witness stand. They live more in the moment. That part was overkill

However, at this point, if you have talked to the teacher already and the teacher knows your daughter didn't take the taco, and was more or less a side incident (and the lie thing reminds me of political investigations--- keep asking questions until you are caught in a lie about something not relevant to the actual investigation...), then I would just accept the detention or punishment they hand out.
BUT, I would also ask that the seating arrangement be addressed, so that your daughter and this girl in the other class are not seated together in the future. Sounds like this is not the first incident, and it might just be easier on everybody if they don't sit together in the future. Particularly if they USED to be friends and now aren't and this girl doesn't like your daughter. She may be looking for ways to tempt or trick her into trouble. And your daughter, being the quiet type, is apt to get caught in a web of mess every time.
I know kids need to learn to deal with these situations, but lunch time should be a time to eat in peace, and not be stressed. It is bad for digestion.

It wasn't right for someone to take the taco; your daughter should have spoken up; your daughter should not have eaten ANY of the stolen taco (that's considered receiving stolen property - a crime).

Your daughter needs to be aware that she needs to make better decisions. Yes, this was a stupid incident, BUT it can be a good life lesson. If she's standing next to someone in the store who steals a pack of gum, and then she just eats a piece of the stolen gum, she is guilty of a crime. It can be that simple. Good life lesson.

Other than making sure my daughter learned the life lesson, I would let it go. Personally, I don't care what the teachers think and I don't put a whole lot of stock in what they say either. I would tell my daughter to serve her detention or whatever and then forget the incident.

To me the bigger issue is that your daughter didn't speak up when the girl next to her took the taco. By taking the crumb she was a participant. I don't think the issue here is sharing food at all, but bullying. One girl taking food from another, and your daughter siding with the girl who took the taco. I'm not saying that your daughter is a bully, but the kids who stand by while bullying happens are just as much a problem.

I think you are making it difficult on your daughter by getting all riled over it. I would downplay the whole thing as much as possible if I were you. You are just adding fuel to the fire with your indignation (for example, it sounds like you were stressing your daughter out by telling her you won't sign the stupid school form).

The whole thing sounds dumb... you are definitely in the right to think she is sort of being unjustly accused, or dragged under the bus for something she had very minor involvement in. But you are also making it a little worse by making such a big deal. I mean, it's not like its going on her permamnent record here. You know she didn't take the taco, teacher knows she didn't take the taco, everyone knows she didn't take the taco. But for whatever reason she is being called to the carpet on her involvement with the fiasco, so just let her take her lumps and move on (a detention or whetever it is). Save the big guns for when you really need 'em.

I like you would be furious with the school. I'm am one of the most protective momma bears alive. I probably would have to talk myself away from the ledge before even dealing with the school and give my rational mind a chance to respond and react.

I believe you have done all you can do. Wait and see what her "punishment" is if any. And she should never share or taste to do anything with anyone's food again. No matter how seemingly innocent. Lesson learned.

This lesson makes me very sad because growing up in my grammer school we often traded and shared lunches. It was awesome.

It sounds like everyone is asking the girls who got in trouble a lot of loaded questions. When adults think they know all of the answers and have it in their heads what the answers "should" be, anything else is a "lie." Your daughter and her friend were put on the spot without being told why they were there in the first place. That was kind of sneaky on the adults' part.

Then there's the fact that Taco Girl lumped your daughter in with the Taco Thief. Guilt by association. Okay, well, that's not my real issue. My REAL issue is that your daughter didn't stand up for herself to tell what actually happened if she indeed really only "ate just a crumb."

I think it's also a bit ridiculous to bring up French fries from a month ago no matter what happened. It's too far past the event for it to be proof of anything.

I'm thinking I would have a follow up conversation with my child without asking leading questions or trap questions (questions that assume guilt or innocence one way or the other). I would want to make absolutely certain that she's telling the truth. Then I would have a follow up conversation with the principal explaining what actually happened according to my child, and that having her called a liar and how the situation was handled was disappointing and upsetting to me. I would insist that she not have a detention over this.

I would also direct my child not to sit with Taco Girl again. Stay away from her. Whatever is going on, they're just not friends any longer. Girls in middle school are angsty, moody, and overly sensitive. There's no need to continue the situation by creating more incidents where your daughter is just "there" guilty by association.

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EDIT: Okay, I'm sorry, but I have to respectfully but firmly disagree that the OP's daughter deserves a punishment as a so-called accomplice to a theft. The other girl should not have stolen the taco, and the OP's daughter should have commented that it was the wrong thing to do. Yes, we're trying to teach our children that being a bystander to bullying is wrong.

But I DO NOT think that this incident warrants a harsh punishment such as being labeled a liar and having a detention. Just because the school handled things poorly and enacted a harsh punishment that doesn't mean the harsh punishment has to stick. Even in the real world, when a court is proven wrong or too harsh, a judge can lessen a sentence and even apologize to people. It doesn't happen often enough, but it does happen.

Ok no need to get so fired up here - big deal. Sign the paper, tell your daughter that in the future if it is not on her plate don't eat it. Not like this is going to haunt her for the rest of her life.

It's sounds like the best course of action for you is to make this a learning lesson. IN other words, if you are associated with someone who does something wrong, then you are guilty by association. Then ask her if that's the kind of friends she plans to have.

I think that punishment at school and a little something else (no weekend phone or whatever will be best for her) will be sufficient.

I'd also let the school know that you didn't like the way that they handled the questioning. They can't fix what you don't tell hem is wrong.

Teach her a valuable lesson. When with those who do wrong you are accountable too. Blame is the game everyone plays now and it is ruining the world. Teach her to take responsibility for being part of it....a crumb part. Maybe she'll learn to not take part in any way in something like this and then just move on. The 3 things you told your daughter to learn from this are good. She should listen to them.

Ask for a teacher conference. Come in open minded and put you thoughts forward in a non-confrontational way. They may just be trying to please the squeaky wheel, so if you prove you wont just go away in a way that doesn't try to start a fight, they will most likely deal with the problem fairly.

5 tacos?!! What 6th grader eats 5 tacos? *I* can't even eat 5 tacos! Sorry, I'm a total smartass and I couldn't help myself.

I think you need to let this one go. There will be much bigger fish to fry when she gets into middle school where all the fun begins.

Yep life lesson. Move on. Life is not always fair. Next week this will be just a blip on her radar screen.

I think this is totally crazy but have had similar issues with my son. When there is someone that does not like your child a lot of times they will try to get the other kid in trouble when they think they can. The teacher should have worded the question differently cause if the girls did not know what she was talking about they may have thought nothing of it. And not realizing what the teacher was talking about inadvertently "lied". If she get's punished for it don't worry about it you know she did not do wrong but unfortunately sometimes innocent people are found guilty.

Mom, you need to check your attitude. You are taking this personally. You are making your daughter feel worse than needed. Yes, she lied or did not tell the whole truth. This is now the consequences, she has brought on herself. Allow her to make amends. Allow her to own up to it. Do not try to save her. She needs to know she can do this.

At our daughters school, the rule at lunch is NO SHARING> EVER> This was the way they kept the kids in check and from confusion about "did you follow the rules of no sharing?"

I would also be upset by this whole situation, BUT, I would remind our daughter, since I was not there and she was, SHE is the one that needs to ALWAYS tell the truth, even if it means telling the truth and then explaining.. "I took 1 crumb. I only took those fries when she told me she did not want the rest. " Even if she were to get into trouble, at least she knows SHE told the whole truth.

What is the exact wording about food and sharing in the cafeteria?

We cannot be heard if we do not speak up..
This is one of those lessons she needs to learn.. Otherwise, people are always going to walk all over her, or misunderstand her. This is a safe place for her to learn this.. and not later when she is stopped by the Police for "stealing" when in reality, she had permission.

We cannot control others with their actions and their words, but we can be responsible for ours..

Even when in elementary school.. Again, this is part of attending school, is learning to take responsibilities for our own actions. It is just as important as reading writing and math..

Wow. You said there were 5 tacos? And one was taken? I'm going to assume that this taco eating girl is not the victim of constant daily food theft, that her mom brought her a treat, and one was taken.

The problem I see there is this other mom. She actually complained to the teacher about one taco?

Now, I speak from experience. In middle school, my daughter was the victim of food theft. Every single day, by the same boy. My daughter has medical needs and her lunch was necessary. But this boy ridiculed her for being small and thin, and bragged how he was an athlete and required more calories, and he took her lunch without fail. I spoke to him, I tried different tactics with my daughter, but after it kept happening, I was forced to go to the principal. The boy admitted it, but kept telling the principal that she was so thin that she really didn't need much food and that he, as an athlete, needed more. Of course he was punished and counseled and my daughter was protected.

But I never would have complained about a one-time incident, one taco out of 5, under ordinary middle school circumstances!

I think you and your daughter need to realize that this other mom is going to be trouble. Her daughter will be one of those "not my kid" kind of kids. You and your daughter can learn from this. I would just let her serve the detention and realize the world is not fair.

My son was fired from a national restaurant chain where he worked as a server. All the servers carried these identical zip pouches, to hold their tip money, pens, notepad, etc., and they slipped them into their waist bands or belts or aprons. One day my son noticed one of the pouches had fallen to the floor, and it was just peeking out from under a large appliance. Apparently it had slid or been kicked and one more kick would have sent it all the way under the appliance where it would not be easy to find. So he retrieved it, and walked from the appliance to the manager's station, in plain sight of the manager. My son did not open it, he was rushing to his tables, and he was just going to hand it to the manager. At that moment, another server shrieked that she had lost her pouch with all her tips and she began to get very upset. The manager looked at my son and realized my son was handing him what was in all probability the lost pouch. Together, the three of them opened it, and it was indeed the lost pouch and not a single penny was missing. But the other server, still very upset, started saying things like my son must have stolen it, etc. The manager asked her, if that was the case, why was he walking with it in plain view to the manager's station? They all went back to business, but that night, at closing, the manager told my son he was fired. The reason? My son had been in possession of another person's property, during the time he picked up the pouch and walked the 20 steps to the manager's station, and company policy said it was a one-strike rule. We, being rational parents, did wonder if perhaps the manager had been dissatisfied with my son's performance, or maybe there was more to the story, but my son got his exit letter stating that there had been no disciplinary actions before that, he was never late to work, was a polite and capable server, but he had picked up someone else's property and had it in his hand before handing it to the manager.

It doesn't have to make you bitter, or upset, it just makes you aware and cautious. You now know that the taco mother will probably be the one who storms into her daughter's school or work and will demand that her daughter receive the utmost in elite treatment, and be absolved from any blame. If her daughter is late to work, she'll sue the city for the traffic. It won't occur to her that her daughter should have planned ahead and left earlier. Those kind of people are out there, unfortunately.

Yeah, they set up your child or any child to lie. I teach Sunday School to kids this age and their moral choices mean a lot to me. And I would never call that lying. I would rarely call anything lying at this age because they are not usually in that mindset and it matters to them what i think of them. She did what most adults would do and not connect the dots between the pointed questions and eating a crumb off of a taco!

Lesson #4 some adults are just plain wrong.
Lesson #5 it doesn't matter what other people call you or wrongly believe you to be. It matters what you are..a honest, sweet, brave little girl.

Whether or not she got a detention would be your answer about taking it any farther. Next up, meeting with teacher and principal.

Edit: I also thought 7 years old! My lessons still stand.

What a cry'n shame. If you can afford to, it would be great to homeschool her. The public schools get away with outrageous things against kids and against parents alike. I personally would not let this one go, I would probably become such a thorn in their side (0: but in a decent way.....I would stand up for the truth, and keep standing.
As far as lies being the heinous crime, well, jeez, I think there is a bit of fabrication from the teachers and other kids involved too.

Perhaps you can offer to make things better, yourself, by bringing in tacos for all the little girls involved. Sometimes, it is better to offer an olive branch, that to take the other road and beat a horse. The school would rather beat a horse, than to show love. But acts of kindness, show children how to be compassionate, even to those who have "wronged" them (in this case your DD was wronged by being falsly accused and the other girl was wronged by having her taco stolen by child #2). My suggestion would be to ask the girls to make up/say sorry, (even if it is just to aknowledge hurt feelings- not to admit to the crime but to admit the fact that you can understand her feelings)..... and for them to have a taco party together. it always worked in the olden days.

My kids school went with the policy of not having food brought in. Like pizza and tacos. I agree this was handled wrong. Alot of drama. I am curious what the punishment will be. Seems overkill to me.

MY blood is boiling. The girl with the taco is the bully. TONI you have know idea what your talking about. I couldnt even finish reading this whole statement. sheesh. your daughter has never been in trouble and they are acting like this. I would be at that school and in everyone face. do not stand down for your daughter.

The teachers admitted they know she didn't take the taco??? Then that should be the end of it. No punishment. If they tried to punish my child for something she didn't do, I would be down there in a heartbeat complaining to the principal, head of school board etc. The only thing that should have been done is simply talk to the girls involved and tell them that its not ok to eat someone else's food.---even if they don't want it anymore etc.

I would definitely pursue it. Wrong is wrong and I wouldn't stand for it. If your daughter is punished for something she didn't do, she will lose faith in the system and school. I would also be speaking with the teachers---they handled it wrong. Good luck

Wow I would take that slip directly to the principals office and have a little talk with them, and take your husband with you. Raise hell. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. Next thing you know, she'll be suspended for it. I would definitely take this as far as you can, since they questioned your daugher without you being there. I mean, if they are going to do the bait and switch thing on their questions, you need to be there to defend her. They need to know they can't get away with it. If they do, what will they do next time???? And you know it will happen, especially if this other girl is bringing up the fries after so long. Good luck.

I would be upset too, and I would advocate for my daughter (without being that annoying parent who never thinks their child is in the wrong - and you don't sound like that type of parent). I'm not sure I'd push her to be more aggressive either. She sounds like a sweet kid - I'd let her be herself - and just teach her how to avoid these kinds of situations (#1 and #3 in your plan).

IMHO there is this odd thing going on in schools now where kids are treated like prisoners. I don't like it at all, and I'm glad we've been homeschooling for awhile. I hear alot of strange stories from my sisters about goings-on in my nieces and nephews' schools.

Good luck.