Terrible Twos??

This seems a little excessive for the terrible twos which by the way last until 4 and are really worse around 3 when they have a full vocabulary to tell you what they really think. If he doesnt have a large vocabulary or doesnt use it a lot he could be taking out frustration with hitting or tantrums. Has anything changed in his life recently? Started a new daycare? Divorce? Not around real mom? Grandma died? Anything even small like pet fish died? Sometimes kids really understand things better than you think and can pick up on any tension. Try to get him to talk it out not hit it out. Try to get him to settle the tantrum and explain the problem. He may have what he thinks is a very viable reason to be mad. Otherwise, try talking to his doctor...they have heard it all. Good Luck

I am a single mother of five beautiful boys and I can remember those terrible days of when my boys went through that stage of being reassured. I had to develope a nightly routine, and it wasnt easily, but I had to learn to stick with it. I started at 7:30 by giving them a bath, allowing them quality time with me. Singing, talking and playing just before bed. I made sure the room was a comfortable atmosphere, I would either sit in a chair with them and read a story, or lay beside them in the bed and read a story. Hold them in my arm to reassure them that they were safe, that the room was safe.
There were also times when I had to be accertive, by allowing them to throw their tantrum, and speak to them and say "Mommy will pick you up when you stop crying." Now this was hard, but it told them that I would not respond to their tantrum. It was very difficult not to allow them to sleep with me, and something I lost in that area, but each night they would come in my room, when they fell asleep I would take them back to their bedroom. Each morning they always awoke in their beds and eventually sleeping in their room became normal, and they felt safe and comfortable.

My son is now 5 years old but he went through a very similar thing- it was the beginning of a very hard road of about 2 years of very strong-willed behavior. I am pretty strict, and I think that you're doing a lot of things right, but like others have said, at that age, you can't wait until you're fed-up- you've got to lay the law down early. However, also understand that he is becoming conscience of the fact that he gets left. And I know this is unpopular to say in these days and times, but nothing replaces the security of home, especially to a young child. Now, with that said, I realize you probably have to work- so did I. I found that when my son was really at the peak of this, it was in an unhappy daycare situation. I had him in a home daycare thinking he would get more attention that way, but after many months I realized that the babysitter was doing something she swore she'd never do- let the kids sit in front of the TV all day. She also just kind of had a sarcastic attitude, and I think my son picked up on that. He was also going through the transition of me going from part-time to full-time. It wasn't until I moved him to a different daycare that I saw a real improvement. This babysitter also understood the strong-willed phase he was going through and we really acted as a team in being strict with him. She only had a couple other children in her home, and they weren't full time, so he got a lot of attention from her. It's a shame that we mothers can't always give that to our children, but it's worth finding someone that can provide security and affection while we're away. Maybe you should consider putting him in a different environment. The adjustment time after he gets home is a clear signal to me that he's just not happy where he is- I have found that to be true in any similar situation with my son (he used to do the same thing when he would spend an evening with his dad for visitation). Also, during that transition period, make sure that you're proactive with it. Instead of rushing in the house and starting to cook dinner, look through mail, all that stuff, sit down with him immediately and read a book, play, snuggle, something- even for just 15 minutes. I know it's demanding, but if you do this before any problems arise, I would bet that would help ease him- just don't do it once he's thrown a fit, because that would be rewarding his behavior. You have to remember that being around all the other children all day is almost over-stimulating to a 2 year old, whose senses are really starting to bloom and they're trying to take it all in and yet become a new little individual at the same time. I read a really great book called "Creative Correction", written by Lisa Whelchel (yes, from Facts of Life). She's a mother of 4 and has some really great ideas to TEACH our little ones instead of just punishing them. I am all for spanking, but only when it comes to direct defiance or to get a 2 year old's attention when he's doing something dangerous. I think there's lots of other ways to approach it- and hey, if he's trying to tell you something like he needs more attention or he doesn't like his daycare, popping him is only going to frustrate him even more. What I used to do with tantrums is (depending on the situation), either walk out of the room as soon as it started, and if he followed me I would leave that room and tell him that when he was ready to use his words he could be with me; remove him from the room and put him in a secluded area- whether it's a playpen or a room w/ a babygate. As soon as he'd show signs of calming down or silencing, I'd run in there and act very excited, swoop him up and hug on him. This reinforces that he gets attention not when he's throwing a fit, but when he's using control. If we were in a public place where I couldn't walk out of the room, I would stand him on his feet and say very firmly, "YOu will stand on your feet!" That usually (for some reason) put the "fear of God" in him. A funny thing I've done is set my son in front of a mirror (like a full-length mirror on the floor) and walk away. He'll get so amused or embarassed by his facial expressions, he may just stop or perhaps even laugh at himself. For hitting, if he's old enough to understand, make him sit on his hands during time out. The best thing you can do for him right now is try to understand if this is a control issue because it's a phase or because he feels out of control (i.e., a security issue). Then try to be preventive and proactive about that. Like I said, 15 minutes on the floor giving him love is usually more effective (especially right after getting home) than 100 timeouts. If he walks in the door throwing a fit before you can get on the floor and interact positively with him, while he's throwing the fit and hitting at you, grab him up and sit him on your lap. Cross his arms over his chest in a relaxed restraint and you might even have to cross one of your legs over his if he's a kicker. More than likely, this will make him really mad, but as soon as you do it, start singing VERY softly in to his ear (sometimes a whisper gets our kids attention more than volume). Act like you're not phased at all by his tantrum- remain in control and calm. As soon as he stops fighting you, move on to a floor activity or ask him a distracting question, like if you're singing Old McDonald, ask him what a cow says. Just be sure to only use that tactic when you first get home and not as a reward for a routine tantrum. Also, I hope this doesn't offend you or your husband- but this is a very good time for your husband to step up to the plate and establish his authority, and his love. Children naturally (or should) have a healthy fear of the men in the home. It's dangerous (in my opinion) that he "wins" when your husband tries to take care of him. Whenever your husband throws his hands up and walks away, your son has dominated his authority. Your husband may need to dress him and deal with the tantrum (while being very stern and projecting that authority) for a week or 2 consistently, until there is some respect earned there. Feel free to tell your husband that it's his job to discipline him right now- it will be good for their relationship in the long run, especially if your husband balances it with "airplane rides" and walks outside to look for bugs- the guy stuff, you know. Sometimes we moms get too emotionally involved with the fits and the discipline, and it feeds the fire of these tantrums. Good luck- I know this is a very hard time.

My daughter isn't two as of yet, however she is approaching two, she's 19mos. We don't have an extremely difficult time with her, but when she does get into one of her fits, I give her what she generally likes. She loves Elmo and Sesame Street DVDs which is good for to watch because they are educational. Maybe you can try finding something like, with an educational twist he may enjoy that. Also,I'm not sure if you are doing this or not, but maybe you can set some time aside maybe 30 mins to an hour of just time for you and him. Time outside of the regular, dinner, bathe and bedtime rountine. He sounds like he needs to have a better connection with you and your husband. Maybe switching up the routine a little bit will help because he's so use to doing the things, he doesn't want to do, he'd like to do at least one thing he likes to do. You can also come up with another approach to bedtime. A bath with toys, a bedtime massage with Johnson & Johnson bedtime lotion(it works like magic!), soft music and dim lighting always works. Also, I've learned that if you have a positive attitude toward his school, he will as well. For example, let him see you talking and laughing with his teachers and classmates, that way he will see that this place is ok. Also, be excited when he's going to school. You can, "oh, look we're at school are you ready to have lots of fun today?" I think this is worth a try and if it doesn't work, I would suggest speaking to your pediatrician for some suggestions. Good Luck!

I am so glad I never went through this with any of my children BUT I have encountered it with other ppl's children. You are gonna have to establish who's the parent and who's the child. At this point you have allowed him to continue with this kind of unacceptable behavior and it's not gonna be easy to stop it.

First STOP bringing him to bed with your husband. Change his diaper and put him back to sleep in his bed or crib and close the door. If he cries-let him. That's what children do when they want to get their way. He is almost two-he is NOT a newborn so don't treat him like one. Eventually he'll realize that he has to remain in his own bed and that you aren't gonna come get him. Each time he throws a tantrum you speak firmly to him and let him know that his behavior is NOT acceptable and he needs to calm down. Keep saying this to him until he has calmed down. Once he has calmed down give him a hug and explain to him that is not the way to behave.

You have to get in a routine of NOT giving in to him. IF you continue to allow him to react in this manner it's only gonna cause problems later on.

Hey A.,

I would talk to the daycare provider to see if there is anything going on. Maybe another child is hitting your child or it could be the teacher or staff ( you did not mention how long you son was attend this particular daycare).
Something is going on.
I think your son is wanting attention.*******
Call your pediatrician as well for advice.
Sometimes when my soon to be two year old "acts out", I hold him very tight and try to talk to him; he usually calms down.
I know that he can't understand everything I say to him, but a big cure for me is a lot of love and attention when my son acts out. Good luck!!!!

I don't think that is always the terrible two's I think you need to think about a few things you haven't said anything about one is he might be cutting some teeth, try some motrin then other is you need to make some visits to the day care surprise visits and see how things are going without him seeing you. Check and see if he's eating well and getting a nap. After you get home instead of popping his butt try putting your arms around him before the fit and making a gentle transition home instead for getting busy making dinner right off (I assume that's what happens when you get in) and I also suggest highly a book Lynn Wonders turned me on to called "Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child" by John Gottman, Ph.D. I have gotten a lot out of it and it has changed some views for me about parenting and it helps parents see life from a child view which many of us have become insensitive to because of the everyday hustle and bustle of life. I found that my child sometimes yes have not wanted to be somewhere because they'd rather be with mommy but sometimes it's because something may not be in agreement with him at the day care don't assume everything is fine just because THEY have no complaints your child may be telling you something. Best of luck to you in your discovery.

Assuming that this change of behavior is fairly sudden, has there been a sudden change in his livelihood? Is he getting along with his teachers/classmates? Is he getting enough sleep/nap time? Perhaps he's craving attention and the only way to get it is through bad behavior (perhaps he thinks that it's better than no attention at all)?

A lot of times, ignoring the tantrum does the opposite affect. They have tantrums to get attention. By ignoring it, he's not getting what he wants. It's really tough at first but just as the previous person wrote, you have to STICK to it. Once you give in, all the work you have been trying to do goes down the drain.
Good luck!

I have 7 children, and have encountered this issue more than once. This may sound harsh, but I promise you that it will work. Children need to know who the boss is, and that it's not them. This is a form of manipulation on the child's part to get his way. If you choose to pop his bottom or put him in time-out, just be consistent by doing it EVERY single time his behavior is unacceptable to you. It won't take long for him to figure out that his action has a reaction, and it's not pleasant.
As far as the daycare, children are very intuitive, but they also know how to manipulate (as stated earlier) without knowing that's what they're doing. You know your child better than anyone and you will have to be the one to figure out if he's just playing your emotions or if he's really uncomfortable with the daycare situation. Figuring that out is not easy at all, but you are the one that will have to decide what's really going on.
I used to run a home daycare, and had a child who would scream like he was being slaughtered until his Mom walked out the door. He would then turn to me and say "Look at my new toy", and we would play all day with no problems. This proved to me and the parents that it was a manipulation thing. After a few weeks of this morning ritual, the child figured out that it wasn't working, so he stopped.
Maybe you could call about 5 or 10 minutes after you leave, or drop in unannounced, just to ease your mind about how the child does when you're not there. This worked with my daycare parents.
Good luck to you in raising a 2 year-old. This too shall pass. :)

Morning A.,
First off you have a normal son, that's the good news. The bad news is it's not gonna end soon. But as long as you and your hubby stay firm with him and let him know who the parent is then he'll get the clue. Let him throw his fits, walk away, he's doing it to get your attention. I notice my son would do that after being at daycare all day, they miss their mommy and daddy and they figure if they throw fits they will get you undivided attention! It took me a while to figure that out. But it's true, they are with someone else all day and when they see you they want you. In my opinion and with my son, time outs didn't work. I though the same thing that spanking was teaching him to hit, but it's not. They all go through the hitting thing, but you've got to brake him of it. Spanking was the only thing my son responded to. The daycare thing with him not wanting to go, have you sat in for a day or just dropped by unannounced? That's scary if they are screaming not wanting to go. It might be a sign, kids don't lie. I'd check into that. That would raise a red flag for me if I had to pray my kid's hands off the car to go to daycare. Just keep strong and don't give in to him. If he realizes his fits are getting him what he wants, he'll continue to do them, but if you and your hubby ignore him his fits will grow shorter as time goes. Good luck to you.

We went through that with my son too. There is no magic pill, unfortunately. Make sure you are very consistent when disciplining him and do not give in to tantrums. Also, try to avoid situations in which you know a tantrum is a sure thing (e.g. restaurant for us). When that is not possible try to bring some things to divert his attention and keep him occupied. If you are consistent in the long run it will pay off. My son is now 4 1/2 and much better behaved than he used to be.. so just hang in there and stick to your guns.

Dear A., i am a mother of 5...Trust me i really know what you are going through...I have a 4 yr.old whose going on 30...I let him throw his fits even when we are in the store...He likes to kick and throw things, especially the throwing of different objects seem to bother me..Im not sure as to what to do with that...There is the 4s you have to face and i feel sorry for you...I an currently sending my child to a counselor to seek expert advice as to what exactly i am dealing with...Time out and removing of special things like toys and t.v. treats used to work for me in the past with the other kids...Good Luck...

Oh My Gosh, A.....I feel like somebody just wrote a story about my son. I think it must be there age. My son throws a fit every time I go to pick him up from the babysitter. I haven't found anything that works for that yet, but I'll read some of your responses to get advice. My son went through a phase where he would wake up in the middle of the night and I was the only one who could calm him down...same as your situation. He would kick and hit my husband if he tried to go in there and get him. I know that a lot of people on here are going to disagree with me and you can too. But what we did was let him cry it out for a night. It took 5 minutes. I'm not saying it will be that easy for you and you have to decide what's best for you and your family. It took me 3 days and he was cured. He sleeps soundly through the night. I hope this helps and I'm very interested to see what everyone else says! GOOD LUCK! S.

I also feel like you were talking about my son. He's 19 months and has started waking up in the middle of the night between 2-3 and want to come sleep with me. He screams his head off whenever he doesn't get his way. Last night I made him stay in his bed and cry and he slept until this morning. As far as hitting, I started using one of his belts and popping his bottom, to keep him from hitting. It seems to work. I had to start popping him because his behavior was getting ridiculous.