The Balancing Act: Mommyhood and Grad School

Hi M.,

First, I have to say "WOW" ......I feel your pain! We have/had almost the same struggles. I just finished post-grad school which was unbelievably challenging with my (just turned)10 yr. old daughter and my 17 month old son. I thought I was going insane sometimes with everything I had to do! I just turned 42 and began to think, 'Okay -- finally! I'm done with school...I can relax now!" But then I realized I still have to sit for my Nurse Practitioner exam! It's like a heavy cloud still hanging over my head. I haven't scheduled it yet because I'm afraid that I won't pass if I took it right now; I've had absolutely no time to focus on studying for it! It's an expensive exam and I want to pass it the first time. I've been doing everything (work, kids, house, etc.)by myself since my husband and I became separated 8 months ago. And yea, that has led to even more stress and my inability to focus at times.
I did hire a sitter once I went back to work a few months ago....but I work only 3 days/wk. I would have her come over more often, just so I could spend time in my office getting some study time in. But, unfortunately, she's expensive and I'm on a budget right now, so that's not an option. Like you, I'd love to spend all my time with my kids, but I know that's an unrealistic option. I have to remember that they are relying upon me, so I keep going, even at a snail's pace. The beauty is, my daughter sees her mom as a "go-getter" and "achiever" and I think her personality is becoming the same which I'm happy about. I think it probably has the same effect on your 6 yr. old right now, or it will soon. Good luck to you.....
C.

M.
I had my son at 39, 15 years after I started my own business. With 15 employees to manage, I was pleanty busy prior to becoming a mom, but my mom had been a stay at home mom and I knew I wanted to devote a lot of time to my own kids. During my pregnancy I became a much better delegator at work (that probably won't help you with your disertation). My husband has always beeen really helpful, but once Evan was born, I found that the bulk of the family planning and prep work fell on me. We decided to give him specific tasks that are always his(laundry, getting breakfast together, specific days of the week that he is always in charge of din.er...) so I do not even have to think about these things. This helps take stress off of me.
Also, I use sitters when I am home. A young neighbor or niece is not a good choice when you are not home, but having someone maybe 9 or 10 years old around to play with your children while you are close enough to come running in an emergency can give you some peaceful time to work and costs a lot less than a teenager or an adult.

Hope this helps!

Hi M.,

I have to agree: hire a sitter. Of course if you have family around or other help, go for it, but if not, hire a sitter if you can. I work out of the house and we have someone come over twice a week for about 8-10 hours. I am so productive at that time, plus here if I am needed, which is rare now that my son is 11 momths old. Getting work done with him around is useless, I agree, he is too fun. You spent so much time and effort on getting your degreee, you owe it to yourself to get it done! Try sittercity or a college career center. We found our sitter at John Carroll.

Hi M.! I can so relate! Just yesterday I had to stay home from work with my 19mo. old because my sitter wasn't available and I was on some serious deadlines. I've always prided myself on being a great multi-tasker, but I came to the conclusion that it is absolutely impossible to type one sentence with a toddler racing around the house. And I didn't even want to work because we were having so much fun together. Being a mom is wonderful, but being a mom on a deadline is really stressful.
The balance then, is really in how you structure your time and the expectations you set for yourself. Understand that trying to work with kids around is a lost cause. And understand that sometimes the housework will have to take a back burner. Plan how many hours you'll be able to work every day and set realistic goals. If you get up before the kids and write, write during naptime and write after bedtime maybe you could fit in 4-6 every day? Or, invest in a sitter for a few hours a week. Congrats on taking on such an ambitous goal! Good luck!

I'm in school fulltime & was working fulltime also along with caring for a 5 & 6 yr olds. Last week I finally quit working so I can focus on schooling, kids & house. its a juggling act, most days I don't feel like I got all done that I should of but I'm learning just take it one day at a time & do what you can as you can. If some doesn't get done around the house, oh well, it'll wait for the weekend.