Thank You for the Great Advice!!

Most likely it is a phase he is going through and should outgrow it.. you still need to address it. When my son did this we were very firm with him - we would firmly grab his hand or arm (enough to stop the action) and say "NO HITTING." and even suggest that he hug instead. He did outgrow this phase.. so hang in there. Be consistent in how you address his hitting... if you want to use time out, always use time out, don't weave in and out of different methods of disciplining him for it. That way when he does it he will always know what to expect from you when he does it.

It is totaly normal for toddlers to hit, bite, pinch, kick - sometimes they know better and just have no control over thier actions. My daughter was in a hitting phase and it went away - it comes back from time to time and we remind her of our expectations.

What worked with us:
1. Explaining it is never ok to hit, bite, pinch, kick and explain our expectation and how it makes you feel in simple terms when you see him doing those behaviors. "It makes Mommy sad when she see you hit."

2. Ask him why he is hitting - you might find something out.

3. Teach him other ways to deal with his frustration or redirect him before he gets to the hit part. Sometimes you can see it building - before it gets there - move him to something else.

4. Consistency in discpline - a zero tolarence - automatic timeout.

5. Be patient - it is a phase and it will get better.

Good Luck.

Talk to the parents of the other children telling them what's going to happen the next time he gets mean. Then talk to your son. Tell him the next time he bites or hits the other child, the play date will immediately end. Then make sure you follow through. If he bites or hits the child, immediately have the child leave with their parent, or you leave if you are at their home. Don't give him a second chance. After a couple of times, I think he will think twice before doing this behaviour again.

The older he gets the more you can encourage him to use his words. Words are very powerful if used in the right way. Right now he is learning and can't express his feelings except through physical means, which can be rough for you and for him. A time out is good way to think about his behavior, but as a two year old he isn't really sure about the situation . So what you have to do, and be really consistent every time he displays the rough behavior, is take him away from the situation telling him he can't play with the kids until he is nice. This means putting him someplace where he can't interact, or play with the object or person he wants. After a while, put him back in the situation and let him try again. Keep doing this every time...YOU have to be the disciplined one in order to disipline him. So don't give up .... Also... reinforce the positive. When he does the correct thing...praising him, and reaaly let him know it, for doing the right thing. Remember he is still learning.

It's hard having to deal with your child hurting others and the fears/frustrations of other parents. Please don't be too hard on yourself... Your son sounds like you have a very normal 2 year old active ruff and tumble boy. Don't consider him mean. Most likely when he's not able to get his point across with words so he uses hands or mouth.

I've seen this with my son and at the preschool where I work. To an adult we may not notice an interaction, but maybe a child has a toy he wants or won't play with him. The child gets frustrated and doesn't know what to do, so tries to get his/her point across with actions. Sometimes leaving a social situation before your child gets overtired helps too.

Make sure he understands that it is NEVER OK to hit or bite. but it is OK to be frustrated and angry. Asking WHY he did it usually doesn't help. Depending on how verbal he is you can ask "Are you mad, sad or frustrated with ... (the child he bit/hit)?" Then help him figure out what to do next time ... ie. tell the child he wants a turn, if other child doesn't listen ask an adult for help, etc.

The good news is that with understanding and maturity children do learn to reason and express what they want with words. Getting your son to understand and start learning to recognize his feelings and put them into words now will help when baby comes along... not only with the divided attention when baby is tiny, but also when baby starts moving and touching his toys.

:) Hang in there! Best wishes! Jennifer

Hi there N.,

I'm sorry you are having trouble. It's really hard at his age to make him see that these things hurt others. It may help if you are very very consistent. Find one thing and stick to it (ie a two minute time out whenever he hurts or tries to hurt somebody). It may seem like you are doing it all the time but eventually he will get it. Be sure to explain every single time that it hurts and it's not ok to hurt others.

I sure hope that helps a little!

Good luck to you!

C.
www.EnhanceYourWayOfLife.com

The first thing you have to remember is that you are NOT a bad mom. There is nothing you are doing (or not doing) that is causing your son to be this way. Some kids are just more physically aggressive than others, but this IS a stage.

I had a friend with a biter. (And I mean, this kid would REALLY chomp!) She was such a great, devoted mom and she always felt so mortified. I was one of only a very few other moms who would have play dates with her. We made certain that one of us was always with in arms reach of the kids so we could catch her son when he lunged to bite. (I would also make certain my son was wearing a sweater, sweat shirt or a jacket because this would give added protection if the biter got past us.)

I don't know if you live anywhere near Marysville, but there's a really great preschool/parent education program through the Everett Community College. It's called Marysville Cooperative Preschool. I don't know if they have any openings in the toddler program, but they have a toddler program for 18 mos to 3 years and a 3-5 program. My four year old attends and we love the support from the other stay-at-home moms and the parent educator as we go through all the "stages."

Hi N.,

My name is K. and I have 2 boys. Hunter is 2 and Cody is 1. They both are wonderful boys but get into it from time to time as well.

Here is something that is very helpful to me. When Hunter (cody is still too young for this method) hits we will sit down and wrap his hands in a silk cloth and tell him when his hands get warm that means they are strong and strong hands don't hit.
Hand are for building, cooking, and creating. So I turn his attention to something constructive to do, even if it means bringing him into the kitchen to start cooking something. Boys love to be 'useful, meaning being able to do something helpful. Have him sweep, wash dishes (non-breakable), dust, wash walls and tables.
I try and use "NO" for only when it something dangerous is going to happen, other than that we use words to switch around the way they are thinking and encourage a different behavior.
When biting happens I put him in time out with an apple, bananna or whatever is at hand that's appropriate for teeth. Apples are what you bite-NOT your friends. Eventually they will put it together. Wih patience, consistency and time it will all work out.
The goal is to show them that what they are doing is ok when it's used for the right thing. Punching and hitting is ok with a bean bag, or pillow, spitting is ok if you take it to the toilet, bitting is ok when it's done on an apple or food item........get creative and have fun with it. I have been taking some classes on creative discipline and it has been wonderful. This is my own testimony and I hope that something out of this Looooooong letter will help.

Best of Luck =0)
K.

My oldest went through this too. We found out that most of the time, he wanted to play with someone or something, but didnt really know how to initiate that. We talked about how to ask someone to play with you or to ask for a turn. We did some role playing to learn how to socialize with others and solve problems. Is your son able to verbalize why he does this? If you watch carefully, you may be able to see what is triggering it, then you can address it later when you are alone together without distractions. He may just need to learn how to deal with it. Try telling him that it hurts Johnny when you bite him. At 2, he might not understand yet that other people have feelings too. If he really sees that he caused someone pain, it might make him sorry for what he did, and thus, less likely to do it in the future.
Good luck.
H. G