Thanksgiving - Chicago,IL

The year my uncle married an insufferable busy body was the first year I was going to host Thanksgiving here. It was all set, I was so excited to be seen as a grown woman with a home and I was very proud of all my preparations. Then, just weeks before the event, it was announced that the new bride was not going to allow me to move Thanksgiving and took it back to her house. Most of my relatives kept going there, because it was familiar and closer (they take some half-assed route to my house that costs less in tolls but probably just as much in gas). For a couple of years I hosted something small for me and DH or us and another couple. Over time, the tradition has become that I host my ils and my mom here and we visit the other family at Christmas (the annoying aunt usually sees her family on Christmas so I haven't seen her in person in years). It works out well, and I really like my ILs so they are fun to host. I don't miss the drama at my uncle's house at all. Unfortunately I see very little of my uncle, too, but that's the way it goes sometimes. (My sister sees her ILs for Thanksiving, too, and we meet up for Christmas.)

I think you should go.

Walk in with a hot side dish that needs tending to immediately.

While the GF is tending to the dish, you whip out the place cards you secretly made and set up the seating how you want it.

:-)

We bailed on the extended family day 3 years ago. Normally we try to split the day (sometimes 3 ways, which is crazy) but my husband was not on speaking terms with his brother, my ILs were going out of their minds over the fact that they weren't speaking to each other, and my brother had just died a few weeks before Thanksgiving. So we spent the afternoon with only my family, sent the kids with my ILs to that side of the family for a brief visit later in the afternoon, and popped in to my aunt and uncle's house for a brief evening visit. It was nice to have a year off and step away from the craziness. We have also regularly bailed on some of the Jewish holidays with my IL's depending on my husband's mood and relationships with various family members. It used to be something I would get angsty over but now, it is what it is. Sometimes we accept invites, sometimes we decline them, and the sun still rises the next day LOL.

If I were you, I would look at the day as a blank canvas. Perhaps there is a parade or football game that you could go to in the morning, followed by a small dinner at home? Then a nice walk with the kids late afternoon, watch a movie, light a fire in the fireplace, etc.? Are there any friends who keep things small who would welcome getting together in the afternoon or evening?

Enjoy the day!

Oh my. What a ridiculous situation. I think I would have taken over hosting and enjoyed games and such at my own home with the whole family. Even if that means brother and his girlfriend don't come. Sorry, maybe it's bitchy, but actual married family members come first. "Girlfriends" don't host family holiday gatherings.

I pretty much took over Thanksgiving in my family. The last 2 years we've gone to my inlaws because of Dad's cancer, but since he has sadly passed, I'll be hosting again. My mother sucks at holidays. :(

This is the first year my siblings and I will celebrate Thanksgiving without our mom. Due to living apart from each other and no good option for hosting, my aunt has invited us all to her house. Problem: my sister-in-law doesn't like this aunt. Solution: the rest of us will enjoy Thanksgiving with this aunt and my siblings and I will all meet for breakfast on Friday morning with the family members that can make it.

That's funny! This year we too have decided to go to the zoo and skip the demanding relatives!
Just an aside: I worked for almost 20 years at hospitals as a nurse and amazingly, no one thought I should have the day off. I never read press about medical providers, police, fire, EMT, Auto Club, Pharmacy, Disneyland , hotel workers or many others being honored for working their job on a holiday.
As a matter of fact some staff liked working to avoid family drama and to actually be where they were wanted.
Have fun!

Yup, I've never had to deal with the awkward family holidays for many years, thank goodness. Once I got to be a busy adult I simply said I couldn't travel then, so voila. It's easier when all your family is out of state. Then I had to do a few murderous holidays with the in laws before I got divorced. UUUGGHH!!! The sweetest part of divorce has been losing those in-laws.

So, in your case, I wouldn't give it a second thought, though the image of you guys all sitting around "trapped" in your assigned seating made it tempting to suggest: "Just take your plates and get up and mill around and talk to whoever you want! What's the "penalty" for rebelling against the "assigned seating"? Who has assigned seating at family dinners??!" WEIRD.

But, yeah, skipping it is just as good. Especially since she's just the girlfriend. You guys don't owe her anything.

First of all, good for you for breaking with this "tradition" that just turned into a tradition of being miserable. Divorce makes a lot of things awkward, and then people try to figure out ways to pretend that it's not awkward, which makes it way more awkward. If your brother's girlfriend pretty much dislikes everyone, then avoid it!

I do think there are a million things that vegetarians do to make the meal wonderful. So if it were purely that problem, I'd say to be way more adventurous in creating a meal that you can all enjoy. Sometimes we get locked into Grandma's traditional green bean casserole even though everyone hates it, or cooking a whole turkey even though no one in the family eats dark meat (so we throw away the drumsticks and the carcass). So it's fine to recreate a holiday in a better setting for all of you.

That said, I think it's fine to create a family tradition that works for you. I have a few problems with other people having to work on Thanksgiving so that we can go out and do something fun - although I know there is an argument that workers who WANT to work can make double-time and restaurant wait staff can make bigger tips. It is a pretty good day for a drive because no one else is driving.

We have a bit of a fractured family - my stepdaughters have issues (they have a needy mother and her single sister, one SD is married to a criminal, and the other has an anti-social husband who only wants to do stuff with his family, etc.). We reconnected with some 3rd cousins and used to have them all come to dinner, although that has tapered off due to the death of the mom and the marriage of one son to a big family with huge dinners. So even though our group is much smaller, it's much less stressful (and expensive).

We really decided to make it about Thanksgiving - in the sense of being thankful. We have only the foods we want (although I do make my son engage in the family tradition of the kids tearing up the bread for the stuffing while I prepare the add-ins), we watch football, we watch the dog show (no idea why we love it, but we do), we take a walk, and we find a good movie on that evening. We're also big Scrabble players, and that can be a put-it-down-and-pick-it-up later kind of game. We often build a fire (my son's special project now), and we sit around with the dog and play a board game as a family. We refuse to go shopping on Black Friday and we turn it into a weekend of togetherness.

What I think it most important is that you are creating family memories for your children. If you are the sort who send a year-in-review letter with holiday cards, why not start on that? You can have one of those discussions about "what are you thankful for?" which isn't bad when kids are getting into the "what I want for Christmas or Chanukah" frame of mind (fueled by store decor that's been up since Labor Day of course). If you want to spend the weekend (although not necessarily Thanksgiving Day) getting ready for holidays, it doesn't hurt to get kids involved in sorting through decorations and checking light strings and hauling stuff out of the attic too. It gives them a sense of appreciation of all the work Mom and Dad go through - and actually may make them more thankful in the long run!

We alternate years. One year we do the grand tour of turkey lunches and dinners and tradition, bouncing from house to house. The next year we stay home and do something for just our core bunch. The years we stay home we prefer because it's less exhausting and we can eat how we like without so much weight on traditional food choices. However, with aging parents we know we don't have many "traditional dinners" left.

On the years we stay home the zoo is an excellent choice but the purpose is low key. Trips to the park are good too. Our food choices are usually either seafood or a rack of lamb. The sides vary according to my mood. The seafood option is quite popular and very classy. I spread out a thick layer of newspaper on the dining table where we set out an assortment of seafood - crab, lobster, shrimp, fish, etc. Everyone pulls up to the table, making an all fired mess eating and talking. Quite lovely.

If traditions become misery, then voting no is quite acceptable my book. Good luck with your new tradition this year.

One of the best Thanksgivings we ever had was 5 years ago. Most of our family was out of town, so we stayed home. The five of us stayed in our pj's, watched the parade, watched football, warmed up and ate the meal I ordered from Peapod, and played board games. It was fabulous!

You should start your own family tradition by doing what makes you and your family happy.

I see some posts about not going out so people have off, but some restaurants are open on Thanksgiving so people have somewhere to go. I don't think people should be doing their holiday shopping on Thanksgiving, but that's not up to me. Living on the edge of the most popular vacation destination (Disney) most everything around here is open. You would be surprised how packed the theme parks get on the holiday's.

Don't go anywhere where people have to work. If no one patronized those places on a holiday, they wouldn't be open and those employees would get to be with their families. I say stay home and do what you want, but don't encourage businesses to be open!

We started our own tradition when our kids were babies. My parents are divorced, and so is hubby's parents. Four different places for holidays! It leaves you no room to breathe. :( So we stopped.

Now we order Bob Evans and pick it up Wednesday. (I have NO interest in baking a turkey, and my kids are young :P) Thursday all the food is heated up. And we spend Friday decorating the tree.

This year we're going to the aquarium Friday to celebrate our daughters' birthdays (Nov 24th and 30th). Plus, we moved to another state recently. We're completely free and clear for the holidays. :)

We used to have to travel to see family for holidays - we have no family within two states of us. Then we would make our own holiday meal, just our family. SO much better. This year, we are serving a meal at church. Even better. I couldn't care less about turkey dinners. I'd much rather have a sandwich and hang out together!

One of our new traditions is to run a 5k Thanksgiving morning, gets the day off to a nice start. We used to always do the holiday with my side of the family, but divorces and moves have ended that. If FIL and his wife host we'll go over there, otherwise my 11 yo loves to cook so she and I make something for the family. My kids are older, so if we are home they are usually outside playing with friends and I don't need to plan fun family things (our school is high stress, I'm fine letting them skip family afternoons to hang with friends they don't see much). And of course any black Friday strategizing happens over the football games, lol.

Ouch, that sounds just awful. There's no subtlety in that social setup is there? I would probably do the same in your situation. It sounds like you guys will have a fun and yummy and relaxed holiday this year! But what will you do next year, and the year after that? It sounds like this forced mixing of families just isn't working. Perhaps someone else should host to take a break from awful food and social slights? Don't let the girlfriend be the boss of all Thanksgivings to come! :)

My extended family likes to invite neighbors and friends to our family holiday events. It gets way too noisy and crowded for my tastes. I help pre-cook the night before with my siblings and after everything is prepared take two plate home to cook/eat with my significant other.

I cannot handle the noise and crowd anymore.

I meet my siblings the morning after for Black Friday shopping.

We rotate hosting. My sister is hosting this year. My mom hosted last year and I hosted before that. We have also just rented a house in a destination area (we have done Charleston and Disney (prior to kids)). Is there a reason your brothers' girlfriend gets to host every year? Why don't you do it next year - then you can decide how it works.

Geez.
There are members of my extended family I'd be happy seeing once per decade, so I get it.
But it seems like it's the same "meal" this year that it was last year...I support eliminating toxic people but I do think it's important for families to spend holidays together too.
Hope your bro isn't too disappointed you're not going.
This feels a little too motivated by your dislike of HER rather than a desire to spend a day with your family alone.

When traditions are no longer possible or change into something unpleasant, there is nothing wrong with making new plans. In fact, people should learn when to let go. I have very fond memories of my childhood traditions, but those same things don't suit my adult life and household, so we do other things. Do what works best for your own household.

It sounds like your brother and his lady need to stop trying to have one big Thanksgiving. You do realize that he part of the Turkey Day problem, right? I know you want to blame it all on her, but it is fully half him, as made clear in your SWH. His hurt feelings and inability to let someone else host are a huge problem, regardless of the lady. If he wouldn't insist on it, then there never would be an awkward gathering in the first place. He needs to change, because his own household dynamic changed. Perhaps they should just host her family, and someone else can host for your side, minus him.

Everyone loves everyone else in our family, but for some reason we do our own thing for Thanksgiving. We all get together a lot during the holiday season, and I host Christmas Eve with a huge crowd. Thanksgiving is kind of fun to have to ourselves. It's also nice to hear what everyone else in the family does.

My parents travel now that they're free to do their own thing. They'll be in Destin for Thanksgiving.

My brother will be shuttling to several different homes where his SIL's family members host Thanksgiving feasts, but they all have a great time!

We will have a lazy day at the house watching parades and football, and then will go over to a friend's house for a party in the late afternoon. We're excited! We've done this for the past several years. :)

I love Thanksgiving with family, so if it was me I would just let everyone know I was hosting that year, and I would invite my parents, and my brother and his wife over. Unless she has already claimed it once again, then I would let them know that next year it was all us.

A ton of my friends have ended up having to do this for one reason or
another.

They do what they want to make it bearable for them.

They enjoy their family.
.
Start/make new traditions.

Never do something purely out of habit or because it's expected.
Life's too short.
Be happy, create YOUR "new normal". Do what YOU want. Enjoy your
family.

The older I get, the different my choice are. In short.....I do what makes
me happy (being w/my kids).

why is she the only one having the holiday?